S2 EP30: WILLIAM STADLER

Nicoa interviews her Favorite Barista! (shhhhh don't tell the others!) Nicoa and William Stadler discuss William's diverse career journey, including his time as a Starbuck's barista, his HR roles at Red Hat and Google, and his passion for science fiction writing. William shares his struggles with mental health and how therapy and writing helped him step into his LIFE BY DESIGN. He emphasizes the importance of creativity, tenacity, and not letting others change who you are. William's LIFE BY DESIGN highlights the value of family (he homeschools his four kids!) self-awareness, resilience, and the power of play in personal and professional growth!

WILLIAM'S AUTHOR LINK HERE:  https://www.amazon.com/stores/William-Stadler/author/B009UY57DC

Buy your copy of YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN: A Coffee With Nicoa Self-Care Coaching Journal
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Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:00

Music. Grab your coffee and join me nicoa For a caffeinated conversation about life. I'll be talking to people who have chosen to walk their own paths, and just like me, are creating a life by design. I hope it will give you the inspiration you need to do exactly the same. Hey everybody. Welcome to Coffee with nicoa. It's nicoa and my really good friend William Stadler, who I have known now since, I wanted to say 2008 2009

WILLIAM STADLER: 0:36

it's probably around that time, seven, eight or nine, one of those one of those years, because

Nicoa Coach: 0:41

that's when you were mastering your barista hood, yep, as Starbucks,

WILLIAM STADLER: 0:46

Starbucks, but you'll be sad to know that I've forgotten your drink.

Nicoa Coach: 0:51

Yeah, oh, you forgot my drink. Come on. Come on. Now.

WILLIAM STADLER: 0:55

I cannot remember at all. It's been years now.

Nicoa Coach: 0:59

I think back then I was, I was heading off to my big HR job. Ironically, now that we look at your career, right, I was at all scripts, and I probably was getting an a venti non fat latte with an extra shot. Sadly,

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:17

I now see I can see that now I can see that drink. And I remember

Nicoa Coach: 1:22

once, when you weren't giving me my coffee, some other girl, she was new, she was giving me my coffee, and she handed it to me, and I knew by weight it was accurately done. And I said, you know, I think you put too much foam in here.

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:38

Yep, you can tell the difference when you're when you're good at it, you know, when there's a lot of phone versus shot, that ratio is real. So, Nicole, you were, yeah, but you always a good customer, because you weren't like, mean to us, like some people when we messed up drinks.

Nicoa Coach: 1:56

I was just up some plain talk. Values based, is what I say that's exactly

WILLIAM STADLER: 2:01

right. Hey, dear, I think you that is 100% true.

Nicoa Coach: 2:09

Oh my god, I loved getting to know you. And then let me give a quick overview of where you are now. So people know the amazing career you've had since then. So everybody William Stadler, he's been in a variety of disciplines, which is really what's cool about this conversation, is because when I got to know him, he was in a very different place. And then now, good lord, what a great life by design you've created with with your wife, and you have four beautiful children, yeah, two girls, a boy and a girl, right?

WILLIAM STADLER: 2:39

That's right, yep. I remember the order. In that order, yep, in

Nicoa Coach: 2:43

that order. They're homeschooling them now and and all along you have been growing your career. You've got your education from NC State go Wolfpack, and also from Western Carolina University, which you went back and got that master's degree. I think you got that in 2017 something like that, which seems like just the other day.

WILLIAM STADLER: 3:02

I know it feels like that to me too. I was like, Really, this is crazy. You know, it's crazy to think about it, but that was like, seven years ago, and then

Nicoa Coach: 3:10

you jumped into human resources, which you don't even reference the educational endeavor that you went on when we started talking. So I can't wait to go back to that. But yeah, now you're in HR, and you work for Red Hat, and you've also been with Google. Now I'm just really overwhelmed by your beautiful career, and not till mention so everybody, what's really unique about William is that he maintains these traditional careers. But he and his wife, Nicole. I think they like to be a bit of a set of pioneers here in this whole thing called life. And He has published a dozen science fiction

WILLIAM STADLER: 3:50

books. I mean, science fiction, yeah, well, I can barely get

Nicoa Coach: 3:53

one freaking journal out.

WILLIAM STADLER: 3:59

Yep, that's crazy.

Nicoa Coach: 4:00

And you play the bass. And I saw you zoom in, like, doing a jam zoom session online the other on one of your Instagram accounts, posts. And you've got reptiles living at the house. It's

WILLIAM STADLER: 4:14

got all of these interests. And just things just pop up. And you're like, hey, let me go and see if I am interested in this. And you put time in it. And sometimes you put things down, you know, well,

Nicoa Coach: 4:24

tell me about that, because I think when I, when I did this homework on you after having that really, I mean, we don't hang out a lot. We're just right, this is but I feel so close to you. I was thinking, How would I describe Williams life by design? And I would say you have a foundation of creativity and maybe even a sense of fearlessness. How would you describe your foundation in life?

WILLIAM STADLER: 4:53

I think that creativity is right, is spot on and interesting enough, fearlessness, tenacity, you know, I think they kind of go. Hand in hand. And, you know, I look at it like, if I'm interested in something, I need to give it a shot, because what's not on the I don't know. CV, whatever is that I picked up the flute at one time, and I was like, This is not for me. Then I went back to it later on, and then realized this is not for me.

Nicoa Coach: 5:21

Up there. I want you to look right there behind me. You see that little black case that will be that's my flute I played for 10 years, and then went there twice. And like, yeah, I didn't really want to do that either. Keep

WILLIAM STADLER: 5:36

going. It's not the same, yeah. But so you, but do you? Then you do find things that you're interested in right? So like four snakes. Have four snakes, and I love these snakes. They have no concern for me at all. They don't care about me. They just want to eat and hang out. But, you know, they're I care about them, you know, and I make sure that they're safe, but it's just because I have a love for reptiles. And when it comes to the bass guitar, you have the creative side of wanting to explore music. And then you go back and you listen to Motown and a lot of these other just amazing bass guitarists, and you're just thinking, I want to be at least somewhat like that, right? A blink like that, you know? And you realize people like Prince and Les Claypool, like the whole list of people who just can play this instrument. So I find myself researching the top performers or top executors of those fields, like even in writing, with writers like, you know Stephen King or George Martin or, you know Brendan Sanderson, with fantasy and science sci fi just, it's just loving life and figuring out what you can do and what you don't like. You know,

Nicoa Coach: 6:43

now, were you raised that way? Was that always kind of a part of your upbringing about being creative and pursuing your creative interests?

