S1 EP29: JESS PONCE

Time for some real talk about IDENTITY including the art of self promotion for an authentically styled Life By Design -  MEET THE EXPERT JESS PONCE - Jess is a media coach, business author, and internationally known commentator on high-profile personalities who proudly identifies as a Queer Latino Male.  Lucasfilm, The Walt Disney Company, HGTV, LinkedIn, The Ritz Carlton, and BNP Paribas are JUST A FEW of the industry giants who have sought Jess's coaching for their executives, spokespeople, and on-air talent. This conversation has a TON of takeaways you can immediately reflect upon when looking at YOUR OWN IDENTITY in YOUR Life By Design!

Jess is the go-to body-language expert sought after for his insights into Hollywood's prominent personalities as well as celebrity culture. Through his company JP3GLOBALMEDIA he offers comprehensive coaching programs that empower business leaders and subject matter experts to project brand influence with confidence and authenticity across online, television, and in-person platforms.  His deep media expertise stems from his vast experience in the entertainment industry, where he has produced and developed programming for prestigious entities including ABC, Warner Bros., E! Entertainment, Style, TV Guide Network, and MTV.  Jess created “The Art of Authentic Self Promotion,” also known as “The A Factor®.” He has authored business books that include:  "Everyday Celebrity: A Personal Branding Guide from a Hollywood Media Coach" and "A.W.E.S.O.M.E.: Seven Keys to Unlocking the Speaker Within."

 
HOW TO CONTACT JESS:
Jess Ponce III (He/His)
jess@media2x3.com
818-645-5954

Media - Communication - Branding
www.media2x3.com
www.jp3globalmedia.com

BOOKS:
A.W.E.S.O.M.E.: 7 ways to unlock the speaker within
Everyday Celebrity: A personal branding guide from a hollywood media c

Buy your copy of YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN: A Coffee With Nicoa Self-Care Coaching Journal
on Amazon today! 

Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:01

Grab your coffee and join me Nicoa For a caffeinated conversation about life. I'll be talking to people who have chosen to walk their own paths and just like me, are creating a life by design. I hope it will give you the inspiration you need to do exactly the same. Jess Ponce, we are together finally doing a podcast interview.

JESS PONCE: 0:29

Well, I am very, very excited and thrilled that you asked me to do this. So thank you very, very much.

Nicoa Coach: 0:36

Oh, you are so welcome. I'm gonna do a quick intro. And then we're gonna jump right into how we know each other and why I felt like your life was worthy of a life by design discussion, which all the lives are, but yours is pretty special. Jess, my friend, you are an international personal branding expert. You really are amazing. I have been following you for quite a while I love hearing your little interviews and your Instagram posts where you are actually analyzing nonverbals of famous people all over the world. You have a US based media company called media to two by three. And that develops and packages personality, entrepreneurial and media talent. So what that means is you really have been this coach and consultant to people who are really trying to create a better presence and successfully leverage their brand. And I'm reading this little summary off the back of your book called everyday celebrity, a personal branding guide. You are a Hollywood media coach. And I just think that is so interesting. coming to us live from New York today. But you're based out of LA is that right?

JESS PONCE: 1:46

Yes, I am one of the three born and raised natives in Los Angeles, we try to separate from each other because nobody's ever from LA, right? Everybody comes to the entertainment capital. But yes, I am based in Los Angeles and have been living a life by design by being a little nomadic posts. Pandemic lockdown. So I'm taking it, I'm taking advantage of traveling to some awesome places, and I got to make it up to your neck of the woods eventually,

Nicoa Coach: 2:16

oh, my gosh, you do? Well, you're closer than ever before. Now you're on the same coast at least. But so you're an OG from LA, you have created what's called the a factor. This is your program. It's how you coach individuals to tap into their own star qualities. And you also are coaching people like it's not just stars, right? You're you're coaching TEDx speakers, and people who happen to work on air, maybe even working with people and Disney or HGTV or ABC or some of the other entertainment brands, which is kind of cool. I highlighted those here. We can find you and I'll put this in the show notes. But we can find you at JP three global media.com for anybody that wants to quickly take a look at while they're listening to this podcast today. Jess, you are a friend of mine from what 2009 2010?

JESS PONCE: 3:10

I was trying to think back, you know, because I think when we met we were probably both what 2008 2009? Yes. And I I actually remember you if I can share a story. I think at the time you had just we're leaving a corporate job or had just left it. I had made this and made this declaration that was so poignant and emotional, and heartfelt in this room of like, I don't even know was a couple of 100 at least or maybe even more than that before. And I remember thinking wow, she's brave. You know, she's either brave or crazy, and maybe a little bit of both, but I like her.

