S1 EP24: CLAUDIA E. NEWTON

*TRIGGER WARNING* Reference made to DOMESTIC ABUSE in this episode.

Join me to meet my friend the beautiful, amazing, strong and resilient entrepreneur and coach Claudia E. Newton. She is originally from Colombia, South America, has lived in London and moved to the United States almost 20 years ago. AND, she's so proud to share that she's recently became an American Citizen! Her journey has a powerful intuitive element and the voice inside that moved her to make a life change that likely saved her life. She role models a LIFE BY DESIGN and shares amazing insights into how to DO THE WORK and CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT and in Claudia's case ATTRACT THE IDEAL PARTNER!  

Claudia refers to herself as a self-love mentor helping women to make their selves a priority, gain self-confidence and achieve their dreams and live their life with a purpose! She is role modeling this every day and with every interaction she has coaching and as a friend.  Her passion and pride is seeing women transform their lives and overcome the challenges women face in their personal relationships and in the workplace. It all boils down to LOVE and her ability to share HER practice, her reading, her writing and her overall story.

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CLAUDIA E. NEWTON COACHING
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INSTAGRAM: CLAUDIA E NEWTON
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Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:01

Grab your coffee and join me Nicoa For a caffeinated conversation about life. I'll be talking to people who have chosen to walk their own paths and just like me, are creating a life by design. I hope it will give you the inspiration you need to do exactly the same. Hey, everybody, today's interview is really profound. I want to give you a heads up that we are going to reference domestic abuse. We're going to talk about self love. And we're going to talk about the powerful, cloudier Newton. And Claudia is a friend of mine, she's married to one of our extended family, if you will, we call him uncle Stanley. Cloudy is beautiful, a really strong, resilient, powerful woman. She's an entrepreneur, she's owned several businesses in her life, she became a self love mentor to women, to help them make themselves a priority, to gain self confidence and achieve their dreams. And really help them live their life by design. She enjoys seeing these women transformed just like I do. And in today's interview, you're going to hear some stories that are going to potentially help you become even more self aware, and increase your self love for yourself, whether you're a woman or man, I can't wait for you to listen. Claudia is originally like I said, from Colombia, South America. And that history of transforming herself through her education, traveling the world, and ultimately, getting herself out of some abusive relationships triggered a story for me. When I was in high school, I actually was in a relationship. That was pretty intense. It was my first real relationship, if you will intimately. And the unfortunate thing in retrospect, that I had never really thought of, until recently, and then it was cemented today, in this conversation with Claudia is that that relationship I was deferring to the needs and wants of this young man that I was spending time with, which meant he wanted to keep me on the Download because he was dating somebody else, someone else that I actually knew. But we had created this relationship together. And we saw each other frequently. But I was supposed to keep it a secret. I was supposed to keep it a secret. Do you know that it never occurred to me as a grown woman that that was completely awful. That was really sucky that he actually required that I wanted to spend time with him. And that how, how insecure and desperate must I have been to have allowed that I would have never allowed that today. And it just really highlighted for me, that sense of insecurity and lack of self esteem at that young age of 17 years of years old. cloudier taps into that today. And as we reflect, there's value in all and the journey is the journey. And it's normal for people to find themselves in these situations, typically tied to relationships in their own past that they were trying to fill a gap for. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have done that. I never would have allowed that. But I'm really glad that there are people out there like me, now. And cloudier helping others help themselves remember their worth and their wholeness? Take a listen. My sweet friend, Claudia Newton, how are you today?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 4:09

Hi, Nicoa. I'm doing fantastic. Thank you so much for inviting me to be here with you today.

Nicoa Coach: 4:15

Of course you are a family friend and friend and I love that you are married to Uncle Stanley our family's very close friend for I've known him probably 3040 years I don't even know when we first met your wonderful husband. But you have been a beautiful addition to our extended family. And I am so excited to talk to you today.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 4:39

I'm very excited also Monica to be here and to feel like I'm part of the family too and your beautiful family as well that I know you for almost nine years now a nine year yeah came a very special bond between you me and my husband and also all you extended far me.

Nicoa Coach: 5:00

Well, you and I, you were kind enough. And Stanley was kind enough to invite all of us, my daughters and me all to your wedding. And has it been? Has it been five years now? Or Six? Five?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 5:14

Yeah. 2019

Nicoa Coach: 5:16

Oh, that's right. So oh my gosh, it, it feels like it was just the other day, it was a beautiful wedding, you had your family there. And, you know, one of the things that I really wanted to highlight by having you as a guest, is that you have a very unique and intentional life by design. And, you know, that's my theme. So I really want to help others hear your story about where you came from, and where you are today. So you're originally from Colombia, right?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 5:48

Yes, that's correct. Yes, I'm originally from Medellin, Colombia, from South America. And I'm being I left my country almost 20 years ago, moved to initially to London, because I want to improve my English, I always like to travel a lot, meet different people and learn from different cultures. So since I was very little, I always have this desire of traveling and go different places. And I remember my mom always say, when I was little, they used to send me to another city for summer breaks, to see my grandparents and she says, You always were packing your suitcase. And you were three, four years old. And my mum was asking me, Where are you going to say, I'm going on vacation? To me, that was a big deal. And I guess that's still in my heart. Because it's something I really love. When you have the passion to do and when you travel, and you see other people that cultures, you might just open set up and you start believing this is not a war. The war is bigger than what I thought, Oh, yeah. So traveling was great for me. I moved to London, I lived there for three years, got married, get divorced, or they flew back to Columbia and then fly to United States in 2005 2005.

