COFFEE WITH NICOA: Creating A LIFE BY DESIGN.

S1 Ep 4: Jodi Vilcans

March 15, 2023 NICOA DUNNE CORNELIUS Season 1 Episode 4
S1 Ep 4: Jodi Vilcans
COFFEE WITH NICOA: Creating A LIFE BY DESIGN.
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COFFEE WITH NICOA: Creating A LIFE BY DESIGN.
S1 Ep 4: Jodi Vilcans
Mar 15, 2023 Season 1 Episode 4
NICOA DUNNE CORNELIUS

Let me know what you think of this episode by sending me a FAN MAIL message!

Nicoa chats with her coaching client and former employee Jodi Vilcans in this episode of Coffee with Nicoa. Jodi reached out to Nicoa when she was over functioning, burning out and ready to create a new way of Being in her life! She and Nicoa reflect on how she created her new  Life by Design AND grow her business, Allegiant HR Consulting. They talk about on-ramping after staying home with kids, finding new ways to  decrease the chaos of life as a working mom and the practices of creating more calm in her life now. Listen in!

Buy your copy of YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN: A Coffee With Nicoa Self-Care Coaching Journal
on Amazon today! 

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Follow COFFEE WITH NICOA on Instagram @CoffeeWithNicoa for archived episodes & to see more of Nicoa's Life By Design! And now on TikTok @NicoaCoach


Want to have Coffee With Nicoa as a podcast guest? Or, do you know someone she'd love to have a caffeinated chat with? Or maybe a great ESPRESSO SHOT idea? Message her directly at Nicoa@CoffeeWithNicoa.com

Interested in coaching with Nicoa? Check out her coaching referral page here.
Interested in taking one of Nicoa's e-courses? Check them out here.

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Show Notes Transcript

Let me know what you think of this episode by sending me a FAN MAIL message!

Nicoa chats with her coaching client and former employee Jodi Vilcans in this episode of Coffee with Nicoa. Jodi reached out to Nicoa when she was over functioning, burning out and ready to create a new way of Being in her life! She and Nicoa reflect on how she created her new  Life by Design AND grow her business, Allegiant HR Consulting. They talk about on-ramping after staying home with kids, finding new ways to  decrease the chaos of life as a working mom and the practices of creating more calm in her life now. Listen in!

Buy your copy of YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN: A Coffee With Nicoa Self-Care Coaching Journal
on Amazon today! 

Support the Show.

Follow COFFEE WITH NICOA on Instagram @CoffeeWithNicoa for archived episodes & to see more of Nicoa's Life By Design! And now on TikTok @NicoaCoach


Want to have Coffee With Nicoa as a podcast guest? Or, do you know someone she'd love to have a caffeinated chat with? Or maybe a great ESPRESSO SHOT idea? Message her directly at Nicoa@CoffeeWithNicoa.com

Interested in coaching with Nicoa? Check out her coaching referral page here.
Interested in taking one of Nicoa's e-courses? Check them out here.

***BUY NICOA A COFFEE
**COFFEE WITH NICOA MERCHANDISE SHOP
*SHOP NICOA'S COFFEE WITH NICOA AMAZON SHOP

|| Coffee With Nicoa Copyright 2023 ||

Nicoa Coach:

I am so excited to be talking with Jody Wilkins today. She is the founder of Allegiant HR consulting. She founded it back in 2019. Her focus is to provide principled HR support to small businesses with limited or no HR function. So she used to actually be an employee of mine when I was in the corporate world as an HR Exec. And she was one of our outstanding employees who, over the years after growing her HR career decided to create a life by design and jump out onto her own. And she has successfully been doing that now, for the past three or four years, the approach she uses with each client centers around partnership to achieve success. And one of the things that we love most about Jody is that she also gets resources and partners in her own life to help her with her success. And I happened to be the proud partner of her as an executive coach. And she leveraged me over the past few years to help her grow her business, which she has done so. So please join me to listen to this beautiful podcast interview with Jodi Vulcans. Jodi, I love that you just said I am so professional. Because I mean, what you're my second third interview. So if I'm already looking professional, this is this is phenomenal. It was gonna be fine. You should I should have waited, I should have waited till right. Hey, thank you for joining me. So I hopefully have done a little pre intro for everybody. But Jody Wilkins, you are one of my favorite clients. And yes, sometimes I do say that to other clients, but you really are one of my favorite clients. So I am excited to share with our audience, your life by design. And everybody's lives by design are unique and different. And what I like about yours is that you had a similar, I'm going down this path. It's working, I'm doing it and living the traditional life and then wait a minute, I think I might want to do something different. And I love for you to talk today about how you went from there to where you are today. And at the same time, because you and I have worked together and a couple of aspects right what when did we first know each other? Was that that was my self care.