WILLIAM STADLER: 6:52

So raised to pursue them, no but raised to be able to explore, like my mom was always free with like, whatever you want to do, whatever you want to do. You know, you try to get some advice. Some advice from her, invite her, her advice to me, always, well, whatever you want to do, and she'll support it. So that was amazing. So you have this whole open window of like, what do I want to do, you know? And so I got into poetry a lot when I was younger, in high school and stuff. And then I actually decided to write a novel. And that was 2012 that was my first one. You know, Yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 7:23

you totally threw me off when I saw you publish that. I was like, What the hell. Like, wait, right, what? So when we first started talking every morning, when I get my Starbucks every morning, every morning, I was a cop, you know, I was your favorite customer. I know there was a conversation that we had, and didn't we have the conversation before you came to the coach group, coach training that I did, it was like this freebie, like I needed students, and you volunteered to participate. Wasn't it about physics and going back to class? Tell me that story.

WILLIAM STADLER: 8:00

Yeah. So at that time, you know, when I and when I was at NC State, back in, you know, the early 2000s I was actually in chemical engineering. I loved chemistry, and realized that I loved chemistry, but I didn't love the engineering side. So I got out of chemical engineering and didn't graduate. I graduated with a philosophy degree after three years of math and science and, you know, organic chemistries, but, you know, shifted over to philosophy, because I just didn't like the engineering side that much. Well, back when you and I met, when I was at Starbucks, I was I had been doing some design engineering work, but it wasn't full engineering. And I was thinking, hey, I want to try this engineering thing again. So actually, I was going into electrical engineering at that time, and electrical more so because it was adjacent to chemistry and chemical engineering. And I was like, I don't remember the periodic table like I used to, so I don't know if that's like, the right thing to do after being, you know, graduating for 10 years. And so that was the line that I went down. And then after about two years of that, I was like, this is really again, not for me. And I hated it, because you spend so much money doing this, and then you make a change, and you make a pivot all over again, you know? Well,

Nicoa Coach: 9:12

how did you have that conversation with yourself? Because what you just described is typically what prevents people from making changes, because I've already spent all this money and all this time, and, oh my god, I already went down one path and didn't like that. And you know, how did you have that dialog with yourself? Or were there people in your life influencing you? There's

WILLIAM STADLER: 9:31

always people in my life influencing my wife, of course. And you know, Michelle's been great and everything. But you know, one of she's always supportive of, which I love is always supportive of if I'm making a change to that magnitude. And one of the things Nicola and you asked a tough question, how do you have that conversation with yourself if you're chasing money that's all you'll get, and realizing that early in my career, I just had to be. Like, I hate the fact that I've invested all of this money into this education that I don't that I'm no longer interested in. But if money was the object, that's what I would obtain. But the object was to have a fulfilling career and a fulfilling direction in my life. And if that's always the case, if that's always at the forefront, and if it's always about serving others and and making sure that you're self motivated in that, then that's what you'll get in return. And so I look at it as I look at it truly as an investment. This was money spent that I'm like, Hey, I got some gains from it, but all I really lost was money and time. You know,

Nicoa Coach: 10:36

that's right, and you set a foundation to create more opportunities for money that was aligned with your purpose and passion, which is always more fulfilling. Oh, yes, and it's never too late to change. I mean, I'm an example of that. I've gone through so many changes, you know, when I was at state, I quit the cheerleading thing. When I was at GE, I quit and went to another company, you know, and I've gotten divorced twice. Now, did I tell you that part?

WILLIAM STADLER: 11:01

No, I didn't know that. No,

Nicoa Coach: 11:03

I know I'm going through divorce. Really disappointing, but, and I said to somebody the other day how proud I was of how brave I was to kind of pull the pin on the on the grenade and just say, no, no, no, this is not right. This is not working, and throw that grenade right in the middle of what looked like perfect life, right? And you have to take, you have to follow that intuitive you know, somebody said, Well, oh my god, you feel like you wasted five years. I said, No, no, no, no, I grew I grew up. I realized what mattered most. And I think that's the kind of conversation that you know you role model, that you whether you realize that you're role modeling for people like me and others by continuing to pursue things of interest. Tell me about some of that self dialog though over the years. Is it a quick shift, or do you have to really work through it to overcome any insecurities?

WILLIAM STADLER: 11:57

Yeah, it's a work through and I'll here's a good example. One thing that's also not listed as I was a detention officer for seven months, you know, you remember, yeah, so I did that for a phase back in the day, and now I remember working there, and I just was like, you know, I done some leadership or organizational training and stuff, and probably adjacent to that as well. But one night, and I worked the night shift, 12 hour shifts, and you kind of feel like you're in, you're in, you're an inmate. Also, because you can't really go anywhere. You have to stay in there with the inmates. And so every now and then you take a break. So I took a break. I went outside. It was cold. I love it when it's cold like that in North Carolina, I'm just that crisp, no humidity, just, you know? And so I sat out on the brick wall right in front of the jail, and Nicole was so strange. I saw myself growing older in that uniform, and I was like, that's not what I want. I don't want to retire here. And fortunately, there are people who do right, because otherwise we'd be in a bad but that just wasn't for me, and it was a phase of life and and so every time that I do have a shift, there is a moment of, this is what, what does my future look like? So to your point, you know, to ask you the question about your marriage, did you waste five years like, No, I spent my five years in this way, and I learned a lot from it, right? And I don't feel like I wasted those seven months, and don't feel like they'll wasted the, you know, three or four years that I was at Starbucks, right? That was a phase that I'll never forget you and I met you in one of the things that I love about you, and always I don't talk to Michelle about this too, is you have a talent for spot. You have a talent for spotting talent, right? And so, and maybe that's the HR side. That's the obviously, the innate Nicola side. But so you came up and you talked with me and invited me to this coaching session, which I found a lot of value in just learning about how to check myself. Whenever asking yourself, How are you feeling about this and living, you said something I remember very vividly, which is living in the moment. When you're at home, you're at home, when you're at work, you're at work. And I use that a lot because sometimes they just blend together. And when I find that things are blending too much, I'll reset back to that. And if I can't reset, Nicola, that's when I know I need to change either that's changed jobs or change careers. Even, you know

Nicoa Coach: 14:19

that's right, it makes me think about when I would say, you know, the minute now people aren't getting in their cars, often driving to a job. Now that there's I say, Now, when you put your hand on the mouse or you flip up your laptop, do you dread it? And if you're dreading it, that's just a messaging system from your body and your soul saying, hey, this may not be working for me anymore, or I'm just out of balance right now, and I need to go fill my cup a little bit so it doesn't have to be extreme to where you have to quit. I don't want people thinking that you and I are walking around going, Oh, whatever next. Oh, let's just try something different. We have families to raise. We have mortgages to pay. You. These decisions aren't come by lightly. You know, I'm glad you mentioned the coaching experience that was new for me. I was getting trained for the first time through the new field network, and that was part of the activity. Do you tell me more about what you remember about that class, if any? Because I'm having a hard time remembering the exact

WILLIAM STADLER: 15:18

Yeah, no, it was funny. So we were actually it was good for me, because I was at Starbucks at the time, but we were meeting at a different Starbucks, so at least felt out of climate. And

Nicoa Coach: 15:28

we were, of course,

WILLIAM STADLER: 15:32

yeah, I mean, like, why not? Right? And so there's a small group of us, maybe about five or six. And again, a lot of it was based on what I learned. I learned the term later when you gave me a book called energy leadership that was basically the foundation of your coaching platform. Is what energy are you feeling from yourself and you know? And I really took that to heart, because I'm like, how again, do I need to check my emotions, whether that's in a consulting situation or especially in some of those tough being in HR, you're in tough conversations a lot, you know, more often than normal, and you really need to be able to feel the energy of yourself and energy of the room, and also being able to to your point that you reiterated often was, how do you reset? And again, I go back to that, like, how do you reset? And say, Okay, what's my what is my focus? What are my values? And is this? What am I getting out of this? And being comfortable with yourself, knowing that you have, there's value enough in yourself to get something for yourself, right? And I think in this American dream of appeal. We don't think of ourselves enough, but not that we should be arrogant, but we don't think of ourselves enough, right?