Nicoa Coach: 7:14

Well, let's go back before we even jumped to the US. I love how you just threw that in there, got married, got divorced. And then I moved. By the way that was there. Well, tell me a little bit about what it was like to be using now. How old would you have been then? And and what? What caused you to just pack up and go to London? Was were you following that guy? Or?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 7:37

No, no, I was. When I flew to London, I was 32. I was just finished my degree. As a journalist, I have a degree as a social communicator and journalist. And I knew after I finished my, my degree I wanted to travel. So I say to my parents, I'm gonna get graduate. I work in Colombia, with different companies over there. But my heart was still having that desire on leaving and do other things. Yeah, so I decided when I finished I graduated, say I'm gonna go to London, and I'm gonna improve my English. I always have a very much desire to learn new languages. I speak a little bit of French. And my dad used to be an English professor. English was something very familiar for me. But I just wanted to get better and better. So I moved to London, when I was 32.

Nicoa Coach: 8:35

Oh, perfect, wonderful. And while you're in London, you fell in love. And then that didn't work out. You know, we talked about life by design. Do you want to share at what point you made your decision? No, this isn't for me, and I'm going to make a change.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 8:49

Well, yes, move to London, start working over there. As a nanny, I went to school. And then I met somebody and I fell in love, really love and adore that was the love of my life. And unfortunately, or I say, this is part of life. And part of learn to be in a relationship was in the relationship, a one on one aspect for me, it was very hard for me because I was away from my country. I didn't have no family. I didn't have any support. And I felt very lonely and very isolated. Because unfortunately, what experience was an abusive relationship that now I can talk about this? Often my mind my harbor, and I think is very important, mostly for women's we are going through these kinds of things to talk about because there's a lot of shame, a lot of blame. Why me why this is happening, but that was 20 years ago. So now on I can now I can talk about this without feeling the pain. But that was the beginning of this journey where I am right now. So I knew in my heart is not gonna work and it was getting worse and worse and And then given this, if I hurt my intuition, I say, No, I had to leave. And I had Yeah.

Nicoa Coach: 10:06

Well, thank you for sharing that. That must have been really frightening. And I can imagine that, you know, you get yourself in a situation like that. How do I get out? May I ask, How did you escape from that? How did you have the strength to leave?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 10:22

Where how wasn't that relationship for almost three years and things were getting, you get caught up in that situation, unfortunately, you can't see the light when you are in the hole. And I lost my self esteem and all laws, all my dreams, my desires, the things I wanted to achieve as a women, and I believe angels, or the universe of divinity, whatever it is, was protecting me and I say it's time to leave. Because at that point, I don't know if I would be here today talking about this. A lie was telling me you had to leave it, this is not gonna work, and it can get worse. So I call my mom and say, I'm going home. And nobody of my family knew what was happening. And I was very ashamed to tell them a little bit while it was, but I was so so sad at the moment that is so hard for you to suppress and communicate what's happening to you lie, but I laugh and I say I never went back. I started therapy, and I say, I deserve better. gotta fix what is wrong on the margin journey starts at that moment. Yeah, 20 years ago,

Nicoa Coach: 11:34

that was a that was a pivotal time and a pivotal decision. Well, I'm really proud of you. What, what are you most proud of about that transition?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 12:47

Well, what is important, when you experience something like that, 20 years ago, I went to Colombia started therapy. And I thought things were getting better. But sometimes you had to go deep, deep inside you. Because when you are in this type of relationship, this is a repeated pattern, and you become engaging with somebody else just as a different person. But you know, fixing what is really inside of you. So I was involved in another relationship, not as bad a reward as he was being here in United States, I left England went back to Colombia, go hire for a company here in United States as a director for a Latino newspaper. So I was very excited. I say, Yes, I'm gonna make a I'm gonna do something different. So I was very excited on Start a new journey. And I thought things were going great. Unfortunately, things keep going in the same direction. Because you think sometimes because you move to places, things aren't gonna change, but the person that things has to change as you sell.

Nicoa Coach: 13:53

Yeah, I say, I call that the same circus, different tent.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 13:59

That's perfect. I wanted to find the right words. But it is amazing how how you can see yourself if I see myself back and say, Wow, but the interesting thing about all these journeys, I don't feel bad about the choices. Now I understood and made those choices, because I had to go through this experience, for whatever reason is, yeah, and I'm thankful for being able to overcome all those experience and see live different now. And anyways, things change in that when a normal relationship like that broke up, and that was 15 years ago. Instead of analyzing myself and thinking something is wrong, this has to be something different. That's where you go to the bottom of your line, you say, things has to get better, because this is not the life I want for myself.

