S1 EP40: MICHAELA BIRDYSHAW

Enjoy this latest episode with the beautiful Chief Joy Officer Michaela Birdyshaw who is an amazing new friend and also the podcast host of ALL THE THINGS! Their instant connection shines through this episode and will give you LOTS to ponder  - not just JOY but also the PAIN of a true LIFE BY DESIGN! She shares how she used questions to move from unhappiness and disatisfaction to TRUE JOY! You will come away with a set of life questions for YOU TO ANSWER NOW that will change your life forever, if you are couragous enough to answer!  

Here are some fun ways to connect with Michaela: 

Schedule a 15 Minute Quick Chat

Listen to the Podcast "And All the Things"

Follow me on Instagram @MyJoyCoach

Listen to the presentation Motivation, Boundaries, and a Black Belt

Learn more about B.I.G. Believe. Inspire. Grow.

Buy your copy of YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN: A Coffee With Nicoa Self-Care Coaching Journal
on Amazon today! 

Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:01

Grab your coffee and join me Nicoa For a caffeinated conversation about life I'll be talking to people who have chosen to walk their own paths and just like me are creating a life by design. I hope it will give you the inspiration you need to do exactly the same. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to Coffee with Nicoa I have Michaela Birdyshaw. That's the coolest name. It's interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Is this your married name? Or is this your maiden name?

Michaela Birdyshaw: 0:35

This is my married name. My maiden name is hilly right? So I go from this like, not standard and commonality but pretty straightforward name to birdie Shaw. And, you know, it's one of those things like people don't forget us. We stick out. You know, I love it. As a high school teacher. The kids love to come up with names and abbreviations and different things. So my kids will have fun, I'm sure getting picked on for their name on some level. But isn't that life.

Nicoa Coach: 1:04

That is life. And what's kind of funny about your first name, not that it's funny. But oftentimes in my life when I would call people on the phone like we used to do back in the day, I can remember saying this is Nicoa. And the person would say, Mikayla, they would hear Mikayla all the time and I'm like, Okay, interesting because when people would call me they would be like Myka Leila, Michela Michael. Like all the other iterations, which was great because that could be like she's not here like she's not real like, telemarketers. If you can't name Nicoa, Dune, Cornelius, I'm like, yep, nope, you got the wrong number. Well, no one will forget you now. So Mikayla Bertie Shaw, this is the beautiful Joy coach, she is a joy, Chief Joy officer, you can find her at my joy coach.com as well as on Instagram at my joy coach. And so you guys know how I love to bring coaches in. So it's like, like minded people. Let's talk about lives by design. But before I do that, Mikayla, you have sent me quite the summary of some of your background, you have a definite life by design. So first of all, Chief Joy officer, like how did you even come up with that I have to pause. You know, it's it was one of those like, very tongue in cheek kind of things. I, I've worked in a corporate setting, I've lived in that world, I understand it. And I understand the value of having a title that says something about who you are, okay, I get it. But none of them none of the crazy titles out in the world fit who I am. And what I want to do. So to your point, if we're going to live intentionally, and I want to know that my job every day is driven towards this common goal of joy. I want to know that in my fiber in my name on my email everywhere I go, so chief Joy officer just kind of like happened. And as I moved into starting to work with big believe, inspire, grow, which is a women's empowerment organization. They were like, What do you want to call yourself? And I'm like, I don't know, you know, I'm not sure what my role 100% is here yet. And they were like, but your role is very clear. Like you are the chief FOIA officer. I said, Well, let's do it. So it kind of stuck. And it identity is important as much as it isn't important, right? Like it's one of those double edged swords. But I want to know who I am and what I'm doing. So I came up with a title as such. Well, you exceed exude joy and I only recently met you back in July July 4 At our good friend Donna's house and and I remember after meeting you it took a minute because I was like wait a minute. Our friend Christiana who was also a guest on your podcast, all the things she had already mentioned you a long time ago and she was like you know, you should invite you know, Makayla, come and be on your podcast. But we had never gotten the details and so then you and I were chit chatting and then I went Wait a minute, you're the girl you're the beautiful boy person. Well, do you remember how I introduced myself to you in that moment? I was listening and I you know, same thing, Christiana and Donna had both said you've got to check this woman out like she's amazing. Like she's such a great person friend coach podcaster so I started listening right and you know, you know the person's voice so much. You're talking around the fire, whatever. And I was like, Oh my God.

Michaela Birdyshaw: 4:39

And it was just this really, I love that because sometimes with like referrals like that, you don't know what the fit is right? And it was nice that we kind of got to know each other a little bit on the periphery. Because when I met you, it was just instant like there was no forcing. There was no creation. It just existed.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 5:00

And I felt great about that. So I'm very excited to be here in your beautiful space that you've created. I've got my coffee and I'm ready to Yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 5:09

I got my coffee and I'm so flattered. That was like my, my, that's the second time someone recognized me. I was nice. I felt so good. And if we did hit it right off, but I was in a Starbucks drive thru once and I was ordering my coffee. And literally, the barista leaned out because I had my name was on the coffee cup. And he said, are you Nicoa from Coffee with Nicoa. And I was bad. Lord, I was this was early two. And this was before I had the podcast. And I was just doing it on Facebook. So you, I love it that you're you're one of my fans, I'm one of your fans, too. So yeah, podcast, all the things guys go check that out as well. But your your beautiful history tells me something pretty key here. And this is why I was validated. When I saw your email back to me as we were scheduling this time, I was validated by your you meet the criteria, if you will, for an intentional life by design. And I can see it in your history here. You know, you were a high school teacher, you were a VP of marketing. At one point, you're a social worker, you're a black belt, you've got extracurricular activities in your world, you were an event planner. And you also now this is kind of neat. You're a wedding officiant. And you've, you've done like, 1415 unions so far. Tell us a little bit about all these these. How how do you give yourself permission? Because a lot of women don't? How do you give yourself permission to go off and learn all these wonderful things and establish these different careers? Now who's flattered? This is so fun. You know, it's it's a tangled web we weave, right. And it's some of it's by design, some of its by just going with it. But what the part that I've created by design is how I pull them all together, right? Because I don't know why. But I never saw myself being a career woman where you get the job, you stick with the job, and then you you're there forever. I want to explore life. If I could be the perpetual student and just go do school and then do internships and all these incredible places I would do that. I just want to keep learning and sharing and just talking about it. So all of this came. I mean, I was given permission as a kid to believe I could be anything, right. And I chose careers like social work and education. But there was always something kind of missing there. Right? I was always doing it wonderfully well, but it just there was something more, right. So you change careers, and you do the things and I have been blessed to have a partner in life a husband to while sometimes he just goes, Oh, dear God, what is she going to do next? But has also said, you know, let's figure it out. And there's been things you said no, to for sure. There was a time I wanted to get my Master's in liberal arts when I was teaching in North Carolina making like no money, right? Yeah, start a family and like, why don't we just go knock our stuff into a box and live under a bridge? Like, can we do that? And I was like, oh, okay, got it. But you're talking about a feeling. And that's a kind of adventurous spirit that you really have. I mean, you know, or a sojourner, right, someone who likes to go with the wind. But what was that something missing? Like? Can you step back and reflect? What was that feeling? And what was that? You know, it? I think some of the feeling was that there's this cultural idea that once you do the thing, you're going to feel fulfilled, right? And once you marry the person, have the kids get the degree. And for me, I look at it like, I hope I'm never fulfilled. Meaning I hope that I'm always striving and learning and enjoying and growing. And I want to be satisfied. I don't mean I'm not, you know, interested in happiness. Don't get me wrong, but I just I remember when I was in social work, I remember thinking, I'm not in the right place. On the front lines of this particular I was working in a group home, a residential care facility. And I was like, I'm not having a big enough spread, right. There was a time I looked into going into HR because I wanted to stand up and tell people how to help them do their jobs. And then I realized that's not really exactly what HR is, you know, in theory, yes. And, and, you know, so I just kept looking and moving into wedding planning. I mean, I love nothing more than pulling people together and being like, let's do this, and sending them out into the world. And as I'm doing these things, I'm learning what feels good and I started paying attention to it and putting it together. So moving into the officiating, being a wedding officiant that when I started having my babies pulled together my English