Nicoa Coach: 4:00

Well, you're you met me right after I had done the big quit, as I say Right. So I think I was a little bit crazy. I actually coach a lot of people now to do it with a little bit more intention and be more designing of what their next steps are instead of spontaneous like me, but you're right. It was a passionate time you and I met at the Newfield network. We both became coaches, ontological coaches as a result, which is all around a way of being and I'll never forget how bonded we became in such such a short period of time. Right and, and I just love you so much. So. Oh,

JESS PONCE: 4:41

thank you. Yes. You know, there is a shared experience when you go through this sort of program where, you know, it starts with somebody like yourself, who's vulnerable, who's out there who's honest, who is outspoken, and then it just sort of attracts other people, and that's what I love about the work that you're doing is that using your life as an example, but then also now showing other people's lives, and how that can call all of us to our own accent? To do things that like, you know what? They did it, I can do it.

Nicoa Coach: 5:17

Yes, that's exactly why I'm doing it and, and we are all one was breathing that same air, we really are going through the same journey together. And I would love for you to tell us a little bit about how your journey started. Now I I know you have an origin story, right? And you were a little boy, would you share that story? And how that really launched the man that you are today.

JESS PONCE: 5:45

Thank you. Well, you know, I love origin stories, right? Because it's always feels like superheroes. But for me, I grew up I was this gregarious talkative, you know, bundle of, you know, energy. And I went to parochial school, St. Francis of Rome, which is in Azusa California suburb of Los Angeles. And I was in first grade. And I had to go to the restroom as a first grader would during recess. And the school is divided so that there was a young boys or little boys restroom. And then the big kids had their own restrooms. And so ours was closed, and they had to run across the playground. And I was pulled over by a group of girls. And now this is a small town. So I knew the family of three of these girls. So there were and these were eighth grade, eighth graders who was I thought, like, Oh my God, here I am this little kid going to the big kids area. And they're calling me over. So I went over and I was like, Hi. And they're like, what's your name? And I thought it was kind of odd, because I'm like how, like this. This town ain't that big. At first grade, I'm wondering how do you not know my name, especially since I know two of your parents are three of your folks. And then I said my name and they laughed. And I said, my name is Jesse punch. Then another girl asked, What's your name? And I said, Jesse Ponce. And they laughed even more. So I found this really odd. A third time somebody asked, and then somebody else answered with a really pronounced list. His name is Jesse Ponce. And it was one of the first times that I realized that I had a list that I had an issue that could be mocked that could be made fun of that was a vulnerability, especially for somebody who was so talkative, who loved to communicate, who was theatrical, all of these different things, you can make fun of my weight, you can make fun of the way that maybe I wasn't like the traditional little boy, anything but make fun of the way that I talk was like taking away hair. And the reason why I think this is an important story for me is that at a young age, I made a decision of what I was going to do with this. And so that started my journey on communication, because the S sound is the most prevalent sound in the English language. And so I found a way to work around it, I found a way to be more expressive with my body to find ways to say things that avoided that sound. For example, instead of and it's funny because it it. I don't want to say it's triggering, but it's one of those things that brings up themes, because right now, yeah, like, I don't say, excuse me. And I'm very deliberate when I try to say that right now, because of there are two Es sounds in it. All right. So I started saying pardon me. And so I started playing with language when I was really young, not knowing that this would eventually helped me in my career. But I was fascinated with and became involved and a student, a lifelong learner. And I think that that's, that's the way that I look at communication in media today is that I'm a learner, every day, I'm learning something more. But that is we can find creative ways to communicate. It's more than just the words that we use. It's how we express ourselves with our body and our messaging.

Nicoa Coach: 9:31

So you took that that origin story, right, that painful, embarrassing moment, and you know, I love the phrase value and all so and I'll know it was painful at the time and embarrassing and caused a sounds like quite a bit of angst. I mean, trying to learn new language and avoiding the S sound that could have that bet that was that was very stressful.

JESS PONCE: 9:54

Well, you know, it was and I think that moment It was also traumatic because I kept hearing people mock my, my list at that at that moment. It's like, okay, I heard this story from a comedian once that he didn't realize how many orange Volkswagen bugs were on the road until he broke up with his girlfriend, who had an orange Volkswagen bug. And then that's all he saw. So you're very similar to me, like now I was hearing myself say it. And I still do today. In fact, I just recently started taking speech therapy again, just because I do so much speaking, that if I had a friend tell me one time, she says, if you were your own client, would this be something you would recommend to your own client? And I said, Yeah, and I have learned so much in a matter of a few weeks, about how my tongue operates. Now, I did go to speech therapy as a child, which is a whole other traumatic experience. For it, that's a whole other Oprah. But you're right, that, ever since then, it has been something that I've been aware of, and that I, every time I go out and speak every time I you know, make a an incorrect S sound or very lispy. When I'm tired. I'm aware of it. So it is something that is like right here, like, you know, like an earring on my here,

Nicoa Coach: 11:27

the grin or the Gremlin on your shoulder, right?

JESS PONCE: 11:30

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

Nicoa Coach: 11:32

I mean, you you took it though, and you didn't you didn't become victim to it. I mean, part of part of the work we do around Ontological Coaching and the energy leadership work I do is that, am I going to stay stuck in a story of oh, well, I have a lisp and I can't communicate and what was me? And they're just going to make fun of me, or am I going to take that, and leverage that in some way, and work to overcome it? So getting help asking for coaching? I bet you were quite pleased to see a president with a lisp. I just thought. Yes, yes. Models?

