S2 EP33: SUMMER LAMBERT

Nicoa bonds with one of her happiest new friends, Summer Lambert, a renowned photographer and storyteller in Wilmington, NC. They chat about Summer's life by design and chuckle over her obsession with traffic cones and the Olympics. Summer shares her journey from a young girl with a passion for photography to a professional who engagingly captures beautiful life stories for her clients. From her time at Nicoa's engagement party, to traveling to Ghana, as well as the impact of her brother-in-law's passing, Summer's life lessons emphasize the importance of community, faith, family, self-care, and finding joy in everyday moments. 

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Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:00

Music. Grab your coffee and join me nicoa For a caffeinated conversation about life. I'll be talking to people who have chosen to walk their own paths, and just like me, are creating a life by design. I hope it will give you the inspiration you need to do exactly the same. Hey everybody. It's Nicola coffee with Nicola. I got summer Lambert here. You already know who she is. I just looked at her Instagram account. She had like, 1.7 million freaking views off of this one video. So you're like, super popular, and you probably don't even realize that you also had 360,000 views on something you just posted the other day. Did

SUMMER LAMBERT: 0:48

you see this? No,

Unknown: 0:50

yeah, the

Nicoa Coach: 0:51

best entrance, the Taylor Swift best entrance video has 359,000 views. I'm sure Taylor Swift probably helped you out with that song.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 1:00

Probably, you know. And what's really cool about that is I collaborated with a content creator, and so she was able to take the video while I was photographing. So that was definitely,

Nicoa Coach: 1:11

that's how that worked, yep. Well, I really liked the way you did it, or she did it and you tagged her, because they focus in on the mom, yeah, and then it blurs, and then there's the daughter and the dad come walking in. It really, was really well done. So everybody I'm talking to a famous photographer. She's famous in my world because she was my photographer for my engagement party back in 2020 when I attempted a spreader event, I was unsuccessful. It did not turn into a 2020, spreader event.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 1:40

No, no. Everyone was safe. Everyone was safe. Everyone was safe

Nicoa Coach: 1:44

because we were outside. And I just love that you were able to do that for us. And it was so beautiful. The photos are amazing, and I have been following you ever since, and you have so much positive energy, and we kind of match each other's energy when we're online. And I think I was like a magnet. I was like, Oh my God, I want what she's having. And you were like, I kind of want what you're having, so let's just have a party on the podcast.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 2:09

Absolutely. I just, I remember photographing the party, and I was like, these are people I want to be around. This is so fun. And it was magical underneath the Oaks out there on the creek. And just, I don't know it felt, it felt so warm in a year, that was a really tough year, and so it was fun. It's been fun to stay connected with you since, because also, like your your story is not a traditional wedding story, like normally, I meet people that are, you know, between the age of 22 and 32 for their first wedding, and then that's what I know about them, but you had a whole life that I was learning about, you know, even just that night and with all your kids, and, yeah, it was just really, really special to enter into that part of your story.

Nicoa Coach: 2:53

I'm so grateful. It was really a beautiful event, and I had so much fun creating it. And I, when I was on your website too, I love how because you do photography, not just for weddings and engagement parties, but also brands, and you tell people's stories. You're a storyteller, yeah, and you're a photographer, yep, yep, and so, yeah, tell us a little bit more about how you came to be a storyteller, because you have a whole story here too, that is a lot like mine. We're both OGS original gangsters, yeah, right. We're both from Wilmington. We're both coastal girls. That's right. That's so unusual,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 3:30

it is, it is. People are like, Oh, you're a unicorn. I'm like, yeah, there's a few of us. There's a few of us. Yep, we're remember when Mayfair was a horse farm and, you know, like,

Nicoa Coach: 3:43

I always tell people, because down here, I live off Masonboro, and you know where the port city Java is. And like, what else is there? The cardinal and, yeah, that used to be a strawberry field. Yep, yeah, no, that was the Howell family strawberry field to

SUMMER LAMBERT: 3:59

think about. It's been a been fun to grow up here.

Nicoa Coach: 4:02

Where did you grow up? In town? Were you?

SUMMER LAMBERT: 4:05

I grew up on the northern end of town in Porter's neck. Okay, there. Now, I actually went to Wilmington Christian kindergarten through high school. So,

Nicoa Coach: 4:15

okay, so yeah, well, you're much younger than me. Everybody. Alright,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 4:18

it's alright. I have an old soul. I'm an only child. My parents were a little bit older when they had me, so I kind of have always hung out with adults so well,

Nicoa Coach: 4:28

I can tell you're an old soul because you connect so well with people. And I'll never forget, the night of the engagement party, I had gotten myself quite tipsy on the old bourbon drinks that we'd had named after the creek, and we had EOD came. End of Days came and helped us create some specialty cocktails. And I went up to John, and I was like, I need to tip her. And I think I slipped you a 20. Like, now that's appropriate. And John was like, I didn't know what you were doing. You said. You needed some money. So I still think I owe you a tip.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 5:05

I don't think so. I don't think so. I think the friendships enough. I do remember that now that we bring it up, and I was just like, she's having a good time, and that's what matters.

Nicoa Coach: 5:14

That's right, yeah, it was a beautiful night. All right, so tell me a little bit about this evolution into photography, and, you know, being a storyteller,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 5:24