Nicoa Coach: 16:48

Because we're being told that we're not enough and therefore, and we're being told to be humble and make sure you don't overly brag, but don't forget to market yourself and don't forget to put yourself out there. It's a real, real challenge. And what we were trying to unfold in those conversations was, yes, the energy leadership Toolkit, which is, you know, one of those seven levels of energy that you're viewing the world at any point in time, and then which one will serve you, and then the other piece of it was just this observation of self and your ontological way of being. So your way of being then, when you were working at Starbucks and we were doing that, compared to your way of being now, where would you say the biggest shifts have been over the years?

WILLIAM STADLER: 18:06

So that's a good question also, and I'll tell you what I tell people now, when I'm coaching them doing career coaching, just on the side or something, and just want to help someone else, I'll ask them a question of, What do you think the most important thing is in presenting yourself to a company, and they'll say, um, I'd say your experience, or how you or your ability to do The job or and I'm saying No, I said 100% you're selling your confidence, and you will only make it as far in your career as your confidence will allow. Now you do see people who are overconfident, and they will, they will get in those jobs, and they're competent, their competence will, will come into play. But there's so many people whose confidence alone will get them a position, and I was noticing when I looked back at, you know, 15 years ago, my confidence was at a low, you know, I just had some all these difficult life moments, and that's actually why I started writing novels to begin with. And I was just like, how, how, why do I think this way of myself, you know, and so just through all of these circumstances, and again, I really have appreciated our relationship over the years. Nicola and and just thinking of, Hey, you are valuable, and going after the things that you want is not a bad thing. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. It seems crazy, but it's true. It's strategic, right?

Nicoa Coach: 19:29

Exactly, that's my favorite thing. Self care is not selfish, it's strategic. Is there anything about those tough times that you could share with us? I don't want to cry, but I'd be curious. Yeah, you know,

WILLIAM STADLER: 19:39

this is good. And then, coincidentally, where the Olympics are prime and Simone's getting all of her medallions and enjoying it, but, but I think she's made discussion of mental health a global topic, whereas we knew before it was not really, it was still, you know, taboo, but, but for me, it's been a struggle even as far back as high school, dealing with depression, dealing with suicide, and over the years, and especially being a black male, which those things are not talked about in Our community at all, right, you know. And so dealing with that for years and just being like, am I? Am I good enough? Am I worth it? And everything that you collect doesn't add value. The value comes from within, you know. And so you can, you can be married, you can get a house, you can. The job and all these other things and still be incomplete, right? And so that was really my struggle. And the first time that I saw a counselor, it was weird. I'd never done that kind of thing. I didn't think it was really a me thing, but I was like, Hey, I got to do something to take care of myself. Because, just like I would see a medical doctor for any physical ailments, I do need to see a mind doctor for you know, just going through these therapy. So I was fortunate enough to be at NC State at the time where they offered a counseling for free for students that could help their grad student program it was and my counselor at the time just asked me the question, Have I ever considered writing? And I thought about it for a while, and I actually thought, Well, I tried journaling, but that really wasn't for me, because I was like, I already understand my thoughts, so I don't need to journal to get my thoughts, you know. But being able to immerse myself into these fantasy and sci fi worlds felt like that was the missing component. And Nicole, when I tell you that I not to the same degree. I don't deal with depression or suicide to nearly the same degrees at all. Now, I know what those triggers are, and I stay away from them, but at the same time, it is night and day difference. You know,

Nicoa Coach: 21:41

wow. First of all, I'm just so proud of you. You know, I was talking with two of my kids this morning, we were all on FaceTime, and I was like, oh, where, where have you been? She just one of them, and just walk back in. Oh, I was at my counselor, my therapist, and and then the other kid says, Oh yeah, I meet mine on Zoom. And I was like, look at us all going to therapy, but it's just a way of being now for this next generation. I mean, they're 2027, you know, they're young and but they know that it's okay to ask for help, and I'm really proud of you for for reaching out and getting help. Did someone say something to you, or did you just say, what? The what? And I better get some help now and go or I

WILLIAM STADLER: 22:25

really will say I, I'm glad of my own personal self awareness, right? And and also being humble enough to myself, not to others, you know, because others wouldn't have thought that I needed this. You know, William, you're great. You're always party. And also, you know, but, but asking myself, why am I doing this, and why am I treating myself this way? You know, yeah. And what's

Nicoa Coach: 22:49

the conversation nowadays? How do you do you still see a therapist, or do you have a new way of dialoguing with yourself?

WILLIAM STADLER: 22:56

No, so I don't see a therapist now, but I'm always open to it, and I always know, like, if I get into that mindset, like I know where I need to go, right? But I also, again, I mentioned the triggers. I know what was triggering those types of behaviors, right? And that's when I learned Nicole that I'm an introvert. You can believe it at the time, I've been alive for like, 35 years, or 30 years or whatever, and didn't realize that I thought I was an extrovert, because everybody said I was, you know, that's a good

Nicoa Coach: 23:22

point, yeah, and so you were probably being overstimulated in environments that were chaotic, that might cause you to need to retreat. Was that it part of that gap? That

WILLIAM STADLER: 23:33

was the gap, because I would be like, Why am I not the life of the party tonight? Or, why am I not, you know, or, you know, why am I not the one who is making everybody laugh and getting everybody engaged and being hospitable to everyone and making sure everyone's Why am I not feeling that right now? And it's because I now know that I need to recharge. Who would have thought, right? Who would have thought, I

Nicoa Coach: 23:54

believe you, because I think we're very similar. I often joke now that I'm an introverted extrovert, because and I found this out to be rather profound. In the last four months since my husband and I split and I'm an empty nester this year, I had not been alone in this house since I was a latch key kid. This happens to be my family home that I bought from my father, but I'm walking around this house going, I like this. This is nice. I think I'm gonna go to bed now it's 540 or I think I'm gonna get up and turn the music up full blast, and it's 5am I mean, I found that I really love myself, and I've never really had enough time alone to reflect on that in the last 55 years. And it is kind of shocking. I think I share the story because, like you said, had been 35 years and you're like, oh my god, I'm an introvert. Everybody, step back and notice what labels that you're living under and you're trying to live up to. Maybe they aren't naturally or authentically yours. Maybe there's a new way of being, which is why the coaching we talked about, which was ontological a way of being, and what way of being makes you feel most comfortable and authentic,

