If Nicoa had a $1 for every time she has asked someone the following questions:
"But have you asked?" or "Did you ask?" or "What about asking?" What if asking the question you aren't asking actually gets you what you want? A LIFE BY DESIGN starts first and foremost with asking questions - not only of others, but of yourself! And don't assume what others are thinking. You know what that does... GO FORTH AND ASK!
Found this Harvard Business Review (HBR) article you might like, too!
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sometimes don't you just need a quick moment of inspiration. Or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly coffee with Nicola espresso shots. I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip, in addition to my longer Coffee with Nicoa interview episodes, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot, or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Good morning, everybody. It's Nicoa. This is your weekly espresso shot. The question of the week is did you ask? Well, have you asked them about that? Did you ask them to do that? Did you ask her to call you,Unknown:
I get so frustrated as a coach because I often have clients who bring me stories of frustration about people that they work with frustrations about their boss frustrations about their employee. And what they don't recognize is their frustration is coming from a space of assumption that they have about how the other person should behave. For example, one employee or client of mine who was talking about her boss, she kept telling me how frustrated she was about her boss, you know, she doesn't do this, or she didn't set up a one on one. And, you know, she never ABC. And I listened and validated and listened. And we talked a lot about how that made her feel in relationship to that manager of hers. And finally, one day I said, you know, so and so have you ever asked her to do those things? Um, well, no. But she should know to do those things. And I'm like, Well, maybe not. Because if she should know, and if she didn't know, maybe she would do those things. Maybe she would schedule weekly one on ones, maybe she would follow up with you, or give you feedback about how that went after you finish a project. Sometimes we as employees have to manage upwards. And that doesn't mean politics. That means you got to ask for what you want. I used to get employees coming to me all the time. Talking about I haven't had a performance review in a year and a half. And pierced, I mean, annoyed and we versus them kind of feeling and thinking I would smile and say, Yeah, I'm sorry that you haven't had a performance review in the last year and a half. Have you gotten on your leaders calendar and ask for a performance review? Have you asked have you asked him you can tell this is a pet peeve of mine. I mean, at the end of the day, I live by design, my friends alive by design starts first and foremost with asking questions. Ask yourself, what do you want, ask your leader for what you need. It's up to you to create a reality around you that serves you. Therefore, if you're sitting around every day waiting for somebody to show up for you in a way that they're not. Then I put the onus on you, my friend to go and ask them, Hey, how would you feel about us having regularly scheduled calls so I can get some ongoing feedback? Hey, how would you feel about coming in early on that date, let's say you're the manager, you've got an employee, which I had this example as well. One manager was telling me about, you know, this employee of mine, he doesn't get it done in a very efficient manner. He was supposed to do this big billboard of updated statistics. You know, he keeps delayed, he's delayed all the time. And he never gets it done in a manner that, you know, is efficient, in my opinion. And I listened and again validated and I said, Yeah, that sounds pretty frustrating. Let me just ask a quick question here. Just a little small. Just a little side note question. Have you told him what your expectations were? Did you ask him to have it done at a particular time on a particular day, you know, in a manner that you deem appropriate for the job? Well, no, but he should know that. And no, here we go. Again, do not assume that the other person you are currently judging by the way knows what to do. Do not assume that they know do not assume that they know. Ask, ask them, set the standards, set the expectations, set the measurements and then oh, by the way, it's a lot easier to sit around complaining about people, your boss, your employee, even your spouse, your child, when you don't have expectations that they're Gonna be held accountable to they don't know. So it gives you some sort of, Hey, I just have a reason to complain. There's a part of you that might be getting off on that. So I don't even know, you got to ask yourself, Why am I not having this conversation with the other person? Why am I not telling my kid what I expect of them and setting a boundary or setting expectations and standards and holding them accountable? Well, there it is. There it is right there, my friends. If you actually asked, if you actually set a standard or an expectation or a need, then yes, you have to be willing to hold that other person accountable, and or participate from your side of the side of the partnership here. I hope I'm giving you some things to think about. So where in your world? Are you getting frustrated with other people and ask yourself start with you? Have I asked them to show up for me differently? am I setting a standard for this employee so that they can be successful? Because there is nothing worse than being held accountable to something that you didn't even know you were being held accountable to? So as an employee, I beg you, right? When I was an employee, if my manager thought I went knocking it out of the park, he better tell me, so don't play that game. This week. It's about asking yourself the question, ask yourself, and then go ask those people around you to show up for you in the way that would make your relationship with them even better. That's your espresso shot. I'll talk to you guys later. Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Fire caca burning and scuffle. Hands on that we