yeah. So, like I mentioned earlier, I'm an only child, and so I think growing up that way, you just kind of make up your own stories a lot of the time, because you're not bouncing it off of a bunch of siblings. And, you know, I had friends growing up, of course, but like, there is something about being a friend to yourself that you learn at some stage of life. And I think you've even talked about that on some of your podcasts and like. So I think very young that idea started, but when I was in middle school, my mom, she actually worked for life touch the school picture company, oh, yeah, yeah. And they switched from film to digital, and she brought home an old film camera for me to play with. And I was a very energetic, very hyperactive child, and like that was the first time that I was walking slowly through our neighborhood, very mindful, you know. And so when I gave those photos to my middle school art teacher. He told me that they were great, sent them to a competition, and I won third place for one and second place for another. And I was like, oh. And I think, Oh, someone tells you that you're good at something in middle school, you kind of just, you latch on to it. I mean, that's such a formative time. And so I have had a camera in my hand since, and I think so much of my family's history had, like, I have a very military background in my family, and like I mentioned, my parents were older when they had me, and so I currently no longer have grandparents, but my grandmother growing up, was the Best hostess and storyteller. I mean, we would sit for hours and just listen to her talk about stuff she was in movies in, you know, when she was younger, my grandfather, he was 11 years older than her, and he was a Air Force soldier, and he, like, took her out on a date at the birthplace of Pepsi cola in New Bern and that's how they met, and like, so I just remember, like, hearing these stories of origin, and I don't know, and I just wanted to be able to tell them. And so I think a lot of my photography journey has been to be able to tell those things and something I don't know if I came up with this on my own, I don't know if this is from reading from other people, but something that is, like a core motto in my business is that everybody has a story. It is just up to you if it's important. And so I just love to be a part of that. Whatever that is

Nicoa Coach: 7:52

I wrote that down, yeah, it's up to you if it's important. What it's just up to you if it's important. Well, what does that mean, all right, let's think about that. Yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 8:02

everyone has an important story. Everyone, right? But maybe we don't have the capacity or space, you know, like, we can't be friends with every single person, right? Yeah? But like, on, like, on the day of your engagement party, like you, you and John, your story was the most important thing to me that day,

Nicoa Coach: 8:20

yeah, you're really present and mindful to your point earlier. I mean, yeah, and you created the perfect picture of it as well. And I turned those into books. And, you know, they're really quite beautiful. So when, when you think about your own story, what is your story? Because you've got this beautiful partner. He's so patient and loving and fun. You guys are hilarious. I mean, this is the other part about being in your world that makes you just make me happy. I know if I'm looking at your posts, I'm happy. I feel your happiness and your energy. Tell me a little bit about your story and your bow. Yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 9:00

yeah. His name's Ryan, um, he's, he's the best we are opposite on every chart, possible star chart, opposite Enneagram, opposite DISC assessment, Myers, Briggs, every possible thing, um, and I'm glad I didn't know that probably when I married but the longer we've gotten to know each other, we've been married eight years, the longer we've gotten to know each other, the more I see, like you know, on paper, how opposite we are. But what's so beautiful about that is my strengths are his weaknesses. My weaknesses are his strengths, and so faith is like the thing that ties us together, our relationship with God. And so I just know that that is what's kept us so strong, and that's like the source of our happiness is that joy that doesn't waver no matter what. And so I think just learning each other and being able to grow together has been so fun, and we just have to laugh it off. Because life is weird. Things are awkward. Sometimes, like, you know, you just have to go with it. And so he, he often tells me, he's like, I really married you because I need you to help me have fun. And I'm like, Well, I married you because I needed you to keep me alive. So it's just, it's just a wonderful partnership I'm so thankful for every day. And so, yeah, we have a lot of fun. And he likes to be on my Instagram, like, kind of in a joking way. It's very much a funny persona of who he is. He's actually, like, so deep and thoughtful and just a genius. And so I love being married to him, and I'm challenged by him every day. So yeah, you

Nicoa Coach: 10:39

guys really are based in I mean, you referenced your faith, and I think that's a pretty critical element. Your you reference your faith, but you also reference your self reflection. So you talk about the different things that you have done, like the Enneagram, I'm an eight, you're a seven. I saw that, you know, disc, all that stuff, this self work, that's important, and I think that's what helps create a life by design, but in the context of a faith, and I'm not preference, I don't have a preferential faith, but I do invite people to find their faith, right? So talk a little bit about that self reflection in faith. Have you always been in a family of faith, and talk more about that for all of us.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 11:21

Yeah, I grew so, I mean, I mentioned earlier, I went to Wilmington Christian Academy, right? Grew up in a very what I think some people now would say is legalistic Christian environment, like all about rules, all about doing things the right way. And some people have a negative view of that. I honestly view it very positively. I view that as a way that God protected me from a lot of things, and a way that God put a foundation in, and all the other things that aren't necessary. I can leave. I don't have to be bound to that. And so I definitely don't blame that upbringing in any way. I am very thankful for it. But getting out of that as an 18 year old you, there's a critical point in your life where you your faith, whatever your faith is, it has to be more than just what your mom or dad tell you or what someone else tells you. You have to ask yourself, like, hey, what's happening inside of me? Like, I know you've mentioned, you know, different walks of faith, and some people would view it you know your soul or your spirit, whatever that is, right, you have to ask yourself that, and you can't really do that on the same level as a six year old as you can as an adult. And so faith evolves as you get older. And so I was always raised in Christianity and in the church, but there was a very distinct moment in college where I was like, Whoa, not everyone believes the thing, the things that I believe, not everyone's like me. How do I does? Is God present here too, or is it just in, you know, Christian world, and so taking that faith from it being like about rules and knowing all about God to actually getting to know who God is, and that's where I am. Now, it's just a personal relationship with Jesus and understanding that, like it's he's not worried about me following all the rules. He just wants to know who I am, and I want to know who he is. And so that's kind of our, you know, the foundation of all that we do. And what makes me so passionate about just connecting with people, because I want to see where they're at in their faith story, where they where are they at along the road, and how can I help them? You know, feel less alone in that.

