Espresso Shot 27: TRUTH TELLING

HOW ARE YOU DOING? Nicoa says TELL THE TRUTH! But, what if... YES, WHAT IF?! Tune in to this authentic and vulnerable share. Don"t you really want to know how people feel? And if you don't?JOURNAL ABOUT IT!  

Buy your copy of YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN: A Coffee With Nicoa Self-Care Coaching Journal
on Amazon today! 

Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:02

sometimes don't you just need a quick moment of inspiration. Or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly coffee with Nicola espresso shots. I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip, in addition to my longer Coffee with Nicoa interview episodes, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot, or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Hey, everybody, it's Nicoa. This is your weekly espresso shot? Why not speak your truth? Do you actually tell the truth? Or you tell a lot of white lies throughout the week? Do you actually share with people how you feel? Hmm, here's your topic, this week of truth telling. I am all about truth telling, unapologetically telling your truth, answering the question, actually, how you want to answer it? Oh, wait, no, Nicole, we can't do that. I sent a text out to my clients today that says, you know, I shared with them that yesterday, someone actually called I hadn't talked to in a long time. And she called and I didn't really know how much she knew about my current situation, taking care of my mom, as a caregiver, going through a divorce, you know, have an empty nest, you know, my kids are growing and leaving, and they don't need me. So I'm going through a major set of life transitions. So when this person called and said, Hey, how are you doing? I said, Well, you know, I'm average. today. I'm actually a bit emotional. I told her my truth. First of all, I'm so grateful that she asked, but how many of you actually ask but don't really want to know the answer? I think you actually do want to know the answer. The topic today is to talk about that feeling we get when we either one hesitate to tell our truth, or to feel uncomfortable when somebody does. Now I invite everyone to really take this down as a journaling prompt this week. Because truth telling, yes, you sometimes need to hold back information based on the context. But truth telling actually can create a much more fulfilling life by design, if you give yourself permission to do so. So let's think about this. I have a ton of coaching clients all the time, right. And when I'm having these conversations with them in our weekly sessions, like an hour at a time, they typically start their coaching session by sharing with me what's on their mind. And it might be something that just happened that morning, or it could be a pervasive issue that they've been dealing with maybe in the workplace, maybe with a partner or maybe with a child. And they really start telling me exactly how they feel, you know, they tell me what they want, and what they wish they could have. They talked to me about how much of an impact it's having on them. The circumstance, the frustration, the overwhelm, the disappointment, the annoyance, the victimhood, or the, you know, the fighter in them that really wants to push back. Or maybe they feel like it's a missed opportunity, something is not quite right. And I get the full on truth. Because the beauty of coaching is that it's a safe, confidential space, right. So it's an opportunity for us to really dissect what their truth is, and what and this is my goal. What is holding them back from speaking that truth, quote, unquote, in the real world? So I listen. Yeah, that makes sense. I can see that. I feel I feel Yeah, I see how that might have been the case when you made it mean that right? So I shift into coach mode. I'm curious. Have you told that person how you felt? Did you share in the meeting? Did you speak up right when that happened? Did you hold your tongue? Did you think about it? Did you ruminate on it? Did you speak up? Did you push back? Did you actually ask for what you wanted? Hmm. Now then the question goes on and on. And I will tell you that 99.9% of the time the response from the coaching client is well, no, no, I actually I didn't. Well, no, not yet. Or no, I have never. So then we we try to do a deeper dive, we inquire. Okay, well, what do you think would have happened? If you had shared your truth, just like you just shared it with me. And we play out those scenarios together. And typically, what's underneath it is some form of fear, some insecurity, some form of like potential shame, or maybe embarrassment. Sometimes people just and this is the beautiful part of having these conversations. Sometimes people it just didn't even occur. heard of them to tell their truth in that moment, they're so habitually accustomed to just skimming the top or being shallow in their response so as not to offend, or so as not to bother. It's as if they don't want to take up space, in these circumstances, with their boss, with their employee with their partner. It's a very interesting dynamic, and everybody's different. So I share these dynamics for you to reflect on you. You know, when I do speak up and tell my truth, and when that person called the other day, and I told him, I wasn't feeling so hot, and I've had some emotional ups and downs that day, you know, when I share that truth, I'm actually opening up my heart for the support that I may get need and the connection I want with that individual. I'm actually giving the other person a gift and opportunity to connect with me to respond in an emotional way to meet me where I am. And in most cases, the other human being that you're being truthful with, wants to connect, just like you do, wants to be there to be of service wants to support you. And if I don't share my truth, I'm actually not giving them a chance to feel good about service, about being my friend, about connecting. I'm not even giving them that benefit of the doubt that they can handle it. Their ability, though, in that moment, and you might say, Yeah, well, if I told my truth to some people in my life, they wouldn't be able to handle it. Well, their ability to handle it says a lot more about how well they're able to speak their truth in their lives. And then you can choose how you want to handle that with some TLC with some compassion. Sometimes we want to share our truth sometimes with a family member as an example. And we're really vulnerable, and they don't have the capacity to respond to you in the way you wish. But it doesn't mean you should stop sharing your truth 99% of the people are going to show up for you the way you need them to. And if you continue to do that for others, what you're really doing when you speak your truth, is that your role modeling and you're giving people around you permission to do the same. Do you speak your truth? How much of a truth teller Are you in your lifetime? Happy designing. Thanks for listening Coffee with Nicoa Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you.

Unknown: 8:05

Renegades firecracker burning in scuffle hands on