COFFEE WITH NICOA: Creating A LIFE BY DESIGN.
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Grab your coffee and join me! Nothing is more interesting to me than having a caffeinated conversation about life! I’ve been "coffee talking" to you for years on Instagram, yet that connection hasn't been at the level I crave. Enter the Coffee With Nicoa Podcast! I'll be talking to people who have courageously chosen to walk their own paths and create their Lives by Design. I hope it will inspire you to find your own True North and do the same!
COFFEE WITH NICOA: Creating A LIFE BY DESIGN.
S1 EP38: LISA DUNLAP, Nurse Your Soul
When you don't know what to do ask yourself one question! Tune into this powerful conversation with the amazing LISA DUNLAP to find out what it is! Nicoa and Lisa engage in a powerful reflective dialogue with a LOT of LESSONS LEARNED and ways to EMBODY healthier integrative practices of self acceptance and self love! FIND YOURSELF in this story and pause and imagine how YOU would respond to the experiences Lisa has faced. OH, and don't forget to listen to the VERY END for a shocking story from her life that clearly helps her find her strength and resilience and gratitude for life day in and day out as she creates her LIFE BY DESIGN.
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Grab your coffee and join me Nicoa For a caffeinated conversation about life. I'll be talking to people who have chosen to walk their own paths and just like me, are creating a life by design. I hope it will give you the inspiration you need to do exactly the same. Lisa Dunlap, Welcome to Coffee with Nicoa. How are you this morning? Beautiful.
LISA DUNLAP:I'm doing great. Thank you for having me.
Nicoa Coach:Well, I'm so excited that I randomly ran into you the other night at a networking event. I think it was you and a previous guest, Laurel cynic who I also have already talked to the two of you were talking about surfing and books and authoring and burnout and I thought, okay, okay, I'm just going to wait till she stopped talking, then I'm going to invite her to be able to pack.
LISA DUNLAP:Sounds about right. Yeah. Laurel and me are both creative entrepreneurs who met in a coffee shop, like the name of your podcast, and we both were wearing surfer hats. So it was like love at first sight for friendship. And it was really fun to meet you at that event.
Nicoa Coach:Oh, my gosh, well, you guys inspired me. And I always say, Well, someone says, What do you serve? Are you a surfer? And I'm like, oh, yeah, I served four times. So therefore I consider myself a surfer. Okay, official.
LISA DUNLAP:Hey, I mean, if you've tried it, and you're in the water, then yes, absolutely. I mean, I've been surfing probably 15 years on and off, you know, I was writing up this little thing the other day about it, and but you know, babies surgeries along the way, lots of surgeries. It's kind of like on and off. So I feel like a advanced beginner, if that makes sense. It's like starting over again, with a whole new body after babies and moved here two years ago. So the East Coast surf is very different from Hawaii, where I lived and learn to surf. So it's kind of fun. It's like that Zen beginner's mind, right? Like you could be an expert at something and then be starting over all over again. So
Nicoa Coach:absolutely. Well, you are impressive to me and a role model. And that's exactly why I wanted you to be on coffee with Nicoa. And you truly do have a life by design. Just a quick overview of your background, you have been an integrative nurse practitioner for years, you're a resilience coach or a business coach. You're a surfer, you're a mama, you are an amazing woman who has some stories to share. And you know, I've been working recently with some women who will be at an event in November at Wrightsville Beach as a matter of fact called many women, many stories. And I, what I recognize is that we all have a story. And I love the work you're doing because you tap into a real specialty niche, and that is the healthcare field and individuals who are really faced with burnout. We saw a lot of that during the pandemic. And you know, I loved your phrasing you said, you know, you help people overcome overwhelm burnout, exhaustion, to reignite their passion, joy and confidence. Tell us a little bit about where that started for you is there you know, I like to say the conversion story of burnout. What what happened?
LISA DUNLAP:Yeah, well, thank you for that intro. And yes, my business has been going about three years and I'm sure we'll circle back to that. But I'm also been a nurse practitioner about nine and a nurse just to give some backstory before the burnout, a nurse probably about six years before that. Okay. One of the things before I go into the rock bottom moment was that I was raised in Seattle was always more of the holistic mind doing yoga mindfulness, became an herbalist before I became a nurse was always into, you know how to heal naturally. So kind of the non traditional route to becoming a nurse, I really wanted to integrate the two east and west, when I had that vision to become a nurse. And so
Nicoa Coach:you know, before you do it, then because I did listen to your video, and everybody, you can actually go to her website, which is nourish your soul with lisa.com. Is that still the primary website? Yeah. And I actually was thinking, you know, she's had a life by design for a very long time. Because when you first started out, you know, you, you are already learning about medicine and alternative medicines. When you were very young. You lived in Belize in the South Pacific. You were in Hawaii for 26 years or so. Or when you were when you were 26. And I mean, you really, you've been designing this very intentionally, it feels like
LISA DUNLAP:Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Because you think about where you are, and you don't always feel like you're successful. And then yeah, you look back at like, wow, I was an 18 year old doing medical missions in Belize by myself or you know, with a group Sure. Yes, I knew and really just knew from that moment like I want to heal people. And as many healers are, we heal ourselves. So without getting too much into my childhood, just a lot of trauma, and I was raised by my father and my mom had mental health issues, and she left and some core years and then you know, when I was a baby, and then came back. And so I think that resilience and that like understanding of who I was, and what I wanted to do, was really out of a need to heal myself. So you find things that work, you know, when you're out of balance, because the High Achiever who I was to prove to the world that I could be lovable, was constantly doing, and eventually that catches up with you. And in a lot of different ways illness, mental health. And so I had to really around my 20s, learn how to eat better, slow down, meditate, like, if I was going to be a healer, I needed to heal me. And so when we finally got off on a side note, but yes, that that design was really selfish. At first, it was like, I need these things. And wow, I think if I help others, it will, you know, it worked for me, why can't it work for them, and I just like, it's
Nicoa Coach:not selfish. It's intuitively strategic. I mean, it was a coping mechanism. And you truly knew that if you didn't help yourself, you couldn't, you couldn't survive. So it sounds like you really began to harness all of that knowing and then did it even more intentionally in order to really thrive?