Michaela Birdyshaw: 10:00

My love for writing and speaking and wedding planning, it pulled in the spirituality that I was harnessing. And really, I just love a wedding. So yeah, to be able to do this and give this gift to people. And one of the things I learned through that was I was basically coaching them, right rolling out of them, what's important and what matters and teasing together a perspective and a story to tell that starts off the foundation of who they want to be. Right. So it just, that's the intentional part is how do I take this thing that I love a lot of and this thing that I don't love the parts of, and put them together to help me get closer to my goals. And for me, my goal was I wanted to be happy. Well,

Nicoa Coach: 10:44

isn't that really? I mean, we're all trying to we're pursuing happiness. And I'm curious, at what point early on Did you recognize, you know, you observed yourself and said, Okay, wait, I have the ability and the power to change this. Because a lot of I think that's the sticking point, don't use it for a lot of our clients, or the people listening are like, well, I hear what you're saying, but, you know, she had this point of husband or her parents told her she could my parents are too afraid. And they didn't never change, you know, how do we, you know, I mean, I think I think we keep telling the story, right? So I'm in this place, and doing all these wonderful things. And I have my baby, and I love him. But he's got, he comes with some added complications that we weren't expecting. And my husband was a realtor, and the market was crashing, and, you know, I wanted my mommy, right, and a huge shift, I wasn't working because my son had his needs. And, you know, as a teacher, I couldn't afford the other options. So we moved to New Jersey, and we changed and, and, and we changed, you know, not all for the better. And I'm at this point, my husband and I both are working in our family business and multigenerational, you know, up and down the family tree, there's a lot of people involved. And in that space, where I was used to giving and being, you know, applauded for the work that I did, all of a sudden, now I'm just grinding. And I'm doing it to be a great parent to my kid, a great wife a great, and I started suffocating. And I lost that perspective, I lost the intention. And I was just moving through, and quite literally living on the hamster wheel. And I can say with some certainty that it was breaking me down inside completely. So I've gone from being this what I believed vite bride, you know, vibrant, capable flower, like, right just shine in the wind,

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 12:43

to being really faded, and just not myself, but thinking I was myself. So there was a lot of turmoil and confusion. And but I was just sad. I was just sad. And it was coming out in what I was drinking, what I was eating, how I was communicating how I was loving or restricting my love for the people in my life. And what I found was, I was not serving myself, everything that I had done to this point was outward, right? I wanted the high five, I wanted all of this, you know, to be the servant of these beautiful people. And I had to shift and it took a long time. It took a lot of frustration. But I got into working with coaches, who said, but why are you doing this? And I was like, I don't know. Yeah. And it put that mindset of the girl who wanted to go for the liberal arts masters. Well, what do you want to learn? What can you do? Give him the space you have? Because I had a beautiful life. And I was miserable. And I wanted to appreciate it. So for our listeners, I mean, it's for me, it was the perspective of why are you doing this stuff. Mikayla? Why, yeah. Oh my gosh, listen,

Nicoa Coach: 13:58

right. I wish we've asked ourselves those questions early on. And, and even now I do I have, as you know, so many children, three and three, six kids are everywhere. And I actually asked my daughter the other day, we were playing with the mic before someone was coming to the house for a podcast. And I said, well, let's just interview you real quick. And I said, so why are you taking this job? No, no. And she said, Because I'm supposed to. And I was like, it was like a punch to the gut. Because I thought, oh, haven't we taught these kids that they can do whatever they want. And she pretty much summed it up and said, Look, I know why I'm doing it. It's not what I want to do necessarily in the long run. But I'm doing it now. So I have choices in the future to do what I want to do. And I thought, okay, I guess I can pat myself on the back. Not that he's a reflection of me, but I wish someone had asked us

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 14:53

why level. Yeah, I know. I think about that all the time. And really they're stuck. is a vulnerable population and that 18 to 25 year old, maybe 16. I'm not quite sure I don't have the numbers but of teaching, especially our young women and our young men, let's not, you know, our young people, right? Let's include them all. But there is a cultural piece to it right? And I wanted to be the mom, I wanted to be the wife. I wanted to be the freakin Pinterest like A plus go for it cupcake lady, right? All the things all and all the things I really wanted to and dammit, I got good at that. But I got really bad at being mice. I got really bad at being

Nicoa Coach: 15:41

you talk about human potential and human connection. Well, then how did you foster that connection with yourself?

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 15:51

It hurt, right? Because I had to realize, I'm getting all of that to realize how horribly disconnected I was. Right? And it's one of those, like, when I when I'm with people who go through this feeling I'm feeling right now because I remember it. We cannot take that pain because it is the most precious gift. Right? In my coaching practice. I say to my people all the time, what are you tolerating? And that came to me from my very precious coach. And she asked me and you know, people ask you, how are you what's going on? And you know, they don't really mean it. She really meant it. And I said to her, I'll never forget it. I said, I'm tolerating a life without joy. My life is all the things and there's no joy. And it just It hurts so bad to say it. But I felt it and it was real. And she I mean, she might as well have busted out the pom poms and the confetti and she was like, awesome. Let's do something about this, right? Because that was the thing I was choking on. I was so afraid to say because I thought something would break. Right. But I'm unhappy. I'm unsatisfied, right? And it was through being in a space where someone really wanted to hear my answer, but wasn't going to be like, I know girl, like yes, you know, they're, you know, jerks, whatever. And, and through that relationship, I got to ask myself really important questions. And some of the questions are ones I really used today. And it was in this moment, like what makes you happy? What makes you sad? In this moment, what makes you angry? What makes you proud? And what makes you curious? Right, those five questions, I asked them very often of my of my people, the people I'm very blessed to work with, and they're courageous enough to answer right. But what you've one of the things side note is the one that stumbles that people stumble over the most. What are you curious about? What makes you curious,

Nicoa Coach: 17:59

they're not giving themselves permission to step out of the isness of what they're currently focused on. And if you wear the hat of curiosity, we talked about that in an interview I did this morning. No, I think you're absolutely spot on.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 18:13

And it's it's liberating.

Nicoa Coach: 18:15

You say that she finally listened, and she didn't want to commiserate with you. She wanted to champion you. And that's what really the difference there as a coach and yeah, I love these questions. Keep talking. Tell us more.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 18:28

Well, the questions are great, and they're helpful, and they're ones that you that everyone listening can can own today, right? Like, let that be your takeaway for the day. What makes you happy, sad, angry, curious and proud. Right? I love that check them because nobody else is asking. Hey, hey, Coffee with Nicoa. listeners. It's Mikayla, your joy coach with fabulous news here. Are you ready for positivity and purpose and ultimately joy? Discover the course for joy proudly presented by Joy enterprises and yours truly. This four week self guided adventure fits into your busy schedule, and only 15 minutes a few times a week you will have the opportunity for growth. Plus finish out the process with a 50 minute live one to one coaching session. Visit my joy coach.com backslash course to join us let's amplify your joy and purpose. Now let's get back to Coffee with Nicola.