JESS PONCE: 12:07

No, and it's true, you know, and I've had the opportunity to comment on, you know, his own speech impediment, because it is inspiring to see people overcome whatever their obstacles happen to be, you know, and what's really interesting, Nicoa is that I have been a victim in my life over other things. But when it came to communication, and when it came to my list, there was no choice to be a victim, for something in me just said, this is not, this is not, and I wasn't even old enough to say that this is, you know, this is not the cross, I'm gonna die on. Right? This, it just wasn't an option. I knew that I had to talk I had to communicate. It was like the fiber of my being it was like air. So thank God on some level that I didn't even know what victimization was at that point, I felt bad. And I felt horrible. And obviously, today, I still have the trauma of it, you know, in some days, bigger, Sunday smaller. But it was one of those things that like, I am amazed, because had I known that I could have been a victim, my life would be very different today.

Nicoa Coach: 13:23

Very different. Well, your your life has a unique little path, I would love for you to tell us how, as you grew up, you stayed in this space. And it's a lot like me, like whether I'm supposed to be talking to people or not, I can't imagine not just who I am. And just like you, it's just who we are. We can't, we're compelled. Right. Well, you had an interesting first job. Had you always been in the communications world when you started out or tell us a little bit about your career path and how that plays out to where you are today.

JESS PONCE: 13:59

So when I went when I was in high school, I was part of journalism. And I was always, you know, attracted to the media in general. I'm using media as a big words here. And I thought that I wanted to create a magazine because I also liked heart. And I didn't know that there were jobs, called producers for TV shows, let alone for news broadcast, where their whole function was to create the stories to editorialize, the stories to write the stories that people would, would then you know, share on air. And I was very fortunate because my first job was in Los Angeles at the KTLA Morning News, which actually has become sort of a role model talk. So, this was years ago again, you know, I was 10 at the time, but, you know, decades, decades ago, where I joined this team and I If it wasn't just news, it was like entertainment news. And it was like whacking yours. And it was fun. And the people that I worked with, did all of the feature stuff. So we actually got to create stories on interesting people in the community on different places to go. So it wasn't just d&d nears. And I fell in love with it. And I had no idea that there was an opportunity for anyone to do this kind of job. And I fell in love with it.

Nicoa Coach: 15:30

Yeah. I mean, that's when you begin to align with what you love into a role. I wish people would look, you know, broaden their perspective a bit, because there are a lot of jobs out there that foster creativity that you may not realize, you know, really, that's amazing that you found it. Are there any stories from that experience that you love to share? Maybe where you learned some lessons about your own celebrity identity, your own image, or something you might have learned from that experience that you now apply with your coaching? So many, right? So many things.

JESS PONCE: 16:04

Yeah, I'm sitting here smiling, because I'm thinking like, What can I say and not say? You know, first of all, you know, I always refer to myself as this little brown boy from Azusa, even though I grew up in California, and in Los Angeles County, you know, my dad worked in the grocery business, my mom worked in the aerospace business, which at the time, was one of the top three industries in the state of California. So I grew up in the greater LA area. But I had no experience with celebrities. And I remember two people at that, and I'm not really going to date myself that I had met. First was former President Jimmy Carter, because he had written a book. And I was fortunate enough to meet him two other times. But I remember thinking, Oh, my God, this is more than just silly news. It really is an opportunity to meet some interesting people. And two people that I really like to compare and contrast are two huge figures. First one was Rosa Parks. And this was, you know, shortly before she passed away, and I remember walking with her, and she was, you know, she's a petite, small individual. And I remember thinking how powerful she was. But she wasn't very verbose. She had a presence about her. weeks later, I had an opportunity to meet Robin Williams, who was Oh, my goodness, larger than life, crazy bananas. But like, he was crazy, when the camera was hot. When the camera was off, he was very demure, very quiet, very like, Did I give you what you needed. And both of these, both of these figures, you know, well known people one in, you know, obviously, the history of our country, and the other actually in the history of our comedy. And we find out later many other things that are colored his life really gave me a contrast of how people can present themselves and how people come across, and what it means to have presence.

Nicoa Coach: 18:30

Yeah, that's a powerful, I mean, for us, first of all, wow. Experience. And you're right, the history of our world and the history of comedy and the history of our mental well being. I mean, there's so much in those two stories. So how do people let's talk now about that that presence, because, you know, our listeners aren't necessarily, you know, movie stars or historic figures, but they are curious about how, how they themselves can foster a more intentional way of being in their life by design. And I that's why I wanted to talk to you today, because when you started observing those different personalities in the way they showed up for you, and by default, how much can we share today about tips for? I mean, is it really important for me, I mean, I want to be authentic, I'm just going to be me, whatever, or we're going to be intentional.