WILLIAM STADLER: 25:20

right? And I think that's where I really had to what I had to really ask on myself is, how can I be sure that I can look out? Other people, that's that's a nature for me, and it's going to never change. And I love that about myself, but also look out for myself in this, in that same vein, right? And so I'm like, Okay, I know that we're going to go on vacation and visit family members for on a week at a time. I need to recharge ahead of time for a couple of days. That's whether that's reading or writing or just going off by myself, go see a movie by myself or something, and then I can be fully engaged when I'm there. And it goes back to the point that you made, which is when I'm there, I'm there, right? But I know that I'm going to be disconnected if I don't get that time to recharge, right? That's

Nicoa Coach: 26:06

beautiful. And getting out ahead of it is what I call that. If I get out ahead of it and I can anticipate it. You have to spend time though, visualizing. What do you want that time to look like? And most people just are hurrying to get ready to go on the vacation. And then there it takes them three days into the one week vacation before they're actually relaxed. And half the time they got one foot in and one foot out, and they're frustrated. You know, I have a question for you. I had a friend the other day who said they did something for someone because it was the right thing to do. It's what they wanted. It aligned with their values. But the whole time, they were annoyed about it, and while they were in it, they were kind of passive aggressive with the person they were with. How do we help people? So my question to her was, well, why are you Why couldn't you just be there? And she was like, because I wanted him to know I was annoyed. And I was like, Well, what if you had just said, I'm really annoyed. I get confused with why people don't just commit once they're in it, commit to it. Has that ever been a struggle for you really committing or think like, what if you didn't get ahead of it and get your own cup filled up?

WILLIAM STADLER: 27:20

No, I without question, right? And I think that's just what I experienced in normal human interaction. Is because you're like, hey, I love everything that I'm doing, and I love that I'm but, but I got this one hang up that I'm just holding on to, right? Just, and I found to that point, if you don't bring it up and just say it, then you end up holding on to it and ruining the whole experience, right? For everybody, not just everybody, yeah, for everybody, for everybody. And I think a good example is, after 15 years of marriage, that's really a lot better to just go ahead and say it in a nice way, and then you don't, you're not like, upset for three and four days, right? He's like, hey, we just, we said, what's going on? And here it is. We talk about it for 30 minutes, and then we can move on. And I think that that's where my it's my own personal learning, going back to that, which is being caring about myself enough to admit when I'm offended, right? And instead of just holding on to it and continuing to be offended, because that offense is going to stay there, and we have to figure out what we want to do with it, because, to that point again, what are we going to do with this excess energy, right? Because it's gonna sit there.

Nicoa Coach: 28:32

And if you're offended and you haven't spoken your truth, then you're actually abandoning yourself by not speaking up. And I think that's what happens over and over and over again, until people build that up, and then they're like, become the martyr, right? They end up the victim to their circumstance and who they're really mad at, most likely, or if they're in that fighter mentality of blame if they look in the mirror, they're really mad at themselves for not speaking their truth. Now talk to me about these beautiful babies and how you guys have been. I mean, when we first met, who, when was the first baby born?

WILLIAM STADLER: 29:10

So the first one was born in 2010 so right after we met, yeah, yeah, right after we met,

Nicoa Coach: 29:17

can I just before you talk about the just made me think of something I wanted. I thought about this before, and I would like to share this, because you're in human resources, and I'm in human resource. And if anybody listening, any leaders out there, anybody I had an unconscious bias about who you were and what your life was. Because you were a barista at Starbucks, I did not know you. I think you'd already finished school when we Yeah, so I had assumed that you were just some young student working at Starbucks with no purpose in life. I mean, I didn't consciously think these things, but I realize it now, because then afterwards, I was like, Holy shit, he's married. Wait what? He's got a life? What they had a kid? Oh, my God, he just wrote a book. It it's like you're in your own world so much, and you just have a glance of a relationship with somebody. So you make up a whole freaking story, which I didn't really make up much of a story at all about you, but I loved our interactions. And then it was like you continued to surprise me. Over and over again, which, by the way, should not have been any surprise whatsoever.

WILLIAM STADLER: 30:37

It makes sense, because I love that you say that, and I think it's a self admission on my own part, where I made up my own self worth based on that role, right? And I had, when I worked as a barista, I had to tell myself, like I am going to do this the most excellent way, you know what? And so that's why I wanted to spend extra times weren't learning people's drinks and making sure that this door was clean. And I'm not just saying this as a cliche. I really live by this principle. When I worked as a barista, I was like, Hey, this is where life has me right now, and so I'm going to make the most of it. So I and I still look back and I love this is this. I'm not saying this as a cliche. I love that I work there, and I go in sometimes, and I just, I've find myself valuing that whole experience, because I know what I went through. And again, labeling myself as a barista and thinking that somehow, like, what, what's, what's left of me, you know,

Nicoa Coach: 31:29

well, you and I would not have become close if you hadn't taken that job so seriously, and that's why I loved interacting with you, because I clearly felt a connection to what you had to bring to the table, and I would never would have invited you to join me if I didn't think you were going to be a profound member of that Group, and you were, it was so helpful for me. I was like this guy, like I knew that you and I could sit here and talk all day long just from our short interactions, because you, you, you gave your all, and when you show up, people need to remember, you're all unique. We're all supposed to be having these powerful interactions. I mean, look at the the pipeline of, you know, outcomes as a result of all of our interactions with each other. I mean, even fast forward when Mert and I were in Eastern Europe, just a quick stop off to Dublin, and you're texting me, you're like, oh my god, can you buy me a bottle of writer's tears.

WILLIAM STADLER: 32:34

You made my day. You made my day getting writer's tears for me, and the fact that you were just really that close to it, and bro, I was, I mean, it just over the top, made my day. It was so

Nicoa Coach: 32:47

fun. No, so for those listening, writers tears, it's a it's a whiskey, Irish whiskey, and you were a writer, and how you needed to have your glass of writer's tears while you were writing. So now I will tell you, fast forward. I saw him in a local ABC store the other day.

WILLIAM STADLER: 33:03

So I think they started, I know, I think they started selling them here, but you couldn't find them before. You couldn't, you couldn't get them here. And so I had checked multiple ABC stores looking for them. I couldn't find them

Nicoa Coach: 33:17

running through the Dublin Airport, because we weren't even visiting Ireland. We were just in the airport. And I'm like, I gotta go. I gotta go get and I go duty free. And I'm like, Man, this is it, right? Let's get i Hurry back. And we made it to the flight. And I was just so pleased to be able to bring you that surprise. I mean, you asked for it, but

WILLIAM STADLER: 33:36

still. But it was, I mean, and I just like, I said, I saw it on somebody's post on Twitter. And for years I was trying to, trying to get one. For years, people would go to Ireland and they couldn't bring it, whatever, for whatever reason. I was like, Oh my gosh, this is crazy, you know. So it was amazing.

