Espresso Shot 32: The Head And The Heart, no, not the band

Ready to talk about the importance of integrating the head and heart?  Nicoa emphasizes the need to observe thoughts, feel into them, and consider new perspectives. She shares a personal story about a fender bender caused by distraction, illustrating how initial self-criticism can be replaced with compassion and understanding. A Life By Design Practice is to balance moments like these by coming back to the body, the heart of the matter, placing a hand on their heart taking deep breaths and considering compassion for yourself. LIFE BY DESIGN!

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Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:02

Sometimes don't you just need a quick moment of inspiration, or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly Coffee with nicoa espresso shots. I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip, in addition to my longer Coffee with nicoa interview episodes. Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with nicoa interview created just for you. Hey guys, it's nicoa. It's your weekly espresso shot. Thank you for listening. We're going to talk about the head and the heart, and no, I'm not talking about one of my favorite bands. But if you'd like to pause right now and go look that band up, it is really one of my favorite bands right now, and has been for the past few years. I saw them at Greenfield Lake amphitheater back in the day. Anyway, I think it was a band that my daughter and her girlfriend also just went to see maybe a year ago. Anyway, the head and the heart. We're going to talk about your head and your heart, and how every time you get in your head, your heart is not available to you. And the reason I want you to really consider this is because when you can integrate the head and the heart, imagine like a an infinity symbol, your thoughts and your feelings, your thoughts and your feelings, because without both, you can't actually create the life by design that you crave. So I want you to think about it this way. Every time you get stressed out, triggered, reactionary, you're typically thinking about something. You are making something mean something, and you're in your head, so you've created a stress reaction. You're having a moment of anxiety. You are totally freaking out about something. That's because you're in your head. And when you're in your head and you're only in your head, then you are emotionally unavailable. So let's pause long enough to say, oh my god, I'm stressed out and I'm reacting to something. Okay, let me observe. Let me observe the thought I'm having, and then let me ask myself, woo, this is making me feel fill in the blank. I feel this way because fill in the blank. This is uncomfortable for me because I'm making it mean and by the way, whatever has happened to trigger your stress reaction is actually irrelevant. I don't care what's happening. I mean, if you're in danger, run away. My God. But usually the stressors that we're talking about on these espresso shots, they have everything to do with your thinking, everything to do with your thinking. So nicoa, how do I stop thinking and getting triggered and making things mean, things that cause me anxiety and stress? Well, you start feeling into it. So the deep breath that you can offer yourself gives you the space to observe the thought you are having the head and the heart. I invite you to literally put your hand on your heart and take that breath and then ask yourself, Am I stressing myself out? How might I relieve this stress? What is a new thought? How could I think about this situation or circumstance differently? I think about the time that I had a fender bender on my way to work one morning, I was completely distracted by running late stopping to get a Starbucks? Yeah, I know I've been addicted to Starbucks for decades. And as I went to move forward, my Starbucks had spilled, and I turned and looked down at my Starbucks, and it was on the it was spilling out onto the floor of the passenger side, and I leaned over and grabbed it, and the guy in front of me stopped short, and I bumped into the back of him and dented up the front of my Mini Cooper. This was quite a while ago, and I remember in that moment, my initial stress reaction was that I was an idiot. I was so mad at myself, how could I have let this happen? How if I hadn't stopped for Starbucks because I was running late anyway, and I had convinced myself that I deserve to start stop for Starbucks, which I still think I do. And then it never once occurred to me, by the way, that the guy in front of me had stopped short. Now, clearly it was still my fault. I was behind him, but the entire story I had made up was that I was an idiot. I shouldn't have stopped for Starbucks. I was the one who took my eyes off the road, and I was following him way too close, so it was all my fault. And when I got out of the car, the first thing I said to him was, what I'm. So sorry. It's my fault. Now, interestingly enough, the guy hesitated and paused, and I remember him later saying to me, you know, because he could tell how self disparaging I was, he goes, You know, I think I might have stopped short because I wasn't paying attention to the guy in front of me either. I'm so sorry. You know, I took that as a lesson, because when I think about it from my heart, my heart says, oh, sweet girl, I'm so sorry that you had an accident. Oh, this wasn't what was expected. How disappointing. Oh, you're so upset because your your new MINI Cooper has a dented hood now, not only that, your Starbucks built. Notice the tenderness and the gentleness and the compassion that comes inside my heart when I put and I'm putting my hand on my heart as I tell you this story. Can you match and blend the head and the heart for yourself this week. How often are you staying stuck in your head when you're stressed, triggered, reacting? Can you pause long enough to put your hand on your heart and do the little infinity symbol of head and heart and say, You know what? What would my heart say right now. What would love say right now? What would peace say right now? What's a new thought I could have right now to be kind and compassionate to myself? Life by design. I love mine. You should love yours too. Thanks for listening. Coffee with Nicola you make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with nicoa interview created just for you guys.

Unknown: 7:00

Day, we were a firecracker burning against the sky for the rain, and with our hands up, we were cutting that we were.