Jennifer Gardner: 19:34

We hope you're enjoying listening to this episode of Coffee with Nicola. Make sure to subscribe so that you never miss an episode and follow Coffee with Nicoa on Instagram to find inspiring content that will help you begin creating your life by design.

Nicoa Coach: 20:20

But I actually thought that the what makes you proud one was going to be a glitch because you know when I asked my clients at the end of their sessions, what do you want to celebrate about yourself? Before we hang up there like, yeah, that's a hard question.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 20:35

I thought that's the one you might go with. Because In what world, right, when you go to school, you you're allowed to be proud. But you cannot be like, Look, I did something great. You cannot celebrate when you go from a D to a beat. You can I did, but like it's not the cultural norm. Right? Right. And we're told to be humble, but be great at the same time. And, but also, it's not about you, right? So there's all these conflicting all the I call it the noise, right? You've, you've heard the noise. And asking those questions. And whatever moment it might be, gives us insights into which direction to go. Right? Well, this makes me sad goes the other way. You have to kind of like your daughter was saying, well, let's make it not suck. Let's do an end. Let's lessen the shitty conditions. I hope that's okay. I've been holding back. Yeah. But it's like, how do we make it suck less? You know, and it's funny because I use that language in my professional arenas. But it's like, that's the reality sometimes. I know. Yeah, you get to the at the means to an end. You do not have to stay here. But if you don't know you're here for me, if I didn't know I was tolerating a life without joy. I can't do anything about it.

Nicoa Coach: 21:52

Right? And when you found that authentic space again, so you talk about realizing your truth, and your authenticity was the greatest thing that ever happened to you in your life journey, your life by design, which you were very intentional in. I mean, like you said, Who do I? Who do I think I am? I've got everything I want? How dare I not be happy? Right? So how did you find that? That this is actually my truth? Was it just that coaching conversation? Or what else? So I mean,

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 22:22

there's, there's so much sometimes a life by design just kind of does happen unintentionally, right? But you have to pay attention to what is happening. So, you know, I started this journey with with my coach, Wanda, she is just such a gift. And little by little when you apply perspective to life, right? And you start looking and you're like, wait a minute, why am I doing this. And for me, I was unhealthy at the time, like I said, the eating the drinking, the not sleeping, and I started looking into options and talking to a friend and moved my way into doing intermittent fasting. And while I'm not a doctor, and I'm not here to tell anyone what to how to, et cetera, my experience was, I found more mental clarity, I found more energy, I was losing weight, which bonus, I looked better, great. But I felt good. But more than any of that, I realized that I could influence the relationships in my life, my relationship with food, with time with drinking with all of that with water could change. And then from that, I'm like, But wait, if I can do that, what else can I do? You know, and it and I just started learning a lot of kind of cognitive behavioral therapy. If you

Nicoa Coach: 23:44

Yeah. And it's consciousness. It's awareness of self. So if you're not, I always joke if you're not turning yourself into a crazy person by talking to yourself, and you're not doing it right.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 23:55

I am. By all that definition as crazy as you my dear I talk to myself all day. The two podcasts are sometimes people listen,

Nicoa Coach: 24:06

exactly. I need to keep talking. And I had, you know, when you talk about that relationship with, with food, with alcohol, with water with your body, you know, with your whole thought process. That's really life is about relationships, so I can remember not want after my divorce. You know, my kids went off to see their dad on a Wednesday night. And I remember sitting alone with my thoughts, and I thought, well, I don't really want to have a glass of wine and I'd watch myself open a bottle of wine, pour it in the glass, and I would hear my tipsy BFF. Who does like to drink. She's my favorite. She says, she's like, Oh, I thought you weren't going to drink. Oh, look at you. You're pouring that wine in that glass? And I remember thinking, wow, my I can't stop pouring in here. Yeah, now over time with that practice I was in sometimes I'd have some and then I'd pour the rest out. And eventually now I feel conscious. But I was not conscious before I was in and out of it. I don't know. Does that make sense?

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 25:07

That makes perfect sense. Because you're as you're saying this I'm like Been there done that? Oh my gosh, look at it go. Yeah. When we when we kind of slice that a little bit. I mean, let's expand it out. What else are we doing unconsciously? And then it gets into you realize it's the mindset right? It's the mental behaviors and habits that were that are streaming us for Word, right. So as I, you know, as I'm working then further down the line, well, that stay with the intermittent fasting because that's where it began. Well, one of the places, yeah. Like I have this feeling it's 10 o'clock 11 o'clock 12 o'clock? Am I hungry? Am I angry? am I sad? Am I stressed? Am I bored? Do I need fresh air? Am I thirsty, right? And instead of where the world and my body and all of the people in my life have said, this is when you eat, this is how you eat. This is what a portion looks like, No, it won't kill you. I started challenging, but do I really want this? Do I actually want this? And if I do want it? Great. Let's go down this little like flowchart of questions. But if I don't want it, what is it that I really want in this moment? Right now? What do I want? And a lot of times it was I want to get up out of this chair. I want to shift my attention from the computer. I want to go outside. I want to drink more water. I want to call a friend. I anything. But when we're sad, bored, angry, you know, there's a whole list of this stuff, right? Yeah, we just go and we pour and we do and we eat. And I learned that there are questions I can ask to help get me there. And I then got into Okay, well, if I want to eat this, am I making a good choice? Is that the right thing? And I learned that I eat to fuel my body not for fun. I still have a lot of fun with my food. Do not get me wrong, but I choose that.

Nicoa Coach: 27:01

Yeah, you can. And you're summarizing something I think that they use in a which my client told me about hungry, angry, lonely, tired, halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired and say why am I about to do this? And although I haven't participated in that program, I did take that as a best practice. And I I really think that we have to pause and when you were asking the first set of questions I immediately went to and then the questions are, what do I need? Yeah, so I'm glad you validated that. Because now I'm even in a space of what do I need? And then what do I choose?

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 27:39

Right? 100% Because sometimes I want I do a really cool little segment called the live joy of tarot and one of my dear friends and I we just have a conversation, she pulls her tarot cards, and we you know, our visitors get to participate. And we say a lot like broccoli and donuts both have their value. Right, so I really want the broccoli is sometimes dammit, I just want the donut. But I know what I'm getting. Right. I know what the broccoli is gonna do. How it's going to make me feel. I know what the donut is gonna do. What am I willing to risk? What am I willing to gain? Right, right. And it's it's just a choice. I

Nicoa Coach: 28:21

mean, yeah, you have the power to make it meet anything you want. Yeah. And if you can be in the moment, enjoy and savor the donut. Oh, my gosh, doughnuts are awesome. Right. But at the end of the day, yeah. I mean, don't go back and regret it. Yeah, don't judge it in the moment. Just savor savor and surrender to your choice.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 28:44

That's perfect. And that's going to circle me right back to your example of the wine bottle and you're pouring the glass and you're like, I don't know why because cognitively you're saying I don't want this but something else is saying but damn it do. Right? Yeah, but the boozy BFF tip.

Nicoa Coach: 29:01

Color boozy, that would have been you know boozy, BFF BB that would have been.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 29:07

We'll see she might evolve. And that's the funny thing about identity is it can evolve.