JESS PONCE: 20:33

You know, here's the reality, as you know, according to Jesse Johnson, right, yes, it's that you don't need to be on a Broadway stage or on a big screen or even on TV to be recognized or to be a star. All of us are under our own spotlight. And this is especially true because of social media. People are looking at us. And I remember there was a time because you and I are both not digital natives. Were when there was the ad Then on social media, it's like, Oh, I'm not going to be on it. The reality is, if you are not on social media today, you are hiding something. And it is actually, like, that's not even a question. If you're in business, if you're an executive, you have some online presence, even if it is LinkedIn. What I believe that celebrities have taught us, and I wrote about this in the book, and it's one of the things that I advocate him that I coach people with is that we can be intentional about how people see us. That doesn't mean that we have to be in authentic, because we have so many models, in reality TV, in politics, and other places where being inauthentic is attention seeking. Now, you don't have to be attention seeking. But you can be purposeful, and how you share yourself. There are two things that come that are really important when it comes to communication. What is information and the other is connection. What happens when you decide to be intentional, it's not only sharing information, like sharing information, let's say you're doing a project at work and you're doing a presentation, you want to share the information. But you also want to connect it to either the clients that you were talking about, to the audience that you're serving, something there needs to connect back to the human spirit, because everything that we're doing is about shared experience, or being able to relate to something. So information and connection are two parts that really make communication effective. And if you have a brand, because we all have brands, I should say, your brand is up to you to decide how you want to present yourself. And that's why connection points are important. For example, you talked about going on your back porch and looking at the lake and I see these beautiful, amazing pictures of you know, of the sun. And I just like I'm so touched and inspired because that emotion that you share with me that connection, I'm like, suddenly I'm there with you. And I envision I envisioned that moment that that piece of one of the words I learned in Spanish because I was just in Mexico City is tranquillo, which is trying to kill me. And it's such a beautiful word that we don't use in English, that sense of tranquility and peace and groundedness that you have. And when I look at your other social media, I say, well, that sense of groundedness, that sense of being centered, that's place of having intention is consistent. And you've built that you let us see that. Likewise, I think other people can make connection points, it could be about a spouse, it could be about a hobby, it doesn't have to be everything. Here's the whole thing. It's not all or nothing, right, share something about yourself so that people can connect to you, and realize that you're a real individual, not just informed them. So I gave a lot there. I hope I'll

Nicoa Coach: 24:18

make clear, it's very clear, because as I often coach executives who, who can panic about being on a stage in front of their, their audience in their corporation, or the the mom that I coached to was involved with her PTA with the school, you know, we talk about storytelling, right? And if you can tell a story that's related to your own personal experience, and like you said, you're making that human spirit connection, I am you and you are me. And it's funny that you use the example of my view off the back deck. I feel compelled to share it like I want I do want you sitting next to me, I do want to bring you into my world. And I want you to want what I'm having, first of all, because I want to share it. But secondly, it's also my work. Right? So how can I help you also have this? Either sharing it with me? Or what if you could create it for yourself? So when you help your clients, maybe talk to us a little bit about what I actually read, you talk about being very deliberate and purposeful in the book, you know, and how does that translate into your life by design? Where you know, being likeable isn't enough, because there's a lot of people like well, you know, I don't want to offend anybody and I just want to be liked. And I'm like, Hey guys, just stop being so damn nice and start living your life you know, no, is a complete fitness like, you don't have to do everything everybody else thinks you should do. I want to get people over that hump. How can you give us some guidance there?

JESS PONCE: 25:53

Well, you know, I think you I think be liked and perfection or to losing proposition because nothing is to ever perfect. And just to touch on that for a second, you know, one of the wonderful things that happened when the pandemic, you know, brought every workplace into our home, is that we embraced in perfection in a way that we never had before. Because we have animals in the background, we have spouses yelling at us, we had kids doing their stuff. And we brought people into our homes, and they got to experience the imperfect world that we lived in. Also, the wonderful thing about social media, things like YouTube, and also, you know, Snapchat and Tiktok is that when people are creating videos, the idea of being perfect. No longer is the mark. I think when you and I first started, you know, we started doing videos and things like that we wanted to be television, online, which everything was tight, you know, everything was tight, and perfect. And all of these different things. And imperfection is actually being real. So I think that that is the first thing. Now in regards to being likable. Not everybody's gonna, like, not everybody likes me. I don't know why, because I think I'm fabulous. But that doesn't really matter, right? It's just my opinion, mine and my mom's. And so. Oh, thank you. Thank you. There's three, right? So the idea is, it is what is your gift, what is your brand, what is the thing that compels you to do the thing that you do. And if you speak your truth, if you are authentic, it will land with the people who need to hear it from a business standpoint, if you are if you have an irresistible offer, and that's language going back to Newfield and Ontological Coaching, but if you have an irresistible offer that you are able to share, verbally, visually auditorily, however, you're able to share that it will land with the people who will pay you for that irresistible offer. So it'll either land with the people who need to hear it, or land to the people who will pay for that service. So being authentic is a challenge because we want to be liked. And that if we get over the idea that we don't have to be liked, but we have to be of service, or we have to be of value. Here's what competence is, okay. And I talked about these three C's clarity, confidence, and charisma. So competence has two portions to it. First is knowledge in your subject material, okay, so you can be knowledgeable in the phone book, right? But the second part of competence comes in the understanding of its value to your audience. So it's not only knowledge of the subject, it's an understanding of its value. And I think a lot of times when people get up and they stand up, they misinterpret or confused and Krabi toss with confidence. And so gravi toss is a byproduct of being charismatic. So let's just go back to those three C's really. So clarity is knowing what you want to fit. And that requires some thought ahead of time. You know, the competence person is knowing that subject material, and its value. Charisma is based on your natural authentic way of being able to reach people. And that's where self awareness, the work, and also, you know, working with coaches, like yourself, or myself, can really help people because we all have a unique way of delivering messages. I'm gonna go back to Robin Williams, and Rosa Parks, each one of them have their own distinct, charismatic style. And both of them were impactful for their audience in that given moment. Likewise, all of us have a way of doing things. I think introverts can be some of the most charismatic people because they don't have to keep talking. Like have you ever been? Have you ever been around somebody who says like one word or one sentence, and the way that it lands is so incredible that you're like, Wow, where did they come from? Right? If they kept talking and talking, you know, the people that talk and talk and talk and talk we don't there's so many words we don't even know where where to listen. Right. So I think those three things are really important when it comes to being authentic and being your true self without having to be perfect, or without having to be liked.