Nicoa Coach: 13:29

And I think you said it, I mean the values, or I really actually appreciate the Baha'i Faith, because they take a look at all the religions, and they look at the common themes. And you really emit kindness, generosity, fun, family, faith, in a way that is welcoming and open. And I would wonder if that has a lot to do with the fact that you, after the age of 18, I'm assuming, began to travel the world, yeah, and you got exposed to different cultures. Talk a little bit about how that has shaped you in this way of being in this life by design. Wow, absolutely.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 14:55

Yeah. I think the first, the first trip I took was to Canada, which wasn't super, you know, out of the box, but I saw how people lived a little bit differently. But then I think from there, my first major trips were to Ghana, Africa and to be received and welcomed in a place like that, and to have relationships with people that are in such a different I mean, everything about the way they live is different, you know, and I don't know just to see their joy and to see like how they pray, And to know that we're praying together, and that we have that in common. I don't know. I think it just brings a sense of humility to to my heart, and, you know, to anyone that would experience that, and to think that like, wow, God is so creative and he's so involved that he's made them and and made me, and now. Were together. Like, what a privilege that is. So I think Ghana was definitely the first wake up call to that. And then after that, actually, my husband and I, when we were engaged, we did a trip to Ecuador. And our first day we were meeting with I was staying at like a pastor's house, and they're like, We have a community of kids that want to do a camp. Can the two of you put on a camp? And in 24 hours, we planned a camp, and thankfully, my husband is fluent in Spanish, and we did a camp for like, 60 to 100 kids all in one you know, like just seeing that like, hey, we don't have to worry. We're not in control here. We're gonna go with the flow. We're gonna use, like, the gifts that we've been given, and seeing how that type of culture operates and how so much was made with so little. I think again, goes back to like, gratitude and humility, and then probably the trip that was the most impactful that I probably haven't spoken about ever publicly, was I went to visit a friend in China, and, you know, she was there, and can't really say why, but she was and to see, to see how there are so many undocumented people there, and just be like In this giant city, and then 20 minutes on a moped, we're in the middle of a village that looks like it was from the 1500s Oh

Nicoa Coach: 17:16

yeah, I've been to China. I'm not kidding. On one side of the street you'd see somebody like in a Armani suit, and on the other side of the street you'd see a guy that's pulling a stone wheeled cart that looked like you were in the Ming Dynasty. I mean, I was in shock, yeah, yeah. And

SUMMER LAMBERT: 17:33

I haven't really been able to talk about that a lot, and so just because I haven't had the platform to do so, but seeing just humanity at such a vulnerable level, yeah, and knowing the privilege that I had to fly all the way there, and I get to fly all the way home, yeah, you know, just to sit in that moment with those people and make, you know, wash rice on the floor with them. Wow, was, you know, it just, I don't know, it just makes you think, like, it doesn't matter what that like, if the position of belief that I have like that doesn't, I don't need to force that on anyone. People will ask me about it if they want to, and I'm going to just show them how loving God is by loving people. And we'll get there, you know, we'll get to that conversation so and,

Nicoa Coach: 18:22

you know, I think that ultimately, you have embraced a way of being that is love. Yeah, you know, love and joy. I don't care who you give credit to at the end of the day, we all have access to that. Yeah, whether you can articulate why it's there and available to you or not. Yeah, you have access to it. And you with self observation and self dialog, you can consciously choose it. And I try to enter those ways of being, through those different portals, if you will, and being exposed globally like that, you know, talking about the different cultures, that's that can remind you that the words don't matter, the energy is what matters. And when you're sitting there washing rice with someone or I remember my Chinese colleague had grabbed my arm, and we were walking like all the women would hook arms. And I was like, Oh, my colleague is hooking arms with me here. So we're walking across the street. And then she goes, come here, come here. And we go down this alleyway. And I'm like, where are we going? I mean, it was, it's a little sketch. The whole place feels sketch. And then we go in this little, teeny door, and then we sit down, and these women wash our feet, yeah, wow. And I was like, I mean, talk about symbolism. I was about

SUMMER LAMBERT: 19:40

to say, that's the last thing Jesus did before he died, that's right. So I was like,

Nicoa Coach: 19:44

Wow, this feels really profound. And yet she and she wanted me to have that experience, and I and I was glad to have it, but I became so connected to each of these countries that I had been to, fortunately through my work, that it just made humanity so much more accessible.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 20:03

Yeah, yeah. I mean, growing up in a school where, you know, maybe one person wasn't white out of 200 people, right? We're all wearing uniforms. We're all like, there's no there's nothing inherently wrong about that, but, like, I just didn't know what I didn't know, right? Right? I remember going to college, and I was like, wow, people really are looking different.

Nicoa Coach: 20:26

Well, good for you to be in a space of of humility and kindness and love in order to be be aware of any bias, right, or any Yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 20:38

still learning that. I mean, there's so much to learn and unpack with that, even now and and, yeah, I think part of that is because of the access we have. I mean, 2030, years ago, we didn't know. What our neighbors five streets over were thinking, you know, even though they're living completely different than us, we didn't know, but now we do know, and so now

Nicoa Coach: 20:57

we know a little too much. Sometimes, yeah, we

SUMMER LAMBERT: 20:59

know too much, actually, but we can work with it. Well,

Nicoa Coach: 21:03

let's shift to some of the fun things that you guys do. One of the things that I really admire about your relationship and your and your way of being, and your your collective followers, is that you are hilarious and always playing around. So talk to everybody about the the orange cone. I don't even know where the cone story began.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 21:23

Okay. Cone origin story, well, I have one right here.

Nicoa Coach: 21:27

Oh, okay. Oh, you have to have a little miniature. And we're talking about that what is

SUMMER LAMBERT: 21:31

officially called, like a traffic cone. Traffic cone.

Nicoa Coach: 21:33

Thank you. Yeah, traffic cones, people, this is pay close attention. So

SUMMER LAMBERT: 21:39

I think we've all seen a traffic cone. Matter of fact, I think we all see them too much, right? Um, right. When my husband and I got married, we moved into a town home, and the week after we moved in, they started construction on the road, and this road was a two lane road with, like, a little turn out. And the three and a half years we lived there, they took that two and a half lane road. This is Kerr Avenue, yeah, um, car, I know you take, you take the matriarch version. I take the patriarch version. I know.

Nicoa Coach: 22:11

Okay, all right, well, we can both OG coexist, actually, okay,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 22:18

I know. Trust me, I know,

Nicoa Coach: 22:19

and that's why they named that car wash, K E R R

SUMMER LAMBERT: 22:24

carwash. I know. I know, I know. There's a for those listening. There's a debate in Wilmington over a road that's spelled K, E, R, R, and some people say car, and some people say Kerr. We say nicoa says car.

