Espresso Shot 33: Good Enough Is Good Enough

Good Enough depends on the goal, not you! Nicoa encourages letting go of unrealistic standards and embracing the idea that "good enough" is sufficient. You are sufficient! Nicoa shares a personal story about her children, reflecting on the need to provide an abundance of food and realizing it was more about her own insecurities than their needs. She concludes that remembering what matters most! being present and connecting with loved ones? Or making it perfect? LIFE BY DESIGN! Journaling prompt this week...

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Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:02

Sometimes don't you just need a quick moment of inspiration, or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly Coffee with nicoa espresso shots. I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip, in addition to my longer Coffee with nicoa interview episodes. Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with nicoa interview created just for you. Hey everybody, it's nicoa. It's your weekly espresso shot. It's time to talk about perfectionism, trying to talk about getting it right. It's time to talk about making sure, and I reference these concepts frequently as a recovering overachiever myself, a personality Control Freak coping mechanisms of making sure everything is just right. But I want you to now reflect, and I invite you to be good enough to stop with the perfectionism. Stop trying to be the perfect best friend. Stop trying to be the perfect colleague or the best in your field. Absolutely the best got to be the best. Stop trying to be the perfect partner. Stop putting all of the responsibility on you for getting it right. Stop holding yourself to a standard that's unrealistic. Ask yourself the following question, is this good enough? Was this is this sufficient? Is this fine? Am I also getting what I need in this situation is making it perfect and getting it just right and going above and beyond, going to serve me more. Or could I just do what is the bare minimum here? I mean, what is the ultimate goal here? Is doing above and beyond a part of my identity, and therefore I have to work even harder to make sure it's perfect, or do the individuals receiving my effort feel sufficiently taken care of? You know, as I was thinking about my kids coming into town this past weekend, I was thinking about my budget, and I was thinking, Man, I don't really have a lot of cash, and I really want to make sure I have everything they need while they're here. And I usually, historically, would go above and beyond expectation with some sort of standard of what it's supposed to be like when your kids come home from college or come home from wherever they live. And in my past, that looked like over the top, abundance plenty of food, lots of options, plenty of snacks. So as I looked at my refrigerator, having been living alone now for a while, and I thought, Oh, I don't really have a lot of food in here. I got enough for me. But, you know, do I need to go drop a couple 100 bucks and just make sure these kids have what they need? So Well, no, you don't, Nicola, you don't have to overextend yourself to make sure they're happy. Is that about them, or is that about you? Is that about a belief system that you think they have an expectation around what they're going to experience when they come home? So I met myself halfway. I was like, you know, what? What can I make for them? What do I already have? What would be sufficient for them when they bring their friends home? And I made a couple of quiches that lasted both Saturday and Sunday morning. I was able to leverage the food we already had here to have a burger night. All had to pick up. Were a few items. I know this sounds petty and weird, but for me, it was a big deal for me, feeling like I didn't have enough for them, somehow, was a reflection on me not being enough, because I sat with it for a minute and I was like, What am I making this mean? I'm making it mean if my kids come home and I'm now alone, by the way, this was the first time they were coming home when John was no longer here. So it would be the first time we would all be together as a family. And I was nervous about that. Here's my life now. How will they judge that? What will they think of that? What if it's not the same? Well, guess what? It's not the same, it's different. And it was enough, and there was more than enough food, and, oh, by the way, all three of my children have jobs, and can go buy their own food if they wanted to. But it was a very interesting concept for me to reflect upon, what is enough. Am I striving for perfectionism and the over the top experience of abundance to make sure that they know they're loved and that I am sufficiently providing as a mother? How is that serving me? Was that too much pressure, too much stress, and could I back it up and self reflect and look at what my goal was for the weekend. I wanted them to feel taken care of, but I also wanted them to just spend time with me. So I didn't really care whether there was enough quiche or not. There was plenty. This example is but one of expectation, perfectionism, thinking that how you show up for others based on some standard that you learned in your lifetime is a reflection of your worth, is a false perception. You are enough, whether you provide quiche or not, you are enough whether there's enough milk and food in the fridge for your kids when they show up, this is not about their survival and lack as a caregiver. This is simply about something that would be a nice to have, and I was able to find the balance in creating that for them and myself, but most importantly, I was able to spend time with them and connect with them and remember that they love me, whether I'm married, whether the refrigerator is full, whether there's quiche, homemade quiche on the counter. When they wake up with their friends, they really don't care. They just want to come home and be with their mother. And I am good enough, and so are you? Where do you need to reflect on perfectionism, and where do you need to decide that good enough is good enough? Thanks for listening, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with nicoa interview created just for you. I

Unknown: 7:20

renegade day, we were a firecracker burning against the sky.