Jodi Vilcans:

My sense yeah, 2000 What? Extra seven for such

Nicoa Coach:

a long time when we were right. So I was the HR leader, you are a rockstar on my team. We can't say Rockstar anymore. I saw that on the on the Superbowl ad. Did you see that ad they're like quit call all the real rock stars. Were on the Superbowl ad talking about stop calling your people rock stars

Jodi Vilcans:

hairbands guy,

Nicoa Coach:

Ozzy Osbourne, and I don't even know it was so it was funny. Anyway, so then we I left. So I did my big quit from the corporate world from all scripts at the time, and then went out on my own to be a coach and consultant. Why don't you tell us about how you ultimately did that. And then how we ended up coaching together? Because I almost forgot to say that you're one of my coaching clients.

Jodi Vilcans:

Yeah. So I was at my sis, gosh, only a couple years and, and I had my first child and then left the workforce to raise my cash. Right? So that's how I exited. Yeah. And so I was out of the workforce for about 10 years. And, you know, as my kids were getting older, you know, my husband's, like, you know, go back to work now. And I thought, well, I guess I could, but But I started thinking, how are all my skills relevant? Who's gonna want to hire me? And that kind of goes back to, you know, some of the challenges that I had with this thinking of I was always less than I didn't have it together like someone else, always comparing myself and so I decided to start my own business. I mean, would you want to do this?

Nicoa Coach:

Well, I love that because what you're talking about is a very common process of what we refer to as on ramping. So women who off ramp to go and raise their families or men, you know, when they off ramp and take that time out. It is definitely naturally overwhelming to think well, how do I get back on you know, via the on ramp again, I and we did talk I remember we had that conversation? Right when you were starting out? Yeah, so why not just go back into the corporate world or apply? You started your own business. How did you get to that decision?

Jodi Vilcans:

Yeah, have? You know, that's a good question? I'm not 100% sure how I finally made the decision. But I know I had a lot of feelings. Like, you know, I used to do that, right? in HR, I used to screen resumes, and, you know, see if people were appropriate for the business. And so I'm like, I know what they're looking for. I know, they're gonna see this huge gap and say, How relevant are her skills? She knows HR laws. And so I thought, You know what, I'm just gonna do it myself. And so I just decided I was going to start my own consulting business. And it's scary, because, you know, there's no handbook out there that says, here's how you start a consulting business. I'm human resources, there's nothing else. Right? Right. Like, how do you price your services? What services do you offer? So it was a huge learning curve, but I did it. And it was one of the best professional decisions I ever made.

Nicoa Coach:

And the name of your businesses, Allegiant HR consulting, right, so people can check that out. What I love for you to share is the dialogue you were having with yourself during that process. Because one of the things that you know, in the coaching work that I do is that becoming the observer of yourself, helps helps you help yourself overcome that fear, uncertainty and doubt. So, how long were you observing yourself? What was that dialogue? Like before you actually asked for some support from a coaching perspective?

Jodi Vilcans:

Oh, boy, I think I was in my business for about a year and a half. And, you know, it was pretty consistent for me to feel less than, like everyone else had it all figured out. I was the only one that, you know, wasn't invited to the party. I didn't know. You know, it took me some time and working with you to realize not everyone has it figured out. And many, most of the time, people are just kind of like figuring it out as they go. And that's okay. And so I think when I reached out to you, I was overwhelmed and feeling like I was failing at everything that I was doing. My mind with, like, it was like a jumbled mess. And I think I might have used those words. But that's no lie. That's how my mind was like, I felt like it was just everything was rattling around up there. And I was just doing,

Nicoa Coach:

what did that how did that show up in your day to day, I remember, we talked a lot about your way of being so the coaching work is not just about what to do differently, or, or how to do things, but it's more about what is my current way of being and how does it feel to be me? So yeah, let's compare how did it feel to be used then, compared to now.