Nicoa Coach: 22:38

We agree to disagree. Back to the traffic cone story. So every day

SUMMER LAMBERT: 22:42

I would document how absolutely absurd the process of thinking was of this. I mean, there were days where they would add a lane, and then they'd add a median, they'd put grass in the median, then they dig out the grass, and it would be mud, and then they would concrete it over and add another lane. It just nothing seemed, from my perspective, nothing seemed to be done in order. So I just, I don't know, I was reporting on the cones every day. I got a traffic vest, and then when it finally got completed, I I did acquire one of the cones for myself. His name is Kurt, and I put googly eyes on him, and I brought scones out for the cones, and we had a full party in the middle of the median to celebrate that this construction was done. And then, like, five months later, we moved, which is just hilarious. And now the entire northern end of Market Street, which I drive every day to my house, is under construction, of course, but yeah, so it turned into it was a joke from that, but what I realized is, every time you see a traffic cone, and this sounds very Woo, woo, and I know that,

Unknown: 23:53

but every time you're in the right place, right, every

SUMMER LAMBERT: 23:56

time you see a traffic cone, you have a choice to be upset about construction and that all these people are moving here, and all the roads horrible, and Wilmington city planning is bad, which some of that is true, or you can make the choice to think, Oh, I am so glad I'm protected from that, you know, disaster. I am so glad that I might I don't have a flat tire running through that. Or I took it a step further and turned the letters of cone, C, O, N, E into like an acronym. Change one negative emotion. So just, okay, I see a cone. What am I grateful for right now? Like, it's just I don't know. I don't really know where it came from, to be honest with you, other than just celebrating the little things, and that's what I do with everything every day. And people really grasp onto it, because, turns out, everybody sees cones all the time. So when people are traveling, they send me photos of cones, which is,

Nicoa Coach: 24:55

I knew that that's the best I'm gonna have to start doing. I had no idea how profound the origin story was gonna be. This is so perfect, yeah, change one negative emotion. Everybody write that down. I would like you to now start sending cone images as well. So first I need to follow you on Instagram, which is, Is it summer Lambert photo? Or what is it? Okay, summer Lambert photo. We'll put that in the show notes. So I love that so much. And now the cone story takes me to the Olympic story. Of course, of course, then naturally, because they have nothing to do with each other. But you're running

SUMMER LAMBERT: 25:34

through my Instagram highlights, which is great introduction for anyone who doesn't know who I am, and I'm

Nicoa Coach: 25:40

always following your story. So it's so much fun. And today is the first day of the Paralympics. It sure is. It sure is. I'm so excited. I love this guy I'm following that's he's in a wheelchairs, and he's always like, is everybody coming to the party? I just reposted him. I don't know why. I've

SUMMER LAMBERT: 25:56

forgotten. I need to look him up. Yeah, I

Nicoa Coach: 25:57

just reposted him on my story. So by the time this airs, Paralympics will have come and gone. But that doesn't mean you can't pay attention in four years. So two years so, but you have a love for the Olympics now. When did you start being the unofficial NBC host?

SUMMER LAMBERT: 26:16

I don't know. I think it started well. I mean, I remember watching the 1998 Olympics and just knowing I wanted to be there. I used to be a very serious rollerblader. Yes, okay. And for about four years straight, my friend Ava and I would call the National the IOC, whatever it was back then, whatever you'd call and ask for rollerblading to be put into the Olympics. Yes. Well, is it? I want to point that out. It still isn't, still not and so if it ever comes back, you best believe I'll be hitting the training grounds. But um, yeah, I think just the idea of competing in a sport, in a national level, I think the lore and the the like idea that I could be standing next to someone from Zimbabwe competing, it's all about story. It's all about story. It is, and that's what makes the Olympics so special, because there's so many different stories come into play. I mean, you have a national story like right now. I think what made the Olympics so compelling this year is our the US is national story right now is not great, like we are in turmoil for 100 reasons, not just politically, like there's a lot of things that we're working through as a nation, but to be able to be on an Olympic stage celebrating the United States in a United Way, power. I mean, that's power. And it was so wonderful to have people from all shapes, sizes, sides of the political spectrum, celebrating America. It was like, Yeah, see, this is what we need to be doing. And then you have countries that have never gotten medals before that get a medal, and you hear the their story and how, because this guy got a gold medal, he's getting this much money for life. He's getting a house, he's getting a car, and it that changes the entire trajectory of his family's life. I'm like, This is amazing, you know. So that's what started it. But the thing that really kept me going was I was watching the Winter Olympics in well, I guess it would have been 2021 but that was supposed to be the 2020 Olympics, and the reporting was very horrible, and rather than criticize them, I decided I would just do my own reporting. Yes, have y'all watched this? Because this is a lot okay. Are you seeing these people do what I'm seeing? Because I don't know if you are.

Nicoa Coach: 28:48

Well, I think that was the year that we were all following the guy, the metal count, guy with the khakis,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 28:55

yeah, Steve Kornacki and his cat, Steve Kornacki and his khakis.

Nicoa Coach: 28:58

And you really that was funny. They're so funny. And plus, you deck out your apartment, and you'd like your living room all

SUMMER LAMBERT: 29:06

set up. And I always have medals with me. Hold on, I gotta bring her. Oh, bring

Nicoa Coach: 29:09

out the medals, babe. Oh, there they are. Because you are an Olympic medalist.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 29:14

I do give out gold medals to people on, like, during the day. I don't know if you knew that about me. I

Nicoa Coach: 29:19

did not know this. I can't wait to run into you in town, yeah. Oh, I would love that. Yeah. We're gonna, I'm gonna have to stalk you now, like, even more so than

SUMMER LAMBERT: 29:28

me.

Nicoa Coach: 29:30

Hey, where are you at? I'm coming to visit well, and you kind of got in trouble, didn't you? Like, you're posting on your story, but Instagram, like, pulled you down. What the heck

SUMMER LAMBERT: 29:39

they did? I think I was watching the Olympics in real time, and I was posting about them in real time before NBC could get their NBC coverage. And so there was about seven different posts that I got, like, blocked for that, like, held my account for an hour. And the one that I still can't post and it will not let me post, is the one about the

Nicoa Coach: 30:02

breakdancer. Oh, oh, well, everybody else is posting about the breakdancer. I know,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 30:06

but I think, I think because my video is from the original coverage that they've since pulled off of peacock. Okay, well, let me post it.