Nicoa Coach: 33:53

I love that. Well, let's talk about, how are you taking this insight? I'm really curious about the energy leadership too, because you were learning it when your children were being born, how have you applied it with raising your kids?

WILLIAM STADLER: 34:08

It is that's a another good question, because I think about it often, of making sure that I'm raising my kids to be the best them they can be the best individual that they can be as free from my my own like biases and perceptions, right? And that's tough to do, because you may want them to do something, or you may want you may see, especially when you see specific talents in your kids that they don't want to pursue, you know. And that's so hard because you're just like, Oh, if you would just put your time into this. But at the same time, that's not my burden to bear, you know, and that's theirs to bear. And so that energy of watching what gives them life and how to motivate them into the things that they do care about, but also being aware enough to withhold things from them so that they learn to chase right? Because what happens is you can get a child and you can, you mean, Nicole. You have kids of your own, you know you want to give them a give them everything you know. And sometimes one of the best givings you can give them is to not give and to let them understand what it's like to to want something for themselves and to fight for it. And and I have seen my 14 year old and my 12 year old specifically. They're at that age, labor through some of the most toughest relationship issues, and they have come out on the other side a better person. Like, I'm in tears talking to them about how proud I am because I've watched them, and you want to just come in and, like, mix the cake for yourself. Like, because you I've been through this. I was your age, but you're like, No, I'm going to hold back. They need to. I need to watch them swing on this, these monkey bars, and make sure that they're safe. But I need to give them the ability to take those risks in relationships, in their own little career endeavors, in school or whatever. And so that energy leadership portion is understanding how to training them to manage their own energy. That's what it is as a parent,

Nicoa Coach: 36:12

and learn what they're making their world mean and how, you know, if they're making it mean that, then they may have to keep going down that path with that partner. Or, you know, it's been interesting. I wish I knew what I know now, back when I was raised and I there's just no, I can't do the 2020 because I pretty much was a although they're very independent, two of the three, one still in college. The other two are out, self sustaining, tax paying, you know, places to live, and they're not hurting anybody, and they seem really happy. So I'm like, Well, we did something, right? But there is this part of me that was the snowplow parent. You know, the snowplow parent said, Oh, let me, oh, let me help you write that email. Oh, let me make that. Two phone calls for you. Let me get let me make it easier. And I wondered in reflection on that recently, you know, my my parents were kind of like, good luck. 70s and 80s, you're like, open the front door, come on home, you know, like, where are you? If you were home by, you know, sunset, you're doing pretty well, like they didn't. We're in people's houses, you know, nobody knew where we were,

WILLIAM STADLER: 37:22

nobody. No cell phones,

Nicoa Coach: 37:25

no cell phone. And half the time I'm home alone, you know, piddling around, like doing nothing for that, watching MTV. You know, my best life and and I so in my, in retrospect, when my kids showed up, I'm like, let me engage because I didn't have a lot of engagement. So let me engage more. Well, tell me more. They're pretty savvy, though, because they stopped, they learn how to set boundaries with me, and you'll watch your kids do the same where I'm like, Well, can I read your college application? No. They said, No. I said, Oh my god, so you and I are both writers. I mean, I have a communications degree, yeah, I have not been able to help one child with their application essay. It was so painful. But they all got in, they all got it, yeah,

WILLIAM STADLER: 38:17

I completely agree. I'm and to your point, you know, being in HR, and I'm trying to get my daughter, like, fill out an application for work, and I'm just like, I just, I want to do it for but at the same time, it doesn't help her, right? So you I love that description, Snowplow parent, because you're teaching your kids, you're you're training your kids how not to they don't have a resistance tolerance, right? So

Nicoa Coach: 38:42

it's interesting to watch my youngest right now, because we kind of had to pull the rug out from under hers. I've been snowplowing quite a bit with that young one.

WILLIAM STADLER: 38:51

The young Yeah, they get the advantages, right, yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 38:54

or the disadvantages? Because, yeah, because all of a sudden I'm like, Well, I can't help you with that. I'm not in a position to help you with that right now. You're gonna have to go figure that out. And they're like, what? So I wish I could have done it a little less of a like, rug rip. So tell us about homeschooling, because I, I more and more people are choosing to do that. We did it for a hot minute, but it was more out of just we put them on a Academy instead of, yeah, I wasn't really doing it myself, but tell me what you guys are doing. Yeah,

WILLIAM STADLER: 39:26

so fortunate. Fortunately. Michelle is very passionate about homeschooling. And, whereas I'm not as passionate about it, or at least at first I wasn't, and then I now I'm like this, I'm really sold on it, right? But it was more of a causality, because we were just noticing that there was some severe bullying at school, and to the point where I was furious, like, there's mad, and then there's furious. And I was basically like, I'm gonna go up there to the school, and we're gonna have some problems, because this type of bullying is unreal, right? And, um, so I'm sorry, yeah, it was, it's terrible, and I'm it's one of those things. I'm glad it happened, but I hate that it happened, because the fact that it happened meant that we had to respond, and because it happened. Now, our kids have such a high self esteem and high self value, which they wouldn't have if they stayed in that environment unchecked, you know. Now, so all that to say. So. Now that we're currently homeschooling them. And you know, Michelle is, is she's, that's her full time job. She works in this homeschool community once a week, and then, of course, teaching the kids throughout the week. And they have just been thriving in that environment, you know, just, just all of them, all four of them,

Nicoa Coach: 40:50

and the age range again, 14 to 1412,

WILLIAM STADLER: 40:54

10 and nine, okay? And they've been homeschooled for about four years total, like my two younger kid, two youngest kids have not gone to public school at all.

Nicoa Coach: 41:03

Okay? I think that's phenomenal. I think we need to kind of take back control over what education means and looks like and sounds like. And I really enjoyed the two years we did, and, yeah, we the, one of the reasons we took our kids out is because we were just watching the cultural influence of it, like what they were doing in their free time was going to the mall and shopping and, or, you know, yeah, not that

WILLIAM STADLER: 41:31

was, and that's the problem too, is you Yeah, it's all of this, like mine, materialistic, and it's really tough because, and you know, you got to send your kids to public school, then you got to do what you got to do. But, but the same time, it was getting to a point where the teachers didn't even want to tell us what the kids were working on. So we couldn't even help them with their you're talking second and third grade like you can't tell us what they're working on this. So it was becoming more exclusive. Of this is a public school community, and, you know, at home is yours own life. I'm like, No, these are supposed to merge. This is a partnership, you know? And it just was great the case. It wasn't the case.