Nicoa Coach: 30:57

No, you're spot on and that the power of the pause and the power of listening some are the most impactful leaders I've worked with said very little. And oh, how I've wished I could be so high. It's like, oh, the, the power of the pause for me is fill it up. Like, I want to feel good. Can you give us an example maybe of someone that you've coached that wasn't, wasn't hitting it out of the park with their presence? Maybe it's a famous person, I don't know. Maybe it's somebody that you've coached that was in the corporate world, or who came to you because they're like, Look, I know my area of expertise. I know the value, but I just can't do him deliver it. You know what, I don't have the charisma or I don't have the style. Any examples combined?

JESS PONCE: 31:51

Yeah. So there's one example that I think is really impactful. And, you know, the whole idea of being an everyday celebrity is realizing that we're all under our own spotlight, that we don't need to be, you know, an actor, or we don't need to be a musician or politician to realize that our words have value, that our presence has power. And there was an individual that I coached, and she was a mom, who was doing a presentation for other. It was like a welcoming for freshmen class, and her son was graduating. And so her message was basically to the freshmen moms, this experience over the next four years, it's going to be incredible, it's going to be incredible for your, your child, but also for the family. And here's why I say that. And she had this whole thing. And she kept getting to this one point where she got very emotional. And she wanted to not do that person. But everything else before that was like, Okay, I'm saying this, I'm saying this, I'm saying this, and now I have this, you know, it was very rhythmically on point and not very vulnerable. And in our coaching session, she finally just broke down and cried for like half an hour. And it's what she needed to do. And she says, I don't want to cry, that's going to be so embarrassing. I'm like, Why? Why is it going to be embarrassing if you're creating an impactful statement with these moms who are looking to you for, you know, for counsel, really, and for advice and for knowledge of what the experience is going to be like for that. And she eventually did it live on stage. And the rest from that point on when she got to that middle part, where she was a little motional. And she had some little tears to the end was so incredible. And my point in this is that all of us can have that hiccup, all of us could have that bump in the road, it might be a fear, it could be emotion, it could be it could be emotional, like something that gets us really excited, or something that gets us really mad, or something that gets us really sad, about whatever. But that emotion is one of the pores in which we communicate from, I believe there are three cores in which we communicate from one is our thinking, you know, our head, and a lot of times we get caught up in our thoughts, right? The other is our heart, our emotion. And the third one is our intuition or our gut. Our intuition is really interesting, because I feel like as adults, we've unlearned it, as kids, we knew which story to tell our teacher which story to tell our friend, we knew which parent to go to what for what we wanted, we had learned, and we had knowing, right? And I think if we look at intuition, as knowing we know how to approach a situation, but if we're in our head, and we've got this report that we have to do, that we aren't even listening, we aren't even vibing the room, we aren't even reading the room. And we just go to our talking points, you're not going to have any impact.

Nicoa Coach: 35:12

Right. Right. How do we get back to that intuition? What are some of the practices to to trust ourselves again, because you're right, and a lot of my clients get stuck in their head. And I always try to bring them back into, you know, taking your ego out of it and making this beneficial for those who are here to listen, a little prayer, I say actually, before any big presentation, but is there a practice maybe even a somatic practice that could help people with their tapping in?