Nicoa Coach: 29:12

That's right. She's a little tipsy now.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 29:17

Depends on which day of the week she wants to come out. We'll say That's right. But But like, I've been there, right. And I have also poured out the wine. And what I had to learn was, I want I'm going to say if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to put myself through this really conflicting feeling of I don't I do while I'm doing it. All right. Let me be in the experience. Let me savor it. And when I'm done savings, and I'm done with it. And we can do that with everything. We can do that with social media, we can do that with all of the influences that come our way, just by saying is this is this serving me. And it might not be the doughnut might not serve you and your long term goals. But it's called balance right? It might make you happy right now and savor that be in the moment. So if you're gonna drink the wine, savor it don't exactly slug it back unless that's the kind of savoring you need that day. I'm not here to judge.

Nicoa Coach: 30:10

Yeah, and I don't I don't really drink anymore, but when I do, I drink really well. Meaning I only buy nice things to drink. I like really high end quality items and I want to as my as I taught my children, I want to respect the drink and know if I'm going to if I'm going to indulge in this for the pleasure of indulging then educate ate myself. Enjoy it, savor it, talk about it. Share it with friends. Yeah. But don't there is no food. Somebody said this the other day. Food does not have morality. Right? Think about that for a minute food, alcohol, whatever. It's just there. We are the ones giving it power. Yeah. So you got to decide how will you create joy around this indulge in? It's not an indulgence around this choice around this joy? Will you create joy around this choice? Or will you choose to judge it and diminish its beauty and value and in erode the savoring?

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 31:11

Yes. And take away the whole experience? If you're going to do it, do it. Yeah, man, if you're gonna do it, and when you get to the other side, so I in my work, I say to my people a lot, okay, have the glass of wine. But stop. Be aware. What did you go into it thinking before, during and after? What were you thinking before? What was your experience during and what was your experience after? Did you get out of it? What you thought you would? Or was it just another bowl of ice cream? That might be made but Right? But it's before, during and after? And I've worked with people stopping smoking in this way, right? Just bringing the awareness to I thought I was gonna get five minutes of satisfaction. And I really just got one or two because I spent the time on my phone. Okay. Why don't you try having that cigarette without the phone? Yeah, right. folk do be in the thing. Do the thing. Be here now and see what it's like, but being conscious and reflecting on it? Right. Okay, so you went to work today? And you came home? miserable. What did you think was gonna happen?

Nicoa Coach: 32:17

Yeah, what wider? What meaning Have you given it? So yeah, now I can imagine there are people listening to go Oh, smoking? Well, well, that, you know, that's an addiction. Well, and so could alcohol. But I will argue that a lot of what you and I are talking about is conscious. And it's the ability to think into a new reality. But a lot of why people suffer and continue to pour the bottle is subconscious. And I know I've done some work around rapid transformational therapy and hypnotherapy. What how do you help your clients tap into the subconscious? And maybe it's a spiritual practice where you talked about Taro? I don't know, what could you share with us about that subconscious piece? For

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 32:58

the for the smoking part? Yes, there are addictions, addictions to all the things right? We can be addicted to non tangible, our social media. There are so many addictions. So and again, not a doctor, I'm not here to say how this goes. But if you are working on a physical, actual addiction in this way, and not doing the mindset piece, yeah. Right. If it's if you're just putting the patch on, and you're not also doing the mindset piece, then you're gonna be wearing a patch for the rest of your life. And is that really good for you? I mean, and again, not a doctor, I don't wear a patch. But the idea is, if you're not thinking, why am I doing this, right? You're doing some of the inner work of why do I have to keep doing this? And okay, I thought I was gonna put the patch on. And now two years later, I'm still wearing and chewing and whatever, why if we're not asking ourselves those questions, then the behaviors, our physical inclination, that thing our brains know to do over and over again, it will win our ego, which is what drives that, that, that thinking part of it has no desire for us to be happy. It wants us to be safe and alive.

Nicoa Coach: 34:10

That's right. I mean, that's that, that ability to scan the horizon constantly. And you know, with this smoking example, I did have a client that we did uncover in the process of doing RTT, which they ultimately did go on to stop smoking. But we recognize that what they really wanted was the break in their day, and the deep breathing. And it just happened to have a cigarette attached to that experience. And I was like,

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 34:40

that's the thing. That's that kind of eliminating and getting down to whatever you want before, during and after. Right? Yeah. And if that person wanted the breathing, right, how do they know like, let's get there. So how do we get there? How do we go to a more subconscious level? I mean, I don't have a blueprint specifically for that everything is so unique, right? But for me, it's about listening. And then I get to say with love and compassion. But why understand that so you know, and I get to ask all these you know, the questions right, very solution focused, very probing but loving

Nicoa Coach: 35:19

compassion for you. So, that ability to love yourself. I mean, I'm going to take you actually back to that question. How do you foster that connection with yourself? Why Are Some do you have? I don't know, for whatever you feel like to practice that for you, me?

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 35:38

Ah, that was I mean, it continues to be revelatory, right? So the answer will always be unfolding in that same way I want to always just be circuit searching for what my greatest fulfillment is. It's my greatest, like, what is my greatest contribution here. And being in touch with myself in that way was shifting from I was, you know, baptized Irish Catholic and you know, raised and that kind of guilt driven and service oriented, but also a little stuffy, and staticky. My parents were very, are very warm and generous people, right. But there's still this stuff ingrained. And I believe that my role in my purpose was of service to others. Okay, and that it had to be the outpouring of, and I still believe that today, but I've learned how to keep it full, right, and how to keep that cycle flowing because I want to be of service to others. I just don't want to suffocate myself in the process. Okay, so. So for me, it's all about boundaries, when I learned that I could be of service and not empty myself by holding and creating and shifting and building and offering and giving boundaries. Oh, God, I was like, This is amazing, right? Because I learned how important I work a lot with overwhelm, right? I was constantly overwhelmed with all the noise and all the things because there's just so much out there, right. But when I learned that, I could say yes and no to some of those, and I could do it with compassion, you know, with kindness, but also say no, because I learned what was important to me, I understood what was most important to me. And that was an example of, alright, so in care of myself, I was sick, y'all, I was not healthy. I was all out of whack. And when I got my food relationship under control, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I feel better. Why doesn't this part feel great? Why aren't I sleeping better? And I had to start peeling back the layers. So I have been probably five years now. Working on my food relationship, working on sleep, working on exercise, working on all of these things. This is that web coming all together, and I became a sleeper I learned how to take naps, like, like, I can put myself on a 30 minute nap and wake up and be a gremlin like, that'd be like a gnarly, gnarly person. And, and that was important. But then I realized, but why don't why don't we still feel like shit? Why am I not okay, like, you know, and I, I think this is my relentless pursuit. My self care right now is driven by my relentless pursuit to be healthy, and to be whole. Okay, so it looks today, like I get up in the morning. I drink my warm lemon water, religiously. Even in like hotels, I'll you know, bring some in, squeeze it in. I do a morning meditation, five minutes, 30 minutes, depending most mornings, I'll exercise I do some kind of movement, some kind of either yoga, or strength training. That's where I am these days. I do my Duolingo. Very good. I am all kinds of like 275 days streak. But I do all the things that I know, center me and make me feel strong and good. And then I'm ready each morning by nine o'clock. And to me that feels like structure and accomplishment. So I know throughout the day that I have taken care of the things that are most important, my mind, my body, my heart, right, I wake my children, if I hug them, I send my husband off for the day. And I feel like myself, and I know that that's myself today because I have peel back the layers. I know how much sleep I need to get. I know the food I need to eat, and it's going to change next year, I'm sure like things are always going to evolve. But for me, it means doing the things that I need to do to take care of myself so that I can live in service to others into the world.