Nicoa Coach: 30:16

I watched that, and I was watching live because I had it on my calendar, yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 30:20

oh yeah, me too. And I,

Unknown: 30:22

I was also like, wait, what?

SUMMER LAMBERT: 30:26

Well, it's just like, then here's, here's where my reporting side comes in, right? I'm thinking, okay, Olympic break dancing. This is our first time, so let's make it the best. And if we've ever seen a dance competition, I mean any dance battle in the history of forever, there's three things, there's good music, there's mood light. Ring, and there's conflict, because we're battling, okay, right? This break dancing competition, breaking happened at noon in the middle of the day in the bright sun on a wrestling mat, yeah, in an open air stadium, and only 300 royalty free, pre approved songs were available. Oh, like, SoundCloud links. I'm like, and there was nothing to battle about, because this is the first time we've ever had this competition. So no one's, like, thinks anyone's better than anyone, literally just, like, high fiving each other. I'm like, this is not it. This isn't it.

Nicoa Coach: 31:27

I didn't think it was it either it, really kind of fizzled. It really,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 31:32

it's okay, is it not coming back? No, no, no.

Nicoa Coach: 31:35

Did they cancel it?

SUMMER LAMBERT: 31:37

Oh yeah, at the at the LA Olympics will be baseball and softball squash. Flag Football is another one.

Nicoa Coach: 31:45

I did hear about flag football because somebody is going to be the coach. He wants to be the coach. That famous football person, yeah, people.

Unknown: 31:59

I was okay.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 32:02

We were tracking. So anyway, none of this has anything to do with me being a photographer, but I think the photographer is the least, most, least interesting thing about me. So it doesn't really matter, um, but I just giggle when people follow me based on photo stuff. I'm like, Well,

Nicoa Coach: 32:19

yeah, you're not getting into photo stuff. I mean, you can see that on the new, beautiful website that you just created, which I'm about to merge my two websites. I was like, in two different worlds for a while, and I'm like, Ah, it's time, time to blend. You inspired me actually, because I was, I was watching you launch, and I went to your site, and it was just so friendly and so engaging. And I was like, Yeah, I need just one site. Yeah. What have I been doing? Yeah, finding myself. So that's kind of how that goes, and writing a new story, which, yeah, so there's a lot to my story. I don't actually know if you know that John and I aren't together anymore. Oh no. It's awful. It's so heartbreaking, but it's the right thing, and it is so sad. And I didn't think you knew, but we had a great party, and

SUMMER LAMBERT: 33:10

that's really, you know what the memories are there? Maybe, you know the memories were the friends we made along the way. That's maybe

Nicoa Coach: 33:16

that's it look at. That's profound. And you know what? I even had a little gathering after John and I split, and all my girlfriends came, and we kind of had this little I sent him a message, and I was like, I'm I'm getting divorced, and I need you. I need my friends right now, and they all came, and we pulled out the books and we looked at all the photos that you had dutifully taken for us and the layout of it. And I was just like, I do not regret one minute of that relationship. And although it was short lived, it was probably the most powerful relationship I've ever had in my life, and I'm launching into the next version of my life by design. That's good. I'm glad I collected you along the way. That's for sure.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 33:59

And that's the thing. I think that's the thing. Like, it's so easy to look at something and just think about what doesn't work, yeah, and that'd be it. But like, also, there was a lot of things that did work, and a lot that you did learn from that, right? Yes, what were some of the wins? One of the wins was that now we're friends. I mean, like, so, I mean, a very small piece of the whole story, but also, like, a really beautiful thing. So I think

Nicoa Coach: 34:26

so too, yeah, and, and I know myself a lot better. I mean, some people think that they need to be alone, alone, and I did post about that today, actually, that you should spend a lot of time alone in order to really find your own vision and reconnect with yourself and your faith and whatever it is that is moving you, motivating you, energizing you, but it is in relationship that we grow and heal. Because you're going to get triggered, you're going to have reactions, you're going to have opportunities, and you're going to be tested in a way to show up aligned with your values. Yeah, and if you don't continue to test yourself, you won't evolve and expand and then Whoa. And that's the whole point of being on this planet is to grow and expand and serve in some way and and I feel like that's exactly what the gift that John gave me, yeah, in that time that we were together, but yeah, I didn't know if I was going to tell you or not, but I thought everybody listening by the time this post is like, does summer know

SUMMER LAMBERT: 35:30

I was okay? It's really, it's fun that you say that, because one of my other, like core statements, is that we suffer in isolation and we heal in community. And I am so passionate about community, and that can look, it can look a lot of. Ways for different people. I mean, there's different life stages, there's different needs. I mean, whether you're single, married, have kids, really young kids, my husband and I are in a very unique spot right now. You know, we want children. We don't know when they're gonna come, but we've been married for eight years, so we're not newlyweds, and we're not young, 20 year olds, but we're also don't have little kids running around with us right now. And so we are available in ways that maybe friends our age are not. And so our whole like mission in life is just to serve our people well and use that time well. And we've been able to learn so much about how we communicate, how we, you know, have conflict, how we need to be better by like, being in the trenches with our people, rather than just thinking, Oh, we, we can just do this by ourselves, you know,

Nicoa Coach: 36:39

yeah, that's a really good point. I mean community, like I said, I called upon women in my world, yeah, yeah, and brought them around me. And even I had to spread the partnering, though, during the transition. I mean, for those of you going through hard times, sometimes you got a couple of best friends and they're like, Hey, how's it going? Because you're going to go and then this happened, and this happened and this so I tried to spread the space giving with my friends, and ultimately, it always comes back to you. And if you can turn that, as my mother said after my father passed, turned her grief into gratitude, yeah, that's really where I've been in the last month. Is just, how can I really turn this grief into gratitude? And it is, and I'm there. I'm so much more there than ever before. So, but I can only get there with the community.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 37:36