JESS PONCE: 35:41

I think I think you hit the nail on the head in your question and that is listening. So I once I once heard that if you want to become a better writer, become a better reader. I think the same thing is in terms of communication, if you want to become a better speaker become a better listener. And I think COVID Listening is more than just hearing the words is hearing what is not being said. It could be, for example, being aware of feelings and emotions and moods. Right. So what is it that when you go and that's another back to Newfield thing is, you know, what is what is the climate? What is the temperature or mood of the room that you're walking into? And that requires a little bit of research? Is there a history here? Is, is there a battle? Is there something that has not been set, yet that you can vibe out? If you walk into a room where you don't know the situation, listen, take a temperature, read the room, use your empathy, and your non active communication skills, to be aware of what is happening, and then adapt your message. That's the other thing where were speaking, communicating, giving presentations is a really dynamic thing. And so many people focus on the words and their speech and that they have to deliver this, I always say focus on the message. Because maybe there's a different way to say something, and the words just gonna throw out because in that moment, this is the most effective message that you have to deliver. But if you're not present in that moment, so a practice would be and I love this, and that it's somatic is where my feet? Yes. Literally, that question, where are my feet, and wiggle your toes? Yes, wiggle your toes. So you're out of your head, you've literally sent all the neurotransmitters down to your toes, and you're wiggling them and the answer to where my feet are on the ground? Yes, well, okay, they're on the ground. We're all here. And that quick little check in is amazing. The other thing that I like to do is listen to music before I get up and have to do a presentation. So then I am in my body. And I have music, like your own playlist, write music that makes you dance music that makes you feel, right. So some of it is like those couple of songs that really, like touch my heart, but also touch my body so that when I go on stage, or when I go, and I coach or whatever the scenario is, I'm so in my body. Yeah. And when you're in your body, you can feel differently. I think at the end of the day, one of the most powerful things we can do when it comes to reading the room when it comes to getting into that with intuition is to get out of your head.

Nicoa Coach: 38:47

Yes, yes. And you said feel and you use your hands, I can see you everybody else can't. But you're you're really tapping into the sensing of the room, the sensing, I can sense more effectively the more grounded and centered I am. And you know, I really I think that's powerful. I say that all the time. By the way, wiggle your toes. Did we learn that from like Dan Newby or somebody?

JESS PONCE: 39:10

I don't know. But it's one of the things that like, I guess everybody from new fields are like, Oh, okay, the wiggle your toes, we know where you went,

Nicoa Coach: 39:19

where my feet stop, I do a stop, observe, understand and live and to stop is to stop, take a big breath, find your feet, wiggle your toes. So it's your you and I are twins. I just, this is so cool. Let's do I love all of these activities I wish we had all day as I usually say but we're going to take a quick coffee break. And then I want to come back in and talk about intention. And then I want to go a little bit personal with you and talk about your life by design and your own personal identity and celebrity. Okay, so we'll be right back.

Unknown: 39:51

We hope you're enjoying listening to this episode of Coffee with Nicoa. Make sure to subscribe so that you never miss an episode and follow Coffee with Nicoa on Instagram to find inspiring content that will help you begin creating your life by design.

Nicoa Coach: 40:07

I always forget take a sip. We're back. All right, my friend. You shared some interesting stories in the book. And again everybody if you didn't already look in the in the show notes go find everyday celebrity a personal branding guide from a Hollywood media coach, our friend Jess Ponce, who's with me right now. And you talked about some encounters. Three of them stood out for me. One of which we're talking about authenticity and coming back into your body and really being you finding your sense. Being able to read a room from your point of view from your body, not just your head. Talk about that. The Oprah Winfrey interview and I mean my gosh you in a team got to talk to her and and then that person who was interviewing her I think said something about being the Asian Oprah Winfrey. Tell me that story.

JESS PONCE: 41:01

Yeah, yeah. So um When I was working for ABC at the time, and we had an opportunity for an Oprah interview, and I was in San Francisco, and it was at Gail's daughter's graduation at Stanford. Wow. And so she had, you know, she had about half an hour before. She had the interview. And so we had this whole, you know, screen setup outside. There, she made some jokes. Very funny jokes about I don't know if anybody ever if anybody in the audience is a photographer or does video, but the contrast between something that's dark and something that's light can flare things up, and you have to balance for it. And here she is, she has showed up in a white dress. And these are her words, not mine. She goes, black, black woman, white dress, you guys will figure it out. So right out, right from right from the get go. She was hysterical. And, you know, you're talking about the queen of media, I think we were all kind of like, Oh, my God, and my journalist at the time, because I was a producer. So this isn't a coaching situation. This is me as a producer. But did the interview, we had prepped, I had all these questions. And then there were two surprises at the end. First surprises. She says, Hey, a lot of my friends call me the Asian Oprah. And this was something that she just decided to ask on her own. And Oprah and all of her openness, turns to her and says, You are lovely. And I am so honored to even be compared to you because you are you are beautiful. You are smart. You are incredible. But I can't be you. And you can't be me. So go out there and be the best you possible. And I remember that moment. And I think one of the valuable lessons is is that we can admire people, we can want to emulate them. But it's not them. It's the impact that they create. And what impact can we create using our own skill set. The other surprising thing that happened is are there there's ranking it as with any job on a production crew, and the PA, which is a production assistant, had her little book and I had no idea. And I was the one who was in charge of this whole thing. And I grew up in LA where you don't ask celebrities for autographs or for pictures? Oh, she asked for an autograph and this book, right? Because it was Oprah's book club. And then she asked for a picture today, I am thrilled that I have that picture. So for my for my 20 minutes of being upset. I have to say Cindy, I apologize. Yeah. But today, I am thrilled that that I'm able to share that picture with other people. Of

Nicoa Coach: 44:05

course, of course and and what great advice, right? I think a lot of people walk around in this compare despair, circumstance, or I want to, I'm going to do everything that that famous person is doing or that leader is doing. And I emulation is one thing but to your point and to Oprah's do the best version of your interpretation of that and people need to stop trying to be like so many other people. And I think social media is having a big impact on people and, and they don't even know who they are. I mean, I've I posted this week about who am I without my identities. And you know, you've been posting recently and I'm gonna go there to the personal side of your life story and journey. Tell me a little bit about your own struggle with identity how you've shared your story with the world and if you will, and go into who who is just Ponce and who, what's putting the spotlight on you my friend.