Nicoa Coach: 14:56

You have to know what you want. And you have to start asking yourself the question, is this serving me? Is this enough? Is this good for me? So good for you that and I'm glad you mentioned therapy. I mean, immediately getting into therapy and having resources available, we'll make sure in the show notes to reference domestic abuse and resources for people if they're listening. So yeah, thank you for sharing that. And in realizing that it takes time to get to get into that space of self love and self care. How did you ultimately get to that space where you were feeling really good about yourself? What other things did you do?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 15:35

Well, I start I'm always been a reader I love to read and a lot of books about become a better person. So there's something I always like to read and kind of feel my field feeding my soul with different information. So when Finn broke out with the second person at that time and say, I gotta do some work on myself, and I realized all this was happening because it was the lack of That's love for myself self esteem. And I say I had to gain that back. And the only person that's going to do that is myself will self work and becoming aware was, well what are the things I need to change in my life? So I started reading a lot being asked to run different people, different environment until I say I'm gonna focus on myself and this first journey and my took almost two and a half years, what I was doing what I like to do become a tap dancer, I start writing more studying, reading more books, a join communities, and just focus on myself, because definitely what I was looking love outside myself. And the answer is no, they are the answer is in my heart. When I find the answer, I say, I will never be alone anymore. I will never feel defeated, or unhappy or lonely, because I had myself and if I conquer me, myself, I can call the rest of the world. Oh,

Nicoa Coach: 17:08

absolutely. Well, how beautiful and really finding fun things that you wanted to try and learn and tap dancing. Claudia, I had no idea you were a tap dancer.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 17:20

Yeah, we've been tap dancing for almost 10 years now because it was something I wanted to do. And when when you are these type of relationships, you just become you don't become your priority. Yeah, there's our priority. You let the other person to dictate how you live your life. And I say no, I'm gonna dictate myself how I want my life. And that's why I live, live by design. Because you You are the one design the life you want. So I say and start writing a lot. I like to write also. So I start writing, what type of relationship I want, what kind of men I want in my life, with all the descriptions. And it's funny enough, because I always dream with a man with gray hair and blue eyes. When I met Stanley, like 67 years ago, I knew that was the person I always wanted. I was dreaming, not just physically, but the kind of person that was loving and kind and compassionate. And are all ours think I will find a person but I had to do my work first.

Nicoa Coach: 18:29

Yes, you had to do your work was and you truly did find a gym. I mean, he is just a beautiful man. And we were all so very happy when we could see you two together. I knew. I think I remember meeting you for the first time you came to an oyster roast at our house. And you brought us the Latvia coffee. You brought a coffee, lativa coffee, lativa coffee. And so everyone was saying I'll do an intro later for our time together. So you would have already heard but I'm just so impressed with your entrepreneurial spirit, Claudia, not only did you go do this self work, but then used you are self made. I mean, you you got that degree, you made your own decisions. And then you started some businesses. Tell us some of those entrepreneurial endeavors, lativa coffee and what else?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 19:23

Okay. I always like to be my own boss. Some way somehow when I came to United States 20 years ago, I couldn't find a job. So I said, Well, I'm gonna start my own businesses. And I had a learn to be my own boss, because when I was younger, I always was working with my mom. And I like to manage my own time. So I create a coffee business at that time. The name was Latina coffee. Now we start the same business with a different name. Yeah, I was Bustamante coffee Bustamante. I saw that yeah, Bustamante coffee. And then I create a my own jewelry business because I like to design so I have my little studio at home. So I designed jewelry, using natural materials from seeds and nuts and set shells from Colombia. I have a degree also as a graphic designer. So creativity is always very important for me. And it's a place where I can be I can flow I can feel calm and creative and make beautiful things for other people.

Nicoa Coach: 20:30

And you have an Etsy shop to that will make sure in reference because I love seeing you in action. I'll sometimes be out in the community and I saw you the other day you were all set up and there were people buying and I'm like hey, Claudia, hey. Waving from behind at you really role modeled? What I love to call the American dream really at its best. So you came to America must have been tricky. I know that you have a celebratory story you're going to share with us in a minute but to Are we out? Was that was that hard to set up shop and do your own thing? And what what did it feel like to you weren't a citizen. So you come in on that I guess you were here on a travel visa? How did that work?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 21:17

It was very challenging. Because 20 years ago, I came here to work for a Latino newspaper, right? I came with a tourist visa. And when I decided not to work for them anymore, I was out of the status, I might say, that's the technical war. And I had to become my own boss, because had to generate income for myself and say, Well, I'm gonna do something because I had to eat and pay bills like everybody else. So start doing things that I like design. And coffee is always my passion, because I'm from Colombia. So for us, having a good cup of coffee is the most important thing every day, no matter what I say, Well, why not creating a coffee business? So I know the whole business inside and out? How to roast coffee, where to get the coffee beans, how to make a good cup of coffee, and start selling in farmer's markets and festivals and all this. And I believe, as a woman is always very important to reach higher. Sometimes we think, Oh, no, because I'm an immigrant. I don't have a legal status, I cannot make it and never feel, never feel in my life like I was less or more than anybody else. Nobody where I was, is how confident you are? Of course, it's a lot of challenges. Where when you are in a foreign country, and you are an immigrant is always that cannot be behind you mind you feel like a no enough. Yeah, sometimes. I'm sure I don't. Yeah, I'm not enough, I cannot achieve all the things I want, because my situation, but I always have hope. And I say I'm gonna make no matter how long it will take. And is it took me 20 years, still, three months ago, I became an American citizen, which I'm very proud of, because this is home for me. And I'll be here for 20 years, I love this country. This country gave me the most beautiful things in my life, which is my husband, a home. And now an opportunity to work with older women and other people to help them to create their own life or their own happiness, whatever it is,

