Espresso Shot 10: UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS

It's time to get comfortable being uncomfortable. What you avoid never gets better and you and Nicoa know this deep down inside. Listen in as Nicoa shares her perspective on the topic from seasoned experiences as an HR Professional, an Executive Coach, a Mother and a Wife... the takeaway is that a really fulfilling LIFE BY DESIGN requires uncomfortable conversations! It's time to learn how.

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Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:02

sometimes don't, you just need a quick moment of inspiration. Or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly coffee with Nicoa espresso shots, I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip, in addition to my longer Coffee with Nicoa interview episodes, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot, or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Hey, everybody, this is your weekly espresso shot. Sometimes people really do sit in a space of avoidance longer than they should. Sometimes people believe that if they avoid something, and they don't deal with something, and they just look the other way that it will go away. I remember once having a an executive assistant back in my corporate days. And I asked her, I don't know what we were talking about. But I asked her when was the last time she'd gone? To get a checkup? And she said, You know, I just don't want to go because I don't want to know. And I was like, well, that is an option. And what would the cost be by not knowing? She said, Yeah, I realized that not knowing? Because she was concerned about a particular health issue could cause death? It could? And are you really that afraid of, of knowing, would you prefer to face death. And she said, I don't know why I do that. I don't know why I'm avoiding. You know, if you think avoiding what you know, deep down inside is in your best interest is going to be the solution, then you're setting yourself up for absolutely your greatest fears. So, and I think this applies to uncomfortable conversations, too. And that's what actually prompted me to, to have this topic today. Because if you think having uncomfortable conversations is hard, right? And something that you don't want to do, or wait until you see the result of not having them, wait until you see the result of not going to the doctor for that checkup. Wait until you see the result, the results of your own avoidance. You know, I remember back in my first marriage, we had a tendency to avoid the topic of our financial situation. And yet we judged how we spent our money, whether we were spending too much or not enough into certain areas of our life, and so much so that there was a point in time where both of us were avoiding it. And it started to catch up with us. And I remember when that came to a head, and I was mad, and my husband at the time was mad. And he was more of an avoider in that he didn't want to deal with it. And I was more angry and wanted to force the topic. Because now here we were with the consequence of not having uncomfortable conversations about our money. You know, even as I fast forward into this relationship, my own outlook on life around scarcity, or financial matters, or how I managed to make money or spend money was something that, you know, my current husband and I we had to deal with. He had his own relationship with money. But we leaned in, and we had, and we have the uncomfortable conversations. Let's pause for a moment. And I'd like you to ask yourself, Where am I avoiding an uncomfortable conversation? I had a conversation once with a friend who was really concerned about whether or not her kid was having sex or not. And whether or not she thought this kid might need some support in that area. Meaning did she need to get on birth control? And I finally said to her, Well, have you asked her if she's having sex yet? And she said no. And I thought, wow, this is your greatest fear is about to become a reality if you haven't had the tough conversation. uncomfortable conversations are just conversations. The only thing that's different about them is that we make them mean something. We make them uncomfortable. We are making them embarrassing or shame filled or tough because there's something about them that is going to be vulnerable or intimate about your way of being the way you see the world the way you've handled the money or sex or whatever the topic at hand may be. So the uncomfortable conversation is typically not about the other person is about your own meaning that you've given the topic. Again, pause, reflect or they're missing calm. associations that need to be had in my life. Is it uncomfortable, because I don't know what will unfold if I did choose to have the conversation. I mean, that's normal. It's pretty normal for you to have anxiety or angst around a topic that you're not used to talk about. But likely, and listen carefully, my friends, likely your fear of that conversation is going to be a lot less than the result of not having it a lot less painful, a lot less embarrassing. And it'll be so much more liberating and freeing once you step into the conversation. And don't wait for the other person. This is your life and you know, I am always reminding you that you are the common denominator of this life. So do not wait for them. And do not wait for the ideal time. The time is now for you to reach out and maybe make your list of the things that you really feel like Gosh, my intuition and my gut is telling me we better start having this conversation before we before it's too late. I don't want it to be too late for you. If you think having uncomfortable conversations is hard. Wait until you see the result of not having them life by design. This is coffee with Nicola. Thanks for listening. Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you.

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