Yeah, you can't do it alone. And yeah, grief is, grief is probably the most powerful tool to learning and growing. I think, I mean, I don't know how much you know about my husband's life, but his two and a half months after we got married, his brother took his life. Oh, I didn't realize I'm so we went from honeymoon stage to survival fast, and had to grow up fast. And I I'm an only child. So like now, I have two brothers now I had don't now one's gone. And, like, I didn't even start processing that grief until, like, four years ago, because the first few years was taking care of my husband, right, and being a support for him. And like, we kind of have this unsaid rule, like, neither of us are allowed to be melting down at the same time. So, like, go take your meltdown, because I have one coming, but we can't be doing it at the same time, because then you fall apart. And, like, about four years ago, I was like, I think it's time for me to, like, fall apart in this way. Okay, and so, yeah, just learning that grief is not linear, and that there's it teaches you so much about your own story, about the story of your family, about if you have a faith, like where God steps into that grief and how he carries you through it. I mean, it's, I think it's probably the most powerful tool to teach you about yourself. That's

Nicoa Coach: 39:02

a really good lesson, though, for you as partners. I mean, love by design, is a thing I talk about a lot, and you have to have kind of this understanding here are kind of our rules as a partnership, yeah, and I if I'm going to be there for you, or if I need you to be there for me, then we have to, it's got to be reciprocal. So that's beautiful, and I'm glad that y'all have found that balance, and I'm sure it's not balanced all the time. No, not always, but yes, sometimes we get triggered. We're like, how come I have to be there for you right now? You know those

SUMMER LAMBERT: 39:33

words, okay, I'm tired of being the strong one. Okay,

Nicoa Coach: 39:37

I know, I know. Can you please? I need something. You know, there's some really good marriage vows that Jason Gaddis, J, a, y, s o n. Jason Gaddis, G, A, D, D, i, s, he has an account about the relationship school that you might enjoy reading and following, but those those vows are incorporating of you know, not only am I promising space for you to love you unconditionally, but I'm also providing space to help you heal those childhood wounds, oh yeah, and and I'm able to to actually acknowledge them and validate that sometimes you're going to come to me like a like a tantruming toddler, and I am going to promise you that I will recognize that as the tantruming toddler, not the adult that I married. Yeah. And when I can do that, then I am actually helping you grow out of it and heal that tantruming toddlers wound. Oh, yeah, yeah. People don't realize that's what's happening. They thought, you know better. Nope. I'm actually four right now, and I can't see anything other than that four year old reaction, yeah.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 40:40

So yeah, that has been really interesting to think about. I The more you know, the older you get, if you're actually doing the work, the more you'll learn about. Yourself, right? And I have always been a very emotional, like, joyful. I like, you know what I'm thinking? Well, maybe you don't know what I'm thinking, but you think you know what I'm feeling by looking at me, um, but I've and everyone's always like, oh, somewhere. So this, so that. And like, I cry all the time. I love to cry. I'm not afraid to cry for a while, I held back on it, and I think it's just letting it out now, but so I'm a feeler. People think that, but the more I have learned about myself, I'm actually a thinker. I don't really know what I'm feeling until I think about it. And in marriage, that can be complicated, because it's like I am at analyzing a situation, and I'm thinking about all the ways that you're feeling, the ways that I'm feeling, and I don't even know how I'm feeling, I just think, and so kind of, like recently, in the past couple years, like, really the last year or two, understanding the power of being a thinker and that I need to Take time to think so I know how I feel, not just saying everything out Yeah, and so much of that is like childhood stuff, of like, I was the only child, so I, in my mind, I don't think my parents ever said this to me, but in my mind, I had to hold it all together, you know. And I was the one cousin out of the three cousins that was the good one and the one that wasn't having a lot of trouble. And so, like, I've always been that, and so that's why I didn't know what I was feeling, because I knew what I needed to feel.

Nicoa Coach: 42:21

That's right? Because you, in in some way, learned to be loved and accepted and enough, then you were happy, right? And or you made sure, kept the peace, yeah, for everybody else, and that's a pretty typical scene, especially for an only

SUMMER LAMBERT: 42:36

child, or entertained everyone. You know,

Nicoa Coach: 42:38

they love me more. Oh, look how much they laughed when I made the the joke about the whatever. Okay, I'll do that more, because that gets me a good feeling. Yeah, and, yeah, interesting, right? I wish we knew then what we know now, right? How did you come to this knowing? Did you go through any therapy work or coaching work or, yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 42:57

I've done, I've done a couple. I've had two different therapists and or counselors, whatever. You know, there's so many different names for them. And I think just sitting with the thing that took me there was friendship stuff, being an only child, people that are my friends become my siblings very fast. You know, it's like, once you're in, you're in, you're like, Yeah. And I just think, I think growing growing up is hard, and like understanding different stages of friendship, like some people truly are just there for a season, or God brought them to you for just this specific reason, and then, like, there's very few friends that are lifetime friends, and that's okay. It's not a bad thing. You're not a failure. Like life just moves. And I was just trying to understand because of the type of person that I am, I am so loving and so passionate I want, I want to make sure everyone's good, you know. And I was like, How can y'all just move on with your life and not even consider me anymore? Like and I haven't. I want you to be mad at me. I want to do something to make you mad. So there's a reason for you to be mad, but I haven't done anything. You're just, you're just, it's you're not thinking of me, and that's hurting worse, you know, right?