Nicoa Coach: 23:37

I want, I definitely want us to dig deeper into the, to your coaching business, because you and I have that, that kindred spirit of helping others help themselves. But let's back up for a minute. I really want to hear more about the process of becoming a citizen. I don't think you know, and I share this because I'm a mother of six, three and three, right, John and I with the blended family. Sometimes I hear some of my kids who shall remain nameless. Talk about their frustrations with this country. And the political scene, you know, there's a lot of negativity bias to our society. And yet, when I went to have, it makes me emotional. When I saw your post, of your celebration of becoming a citizen, I was so proud of my country, and I was proud of you. And I really have a belief as a I mean, I'm not affiliated with one political party or another. But I know this country creates opportunity and privilege that maybe some of our younger generations don't really understand they take it for granted. Would you mind sharing what it really means to you to obtain that citizenship?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 24:51

Wow. To me, when, when I had the interview, to become an US citizen, I felt overwhelming that there was a lot of emotions going through my mind because I say, sometimes we give up hope because 20 years is a long time. It's almost half of my life. I'm 55 right now. So sometimes I was thinking is this worth it is this worth to try to wait this long, but I knew this is always felt like home for me. So I knew it was no desire in my mind to go back to Colombia, because I'm being away from my country for almost half of my life. And I create, create this life here. And I always hope I'm gonna make it here. I'm gonna stay here, but I'm gonna do it the best I can to achieve that. Of course, you have to be persistent. You have to believe it's possible for you, because it's not easy and there's no cheap when you are an immigrant in this country, and you came with no poor background, but we know enough money when I came to this country. I didn't have enough money. There were some times that I didn't even have money to put in I carry or I couldn't even drive because I didn't have a driver's license. And you feel like, wow, how hard is this? How hard is this every day and you have to remind yourself, now keep going keep doing it, because you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But that tunnel is so far away, or so many miles that sometimes you just want to throw the towel said, that's enough, I can do it anymore. But I always believe is something good and better waiting for you. And that's how it I am I don't know if it's part of my personality, I don't give up easy. And I'm very kinda challenged myself sometimes. Sometimes I do more than I should. And I'm trying to reflect sometimes on that that is enough. You don't have to do a lot. You don't have to work that hard. Right things will come back to you. So I'm trying to get some balance now after all these

Nicoa Coach: 27:03

striving. And the bumps along the road. Yeah. When is the process that you are waiting in line for this citizenship? Or do you have to be tested along the way? Like what is the ultimate set of knowledge that you have to have to become a US citizen, I don't think I would bet you money 99.9% Of the people listening to this right now have zero clue as to what it requires?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 27:31

Well, it requires money, first of all, to do the process time as well. Because for us when I apply to become a resident, because you have to go that little steps, you become a resident first. And then a permanent resident, and then you become a citizen, if you want the citizenship is optional. Normally, people you can become a resident and be resident for 10 years and renew it. But I wanted to do all the way. So that citizenship, I say no, if I'm doing it, I'm doing it all the way. And it took time also, because you have to, of course be in a relationship, which is legitimate, which is very important. Yeah. And do the things the right way. Because it's do it through the I mean, following the rules, or you know, that behind the scenes. And not that I'm criticizing everybody has to do what they have to do. And I respect that everybody can make their own choices. But for me morally, and ethically, I wanted to do the right thing, because I wanted to feel and doing the right thing. And not breaking any rules. And I'm doing I'm doing here because I want us to contribute to this country to one day. So it took five years to become an American citizen. But five years goes by and life goes by and five years later, you say yes, I made it. I'm here. And I'm not leaving, because I'm part of this country now. And they make you feel like that sense of like you belong to something. Even. I'm still a How am I dual citizenship. I'm American, but I'm Colombian as well. And I didn't want to give up that part of me, because that's who I am. And I want to always remain remind myself, that's important to remember where you come from? Oh, yeah.

Nicoa Coach: 29:25

How did your family support you in the process? Oh,

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 29:28

they were they were feeling very, very excited for me. I'm very proud. And they always knew I'm going to make here and I'm going to pass my citizenship test, which is the last part. It was very emotional to because you had to go and present yourself to front in front of somebody's on official and just make tests like about American history. And you have to study for this test. It's not like, oh, no, you just There you go. You have your citizenship. No, you fill out your applications, and you have an interview. And the interview takes about two hours. They ask you all about American history, all the way the government rules and the Constitution, that things that are important for this country. You have to make sure you know all that. And also, they go through all you background and make sure you are meeting what you're saying on your application. And after that, if you pass your test, well, they give you a certificate of naturalization.