Nicoa Coach: 42:11

Well, I think that anybody listening, if you've ever considered it, I'd highly recommend it. There are multiple friends that we have that have their kids at home as well. And even if you did it, even if you could do it in a combination, if your kid happens to be smart enough to be able to take some classes at like the community college or the university supplement, skip those other classes, get them exposed to other things. And you know, even if it's just camps, camps a year early because of going to Cape Fear Community College while she was

WILLIAM STADLER: 42:42

Yeah, and I'll add something to that too, because you're asking, like, how do we, like, manage our kids as we're growing up? And this is another real component to it is understanding how to basically, how are we thinking about our kids, emotional state of mind, right? And it's so important for us to be able to build what I don't want my kids graduating and not knowing what we think about them in all circumstances and everyone and they need to know that, like you see in a kind of a contrast, where, again, if you have to public school, it's fine, but don't be disconnected from your kids lives like, that's the part. And there is a sense of separation of I'm home from work, I'm tired, kids, y'all go do your work, and there's that disconnection of a whole social life and educational life that's separate from that homeschool experience.

Nicoa Coach: 43:33

So talk to me about your career. Let's segue to that. So how are you enjoying the path that you took wasn't a straight line, it was squiggly lined. And couple of hiking paths and over here, and

WILLIAM STADLER: 43:47

yeah, 100% the case. When did you

Nicoa Coach: 43:50

decide? HR, because I'm sure you told me this, but

WILLIAM STADLER: 43:54

no, I may not have told you this specifically, because, again, I was doing what I didn't realize was HR for years, and then I was looking back, oh yeah, that was some work. But what I realized is, as I was doing the sales engineering work at a small company in APEX, there was this HR lady, and she was amazing. It was crazy how she knew your kids. She knew she would talk to you. She felt so can. And I was like, you could joke with her about anything you know, and you felt like you could have a conversation with her that was just open and transparent, but at least. And I just said, How is, and I was really inspired by her, and I've, you know, messaged her multiple times to tell her how much of an inspiration she was, even though she's retired now. But that was a real catalyst for me to think, okay, which direction do I want to go? Do I want to go true, like into a sales route, management route, that? Or do I want to go into HR route and just thinking about how I work as a stronger support person, I felt like that was the better direction. So I told myself, there's two careers that I want. Number one, full time writer. Number two, if I can't do that, HR, you know, HR pays the bills, and at least I love it, right?

Nicoa Coach: 45:09

Right? Yeah, well, I love that. And so what was your first opportunity? Were you able to get a client group while you're working with her? Or did you just apply for the job at at Red Hat and get the job?

WILLIAM STADLER: 45:22

You just that is a crazy deep question. So the

Nicoa Coach: 45:27

So, believe it or not, when you went to Red Hat, because I wrote a letter,

WILLIAM STADLER: 45:30

you. You did. You wrote a recommendation letter to the hiring manager whom you knew from another job. I think it was either GE or maybe GSK, one of those two. And that was very like over there. Just it helped so much. And so looking at that experience, basically, So believe it or not, I got promoted at my sales job, and then I got fired from that job.

Unknown: 45:58

That's right, yeah.

WILLIAM STADLER: 46:01

And so it was really tough. And I said, Well, I'm, you know, this is where I'm at. Why don't I just go ahead and go to school. I've already taken the GRE you know, like, let me this is the perfect time to again, back to the beginning of the conversation, really making the best of that moment, because you can get laid off or get fired and be like, All right, I'm done. What am I going to do with my life? Or you can get fired and figure out, how am I going to take the reins of this? And I went back home that same day that I got fired. It was the middle of the day, and I told my wife, and I was she was obviously pretty sad about it, and she was like, Oh, how are you feeling? I was like, well, let's just go to the pool. So took the kids to the pool. We didn't have anything else to do, right? I had a whole day off at that point, so I went to the pool and rethought life. And basically the short of it is, first getting that role was I applied for a temp job after as I was getting my degree, and it became back as an account receivable job. And I was like, I'll take whatever fine, you know, like, this is a good starting point. Well, that assignment was over, and then they tried to give me another account accounting job. And I was like, I don't want another accounting job. I want to HR, well, they hunted for a few more weeks and found a role that was somewhat HR. It was just somewhat but I met, now one of my best family friends. We've gotten to know her, and she was a hiring manager, and she hired me to this job only because I had an HR experience. She said it came down to me and one other candidate. And after that, I got that role, and I just soaked up whatever HR information I could, you know, did everything I could for that company, and such as life. I went to other companies, and then got the Red Hat dream job. That's

Nicoa Coach: 47:42

right, that's right. I just love it.

WILLIAM STADLER: 47:45

Chicken from Red Hat cup. Now she got the Red

Nicoa Coach: 47:50

Hat cup, my Budapest Starbucks cup. That's

WILLIAM STADLER: 47:54

it. That's it. Right? Connected. It's all connected. It's all connected. Yeah, well,

Nicoa Coach: 48:01

I think it's really beautiful and and the key thread that, if, I mean, if people been watching me for a long time listening to me, the thread here is that you're the common denominator of this life, and that can either be very annoying or that can be very liberating. And it seems to me that you have chosen to choose the liberating side of that, not that knowing, and once you recognize that I'm responsible for responding, you know, I'm capable of responding, then you know, I have that ability to choose what I want to do next. So it is the key for me has been to not make where I am, to not judge it in some way as being taking me back to where, you know, oh, this is what I thought it was going to be. And what I remember to every day is to remind myself that this is just where you're supposed to be right now for something even better. And it always gets better. I mean, it always does, you know? I mean, even if things can be like a roller coaster, but ultimately your way of being and your knowledge, and maybe it's just wisdom, maybe it's not all the beautiful coaching, I think it is, but something even better emerges. Tell me what you're working on now and what's really lighting you up in life right now. Yeah,

WILLIAM STADLER: 49:21

so it's kind of a couple of things you probably saw my video where I'm picking up rollerblading. And yes, I love

Nicoa Coach: 49:29

that, but was that a picture of you falling and hurting your chin from Rollerblade. So

WILLIAM STADLER: 49:34

this chin is, this was a dog bite. This is, like, yeah, I didn't really post much of that. This is a dog bite, and that was at the beginning of the year. But the whole rollerblading thing was, you know, I've, like most people, grew up skating, but I've never rollerbladed, so I started to do that recently, and it's different. It's tougher. And to your point, though, I did fall really hard a couple times, and I've gotten hurt a couple times recently. How's your tailbone? That's the tailbone. So my tailbone sore. I got all these like, you got it. So you know exactly what I'm experiencing. And one time I fell, and all of them have been bad, this one was probably the worst I fell, and this was a few weeks ago, and I felt like I like, popped my tricep. Fortunately, I don't think I did. Yeah, but it was just it was so much pain. I've never been in that much pain before, even after a surgery, right? And I was just sitting there on the ground, Nicola, and I thought, is this really what I want to do? I really was thinking, Is this really what I want to do? And I just said, you know, I don't what I don't want to do is to be stagnant, right? And I said, if I got this pain from doing what I love, then let me just get up and keep trying. And again, I'm not making this up. This is not for the podcast. I really thought this through, and I got up and went inside. That day, couldn't skate anymore. I was like, That hit hard. But the next day, like, let's go and try it out. You know, I just kind of kept myself little more secure because I was still in pain. But, you know, I I'm I'm loving it, and I'm like, hey, if I get hurt doing stuff that I would want to do and love, then that's what it's about. That's what we did when we were kids. You take risks, and that's how you learn to ride a bike. And, you know, all of this stuff, right?