Nicoa Coach: 39:43

Mikayla, you just did. You I'm Sorry, I interrupted

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 39:46

you. No, I said, and that's always evolving. So

Nicoa Coach: 39:50

check for sure. But it can't evolve unless you have what you just described as the bottom chart, a bottom part of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which is your primary needs. And you know, it's ironic. I don't know if it's ironic, but I when I was in the corporate world, I used to do corporate culture audits when we would acquire companies and I would go into the company as their HR leader and I would maybe a facility and I would walk around and I would notice you know How clean is the bathroom? Is the trash can overflowing? You know how, how clean is the shop floor? Do people make eye contact? Are they speaking to each other? Are their paychecks being paid properly? You know, is there food that's healthy in the cafeteria? If so, primary needs because I knew that we couldn't shift or integrate a culture unless the primary needs are being met. So whether you're leading by design or Living by Design, start there. Excellent advice from 100 Kailyn.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 40:51

And you know, what's so interesting? You asked earlier about? How do we get into that, you know, that more subconscious part, and I worked with a gentleman who really just needed help moving his business forward. Right. And he comes to me and you know, I'm a little like, woowoo wish, you know, and I'm a little soft, and I love my exclamation points. But I say to him, we will do that. But we're gonna do it on a deeper level. Because if we're not talking about how you're sleeping, how you're organizing all the chaos in your life, none of the business work we do, is going to settle it's like when you have someone come in and like Declutter Your Home, but they don't make sure you have a lifestyle that can support it. Right? They don't declutter

Nicoa Coach: 41:35

your soul, and 100%, like,

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 41:39

clutter those souls. And if we're not doing that, right, there is no life by design, because it's out of its out of alignment. So it has to be some of that what makes you happy, sad, angry, proud and curious. Because if you're distracted by suppressing those things, how are you going to make your business your your family, your whatever flourish? That's right. And that's what I want. I want to like where people came in and helped me filter through the noise and figure out what's most important to me, and how do I get there? Right, I want to empower individuals and send them out into the world to shine their big beautiful lights, in whatever way they want to I give zero flips about how people use their gifts as long as it's done with with integrity, force, but just I want people to find it. Because when I found mine, and I realized I was a flower, I was like

Nicoa Coach: 42:35

you're a beautiful flower with the sunflower your face to the sun. I see it in your in your beautiful smile. But let's tap I'm gonna ask a question. Now, I wrote this down in advance because I was thinking about how I know this is a critical stage of this. You said joy is not the absence of suffering. Yeah. So what does that mean? And how do we embrace the suffering, right? Because it it is you will suffer in this process, and that's okay.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 43:09

Well, I think that if if anyone is surprised by that, we have to stop in and say why life is suffering. We cannot pretend that there is no suffering in life. Right? The Buddha's life is suffering. It's one of the Four Noble Truths right? And they call it out not to be doomsayers are naysayers, but to be like, reality check friends. This is hard. Yeah, life, life is hard.

Nicoa Coach: 43:40

Supposed to be the balance of joy and misery. You have to have the yin and the yang, mainly why why do you think that is?

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 43:51

Because, well, to my point earlier, I don't want to be stagnant. I want to be growing and changing and fulfilling. And if our if our Earth Stood Still, we'd all fall off. Right? And if the water stopped moving, if the tide didn't Evan flow, if life stopped, what would happen? And if we all just choose to stay the same? And to stay in this sublime? Blindness? Right? I used to look at one of my girlfriends who just kind of live life like in this very narrow, but sublimely happy life. But then I looked at the depth of life, the richness, I was living with my big giant family, and at the time, my cousin had died. And I'm like, but then I looked at it, it was horrible. Yes, and it looks to me like what a big beautiful family I have to be within this because people die again, I hope I'm not you know, ruining the story for anybody. Die, you know, and it sucks. And it's awful. Yeah, but I can't stop it. Right. So when

Nicoa Coach: 44:56

you might as well embrace it, right? If it's not, so I used to tell my

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 45:00

kids at high school English classrooms. If it's not fun, don't do it. But if you have to do it, make it fun. Right? If you have to take the quiz and you're not prepared to be like, Well, we'll see how good I can do. Might as well give it a shot.

Nicoa Coach: 45:14

You bring them back to their worry. Yeah. And they're why around that again, that to that point of knowing your why

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 45:21

it sucks. The teacher threw you a pop quiz. That sucks, but it's happening. So we talked about joy, right? And sometimes people look at me They're like, Oh, joy, that's cute, like, get out but tinsel and glitter. And I'm like, Yes, please. But joy, finding joy has been some of the hardest work I've ever done. Most satisfying, but hardest work. So we know that life is suffering, but we also know it's filled with great happiness. And I think those are the two the yin and the yang. And, and I cannot fully appreciate my highest highs, my happiest happies unless I have something to compare it to. Right, like, you know, when you're sick, and then you're better. You're like, Oh, I love breathing. Like, I'm so good at this. But it's only because in contrast, you couldn't breathe because you're congested for the previous week. Right? So it's, we have to hit those lower parts of the rollercoasters so that we can appreciate the higher highs, the challenge is to just stay kind of in the middle and and sometimes be like, Wow, that does suck, and wow, that's amazing. And it doesn't mean to disassociate from the feeling, but it means to take myself out of the telling of the story and be more of an observer. Right. And and as it's really heavy like well, Mikayla, appreciate that I really hope that is wonderful and beautiful and be grateful. And then as that goes down the roller coaster be like, This is not fun. But it's not gonna last, I have resources, I have skills, I have successfully survived 100% of my crappy days. Right? That's right. And it's building in the mindset to remember that neither the happier the suffering will last forever. But in the middle, we can watch and be Wow. Wow. Right? The book of joy was a huge inspiration and really building in this presence to my particular business. And it's His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, and the Archbishop Desmond Tutu as total or as narrated or written by a Jewish author. Okay. So it's these three different religious disciplines having a conversation about joy, and all throughout, I'm listening to people who have been exiled, whose ancestors had been through the Holocaust, like all this crazy stuff, and they're laughing, and they're celebrating because they're together. And because they get to pray for other people every day, and they get to put their good out into the world. And you can't take the home out of someone's heart. And I'm listening like, this is hard and awful, and wonderful. And I am so inspired. And it's it's finding the balance between the happiness and suffering because they are inevitable. And Joy, I believe, is our birthright. And when we can tap into that, right, that's where that's where our light gets to 10x and multiply. And when we can say, Is this my thing? Is this my fight to fight? Is this my thing to be in? Is this my alignment? And really ask ourselves those questions we can buy into the situation differently. And much like your daughter, she can take the job, she doesn't really feel inspired by but knowing it's gonna get her where she has to go. Right? We've had children, what was the happiest day of your life? That you had your babies? What was the most painful, extraordinary, like scary day? Right, yeah, that's why we keep having babies, right? I mean, I'm done. Knock on wood, but

Nicoa Coach: 48:45

well, you really are talking about giving yourself permission to, you know, Joy is accessible when you can start each day or each moment, or each phone call or each email as a blank sheet of paper. Yeah. Because when I come back into the present moment that I am always, always always at choice. less than 10% of your experience is really driven by your external circumstance. And you know, so 90% is in your head is your mind so you get to choose joy. And, you know, we've talked a lot over the last five years about it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to have an emotional challenge and have mental health issues. But oh, by the way, everybody, it's also okay. It's also okay to be happy. Yeah. Yeah. And I did so.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 49:35