Nicoa Coach: 30:34

Well, congratulations. I wonder if I could pass that test.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 30:41

For almost three months, every night when my husband Stanley, is about 100 questions and you have to remember that you had to understand how the the country works. Yeah, how the country was develop and create and where all the rules and what the history about and I started every night and I told my husband Stanley anger In the past, because you had to do the are 10 questions and you had to at least pass six of the 10 and pass all 10 correctly and pass all very well. This way.

Nicoa Coach: 31:17

You were ready and you are one of the strongest women. I know I've, I've enjoyed watching you. So let's, let's take a quick coffee break. And then when we get back, I want to talk about how you gained that those sets of values. And I bet I know. So and then we'll talk about your coaching work. Okay.

Unknown: 31:36

All right, perfect. We hope you're enjoying listening to this episode of Coffee with Nicola. Make sure to subscribe so that you never miss an episode and follow Coffee with Nicoa on Instagram to find inspiring content that will help you begin creating your life by design.

Nicoa Coach: 31:52

Okay, so we're back. Claudia, one of the things that stood out for me when I was at your wedding was how much your family celebrated you loved you surrounded you. Your mom in particular, I mean, she was clearly a significant part of that ceremony and had traveled to be your rock during that experience. Is she your role model? Is she who has given you this, this ability to be such a resilient, beautiful woman?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 32:28

Absolutely, absolutely. My mom is my rock is my everything. And it is my inspiration as well, because my mom is a psychologist, and she always helping people as well through their journeys. And holy say to my mom, when I'm older, when I become an older person, and I grew up, I want to be like you still want to be like her because she's 75 she's retired, but she still seems patient, she also a coach, and I just admire her journey as well. And I say, Well, if I can be a leader be like her, I will be very happy.

Nicoa Coach: 33:06

Oh, well, I could tell that she was a significant influence. And, and I would be curious what types of you know, when we talk about lives by design, we often have stories in our heads, right? So, you know, I'm always saying observe yourself and what you think and say to yourself, what are some of the things that you gleaned from your mother's advice and wisdom and raising you that you hear yourself repeating to yourself to keep you going, and to keep you keep your self esteem up?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 33:37

Well, my mom always, kinda support us and encouraged us to do what we love. That's something very, very important. And I remind myself that every day because when we are doing what we love, abundance will come. And abundance is everything, relationship, money, opportunities, success, friendship, everything will change. Because sometimes we had to do things that we don't like, a survival skill or whatever. But if our hearts are not in there, we are not happy. And we know we are not happy is hard, it will be hard to feel like you are accomplished something in life. And if I see my mom, she had a very interesting journey as well as a woman. She has to overcome a lot of challenges for herself. But she became a psychologist when she was 53 years old. Almost are my age. Oh, really? Wow. Yeah, we were 433 Brothers and I my dad was kind of a no wanted to say disable. He was blind. But he was the he depends a lot from my mom. Sure, sickly and emotional. So she was carry all the emotional support for him. And for me and my brother. So she has to survive sometimes to this difficult situation and being she was married when she was 16. She was very young. And she fell in love with my father. And my father was an English professor leaving United States very intelligent and hands on. And she was just very attracted to this man, which who was also a wonderful person and a wonderful father. He did the best he could, but she has her own challenge. And when she become a psychologist or 53, I say, wow, my mind can do that. This at 53 I can do anything doesn't matter what age you are, where are you? Which background if you had money or now there's no limitation for you to achieve what you want. Wow,

Nicoa Coach: 35:53

what a story that's very interesting. So your father he became blind in his adulthood or?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 36:01

No he could he became blind when he He was three years old. Oh, meningitis? Yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 36:08

what was that like living with a father with a disability. And that must have been very interesting.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 36:15

It's very interesting that actually I wrote a short story about how I see myself being a daughter of a father, who can see you. So let's say through the eyes of his soul, because he never was able to see me and the perception, I always wanted to know, I must say, my relationship with him was very hard, because I became from a Catholic background, Latino background. So the way he was his mentality was very rigid. He was not open minded, my mom, being myself being just the only daughter, he was a little bit higher with me, more rigid, more restricted, I wasn't enough, my brothers were always the best ones, or the soccer player. So I never had that emotional support with my father the way I wanted. And now I understand every single thing happened for a reason. And that's how, when you have a relationship, and you are the whole, how we find that person, we trying to fill those gaps, or holes that you never have in you lie. So that's very interesting, because now I comprehend all the that my relationship with my father is the reflection of my previous relationships, absolutely filled that gap. And then emotional support I didn't have trying to find find that control figure, and being in charge of my life. So that's a reflection that my relationship, but anyways, that's part of the past, I did a beautiful connection with my dad at the last three years of his life, because I have a lot of resentfulness against him, why he did what he did not. And I say, You know what, I had to make peace, because no matter what it is, or how was he is my father, and I had to honor him, forgive me live. And this made me emotional sometimes.