Nicoa Coach: 51:30

I'm so proud of you. I mean, think about all those athletes we're watching right now in the Olympics, and they're like, well, she had three ACL terms, you know, and she came back and someone says kidneys weren't working, and she and that was just nine months ago, and look at her, she has lost over metal. I'm like, I actually thought when you were telling that story, and half of our listeners thought this too, if not more, that you were like, Is this really what I want to do? Do? I really want to risk hurting myself and not be but you didn't say that I love that you do. I really want to keep having fun, yes, and if I hurt myself doing it, I don't care. I'm I'm I'm right there with you. I'm taking care of my mother at the moment. So she's 84 and I'm watching her wobble down the hallways with her walker and the PT three times a week and the pain and the medications. And I'm like, no, no, no, I cannot do it. And I so she's role modeling that we need to keep moving to your point. We need to keep rollerblading. You need to keep risking it, moving your body and stretching. And it's so weird this thing we call life, and notice how many belief systems influence our choices. I'm probably rollerblade Yeah. But why did you think rollerblading?

WILLIAM STADLER: 52:52

That's another good question. It was really a coincidence. My daughter wanted a skate birthday party, and we all went skating. And I was like, Huh? Let me just I said, I've always done the quad skates. Let me try rollerblading for the first time. So I tried it out, and it was not the greatest experience. I was like, Okay, I'm learning. And I was like, I actually love this. So I went and got skates for all of us. My kids love it, so it's a great thing for us to do as a family. If I say, Hey, y'all want to go skating, they're, I mean, they dropping video games. They're dropping anime. Everything dropped, right? So good. It's a good time to get them out and moving, you know, ask them to go outside and jog or lift weights. No, no, not doing that, but skating their game for it. So it's play.

Nicoa Coach: 53:33

That's why it's play. Yeah, I wish you guys lived closer. I'd have y'all take me over to the flip and fly. I really want to do that. And there's nobody around that wants to. Don't want to be the creepy 55 year old lady who goes to flip and fly by herself on a Wednesday.

WILLIAM STADLER: 53:51

I know what you mean. I don't

Nicoa Coach: 53:54

want to be that weirdo. Like, Why is she here? Like,

WILLIAM STADLER: 53:57

what are you doing? Yeah, once you add a kid to the mix, you can do whatever you want, right? Exactly? I gotta find

Nicoa Coach: 54:03

somebody's kid. I'll make sure I know random kids. Yeah, kids, oh my god. Williams, this is awesome. You really have reminded me of the importance of play and then really pursuing anything like, I love that you're just like, I'll try that. I want to try that. Let me go try that. As a matter of fact, you'll be proud of me. I signed up for, you know how right now, in the Olympics, they have that the rowing where it's a team, like or the Boys in the Boat, like that movie. I always wanted to row, and I never knew how, and every time I looked it up, it was like, 5am get up and go all the way across town to the river. So they have a class, and I signed up for August 24 it's 90 minutes. They tell you what to wear, and you show up, and you have to be able to be strong enough to lift the boat over your head, which I'm like, I can do that. I'm strong that. And so I'm gonna go and I'm gonna learn how to row. And who knows, maybe that's something that I'll I'll do in the future, but

WILLIAM STADLER: 55:11

that would be amazing. And rowing is, I mean, you know, it's gonna be a workout, for sure, so strong, so strong, but also being out on the water and just, I mean, it, it's an escape, I'm sure, you know, and it's, yeah, that's gonna be a lot of fun.

Nicoa Coach: 55:29

And you know, it's also with. Team. And I think right now I do a lot of solo things that I do love, but I have also uncovered that connection is pretty critical. And I would like to know what it would like to be on a real team. I mean, I did share with the team at state, which was great, but that was a very individual sport, so it's kind of like the team when you watch the gymnast, and they do love each other, but there's a little bit feel that, yeah,

WILLIAM STADLER: 55:57

there's a gap. There's not that oneness, yeah, that oneness. I wonder what

Nicoa Coach: 56:02

oneness would feel like. Have you ever been on a in a team sport before?

WILLIAM STADLER: 56:07

Yeah, so of course, you know football is a team sport. Played that in high school, but then, to your point, I ran track, not it's a team sport, but it's different. Wrestling is a team sport, but it's different, right? Yeah, so I did all three of those, but there's that real individual attention that you have in track and wrestling, where you know you cheer for that other person, but at the same time, one person's movement doesn't make your movement. Whereas in football, if I go here, I need to make sure that my teammate is here, right? That's, yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 56:34

I wish I found that bond at NC State. It was unfortunately, because it was so individually competitive in the beginning, in the end, I don't think we ever really bonded, but yeah, that might have just been me.

WILLIAM STADLER: 56:47

It can be two things,

Nicoa Coach: 56:52

even though my even though everybody in my world wanted me to do it, I was like, I don't know about this. Well, I look forward to seeing what that's like. And you're inspiring me talk to me about are you writing right now? Is there any other projects, anything you want to share with our listeners?

WILLIAM STADLER: 57:10

Yeah, so right now I've so I had to just, I had this, like, five year writing break. It was what I would call a writer's freeze, not a writer's block. And I'll give you a brief difference.

Nicoa Coach: 57:22

I gave you the bourbon. Maybe I shouldn't have given you the

WILLIAM STADLER: 57:26

Whisper. I was like, What? No, well, I can't get enough of this stuff right on time, right. But so what happens? You know, I think this, I haven't heard writer's freeze, but I call it this. Like, writer's block is I just don't know what to write next. I would say, right. Writer's freeze is I don't want to mess up. And that is crazy, because I was like, I've written such a great story that now I have all of these different paths that I can choose from, and I'm afraid to take one that's going to take me down the wrong road. And it was very eye opening. Nicola last year, I was reading several projects that I had started and not finished, and I just read through them. It was probably like six or seven projects that I'd started not finished, 20,000 words in, and I would read them and stop at about 15,000 to 20,000 words. I just stopped at that point every time. And I'm like, why am I stopping at this 15,020 1000 word mark? And then I realized what it was that first act was done. And then I had to decide, what is that character going to do next. And every time I didn't, I didn't want to commit, every time I didn't want to commit. And I said the thing that I loved about writing was the freedom, and I have put myself in my own prison. I really thought this way. And so I said, I am stopping that now. And I took one of those projects, and I finished the book, and like, two months later, finished the book, you know, and now I'm on Book Two of that same project. Because I was like, I can't keep doing this to myself, right? I have allowed myself to be free, and then I've created my own jail every time, you know,

Nicoa Coach: 59:03

what do you think that block, though, in that moment, was you said, fear of not getting it right? Or was there something that you think triggered? Was it because you turned it away from being fun and you turned it into a job or an obligation? Nicola,

WILLIAM STADLER: 59:18

Nicola. Nicola. It is the F word failure,

Nicoa Coach: 59:23

and yet you've already published. You've already been successful. Yep. So what do you say? What do you mean by failure? I love this question. It's

WILLIAM STADLER: 59:34

a deep question. I keep saying that, but the fear of failure is always success becomes your new floor, right? I've written a book, and now I can't go lower than that, and we've created this, this world of climbing a ladder, as if to say it's all a ladder, right? And so it's like, if I go run one rung down, I have failed. If I go five, if I get off of the ladder, if I change careers, I have failed. If I decided I've invested this money in college and I don't commit to it, I have failed. And I realized on those 15,000 or 20,000 word projects, and I'm like having a new revelation as I'm talking to you about this, it is I don't have to be constrained by my previous successes. It's crazy. Wow. Simone Biles will never be able to do this when she's 40 years old, but she can't look back and. Say when I was 25 when I was 29 or whatever, you know, she has to find her new successes. And I think we can all learn a future lesson from young Simone right now.