Jodi Vilcans:

So then, I wasn't thinking about me, or how I was dealing with something, I was just thinking about this something. And it kept piling up. And it was like a weight on my shoulders. And I am naturally a worrier. And so I would worry about everything, I would worry about things that happened, I would worry about things that I think might happen in a week, or in a month, I would worry about everything. And after working with you, I mean, we work together for a year, right? And, you know, I've learned that I'm more aware of how I'm responding to things. And so here's an example. So, interactions with people in relationships with people, it's very important to me, like I really care about my relationship. And if I have an interaction with someone, and I feel like it might have hurt the relationship that will fit with me, like just naturally, whether something I said or did or whether it hurt the relationship or not, I feel like it does. So that will sit with me for like days, and I would go to bed wake up the next morning, and immediately it would be like a weight on my chest. And I would immediately start

Nicoa Coach:

eating, really holding and donating. Absolutely,

Jodi Vilcans:

yes. And working with you. It helped me be aware of that. And so when I start to have those feelings, you know, one of the things that you would always say to me is what do you mean that mean? And you know, sit in those feelings for a minute, you know, and that and so I do that. And you know, I recognize, you know, I'm going to feel like this today, and that's okay, because tomorrow is gonna be better. And so then I'm gonna move it to the side. I still kind of have those feelings, but I move it to the side. I don't think about it and I get on with my day. And the best thing about all of that is when I wake up the next day, I still might have that weight on me. But now immediately I say, you know a really great day. I am gonna get so much done today. I know I'm gonna move these projects forward today. And I immediately make that change. And it changes everything and like, like my eyes aren't even open that morning and my mind is out. doing that. So that is you're

Nicoa Coach:

talking about conscious choice, right? So you know where the mind goes, energy flows. So if you are focused in on what you're worrying about, which I always say worrying is just like wishing, you know, you could put some energy towards it. So if you worry, it's just like wishing because it can come through the worry, because you're manifesting it. So why don't we turn that into a wish. And if you have to compartmentalize for a moment, until to redirect your focus, then you can avoid putting too much energy towards what you fear. And you can put more energy towards what you want, and what you wish for, right, the real wishes. So yeah, I love that I remember talking about you waking up in the mornings. And that's a really critical time because people typically are still where they were when they went back to sleep emotionally, and what's on their mind. So that's a really great practice. I'm glad you brought up. I like talking about luxuriating in the bed before you wake. Up to Yes, she's loved this pillow. What a great night's sleep. Even if you woke up at three, even if you didn't sleep fully start rewiring the brain to expect to feel good. You know, I sell Brene Brown this week of somebody's real or Tiktok? Or maybe she posted it herself? And she said Don't look for it. All right, that was cool. So the podcast went out and then came back on. So we're back on now. So yeah, real this week about Brene. Brown talking about. If you look for it, you will find it. So if you're looking for reasons to worry about what somebody thinks of you, you're gonna find it. If you're you know where the mind goes, right? You are literally if you're looking for reasons somebody doesn't love you, or reason why you couldn't be good enough in your business, you will find those reasons. So why are we not spending our time looking for the reasons that I will be successful that I am loved, that I am fortunate that I am grateful? You know, you're doing an excellent job of it, by the way, and I just love the process that we went through together? Why don't you share a little bit more about that way of being I want to help people who might want to change their lives and go from being a stay at home mom to being back into the workplace in some form or fashion? What What tips would you share about your own practice in doing that in a way that didn't derail parenting? Or derail your lifestyle at home that you've grown accustomed to?