Nicoa Coach: 38:14

Yeah, naturally, I think you're right, that there is value in all, and we don't see it when we're in it. And, and we don't understand it until we reflect on it. And it sounds like you were able to bring some peace to yourself in those final years. With him. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. And, you know, our parents are such significant influences on us. And I feel like we choose them if we can live in an assumption that we chose them to show up for us the way they did, even if it was extreme, or uncomfortable or inappropriate, or whatever it is, we somehow chose them our souls chose that journey. And now you've been able to not only translate that for your own healing, but let's talk about how you're translating that for the women in your world. And you're a coach. Now you've started Claudia newton.com. Is that right? Is that the website? Yeah, you want to tell us a little bit about how you started that and why.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 39:20

So my journey started as a coach, because when I was 50 years old, I started feeling that desire, like, Okay, I'm being challenged, or being challenged myself through this journey in relationships, understand now more worries to become more aware of having a relationship and build your relationship. When I was a design in my relationship, this type relationship, I want to say, Okay, now I learned how to do and know how to be with somebody who loves their selves to which is Stanley, a, he's a person who also do his own homework, about his personal life. So you feel like you are in a relationship where everybody's in more balance and in tune.

Nicoa Coach: 40:16

Conscious relationships when you conscious relationship. Yeah, conscious coupling. It's a beautiful thing. And I can tell that the two of you do that very well.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 40:24

Thank you. So when I star about when I was 15 years old, I say, Oh, I wanted to become a coach. I wanted to become a coach because I want to help other women's to overcome all their challenges, as well. Mostly in the Latino community because I start when I have friends very close friends, they always call me for personal advice, mostly in relationship because they were seeing myself to pass all the struggles and those experience and they say, Oh, this lie when you talk to me because it makes me feel good. And you always give me good advice and I feel good After that, yeah, so I said, Well, why why not? Why not start something? I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I just wanted to help others. So I start creating my social media accounts, my Instagram, my favorite Facebook. At the beginning, I start talking about just love, what loves means what is love. And to me Love is everything. Love is the most beautiful representation on this war. And God, love to be God divinity in universe, but that to me, God, a God and love is everything. So I say, Well, I'm gonna start out talking about love. And then eventually, through the last three years, became a more aware of know, I need to talk more and more about what I have been through because the people start coming to me, there were women who were in abusive relationship, they were having a lot of struggles trying to understand what is happening in their life. And through my meditation, I tried to become more a spiritual person I meditate I read, I tried to coordinate with all women's are are doing also spirit to work. So and through all my meditations and all my readings and things like that, which are like to have that kinda like part of me that I don't share much, but I believe in angels, and I believe in, in readings and all those things and all this information you can challenge

Nicoa Coach: 42:40

me to. Yeah. So

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 42:43

always on my readings are now my meditation, they were telling me you need to talk about abusive relationships. And I didn't want to do it, because it was very shame for me. No, no, my family knew what was happening was just on this is just opening for the last my say two years.

Nicoa Coach: 43:00

Oh, so you had not shared with your family about the extreme extent of that, Oh, wow.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 43:06

They knew I was getting divorced, because the things were not working. But I never let anybody knows what happening. Because I was ashamed. And I didn't want to talk about it, because it was hard for me. So I say to myself, if I'm gonna start coaching women and helping women, I need to do it, do it from my own experience, because that's where the transformation is gonna start. And as soon as I decided to talk and open it up a little bit more slowly, but surely, every day more and more and more, I start healing myself, I started feeling more comfortable, I can talk about this. And I didn't want to just be dramatic, because there's no need for that. But I just want for women to connect with the story and say, Listen, you know, the only one out there, there's so many, many women's out there, we are living through this situation. But if we don't talk about this, we can prevent a lot of things that are happening right now. So I feel like this is my mission, I need to talk about this. So I started talking. And I was afraid because I say I don't know what is happening. Because when you're in social media, you are pushing yourself to so many people. And then my measures start changing the women's and they the people who start talking to me what more interesting, and now, this is become my like, I wanted to honor my story. How other women's do that. So that's what I am right now.

Nicoa Coach: 44:39

Beautiful, but I think it took me a long time to learn that as a coach that it wasn't coaching doesn't have to be pure questioning and creating a safe space for others to just uncover their own answers. Sometimes they can't access their own answers until they feel connected to you as a coach and your own self awareness around your your learning. So vulnerability and authenticity has become a really key differentiator for me as well. And I found my clients transformed faster. When I would say, oh, yeah, you know, I, you know, I had an issue in a relationship similar to this or I too, sometimes himself disparaging about my body, or they finally felt like I wasn't on a pedestal of some sort of, oh, she's the coach and she knows everything. And now they're because then they would say, Oh, I'm so embarrassed to tell you. I'm like what, no, no, no. So I'd say I've done that. They connect so it sounds like you've done and in your case, what a sensitive topic to so they've, for them to be able to open up to you and come to you. I bet people are referring people to you now.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 45:53

Yes. And the thing is when they feel comfortable talking to you about this and they feel like it's it's okay you can talk we can talk because I know how it is, I know how it feels, I'm being there, I know how to get out from the situation. So my purpose is trying to help them to see that light at the end of the tunnel, because at the moment they are in that tunnel, they are in that hole. And when you are in that situation, you are desperate for hope, yeah, help, that sometimes is so far away. So you cannot raise your hands and somebody might give you the hand and then somebody might not you feel completely lonely in this situation. And it is just beautiful. It's just beautiful to understand that is a reason for everything. And I believe when I decided and when I was 55 years ago, to become a my say no more, no more than a coach, I must say, I'm a self love mentor. Because I believe I'm helping through my story through my life to my spirits. So I want to the women to feel inspired by my by who I am. And who they can become if they want to, and are always asked then only is going to happen the transformation if you willing to do your work. Because no matter how much I want to help you or tell you what is the best. This is your own journey, and your journey is different than mine.

