COFFEE WITH NICOA: Creating A LIFE BY DESIGN.

Espresso Shot 43: CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF

December 25, 2023 NICOA DUNNE CORNELIUS Season 1 Episode 42
COFFEE WITH NICOA: Creating A LIFE BY DESIGN.
Espresso Shot 43: CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF
COFFEE WITH NICOA: Creating A LIFE BY DESIGN. +
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Show Notes Transcript

WANT TO LEARN A SUPER POWER?  Start talking to yourself! Yep, it's time to start prioritizing those internal conversations in a more supportive, productive and co-creative way. Sitting with one's own thoughts is a super power!  This espresso shot teaches you the FIVE WHYS and then asking yourself profound, conscious, LIFE BY DESIGN questions and answer them on your own terms! It's okay to be CRAZY!

And I'm gonna use this definition of CRAZY - the word “crazy” means silly, strange, or outlandish; we use the word as a modifier like “extremely” or “intensely”; we also use it to mean irrational or unexplainable; and sometimes we use it to describe mental illness.

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Nicoa Coach:

sometimes don't you just need a quick moment of inspiration. Or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly coffee with Nicola espresso shots. I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip. In addition to my longer Coffee with Nicoa interview episodes, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot, or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Hey, everybody, welcome to the espresso shot of the week. And guess what we're going to talk about? We're going to talk about talking to ourselves. I want to really ask you, how often do you have a conversation with yourself? I joke with my clients and not to use the word crazy inappropriately, please don't cancel me. But I would like to say that I joke often about hey, I'm going to turn you into a crazy lady. And I love being a crazy lady. I love talking to myself. I love having this self dialogue, this, this self reflection, this conscious awareness that requires me to have a dialogue with myself, in order to create my life by design in order to create a life that I'm fulfilled in and satisfied. And so I am going to turn you into a crazy person. By the end of this conversation, hopefully. So let's talk about you. How often do you sit down with yourself and sit with your own thoughts? Hmm. Honestly, I think this is one of the greatest fears that people have on this planet. They are not really afraid of dying as much as they are afraid of public speaking, I think they're even most afraid, the most afraid of sitting alone with their own thoughts. But here's the secret that you might not recognize is that you are the creator of those thoughts. What? This is where the crazy part comes in. Okay. So if you're the creator of those thoughts, then it requires you if you'd like to start creating more intentionally, it requires you to sit still notice the thinking, and then observe yourself and have a conversation with yourself.

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It sounds a little bit like this. Wow. Nicoa. I wonder why you just thought that? Or maybe you even have to start with the simple question. What am I making this mean? Wow, well, I just said ABC and made it mean, E F, G. So you have to really dissect. So one of the things I recommend people doing is looking at a root cause of why they behave the way they behave. And it has to do with this conversation, you have to say, Why am I behaving this way? Why did I yell at my child? Why am I pouting in the corner because someone didn't show up for me the way I wish they would? These are the questions. This is the root cause. So one activity is to go to root cause by using the five why's, ask yourself why. Ask yourself why again, ask yourself why, again, keep going deeper and deeper and deeper, until you really understand why you're behaving the way you're behaving. And if you then understand that, you can move on to the next question. How would I prefer to be behaving? How would I prefer to have experienced this situation? What would I prefer? And here's the secret part of the conversation. When you can ask yourself the question. You can answer the question. That's the crazy part. Right? Okay. Nicoa. So you just yelled at your kid. Ask yourself the question. Nicoa. Why did you yell? Well, I made it mean their behavior was disrespectful. Okay, well, why did you feel that way? Because I have this belief system that says, kids aren't supposed to be disrespectful to their parents. Okay, well, why do you believe that? Well, that's what my daddy taught me. Okay, well, why do you think he believed that? Because that's what his daddy taught me. All right. Well, now that you understand where it started from and what you made it mean, is that an experience that you need to recover from? Or do you want to change it the next time? Hmm. Well, perhaps I do. I didn't really feel good after yelling at my kid. All right. Can you forgive yourself for not knowing any better because you learn to react when someone was perceived as disrespectful. Yeah, I guess I can forgive myself because how would I know any better? That's what I learned. That's how I was raised. So okay, what would I prefer? Maybe next time, I prefer not to yell. All right. Well, I'm having a conversation with myself, you guys. This is This is what it sounds like in Nicoa is in most of the time, what do I want. And I know that you hear me ask these questions over and over and over again. But I want to keep giving you ways to enter into this knowing enter into this work of evolving and becoming liberated by the power, you have to create your own thinking, to create your own thoughts. There's an activity that I learned recently that I did with the group of people I went on this Spain trip with back in October. And we just took a moment we were all doing a lot of reflection and introspective work. And at one point, we had done this eye gazing act, I started that contest. Anyway, it was an activity, where we spent some time simply looking into each other's eyes, one on one, in order to notice, notice, and that's, that's the part you have to begin by the observation of self, the noticing. And after we had done that activity, I think it was the same evening, we talked about a meditation approach. And I said, if you really want to learn how to sit in your own body, and sit still, with a clear mind, practice taking in a deep breath. Finding your center, closing your eyes, inviting in the possibility of meditation. And then simply asking yourself the following question. I wonder what I'm going to think about next. And just notice what happens in your mind. I want you to practice with that. That will clear your mind. And that gives you access to the power of creation, which is your ability to have new thoughts based on what you want. This is a big journaling prompt for you this week. I send you off, ready to become the crazy person that I want you to become by sitting with your own thoughts. Finding stillness, and doing the root cause analysis of whatever behavior it is that you would like to adjust so that it better serves you thanks for listening. Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. firecracker burning is a scuffle with our hands on a gun in our in house. Way