Jodi Vilcans:

Yeah, you know, I think it's different for everyone. You have to kind of like, try it on and see what fits. And, you know, for me, it was I'm naturally optimistic. And so I think it's easier for me when I do go down that rabbit hole. Like, again, it's that awareness, recognize that what I'm doing and pull myself back to it, but also, you know, what it can happen? You know, it feels like, you know, if I'm gonna play the lottery, am I really going to win a million dollars? Probably not, you know, kind of that like line of thinking. But think of it like, you know what, yeah, it can't happen, it will happen. You know, and just keep telling yourself that and something that you said to me, and I do say this a lot, and I think of it a lot. Sometimes if you if you don't believe it, or you don't think about it, you don't think it can happen. Sometimes you have to lie, steal and cheat your way to get to what you want. And yeah, a lot of yourself. You know, you might think this is never gonna happen. But don't say that. Yeah, it's gonna Yeah, totally gonna happen. Yeah, I can see, well, I

Nicoa Coach:

think people get hung up on the fact that well, that's just a lie. I'm like, yeah, it's a lie. Because what you're currently believing isn't serving you. It's making you anxious, upset, worried, overwhelmed, whatever the emotion. So what thought would make you feel better? Well, the thought that I believed it would work. And then what tends to happen with someone who is stuck in their ISness, right, is it they say? Yes, but Nicole, it's not working? Well, the good news is, is that when you move towards what could be what's possible, and that's exactly what you were doing. You're like, you mean, Nicola, I remember this example. You were like, You mean, I could take a minute before putting the laptop down and jumping in the car to go pick up the kids. Tell the story about what it was like before. You remember getting you would not pause you?

Jodi Vilcans:

Well, it was it's more than that to I would feel like there is this cape hanging over me. There's this thing hanging over me because I had this thing I had to do in the afternoon. I had to stop what I had to do go get that gets in. So it felt like I wasn't free. I had this thing that was preventing me from doing anything. And you were like, go sit on your couch, sit on your couch, close your eyes, put your hand on your chest. Now breathe. me do that. And honestly, I mean, I know it's funny to think about, but I don't have that feeling anymore. I just I don't have that feeling. And if I could, if I could recommend anything to anyone, if talk to you talk to you, Nicola. And try it. I mean, what do they have to lose? Right? It might be a lie that they're telling themselves, it's not hurting anyone else, right? It's not hurting them. But I can say for a fact that so many things in my life have changed. Because I've changed the way I look at it. And even if the situation doesn't change, the way I change, if I change the way I look at it, it's changed to me, it doesn't bother me, it's not having a negative impact. It's just something that is and that

Nicoa Coach:

your life has changed. And, you know, I can totally relate to what you were saying about the it, you're carrying the three o'clock obligation of picking up the kids, all day long, naturally, you're going to be exhausted, if you're constantly thinking about everything on your to do list all the time. And when I used to be in the corporate world, and traveled and you may recall, I was traveling all over the world, you know, India, China, Russia, Finland, and my entire weekend would be ruined if I was flying out on a Sunday afternoon. And I can remember waking up in the morning with my ex husband. And I'm sure this wasn't the only reason why we ultimately got forced. But I could remember him saying, Hey, good morning, why don't we go to the flea market this morning? Maybe it'd be 910 o'clock? And I think, no, I have to pack and he's like, put your flights not until five. And I'm like, I have to get ready for my trip. I would lose the whole day. It was awful. And I regret that I regret it. But I could not set it down. And I was desperate. To control my life, I felt out of control. And I think that's part A big part of it, that people feel out of control. And they think that if they try to hold everything that they're actually in control, but they're simply not, they're diffusing their energy, and they can't function and get the lifestyle that they want. So, so let's go to that word, lifestyle. What's different about your lifestyle with your children and your husband today? Compared to that lifestyle before? Because you have a unique? Can you share your unique family dynamic right now? Well, your husband's in that startup?