Nicoa Coach: 1:00:40

I think we can. And you know, you already, our entire conversation was about the power of all of those changes, right? It was like, oh. And then I chose to do this, and I chose to do that, but clearly that underlying fear, uncertainty and doubt that we all carry is that that was a failure. I used to think all those things I quit. My friend said you didn't quit. You listened to your intuition and you simply adjusted your path. She's like, that's not quitting, that's adapting, that's adjusting, that's moving towards what feels better and what more beautiful place to be than on planet Earth to be able to to experiment. Because my daughter says she gets paralyzed because she wants to try everything, she wants to study everything, she wants to do everything. And I'm like, Okay, we're gonna have to hone that in. You're about to graduate. So

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:01:39

there's a limiting factor to your exploits.

Nicoa Coach: 1:01:42

She did. She was a barista at Starbucks, so she seems good company. Make sure she listens to this interview. So it's interesting that you still carried the Oh, my God. Well, I did publish that, but it's got to be even better. No, it doesn't. You know, do you want to publish another book or not? That's all it. That's all it has to be.

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:02:01

That's the yes, no question. You know, do you want to go down this path or not? And that's the problem is, we don't know what the path Gosh, I don't want to get on metaphorical but we don't know what the path is going to bring right. But if I would have never written that first book, I would still be in, wrapped up in this depression and this mental anxiety that I was in, right? And that was the freeing part, the creative world that I didn't know I had within myself. And you could say that about my entire career. I mean, the fact that I was a detention officer, loved that part of my life, right, crazy as it was. I mean, some of the craziest stories happened in seven months, but I loved it.

Nicoa Coach: 1:02:37

I think you've got a phenomenal career. I want you to to. I mean, we could talk all day, as I always say, how, as I always say, we need more coffee. Okay, that's

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:02:50

right, we always

Nicoa Coach: 1:02:52

we gotta go to a Starbucks interview. I want to ask you, though, what do you want to celebrate the most about your life by design now?

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:03:04

So this got me thinking on the line of, this is so I'll say this and clean it up. Okay, what I want to celebrate the most about myself is always a tough question, but it's that I don't let people change me. And what I mean by that is not what you've likely heard every don't let people change you don't see it's easy to say that when we're just making our normal everyday choices. You know, whether I want to go to this job. But it's not so easy to say that when someone has hurt us, right, and when someone's done something offensive to us, or when we're whole. And the short of it is, you know, there was multiple times in my career, but one of them in particular, multiple times this kind of things happened. But one of them, one of my best friends, I got him a job. He turned on me, and he tried to get me fired from that same job. Oh my. And it was, it was just a brutal story. I was in the back talking to another friend about it, just rage, crying, you know what I mean, like? And I I knew he didn't know that I knew, but I could have gotten him back right? And I said, That's not who I am. And so I made sure that I did not cross the boundary of becoming someone I didn't want to be. So when I say, don't let people I don't let people change me, it's even in my worst moments, and you'll know like I went on to after that happened. I talked to him about it, and I let it go. Forgave him for it, whatever help he needed. You know, I was there for him, right? What I expect him to what I depend on him? No, but I said, I will always make sure that he doesn't, that I'm not the reason for his own failure, right? And I was like, that's the person I want to be, I want to be. And they're like, William, why do you let him run over you? I said, No, he never ran over me. Once I made this choice, if I let him change me, then he's run over me. And that's true for so many different instances in life and careers. I will not let people change the person I want to be, and that is very hard, especially in those situations, as I'm sure you know, I

Nicoa Coach: 1:05:07

do know, and I'm so proud of you, and that's you aligning to what matters most to you. And that's the first question, what does matter to us? I mean, we have to be able to sit down and really reflect on not just the list, family, community, love, but what is the way of being and how does that. Show up behaviorally in your life by design, and I'm so proud of you for staying true to you. And I always say when people come to work with me, my job is to help you find your true north by rediscovering your authentic self. Because it is in that authenticity that makes it very clear. Oh, well, this is how, of course, how I would behave, because this is who I am, and this is how I align myself to these values. So, yeah, that could be some drama if I wanted to go have some revenge right there. But no, you move on and you keep going. And if you can lift even when somebody was trying to pull you back in, you pull them back out, like help them. That's that aligns with your values. So I celebrate that with you. I think that's phenomenal. How can people find you? I know you're busy over there, Googling and Gemini, or whatever it is y'all are called now.

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:06:30

Yeah, Googling and Gemini. So you can obviously find me on on Amazon, but williamstadler.com is a brief website where you can find just, you know how to connect with me, at least on the book side. But usually that's the best way, one of those two avenues.

Nicoa Coach: 1:06:50

And then if you really want to watch this fun, beautiful man in his life. You can go to your Instagram account too. Yeah, Stadler verse. I love that Stadler verse. You definitely have a Stadler verse, and I'm glad to be in it. I think it's fun being your friend, and I appreciate everything you had to say today, especially about recognizing the power of our mental health and taking responsibility for that your beautiful role modeling of creativity. And I'm you know what? I bet there's people today talking about what a great HR partner you are, and I'm glad that you had that woman that you worked under, and you are continuing her legacy now that she's retired, thank you for sharing your legacy with us, and I'm just so glad. I just love you.

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:07:38

Yeah, same here. Love you too. Nico, like I just have always appreciated our friendship and connection for all these years. It's crazy, but it's just been amazing. So

Nicoa Coach: 1:07:46

Well, I'm sure that we'll reconnect again. Let's, let's have a date a year from now and see what all unfolded.

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:07:52

So true, so true. All right,

Nicoa Coach: 1:07:54

I love you. I'll talk to you soon.

WILLIAM STADLER: 1:07:56

Yeah, take care.

Nicoa Coach: 1:07:58

Take care.

Unknown: 1:08:02

Thanks for joining us. For a caffeinated conversation. Subscribe to Coffee with nicoa for more stories from people living a life by design. You can also find inspiration on Instagram, just follow Coffee with nicoa and check out our website, coffeewithnicoa.com and that's nicoa, n, i, c, O, A, we look forward to talking with you soon, and enjoy your coffee between now and then you.