Nicoa Coach: 44:09

Because you need something to rationalize. Why would they move on? Yeah, right, yeah. Why are they not hanging out with me? I must not be enough. They must hate me. What did I do? And I'd rather there be some reason, yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 44:21

yeah. And so it was just very much like, I think I need to and like, I caught myself thinking about it more than I wanted to, and I was like, I need to definitely talk about this with a professional, because I just need some guidance on it, and that unlocked like just talking through more different things. And I think the advantage of being an only child and being a thinker is that I have thought a lot about my soul and myself, and I am very in tune with who I am, and I do feel like I am a good friend to me. Yeah, whereas some people are still figuring that out in their 60s and 70s, you know, because they've spent so much of their life just taking care of other people, taking care of other people, but I really just had to take care of me. And that is something I'm trying to do now, is like, actually take care of me. And so that's where that childhood stuff has definitely come up. Well, I'm

Nicoa Coach: 45:12

really proud of you, because ultimately, we have to take care of ourselves. I mean, we have to be our own best friend. And I was thinking about that this past weekend as I'm still, not only am I now single, but I am an empty nester. Yeah, this past year, this, this is the first full year of being an empty nester. And I posted this morning how I think my middle child had like, ghosted me and was breaking up with me,

Unknown: 45:39

which is so not true. She's just, she's

SUMMER LAMBERT: 45:42

just probably busy. She

Nicoa Coach: 45:43

was so busy. And I was like, Yeah, I was exactly like her when I was her age, but I was why. Watching my way of being over the weekend, and I was thinking to myself, I haven't been alone like this. I was kind of like an only child, because I was the youngest and the next oldest was four years older, and my parents got divorced, and I was a latchkey kid, so I was alone in this house. This is my childhood home. Wow, that's right. And the same property, wandering around, finding things to do. Yeah, and that is a story you end up, you know, you talk to yourself, you sing really loud. I used to sing, walk around the backyard and explore. And I thought, Well, did I not learn how to be my best friend then? And I was like, I think I did, but I which makes it easy for me to be alone, and I can travel the world alone. You know that, but there was a loneliness then that has been pervasive throughout and it's only now, at the age of 55 where I'm forced back into the same scenario where I am alone. Yeah, to then. Now address the loneliness and say, Are you really lonely, or are you realizing again, you're not alone, you are never alone, and you are safe, yeah. And it's that ultimate healing, which I think is part of the hero's journey, or the life journey on this planet, is to remember I'm not alone, whether it be with my faith or my angels, my guides, my family, my community, I'm not alone. Yeah, and that, when I can sit still in that knowing that brings us back to that fulfillment and contentment and joy that you talk about, yeah and and it's hard to access when you have a lot of pre programmed ways of being and having served others for so long.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 47:26

Yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely. And so I think right now, since we don't have kids like, we're really actively trying to do that and just like, make sure that we are the healthiest we could be, so that when God gives us kids like, we can pass good things to them, you know, and we could absolutely so yeah, and

Nicoa Coach: 47:46

they're gonna pick you. When the time is right, they'll pick you, and I do believe that. So all of the feels, all the experiences, I think there's great value in it, because there's been times as a parent where I've suffered over, oh, could I have done that differently? What if I showed up this way? And then I was like, You know what? They picked me? Yeah. So I keep doing the best I can, and then I try to turn it into a teachable moment. Absolutely, and I'm so excited you are going to be the best parents.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 48:15

I hope so. I love it. I feel like I get enough practice between photographing families and having 300 children at church running around so well,

Nicoa Coach: 48:25

how is the self care? Self love going and then, and then I'll wrap us up. But I am, how are you doing with that, that process of getting to know yourself again? And yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 48:35

it's been good. I think one of the funniest questions to me that my therapist asked me was, well, what do you do for fun? And I was like, Do you know me? I mean, I was like everything. She's like everything.

Unknown: 48:48

She's like, well,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 48:49

let me think of a different way to ask you that, what do you do for yourself? And I was like, oh, oh. So, you know, it's as simple as, like a skincare routine, as simple as a certain routine in the morning, of quiet time, reflection time, reading, not hydrating and nourishing my body, like those things. I just never had a routine, because I was just doing whatever all the time. And so that has really just been great. It. I know it sounds so simple, but I think though the better it is, you know, yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 49:26

and being intentional. Excuse me, intentional about it, yeah, and I don't mean

SUMMER LAMBERT: 49:31

strict, no, wake up 5am routine,

Nicoa Coach: 49:35

routine, that is actually the worst. I just like that very much. But when you can go with the flow and and cherish and savor, I love I do like a routine at night too, where I use this face oil and I just am I use the opportunity to look in the mirror and just really love up on myself. Yeah, yeah. It's really a beautiful gift and and even, ultimately, those self care practices or fun self fun practices, find some. My invitation to you as a coach, because, you know, I can't help myself, please find some fun things that have zero outcome. Like, there's not one tied productive outcome. Like, yes, I love my oil, and then that's going to make my face look younger and smoother. Like, I don't that's not exactly the ultimate, right? Yeah, it's still, oh, there's, it's multitasking when I do the face thing. No, I'm talking about like the wandering around at the Hallmark store, yes, reading and laughing out loud at all of the cards. I love

SUMMER LAMBERT: 50:36

to wander. Oh, I love to wander. Me too. I love to wander. I love to dilly dally. Yep,

Nicoa Coach: 50:44

I love to mosey. Mosey is a good word. Yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 50:48

I do. I use. To not because I was just so I just was hopping around and just go, go, go, go, oh, man, there's something deeply profound about wandering and just seeing what happens along the way. I remember, actually, I remember studying abroad in Australia when I was in college. Ooh, where I lived there? Where did you go? I studied in Wollongong, which is outside

Unknown: 51:13

the wall, and gone, I lived in Wagga. Wagga, cool.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 51:18

What I took the train pass Wagga? Wagga, yeah, I was there for a month, and then, and then, like, five weeks, um, and one night I was walking in downtown Sydney, Sydney, also, Australia is so beautiful and clean and safe, and I saw this little it was like, I don't know how to describe it. It wasn't marker or paint. It somehow was etched into concrete. Yeah. It said, there's always flowers for those who see them. And I was like, Huh, you know, I didn't think about it at all. I took a picture of it, I posted it on Instagram. And I remember, like, a few years ago that popping up as a memory. And I was like, I didn't even know the flower that I was seeing by seeing that, you know? And I just think, if we, if we go and we just walk with intention of something good is coming today, like, God, would you show me your joy today? And whereas before, I feel you're just, you know, going so fast, and a bee flies by, and you're like, oh, this bees in my way. But now I'm, I'm moseying along, and I see this bee, and I think, oh, what flower is that going to pollinate? What goodness is going to come from that, you know, like, it's such a simple mindset shift, but it is so powerful, and so that

Nicoa Coach: 52:39

is so beautiful. I mean, I was right there with you, yeah, because it is, you are the creator of your life, and you get to write the story any way you want. And I like to invite people to know that when they wake up in the mornings, they have a clean sheet of paper. So even if yesterday was like this crappy story and you forgot to notice the bee and the flower, right? Well, today you can, well,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 53:03

that analogy with the paper is you also can choose what your writing utensil is.