Nicoa Coach: 47:26

That's right. And willingness is key. How willing are you to try a different way to get what you want? Right? If you're not getting what you want? Are you willing? So do you have any examples without using names, obviously, but do you have any like stories to share where you were able to help someone really input that effort and make a change in their life.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 47:49

I do have a program it calls is like shore program is a week's program. It calls women shine your light. And it's a group program. So we're women came together mostly Latino women or Spanish speakers, they came to the join the program for eight weeks. And what we do is we take them through the like journey like I did for a weeks. So we start working on self love. I set the new cell, forgiving yourself, do all the work inside. And then after that make like a plan for what they wanted to achieve in their life. Sometimes it can be become a better and better person in the relationship, or just end up the relationship. Most of the time, that's what happened because they usually are in abusive relationship. And some of them are just leaving the relationship and they don't want to come back because they realize that's not a good place for them. So the women's I was able to help. They either are more aware of self love, and they need to do their own work. And they willing to do the change. But I just help them through the process to where they just have to make the decision and continue their own journey because it's a short program. So a weeks is good time. But it's not enough to see all the transformation. But I can see the lights are different by the testimonies and calling me and say hey, because relationship abusive relationship is not always only personal relationship that is 10. To working in our right to relationship with your parents, where you kids, with anybody's around you, if you're in an abusive relationship, mostly you're going to have an abusive environment and you work in those get paid. Well, you were over time, because you are attracted to that kind of energy. Yeah, they extend and so many of my, the women I was able to help they change jobs, they find a job, whether we're paying them more because they feel they deserve more. So it's self love is extended to all the areas of your life, not just personal relationships. So that was very important for me to understand, because when I was working here on the Latino newspaper, I was working in an in an abusive environment. So that made sense completely. So I understand Hold on. This is very interesting because I am I was an abusive relationship personally. So I became to move to another country to work for another for a new company. And interesting enough, it was abusive from the point that I was working over time. I was good wasn't getting paid enough. There were a payment under the table. All those things are no good enough because was why because you don't feel you this enough?

Nicoa Coach: 51:06

That's right. That's amazing. You know, we interviewed Nicole Lewis Kieber, who talked about trauma informed this your your relationship with your business. It could be trauma informed. And and it's exactly what your point is. That that is fascinating when we begin to look around at the themes that we have allowed based on our past, how do you help your clients step into a space where they, they're working on the self love? But then how do they practice setting those boundaries? Learning that, you know, no, is a complete sentence, right? Learning how to push back and say, No, I have to leave or No, you need to pay me more or no, I'm not going to allow for that in my relationship. How do they practice?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 51:52

Well, I gave them tools like learn how to say no, they learn how to make boundaries, even in your relationship, when you are with somebody and the person wants for you to do what you don't want to even exist in intimacy, or personal things or Bailey things like you don't want to, you have to say no, I don't want to I want to stay home I read, or I don't want to do what you want me to do. So it's just women to become aware of that. become confident, and have the respect themselves and be able to say no, when is necessary. But they gain that confidence. Slowly is a long process. It's a practice. Yeah, practice. It's a daily practice. And I say to them, also, I teach them simple things like you become you priority. What are you going to do today, to love yourself more? How much time during the day you give it to yourself, buy yourself flowers, buy an ice cream, go or buy you a nice dress, see A Ri and don't do nothing, do not cook tonight, because you deserve rest, you deserve a break. So those are simple exercise, and also through affirmations and affirmations like the survey, I'm loving, happy. And warfare things like it's just change the mentality. And it's hard to switch that because a lot of all beliefs and we believe we don't deserve things and no you do. We do this. Yeah. Horses we do. That's possible.

Nicoa Coach: 53:34

I think we're, as I said before, in an interview, I actually did an interview early this morning, and we talked about how you're really born. knowing you're enough a child cries when it needs attention. It doesn't ask permission. Excuse me hungry, excuse me, change my diaper, excuse me, pick me up. So that child knows that they are worthy of that attention, and that love and society and our relationships that we signed up for the journey. You know, you're supposed to forget, you're supposed to have trauma, you're supposed to have circumstances that cause you to second guess yourself. And then with evolution and conscious awareness, you can begin to say how does what I've learned now that I'm an adult? How is what I have learned serving me? And if it's not serving me, can I try a different way? And that's where those great practices that you've just outlined come into play. Yeah, well, what are what are your personal practices to keep you feeling fabulous and feeling like you're enough and deserving of your life and the love that you receive?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 54:44