When you suffer it is also okay. It's all okay. Let's stop being so dodgy. Dodgy it is what it is. And I don't say that in be complacent. There's a part of me that says it is what it is in a matter of complacency. Right. Well, complacency

Nicoa Coach: 49:51

is still a judgment as if there is something that you could be complacent about because they're complacent sees, okay. It's yeah, here's the thing, you know, right. None of it is. A consciously we can decide what we want and what will serve us in our life by design. What is the next thing I want to think, do feel if you can, I always tell people to put their hands out in front of them like stop and the name of it create this space between your palms and your body? And in that space? You have this no man's land, it's no woman's land. And it is in that A space that you can observe yourself and say, Hmm, what do I want to do next? I have the power to choose, but you have to live under a set of assumptions. I mean, you just said those assumptions are, you know, I know what my why is i My assumption is my health and well being is what's going to get me the foundation to be able to get to that space of mental awareness and mindshare shift, you know? So, I don't know, we could talk about it all day.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 51:00

We absolutely absolutely can. And I think one of my thoughts just popped in. And maybe this will take us off topic, who knows? It's all on who knows. But we spend so much time making assumptions, right? Like we we assume all the time. And I find myself so often when we were in a codependent relationship, one of my clients, for example, well, I'm doing this because I think it'll make them happy. Right? Okay. Well, what would be different if you actually knew what made him happy, right? Because I love that you're doing the work. And you know what your three goals are, you know, what your three values are, you know what you're going for. But if you're putting effort into helping someone else achieve their goals, do you? Do they even have a goal? Or are they just on the hamster wheel spinning and treading. And when I went through my transformation and building these big, beautiful boundaries that I love so much, it became oh my gosh, now I have to do the work with my people. Right? And now I have to have the conversation because I'm changing the rules. And now I have to say, so if I'm going to give you all of this X amount of energy, right? Is it serving you? Or is there a better way I can help you get where you need to go? Right? So I'm thinking about people, I worked with my family. And it's when we change the rules in the middle of a game when we build boundaries, and say this no longer vibes, but But I still love you. And you're important. So how can we figure this out? We have to be able to listen and listen to them say, Well, you've been making this meatloaf dish forever. And I really hate it. Thanks so much. But can we try something else? Okay, great, right. But if you're making the meatloaf every Tuesday, because we think the person loves it. It's a waste of time and energy. But so it starts to kind of like rewrite relationships. When I put up a boundary with certain people. They were like, what's happening? Yeah. And then I had to learn how to have the conversation and be patient while I accustomed got them accustomed to the new way of being. But that was an additional piece for me, but then it now I have healthier relationships with my people. Right because of that, because of that, which means I'm far more liberated. By liberating them, right, they get what they need, I get what I need. And I'm not spinning my wheels trying to make people happy, based on assumption I am any any wheel I spin is in a direction because I know where they want to go, I know how to help them. I know where I start and stop. And it's there's no energy waste. And I'm talking about

Nicoa Coach: 53:36

energy level five, which is the opportunist who says, Hey, what's a win for you? Let me share with you what a win for me is, and I no longer take anything personally. Because that's just the that's the collaborative goal in community and, but very example is about, you know, it liberating for what does that person actually need? You really had to spend more time up front, though, what do I need? So you can't go there? Unless you understand your attachment to why you've been making the meatloaf every Tuesday for this person in the first place. Because my mother always made the meat therefore, because I thought you wanted me to make you you know, meat and potatoes. What do you mean, you don't like meatloaf? And what am I making that mean? You're right,

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 54:24

you're so spot on. And the meatloaf, I guess for me would be the dishes, right? Like the dishes and you know, you come in in the kitchen. So I don't know, I kind of know but there was an attachment for me of a clean sink means run off the list. And if I'm going to walk the walk I found that I was tolerating this is one of my big questions. What are you tolerating? I was tolerating a life with too many dishes. And, and what I realized is I couldn't shrink the number of dishes especially when COVID came because they just like got exponentially bigger. But I had to learn to be okay with it because the dishes didn't say anything about me and I had to get into that and I had to slowly work at it. So literally for three weeks I did not do dishes and I was like, gripping my seat like like biting my nails and like I kind of do but I'm at a place now where if I do the dishes, it's because I'm choosing to because they have the energy and the time and because it's going to make me happy. I will not do them angry. I will not like force myself to stay up to late to do the dishes. And if I see them in the morning, I will say, You know what? Yesterday's version of me she deserved that break. I got her back today. And I take the story that Mikayla is the lazy POS did do the dishes yesterday, out and I replace it with obviously that version of me needed this. Because I'm choosing and I'm actively Oh girl, I give my future version of myself and my past version high fives all the time. I'm like,

Nicoa Coach: 55:59

Heck yeah, he

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 56:00

really loves me by getting all this food prepped yesterday. Good job. And it matters.

Nicoa Coach: 56:06

It does. And I'm so again, there's that crazy person I love you are so awesome. You know, there's a book Oh my god. It's called existential kink by I'm so sorry, sweet girl that wrote that book. I always forget. But I'll put it in the show notes. Good. Existential kink. Don't get too freaked out about the word kink. But I said orgasm on an espresso shot the other day and oh my god, my husband. He was like, Oh my god. So now I'm gonna say kink. Okay, so it's about existentialism, and why we do what we do. And the summary of it is sometimes we really are getting off on our little misery. Oh, well, we have to go in and be the savior. Well, I do the dishes. I'm the one who cleans up all the time. And there's a part of us that has this hero complex that we're like, Well, if it weren't for me, yeah, this kitchen would be a fucking mess.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 57:03

Right? Yeah. 100%. And that's what I had to go through the process and look at my family be like, does it actually matter to you? Any feelings? They're like, No, we hate when you do the dishes. I'm like, sorry, you know, and you're sitting and it's nobody else cared. Nobody else's valid, there was no reason. And, you know, my relationship, again, back to peeling back the layers, my relationship with the dishes had to change because I would do the dishes if there was one, two, or whatever. And that's like, so

Nicoa Coach: 57:36

you're, you're out, right? You're either I'm choosing, or I'm shooting all over myself as my

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 57:45

dresser shot the other day. And I laughed because I'm like I this is it. Right? Should complex if I should be this, no girl, you should be happy, you should be healthy, you should be capable of doing what brings you joy.

Nicoa Coach: 58:01

And you can choose to be happy. You can choose to be sad, you can choose to be pierced, you can choose to be neutral. And you're always in that state, unless you're having an autonomic nervous system trigger that might cause you to go to a stress reaction. But I want to remind everybody, when you're doing this work just like Mikayla and I've been doing, it's not that you go to that stress reaction. It's how long do you stay there?