Jodi Vilcans:

Yeah, so about a year and a half ago, Clinton took a job in Charlotte. And so we bought a townhome over there townhouse over there. So he lives in Charlotte, Monday through Friday, and is only home on the weekends. And, and so then it's up to me to do everything with the kids in the house, and at that point the dogs and build my business. And, and you know, you talked about control earlier. And the more I tried to control everything, and make it how I thought it was supposed to be more stressed that I felt the more guilt that I felt that I wasn't doing what I should in all of those areas. And after working with you, you know, it helped me to kind of let go of it. And there are things that, you know, something's gonna happen. And you know what, it's just gonna happen, right? As long as no one's hurt or injured. Right, we're good. And so, you know, we're making it work and, and I want to make it clear that I still have, you know, big challenges come up. You know, we have things happen in the family, I still have feelings about things, my life isn't all sunshine and roses, but how I look at it, and process it is completely different. And so I feel more in control, I feel less stress. I feel like, you know, things are getting better. And, you know, my kids, you know, at one point were really challenging. And you and I worked a lot on, you know how to respond to things, how to respond to them. And you know, that whole dynamic has changed. It's a lot calmer. They don't fight oh, hang out now each other I mean, so

Nicoa Coach:

I love that. Yeah, what I'd love for you to share too is kind of the cost benefit shift. So the cost of the old way of being maybe give the example of when you would go pick up the kids from school and in the car. Like that was always like fighting right and then the benefit now you just described, maybe do a compare and contrast. done that. Yeah.

Jodi Vilcans:

So, so before, you know, the kids would get in the car, and they would immediately start fighting. And then of course me, you know, feeling like I'm stressed, I gotta get home because I got a meeting at 430 and stop fighting. And you know, it would just be tension in the car. And you know you I mean, we talked about this so many times, you're like, Well, what if you pull the car over and turn around and say, Okay, what can I do to help you? I mean, like, do some,

Nicoa Coach:

I think I tried to make you guys go get ice cream one day. Like candy co create, which is, what a coach and coachee does we co create ideas. But what really ultimately shifted it though, really, it was not necessarily the stopping or the ice cream or the but it was trying something different. And who changed? You changed? Yeah. And now, yeah,

Jodi Vilcans:

yeah, that I have noticed that, you know, how I respond to things can be either the calming factor in the in the house, or the ratcheting up factor. And so I do have to kind of like, take a step back, you know, pause for a minute, walk into the other room? Do something, but I see the results.

Nicoa Coach:

What is What are the results for you? How do you feel different than you did before? What's the benefit?

Jodi Vilcans:

I feel like I physically feel lighter. My day is more even. I enjoy my kids. Like I really enjoy them. And I remember having this activity this one morning when it might have been a challenging morning, and, and drive the kids to school. But that was like you will get to drive the kids to school. Like I remember texting you that morning. I was like, it just hit me. And it was like a feeling inside. It's hard to really describe. But it's like your body feels like you know what, hey, I can I get to take them to school, I get to take them to a great school. I know they're gonna learn a lot. You know, it's a good Christian school. Yes, taken care of, you know, it

Nicoa Coach:

has the privilege of living. I mean, I really believe that, you know, you get to live this life, you and you made all these choices. I mean, we joke about well, it's your bed, you know, you made your bed, you got to lie on it. Well, I did make this bed, I did get this mortgage payment, I did have these children, and how can I enjoy and savor all of it, versus feeling burdened and overwhelmed by all of it. So, yeah, you've got a really beautiful story and your whole demeanor, you use the word, I feel lighter, you said lighter. That's the whole point of even looking at the concepts of energy leadership is that when you shift your perspective on the world, into more anabolic way, you know, oh, I am, I am able to get to do this, or, wow, I'm going with the flow, it is lighter, versus the burden of a catabolic experience, which is I'm kind of victim to my circumstance, my husband's in Charlotte, and it really comes down to what story? Are you telling you? What are you making everything mean? And look at you with the success too. So let's tie this new way of being not only with a new, good feeling of you physically and emotionally and better dynamics amongst your children and with your husband. But let's talk about how that sort of enabled you to attract even more in your business.

Jodi Vilcans:

I know, it's awesome. It's really awesome. I, you know, I'm really fortunate. I get to work with some really amazing clients, different types of clients in different industries. And I love all of it. You know, it's a, it's the kind of job where I actually am excited. But the things that I have to do, some of it is hard, you know, like, some of the things are hard. And that was one of the things that I think we did an RTP session on was like writing, right? Right. Ever been my thing?