Okay, well, first of all, I always meditate before I go to bed. It's like okay nation, just just my my time by myself and daily practice are always read, I get up in the morning, have my coffee, and I have 30 minutes for reading. And I like to read books, different kinds of books and different kinds of information. That's very important for me reading the morning, meditate in the afternoon. I tried to do what I love, which is tap dancing. I do that once a week on Mondays no matter what that's important for me as well. And May time also for do trainings with other people and other coaches learn about different topics, how become a better person, different topics about different aspects not necessarily like personal development, also digital war marketing, a little bit of everything because I think is important as well. And I have my own I must say my own coaches as well spiritual coaches that helped me and support because sometimes you have to raise my hand and say, I don't feel well this is this is hard for me how I can overcome because we always evolving I mean we are human beings. We can no say Oh, I'm a perfect person now. No, every there's our challenge. And there's always something inside of yourself, you have to work on it. And the more you transform your life, the more things you have to work on it. It's like

Nicoa Coach: 56:19

an expansion, right? Yeah, actually, I love that you have a coach. Because I always say, when people hire a coach, I said, Please don't hire a coach that doesn't have a coach or hasn't had a coach. Because they are continuously evolving as well. Well, was speaking of all the what's going on in your world, I want to, I mean, we could talk all afternoon, as I always feel like with every one of these interviews, but I want to honor your time. So tell us what you're working on. Now. Is there anything you want to share with with everybody, and any words of wisdom before we wrap up?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 56:55

Okay, what I'm working on right now, I'm very excited. I'm just gonna start writing my first book. Hopefully, the book is going to be released this year. It's something I wanted to do for a long, long, long time, taking a training to become a writer, but I always write since I was very young, and have a degree in Communication and Journalism. So writing for me is part of what I like also. So I'm writing my first book, and hopefully, by October, November, I'm not sure it can be released. My dream is, I want for this book to talk about abusive relationship, and a lot of self love, and how, as a women, we can overcome all these challenges, and life can be better. And I also want my book to be in English. That's my dream, not just in Spanish. I see my book in Amazon and so many places will be in different language, I hope because women all around the world needs need help as well. And I hope I can be an inspiration. And just continue doing my work with my social media, we my trainings, I had this a program for a, a week's women shine new light. We're gonna start it again in July or August. Okay, they're the third time I'm just the third generation, I must say that first generation second one and now a third generation. And I usually do master classes or workshops, every two or three months. about self love and relationship. I want to make one about conscious relationship. What do you do about how you build a conscious relationship? become the person you want it to be? I mean, become the capo you wanted to have you become yourself or?

Nicoa Coach: 58:51

Oh, I love that. Oh, I'm gonna take that advice for sure. Yes. Well, So Ken, what are your website? Your website is Claudia newton.com. Is there I don't

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 59:01

have a website yet. Oh, okay. Instagram, which is closed. cloudier II Nutone. Okay. Yes, because I don't have the website here because I changed my brand. And now it's only Claudia in YouTube before it was evolved. cloudian youth? That's right, though. The unmute. Okay, perfect. Hi, my website, and wisdom wars, I must say, love yourself, like you want to love others. That's to me the most important things. Remember to make yourself a priority every day, no matter what

Nicoa Coach: 59:42

are those are perfect words of wisdom to end with. And Claudia, the biggest title that I can take away from this, you already said it, you are a self love mentor. And I think that's beautiful. And you are a self love coach. You are a self love role model. I cannot wait to air this episode. Such an important topic. It's going to not only affect those, you've already been coaching, but hopefully everyone listening will share this with someone they know that may need this support and advice. And I'll be sending people your way. Do you? I do have a quick question. Do you only do your current groups in Spanish or do you also offer them in English?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 1:00:26

And the moment in Spanish but okay, maybe eventually I can jump a little bit in English, I hope. But for right now I feel more comfortable in Spanish because there's so many things we wanted to talk and there's there's some limitations on times for me in English, even if I feel like I speak very well English, that I feel more comfortable at the moment with Spanish,

Nicoa Coach: 1:00:50

of course. And I think that when your book comes out, we'll do it and you'll definitely have it at least in two languages who will share that with the English speaking community but you have a niche and it is that Spanish speaking community and those women and they We are very fortunate to have you. And I feel very fortunate to be on your journey. Thank you for sharing your life story with us. Yeah, did I forget to ask anything else? Or is there anything else you'd like to share?

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 1:01:16

Now, Nicole, I just wanna say thank you for the opportunity. And thank you for letting me be here today. To me. It's an honor also, to be able to share my story and to share that we all can achieve what we want in life and never stopped dreaming never stopped believing is happiness and is always something good waiting for you. And they're

Nicoa Coach: 1:01:38

absolutely thank you, my friend. Love you.

CLAUDIA NEWTON: 1:01:41

Thank you Nicoa. Love you. I love you. Bye.

Unknown: 1:01:47

Thanks for joining us for a caffeinated conversation. Subscribe to Coffee with Nicoa for more stories from people living a life by design. You can also find inspiration on Instagram. Just follow Coffee with Nicoa and check out our website Coffee with nicoa.com and that's Nicoa N IC O A. We look forward to talking with you soon. And enjoy your coffee between now and then. Way