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 58:25

I was just gonna comment on that. This is why I love having conversations with Coach. Like, it's your in my head. And and that's where I celebrate, like, I had a conversation with my coach the other day, and I was attacked, kind of very much misunderstood. And like this, I was attacked by that it felt attacking. Okay, I don't think they were actually,

Nicoa Coach: 58:47

of course, and it was, well, your filter is pleasant.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 58:51

And I like started to go oh my god, this is not your new way of being you can't. And I was like, No, I'm gonna feel this right. So for everyone listening, there's no pedestal, there's no Buddhist throne, no, and on where we're all like Zen and all the time, I'm a hot mess, like, put me out. Because I will drive that train. But at the same time, I know how to come back from that. Right. So I had this experience. And I remember said to one, I was like, Girl, I felt it all I told all the stories, and I had all the things and I was enraged for 55 seconds. And then I said that was good. That was enough. Now how do you actually want to deal with it? And I was like, it could have been five days, right? Yeah. But 55 seconds. And and I know because I saw when the text came in. And then I said the feeling and then. But it's the idea of I'm allowed to feel I am going with that as our human condition. We are going to feel things Yeah. But again, let's take out the judging, judging and be like, Well, that was interesting. Now what do you want to do about it? What's your now what do you want to do about it? How can you get beyond this? Because that crazy feeling and Rayji person is not me. And while it felt really good, it felt really good. I will not deny all the things that's okay. Yeah. But then it's better to live in my integrity and be who I who I was striving to be in the way I handled it.

Nicoa Coach: 1:00:15

That's right, the legacy you wanted to leave behind. Right? And that might not be for others as they perceive you, but just simply for yourself. And that's really where you have to start. So yeah, none of us are on a pedestal. I actually had a reaction John made a comment about something I posted in a judgement that he He wouldn't have done it that way or some way. And I said, I totally freaked out on him. I was like, I'm so exhausted trying to make sure everybody's happy. And why would you say that in case you just say is like, and the poor guy, he probably shrunk over in the court. He's like, Oh, my God, all I said was. And I said to him, you know, if I really believed that about myself and my circumstance around that post, I wouldn't be yelling at you right now, I wouldn't be having a stress reaction. So there must be a part of me that still worries about what somebody might think of the way I comment made that comment. And yet, the future version of me, and thank you for breaking it out like that the future version of me says, Stop, who gives a shit? What you said, the other people are filtering it, how they're going to filter it. And it's not that I know. And I thought that was my authentic voice. When I made that post, and it wasn't a massive judgment. I just made the kind of a joke. Yeah, that was a little snarky about a certain part of the world.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:01:36

Well, okay, so nobody's perfect, right? No. And if we can all just like, step back, right. And for anyone who took that post, personally, that comment, whatever it was, you know, good for them. I hope. I hope I'm sorry, if it offended you, you know, in this situation, I replied back. I was like, Okay, I want to talk about this further. Because what I knew was that my integrity was was clear. Right? Yeah, there was a conscious part of me, that did it to hurt to create pain. So from that position, I get to not say I'm sorry, for my actions, I get to say, I'm sorry, that that's how it landed. Yeah, that was not my intention. So let's clear this up so that we can avoid this miscommunicate or whatever in the future. And I had had to stand in that I just had to, but it gave me permission to not feel and tell the story that I was a bad gaslighting person.

Nicoa Coach: 1:02:34

Right? What is the point? What is the self dialog that tends to be the deepest challenge with conscious evolution? And, you know, I don't want I just want to make a side note there considering listeners, I don't want the fact that you and I are both white females with lots of privilege. To not say we have, you know, carte blanc we can say whatever the F we want to say, oh, no, we don't. Like it's your interpretation. I don't want to say that at all. But what I do want to say is that we are coming from a state of authenticity that says, our goal is to help people help themselves and we want to send out love and you know, and sometimes when things land wrong, it certainly doesn't come from that until and

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:03:16

I appreciate that. I think having that self awareness Yes. To white women, I will I'll acknowledge the privilege I have been granted. I will, and I will. But I'm not going to say sorry for it. And I'm not doing anything intentionally. But what I can say is that with every opportunity that a situation like this comes my way I'm learning, right? And I'm wanting to learn, and I'm curious. And so whatever, whatever sleight of hand, whatever words I say wrong, right? My mouth moves way faster than my brain is. Right? Whatever doesn't land, right? I want to be curious with you be curious with me, and let's grow and learn. Because if you're gonna judge me for being ignorant and not knowing and saying stupid things, please don't you know, help me learn? Yeah, send me out into the world to do more. Right. Exactly. With compassion and curiosity. And and I'm open to that. I absolutely. I am messy. How are those things cleaned up? I don't care.

Nicoa Coach: 1:04:19

Late, I just want to shift gears real quick before we wrap up, because good lord, we've already talked an hour I could talk to you all day. And I say that every time because you are now talking to us. And I know we would do this forever. But I want you to give us just a high level this is going to come a little bit. Okay, not really left field, but I want you to tell me a little bit about how you go from Catholicism to tarot readings. Obsessed with Taro, for the past month, I have been like listening and listening. I turned into a cross watcher. I'm watching what Jon's thing is I'm watching my kids. And to the point where I probably need to stop because it's starting to fit my head. Yeah, so tell me tell me about your little journey from Catholicism to tarot readings.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:05:06

How much time did he have I know we'll get a cliff notes. So both of my parents Long Island Irish Catholic. You know, had my brother had me then they got divorced. And that's really not cool in the Catholic Church, at least in that time in that space. Okay, we're going back 43 years. So then we were church list My mom's still had needs and you know, wanted her her faith. And so we looked around moved around Presbyterian had some quirks with that as I left for college, and I just said, I can't do this structured religion thing. There's too many rules when the God that I know inside of me is so much bigger than that. Right? And and so really my church then in Wilmington was going down to Wrightsville Beach and singing songs from vacation Bible school, and feeling the power of God, as the tide moved. That was the that was it. And that and learning about Buddhism and learning about different religions about the being curious, right? Yeah. And then I, you know, had had my babies and I wanted a church. And at the time, you know, I still wear a Buddha necklace all the time. I actually made it with Christiana. It's a precious metal clay that we've molded, she has one just like it. And I wanted to be in a church where I could wear my Buddha necklace and ask my questions and still be held, and safe, you know. And I found I found one up here at United Church of Christ. And it was very beautiful and wonderful. But as the babies got older, it didn't have a strong presence, children's presence. So now we are at a Baptist church, Flemington Baptist Church. And for me, it's about having the community and the space where people share these beautiful values, and encourage people to grow in their divine gift, right. And our pastor very much is in line with me on that and our congregation. I don't know if any of them are listening, but they're working on it. They're, you know, they're getting there. The invitations are out. I do sermons at church once or twice a year and, and it's great, but it's still there's more right I really believe that God is still bigger than this. So to tie in the tarot when I had a Tarot reading with this beautiful woman, Lisa tam credit at the feel better group. It just like it was a part of my layers, she gave me permission to rest first time in my life that I accepted that invitation. And that's when I learned how to nap. And to thank her I said, we I just want to show you to the world. So now we meet almost every other week on Instagram Live and we just pull a card and we talk about it much like we're doing here. But for me, it's any way in any way that people can learn to feel whether it music is your religion, or the beach, or you find a building a way to quiet out the noise and be reminded that you are loved, and that we are here to love and that you're not a mistake. Right? So, so live with that purpose. That is my I am just constantly looking for more ways to find God, in whatever version you want to call him or her it all the things. So I'm just I'm ecumenical. I'm just let's talk about the things that make make your light shine. Let's call it God. You know, I'm curious about it all, but I don't even God, I just don't know if I call it exactly the same as everyone else.

Nicoa Coach: 1:08:40

And everyone, whatever. Anyway, in this what you just said anyway, in and whatever is serving you and even the congregants, you know, they're getting there. They're where they need to be in that moment. Right?