JESS PONCE: 45:10

I love that. So I'm just gonna go there myself. Okay, so it has been 18 months, I have become sort of a nomad. And that is as a result of a separation from a 16 year relationship that I had. And for an initial few months, I was like trying to get my bearings straight because through through different circumstances. It was a situation that I literally walked away from, I walked away from my home, I walked away from my life, I walked away from the whole situation and working for myself. You know, you've got to pull your stuff together rather quickly. You know, especially when you're in a situation where the home that you had is no longer your own. Right. And through that over the last, you know, 18 months, I've been on this incredible journey. And I have been living sort of a digital nomad lifestyle. And every place really gives me something that is inspiring, gives me something that makes me think when I, you know, a moment ago, you had mentioned that sitting on your back deck and wanting to share that with the world. I have so many pictures of me in Mexico City from a couple of weeks ago, where I was sitting in front of the angel. And that was my spot every night that I went to, I sat there just soaked in the ambiance, whatever lights even the you know, the cars in the background. And I think, for me, what I have been experiencing over the last, you know, 18 months is what is the design of my life? So how am I going to live by design in the way that I want. And I have also had to and I, I sure some people can relate to this had to take a moment. And by a moment, I don't mean a day, I don't even mean a month, I mean months to figure out what that is. And meanwhile doing the work for myself, doing the work for my clients, being there for my family, allowing friends and loved ones to reach me. Because in this time of figuring out what is the life that I want, I have to really allow myself to digest what 16 years of living a life before meant. And so, you know, part of me at my age, I'm sitting there going, I ain't got much time. So I'm giving myself six months, I'm giving myself three weeks. And one of the lovely things that I am now on this side of is that I'm writing a third book, which I've started, I feel reinvigorated recommitted to my career. I'm doing some contributions to various magazines and TV shows, and really figuring out where my heart is going to lead me next. And knowing that I have the foundation in my career, my purpose in going all the way back to being that kid on the playground, that whatever I'm doing, I'm on the right path. I just don't know the details. But yeah.

Nicoa Coach: 48:56

Really trusting that journey? Yeah. Are there any particular is it just the absorbing and reflecting in the sitting and, you know, going back to your, you know, sounds like you went and saw maybe family in Mexico was that where you were was that family or just friends,

JESS PONCE: 49:14

friends, friends who have become family, but going back, but on many levels, going back to my roots. All all four of my grandparents are from Mexico. And so embracing the language, embracing the culture, and creating new family, you know, and I think that's the other thing too is I left when I left that relationship, I left my family. Yeah. And and not my immediate family, but you know, his family and what that meant to me. And so I am expanding my family today with new friends and stuff.

Nicoa Coach: 49:54

Yeah, no, it's beautiful. And, and you recently were talking about being more outgoing in your labeling. And I thought that was powerful and giving people permission in their life by design to unapologetically be themselves. And you posted something, if I may, talking about, you know, being a Latino, queer male, and leveraging the word queer as a powerful word. It's not something that has to be derogatory. Can you talk a little bit about how you leveraged your own labeling, to change your experience and change the world?

JESS PONCE: 50:33

You know, and it's really, it's a great question. And it's an interesting perspective for me to be on this side. So when I grew up, queer was a derogatory term. And it meant it was like the equivalent of like faggot or fairy. Right? It was this stereotype of what people thought of gay men. What is interesting is that we're now part of a culture. I'm part of a cult Her that has reclaimed that word queer, in such a great umbrella term, that all kinds of different people who identify as non binary who identify as female or male, who might feel, who might feel that they're fluid in the way that they appear or in their own sexuality. Queer has embraced all of these things. And for me, what is really interesting going back to part of my roots in Mexico, also looking at my own life, and the way that I grew up, I actually had a standard of what it meant to be gay. And that was as a sis, gay male, right by a standard of pretty much white culture. And so now I realized that there was part of me that always felt odd. Even being a gay man, like, I didn't feel like I was part of the same culture, and re owning this idea of being a queer Latina, is incredibly powerful, because I don't have to fit any box. That's, you know, when I went to college, when I went to college, one of the most interesting things for me is that I was not white enough for white people, and I wasn't Mexican enough for Mexican people. And this was the first time I had ever experienced people outside of my own little middle class, Mexican American neighborhood. So same, same experience now that I'm kind of like, Oh, I'm a queer, Latino,

Nicoa Coach: 52:39

beautiful, oh, I love it, going back to your roots, and recognizing that finding your spot in the world is really in many ways up to us. It's up to you. Right. And if you're feeling out of whack, you don't have to fight against it, you just need to open your mind to explore, like, Okay, let me tap into my roots. Let me tap into this community. Let me educate myself on labeling and, and what do I want to identify as, and you can always change it? I think that's kind of the complex.