Nicoa Coach: 53:08

Oh yes, what's your favorite writing utensil?

Unknown: 53:11

Well, I love I

SUMMER LAMBERT: 53:12

love a bit. I love a pen. I have a couple pens that are my favorite. But like, you know, if you need to write in marker today, do it if you need to write in pencil, so you go back in a race, that's fine. That's fine. Fine,

Unknown: 53:25

exactly. So I got

Nicoa Coach: 53:26

my favorite Uniball air right here, babe. This is my favorite pen.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 53:30

Mine is across the room, and I don't want to get up to get it, but one of my other ones is a zebra F 402, I don't know. Okay. Well, it's heavy, but thin. Love it. Mine.

Nicoa Coach: 53:45

It was made in Japan, and no matter which way the pin is angled. It always writes Oh. And I think about the Japanese lettering, yes. And I was like, oh, that's that must be why they designed that that way.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 54:01

We'll have to get coffee sometime to talk just about travels, not on the podcast, because, oh

Nicoa Coach: 54:05

my gosh, we have got to sit down and just really connect as friends. I think we've got a lot in common. And so what you brought your coffee today. I have my Starbucks because I got excited this morning and needed actual branding.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 54:18

I was listening to your podcast because I wanted to catch up and just see, like, who would you recently had on there, you know? And I was reminded about your espresso shot episodes, that's right. Oh, yeah. So I made two espresso shots, and I put some honey and vanilla in there with a little bit

Nicoa Coach: 54:36

of milk. Oh, that looks so yummy. And it's in her ball jar with a handle glass and and, yeah, and I went on everybody go to her website, because she's got all sorts of fun, happy things. I mean, she's sending, what do you what are you spreading kindness like confetti. That's right. What you say kindness like confetti. She talks about her favorite coffee order is the ice, flat white with a splash of vanilla. Her personality test is the Enneagram. If you haven't done the Enneagram yet, people go do it. You love Adele. Oh my gosh. And my favorite little I want to be like you. Is now? Is it too soon? If I say so, the next time I get married,

Unknown: 55:16

absolutely not. I want to get married at Lake Como in Italy. Is that where y'all got married?

SUMMER LAMBERT: 55:22

That's not where we got married, but I photographed a wedding there, or I was on a team doing a wedding there, and it was unbelievable. I bet it was unbelievable.

Nicoa Coach: 55:31

I'll meet

SUMMER LAMBERT: 55:31

you and make como, don't worry.

Nicoa Coach: 55:33

Let's do it. Girl, you will be my photographer. You know this, right? This, you're already my girl, perfect.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 55:39

Let's do it. I

Unknown: 55:39

know a girl

SUMMER LAMBERT: 55:41

me too. Yeah, yeah. Um, back to the um traffic cone thing. By the end of the year, I will have. Merch on my website with traffic cones.

Nicoa Coach: 55:52

I went to that link and it was like, coming soon. I was like, What the hell she's selling? Yeah,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 55:58

it's gonna be, well, I don't want to give it away, but, oh no, stay tuned. Gonna be great. I think you'll love it.

Nicoa Coach: 56:05

You should get it. Oh, you should get, like, a collaboration with, what's that lady's name that made the goat necklace? Oh, that jeweler,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 56:14

coon. Ooh,

Nicoa Coach: 56:17

I saw the the fam, the the husband, wife team. He's a Paralympian, and she's the one that won the gold medal, Hunter and Tara Yeah. Hunter and Tara Yeah. I followed them. I always forget in the moment. So she got him some jewelry for, I think they got the Olympic rings. Okay, cool. I have to necklace. But she didn't show it. She was hiding it, but I guess she didn't want to. It was too personal or something, but, but I was like, oh, right, when you said that. See, you could get a a cone

SUMMER LAMBERT: 56:48

merch, and they'll be, I'm launching a print shop for people to buy images from our beautiful area

Nicoa Coach: 56:56

as you should, as you should. Well, everybody go check summer out and the I haven't another client and somebody that I interviewed named summer as well summer page. So I was like, how many summers do I know this is I'm gonna find more and interview them. Ooh,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 57:10

give me a whole series.

Nicoa Coach: 57:13

Well, tell me anything you want to share with the listeners. How can they find you? Is there anything else you're working on other than the merch shop? No.

SUMMER LAMBERT: 57:21

I mean, yeah, just I have many sessions that I offer periodically that are kind of my lowest price point, easiest entry point, and so there's a way for you to sign up for that email list. But other than photo stuff, I'm working on some stuff for young girls, like middle school aged girls kind of leading a camp for them. So that'll be next summer, though. So just kind of, I don't know, I'd say follow me on instagram summer Lambert photo, and stay tuned, because you just never know what's going to drop there.

Nicoa Coach: 57:54

You never know. And I can't wait to hear your commentary on the Paralympics. I'm going to go figure out all the ways I can watch that. That starts tonight, I believe. And yep, thank you. I'm I'm so pleased that we connected in that we're friends now,

SUMMER LAMBERT: 58:07

me too. Thank you so much for having me, and thank you all for listening. It's been really special to be special to be here today.

Nicoa Coach: 58:13

Absolutely all right, I love you. Talk to you later.

Unknown: 58:19

Thanks for joining us for a caffeinated conversation. Subscribe to Coffee with nicoa for more stories from people living a life by design. You can also find inspiration on Instagram, just follow Coffee with nicoa and check out our website, coffeewithnicoa.com and that's nicoa, n, i, c, O, A, we look forward to talking with you soon, and enjoy your coffee between now and then you.