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:08:53

They are receiving conversations, and

Nicoa Coach: 1:08:57

they will take what they're ready to receive. And as well, you and I, and I love I encourage people if they're if they're curious about multiple religions, and different ways of connecting with source, to look into the Baha'i faith, by faith looks at all the religious texts and finds like the common threads of you know, like, do unto others as you

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:09:20

would have to do to me,

Nicoa Coach: 1:09:22

oh, yeah, the fall had faith, I don't even know. Yeah, and what I loved about the I went looking at that when I was in grad school, so long time ago, I don't go and practice with a group or anything. But I do recognize that the work, if this brings us back to the very beginning of our conversation, when you talked about the why. And the work you do when you do the work to become more conscious and more satisfied and fulfilled and healthier and happier, and you're no longer seeking has to tie to some sort of purpose, and something that's greater than you. Now, for many of you, that's going to be faith, religion, God, but for many of you, it might be community purpose, service, and some of that is encompassing of all things, all the things. So I want you to recognize that it's not about looking external. It's About going inward and leveraging the external that's available to you your community, your tribe, the religions the you know, spirituality, the taro, you know, hell On on YouTube, I saw somebody reading coffee grounds in a cup. Why? Why? And I was like, Whatever, man, I don't even, I don't even care. I love it. Whatever floats your boat. Take the

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:10:43

time to think and it to kind of emphasize what you just said. I mean, I say all the time, if we're not living within ourselves, we will always be without, right? If we're not in our hearts and our bodies, and I've been there, so I know this right Been there, done that gave away my T shirt. But it's if we don't know what's happening within us, we will always be without and that's when we overdo overspend, over indulge. And we're not connected to it, right? Because we're just trying to fill that thing within. And people like you and me, we've been there. But we'd want to say that there is more. There, there can be more. It's just what do you want? What are you willing to do? What resources do you have? And who are you doing it with? Right, yeah, what is your tribe? What is your community? I mean, I can't do any of this. I mean, I met you because of my tribe. Right? And I wouldn't want a life without my tribe. Because man, to have the people that ask you the questions and actually want the answers, and then give you some of that critical feedback. The game changer.

Nicoa Coach: 1:11:54

And let me be clear, I love everything that you just said. It's a beautiful summary. So if someone's listening, and they think, Well, I don't have my tribe, I, no one really wants to listen to me, then start by listening to them. Because like, energy attracts like energy,

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:12:11

and start listening to yourself. Are you? Are you for the right friends? I mean, there was, I know that like, we're, we could again talk all day, when the kids start kindergarten, right? And I'm like, these are gonna be my people. And all you know, and like, and I didn't fit in with most of them. I mean, listen, I get along with everybody, don't get me wrong, like I'm very, but like, in my soul, right? And I took it very personally, until someone had to help me look in the mirror and be like, do you want to be their friends,

Nicoa Coach: 1:12:45

right. And it's not that this is interesting enough, there's nothing wrong with people, you are at a different vibration as you evolve in this earth. And as you continue to come back to that authentic voice, you know, finding your true north by like I like to say, helping you rediscover your authentic self. I have watched as I've evolved, my I'm in a different reality than a lot of the people that I used to hang out with, and then even now, I'll evolve fast. And I can feel energetically when there's a repelling of energies, when someone's not where I am. And I'm not telling you, I'm here, and they're there, you know, up or are low, it'd be anywhere sacred, anywhere on the grid, something's not they're not meant to be, or I'm not meant to be in their space at that time. It doesn't mean we don't come full circle, it doesn't mean, but something I'm much more sensitive now. And to the point where, you know, I'll get up like, I'm like, we have to go in a set. My intuition is much more fine tuned. The more I do this work. And I can say for you.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:13:51

Yeah, totally agree. And then if I'm caught off guard, it's like, oh, oh, oh.

Nicoa Coach: 1:13:57

It takes practice to balance that energy. And to protect yourself energetically. It's, that's a whole other topic. Okay. Cool. So, shoot, I love you so much. So let me let me give you a chance to share here as we put a bow on this. How can people find you? And is there anything you're working on? I actually even wrote a question down. What, what do you believe, is your next potential because you're talking about that growth, maybe share that.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:14:31

So I my next potential, I quit my job, I quit my full time like real you know, here's your health insurance kind of job almost two years ago. So in that time, all the layers I'm peeling back and all the changes. I have been living in my fullness. Oh, it's it feels silly to say, but like I need to spread. I need to get out of my own way. I need to do more. I want to make more impact, right. So as I indicated, I joined big believe, inspire grow. I'm getting my feet wet and figuring that out. But I'm ready to go bigger. And I have to find out what that means. I have to put some real tax on that one. But what that means the big hurdle for me is opening up this voice of mine Right, I know I have the podcast, I know I look look like I'm confident and have it all together. But I now need to find a way to multiply my voice, okay, I need to trust it get more out to the world because I do believe in the work that I do. And I am not new to that part. But I'm new to feeling ready. I'm new to having all of these parts and pieces in place. And so whether that's more speaking opportunities, whether that's teaching more classes, getting involved with more organizations, I'm ready to go from being a coach, one to one, basically a one to one coach, to elevating my presence. And that means the social media stuff and all those other things that

Nicoa Coach: 1:16:22

I just asked you, that's

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:16:24

what I'm getting over that. So once I get over that, we're just gonna go

Nicoa Coach: 1:16:29

well, how would you know that you had gotten there? I thought was so different.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:16:34

I am, like, almost right there. Almost right there. And I know that because I have been committed myself differently. I mean, this is definitely another conversation. But I've gone through some health and medical awareness that has given me a renewal in my confidence in my body. And that momentum is in alignment with the behaviors I'm doing. So I'm, I hired a virtual assistant, I'm putting together the packages. I'm rebranding, I'm almost there. And I've been doing a lot of the social media stuff. And I've been doing it without judgment. Yeah. So that's it. And when we finished today, I will be posting my 25th self published podcast, and I'm really excited about that, because that's a ton of work, y'all. Like y'all don't? Yeah, man. Yeah, so it'll be 26 when I hit my year anniversary next month. And I'm really proud of that. So in that space, I know I'm there. I'm already doing it. And as me and I'd love my list, as long as I keep affirming that and putting the energy towards that I am positioned to to have the impact I want to have. So

Nicoa Coach: 1:17:49

that already are Yes.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:17:54

That's what we're doing. And I want to, I believe that we are all so uniquely beautifully and divinely created. I really do. And I got to figure out all the ways to make sure people hear that. That's my purpose.

Nicoa Coach: 1:18:10

Well, that is your purpose. And I'm going to make sure to share all the ways that people can connect with you and I want to toast you with my cold coffee from the first podcast I did earlier. I hear cheers to my friend. I love you.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:18:24

I love you What a gift you are and I so enjoy how you show up in this world. It is beautiful and powerful. And I'm really grateful to be along for the ride.

Nicoa Coach: 1:18:36

Well, it takes one to know one. Oh, shucks. All right, my darling. Thanks for coming. Everybody. See me on your podcast. I can't wait to be on. Oh. We better start prepping. Okay, I'll talk to you later. He's ready.

Michaela @MyJoyCoach: 1:18:57

All right, my dear. Thank you.

Nicoa Coach: 1:18:59

Thank you. Bye.

Jennifer Gardner: 1:19:04

Thanks for joining us for a caffeinated conversation. Subscribe to Coffee with Nicola for more stories from people living a life by design. You can also find inspiration on Instagram. Just follow coffee with Nicola and check out our website Coffee with nicoa.com and that's Nicoa N I CoA. We look forward to talking with you soon. And enjoy your coffee between now and then.