JESS PONCE: 53:11

And that that is one of the most powerful things about language, right? And is that when we find words, and it could be a word, or it can be a phrase or a sentence, it allows us to identify more fully with that sentiment with that message with that concept. Because if we have a limited amount of words, then we may not fit. It may not feel right, we may be close to it. But there's still something missing. So I think what you're advocating here is incredible.

Nicoa Coach: 53:49

We've got to explore what's possible, there really is unlimited possibilities for a life by design. And when you are thrown a curveball like you have been thrown with a change in partnership. And hey, I speak from experience as well, after a 25 year marriage, three children, you know, I mean, wow. And quitting the corporate world after 20 years. I mean, people are like, You are crazy. Well, I'm glad to be crazy. I want to be crazy.

JESS PONCE: 54:19

I can so I will admit something, when I saw you in your relationship, and then you recently got married.

Nicoa Coach: 54:27

I remarried. I love it. Okay.

JESS PONCE: 54:30

Yeah. But I saw you and you and I are similar ages, that I was like, Okay, there's hope for me, she did it. And she seems happy as pi. So, and this is another really great example that CO is, this is why we should share things. This is why letting people know our truth. Our experience is so valuable because I look at that backport I feel inspired. I look at you with your spouse, and I feel inspired because, you know, and, you know, being over 15 a gay male is, you know, challenging as it is for anybody. But I can only speak to my truth. It's definitely challenging. Well, you're

Nicoa Coach: 55:12

getting ready to speak a new truth, which is being over 50 As a gay male gives me unlimited possibilities. Right? And I remember sharing the other day about how we say words, to your point, we are creating a reality with our words. That's why they call it spelling. We're casting spells every day, right?

JESS PONCE: 55:33

I love that.

Nicoa Coach: 55:37

Well, you are doing that right now. And I love your nomadic lifestyle. I love what you've shared with us. I mean, there's so much more I'd love to talk about being you know, gosh, we'll have to do this again. Let's do it again in like six months so we can see how your path is evolving. What do you want to celebrate the most about your life path so far about you? What are you most Proud of

JESS PONCE: 56:09

I think what I am most proud of is the ability to feel. I owe a lot of that to my mom and dad, and attend an extreme amount of it to my grandmother. Because whether or not you're gay, straight bi, whatever, when you grow up in a sis Male Society, and that's the way that you're educated and you're socialized. Emotion is one of the things that people try to squelch. Unfortunately, and I am excited that the world is changing. But the thing that I am most proud of is that I'm able to feel what I'm feeling. And even the pain of the last 18 months has been great, because there's also been some incredible laughter There's also been some wonderful, joyful moments. You know, I subscribe to the idea that we can only feel as good as we feel bad. So all the emotions are wonderful.

Nicoa Coach: 57:16

Oh, you know, two things came to mind when you said that. One is I just did an interview with Reiner loam. Remember, Reiner, he? Yeah, he wrote a book called a spire and he talks about emotions in the workplace and in business. So if you haven't listened to that episode, go check it out. And the other was, I flashed to an image of me right after my divorce, which I initiated. So it's not like I didn't want it. I didn't want it. But I didn't, you know, want to be there any longer. So I made that choice. I'm lying in the bed watching. This is us, the TV show. And I am ball. I'm out what episode after episode, I probably spent a good six weeks just laying in that bed, crying. And I remember observing myself, and being so joy filled, that I could have that type of grief. And I remember thinking, wow, look at me, I'm allowing myself to cry and be sad. But I'm still excited about my life by design. And what's happening next so beautifully said your ability to feel well, I feel amazing. Having had this conversation. Before we wrap up, tell us what you're working on. Is there any place you want to send people or any workshops or coaching access? And of course, we'll put the details in the show notes. But what would you like to share that you're focused on right now?

JESS PONCE: 58:44

Thank you writing a third book, so in the next year, and 2024 Be on the lookout for that. It is called unspoken. So it has a lot to do with nonverbal communication. And if you'd like to find out what I'm up to, or to reach out to me, please go to JP three global media.com. And you can follow me on Instagram at just punch III. That's just punch the third. I love you. I love you too. This has been so much fun. Oh my god down memory lane and you touched my heart and I am so honored that you asked me to do this and I'm so happy to see the wonderful work that you're doing.

Nicoa Coach: 59:29

Thank you. I'll talk to you in six months.

JESS PONCE: 59:32

You got it.

Unknown: 59:36

Thanks for joining us for a caffeinated conversation. Subscribe to Coffee with Nicola for more stories from people living a life by design. You can also find inspiration on Instagram. Just follow coffee with Nicola and check out our website Coffee with nicoa.com and that's Nicoa N I CoA. We look forward to talking with you soon. And enjoy your coffee between now and then.