Nicoa Coach:

Yeah. So Jodi's talking about a rapid transformational therapy session that we did. So I'm certified as a rapid transformational therapist or hypnosis therapist, and you go deep into the subconscious and kind of a meditative state, and you uncover root causes related to a challenge. So and your challenge was that you were procrastinating and avoiding the writing, and it was causing you overwhelm tell me more about what that felt like. And then that session, yeah.

Jodi Vilcans:

It was like the stress, you know, feeling like I've gotta get this done and it's like, you know, pulling to sit down and do it. You know, if I have to do a comp plan, or I have to think about a strategy I have to think about, you know, I don't know a recruiting process, but it's fun to sit down and do it like being creative. But when I have to actually write copy, it's like, what after doing that session and listening to the recordings, it's it's a mindset change. I mean, that's what it is. It's still I mean, I'm not a naturally good writer, but I have improved because I've just done it. And so I just sit down and do it. Yeah, just sit down and get it.

Nicoa Coach:

We remove the block is we're rewiring the brain. So yeah, I had forgotten that we done that session. That was really powerful for you. And not only that we incorporated elements of I am enough, right into those. Oh, that was our first one. Yes, this

Jodi Vilcans:

is our first one. Yeah. So if I can just say, If anyone is challenged with something, talk to Nicola about one of these RTT sessions because, uh, you know, I'm just, I'm gonna be totally honest, on the very first one of this aligns with how I was feeling, you know, you're starting to do the hypnosis and you're walking down the stairs, and I'm sitting there doing this, right. Am I doing this? And you're on and you're on Step five, step four. Oh, my God. Okay, focus, Vulcans, you're not you're okay. You just have to take it out. You're about to step on them. And I'm thinking, this is totally not working for me. It worked. I cannot tell you how many things have changed the first session? And I was convinced I was doing

Nicoa Coach:

it wrong. No, no, it really is. And I've done a number of sessions, myself and I, sometimes the shift is subtle at first. But then all of a sudden, and I invite everybody to do this and including you as you continue down your path is to continue to look for what's going well, and look for the changes. So just like that quote from Brene. Brown, write it whatever you're looking for, you will find it. So be really intentional about what to look for. God I loved all the time, we work together coaching, and I love you as a friend and a colleague, and I want to give you an opportunity to do a couple things before we wrap up first. Any other words of wisdom that you want to share about your shift and where you are in life? Now?

Jodi Vilcans:

The only thing I would say is, you know if you're not happy where you are? Take a chance. Yeah, what do you have to lose? Either things stay the same, right?

Nicoa Coach:

What do you want? How's what you're doing, getting you what you want? If you're not getting what you want? Are you willing to try a different way, take that chance, try the different way. And last but not least, I want to make sure that everybody listening and of course, I'll put information in the show notes about this. But Share with us your business model. Let's let's do a little marketing here. What what are you working on right now? And what do you want people to know about Allegiant HR and Jody Wilkins?

Jodi Vilcans:

So, Allegiant HR is a small HR consulting firm, and I help small businesses who have either no HR department or very small HR department, work on their people strategy, think about, you know, where are the gaps in their workforce, and come up with HR initiatives to help address those gaps to essentially help the business meet there,

Nicoa Coach:

and you're doing a phenomenal job. I know, I've referred you to a couple of clients in the past and I give you the five star High Five recommendation. And I also know you as a former employee, so yeah, if anybody has any questions and needs a recommendation, they can certainly contact me, but your website says it all Allegiant hr consulting.com. Is that right? John jr.com Yes, perfect. Jodi, I love you. Thank you. You are one of my favorites. And I can't wait to talk to you later. I know we're gonna touch base as friends and in a few days, so. I appreciate you being on coffee with Nicola.

Jodi Vilcans:

Thank you.

Nicoa Coach:

I just had so much fun talking with our next guest, Jody Vulcans. Not only is she a friend of mine, she's a former coaching client. She also was a colleague and an employee of mine at one point in human resources back when I was in the corporate world. She is a mother of two beautiful boys and she's gone through a life journey that included being in that HR profession in the corporate environment. Transitioning out as a stay at home mom and then going on ramping back onto the world of work by starting her own business. Please take a listen. You're gonna enjoy every minute of this and how she shifted her way of being from before until now. life by design, the guide you don't need a vacation from