LISA DUNLAP:Right, right, exactly. And I mean, passions have always been there on the side, snowboarding was an early addiction. Now it's surfing. And for those were also part of the picture, right? There's kind of like, the career by design and then there's like, the life you want to live every day by design, right? And there to have always been, um, you know, with ups and downs, right? Like I said, high achiever, you don't just like quit that addiction overnight, I mean, that I can't. Now 43 years old, I have to check that one all the time. So fast forward. Now, graduated nursing school is about I did like a second degree program, High Achiever a second degree, and was like, race through an 18 month. So I think many nurses are burnt out when they graduate school. And it's not talked about because it's almost like military in that you're kind of putting through boot camp. This is the schedule, this is what you do, it's celebrated to work overtime, it's celebrated to work 60 hour weeks, and then you want to pay off your loan. So you like hit the ground running, you know, like 28, I all just 100 grand and student loan nursing that really taught even 20 years ago. Um, and so it was like, but I didn't know, I didn't know, like, I didn't know what the signs were. And so then you're climbing that ladder, and you're like, I'm going to be happy when I become that nurse practitioner. I know, because that's what I always wanted. And when I integrated to, and then you get there, you know, so that took another like six years. So I was about 34. And the same year I graduated NP school, got married, had my first baby very, very common story, I feel like we do it all. And, you know, then you're doing it, you're in it, you're the nurse practitioner, whatever you whatever your audience is in whatever they want to be, but and then it's like, holy crap, you know, I had then a second baby comes and then I'm not that happy. I'm struggling like 40 hours a week and two kids and trying to run marathons and prove to the world I still got it and, um, and then the pandemic hits, you know, and so I think that for everyone was this huge wake up call of like, what are we doing and why are we doing?
Nicoa Coach:So what did it feel like to be you during all those years of striving? I mean, the over achiever or winner in me sees the overachiever in winter in you. Just as a side note, we are enough we are enough we do not have to prove anything. But during that time, I'm very curious and you know, what, what are you saying to yourself, day in and day out?
LISA DUNLAP:Yeah, this is uh, this this is a good question. I got chills it hits a nerve and it's part of the healing journey. After I you know, hit rock bottom burnout and in, though it's important to talk about the inner critic is, you know, self compassion is what I teach my clients now self compassion is what got me through a potential ovarian cancer diagnosis. And self compassion is where I learned how that inner voice was really bringing me down. And that inner voice also got me two degrees and a master's degree. And you know, I had been in kids right and it got me to be a really good snowboarder and surfer, right? So don't get me wrong, that inner critic has a purpose, but it was saying things was, I think used to be like I needed to earn rat. That's a really good example. Don't really, like wake up, drop your kids off at school and go kick your feet up and have a coffee not until you've done XYZ you know, and even just bringing in like eating stuff for women and body image like it was always like, Oh no, you can't just like meet a meal until you've exercised and not not that I've had like a true you know bulimia or anything like that. But that idea I need to earn something I need to earn Oh, you went and exercise. Okay, now you can get Netflix. I mean this like, when I hear myself say it, almost. It makes me so sad. I
Nicoa Coach:know. Wow, you
LISA DUNLAP:know that inner voice? Yeah. The a lot of you're not good enough. And you'll only be good enough when? Right? You're lovable when. And so when the pandemic hit, and my everything came unraveled, my body started coming unraveled, my mental health came unraveled. My children are sitting there at home age, like two and five. You know, I was in Seattle on the front lines doing hospice work, which normally was a very chilled job. And then the nursing homes became like the worst nightmare on Earth. Yeah. Wow. So trying to shove it down, shove it down, which nurses do which women do which humans do because you gotta go to work. Okay. Yeah, this is like, My anxiety is through the roof. I gotta wear this. PPE. I don't know what this is. I still gotta go to work and be the hero. I gotta come home and take care of these kids. It just it unraveled. Like I overnight, I woke up and I couldn't walk my back just gave out my hips. I'm not kidding. Like, I ran a race. And I didn't get injured. But I just could not take care of my kids. I couldn't go to work. Wow. Yes, that was a wake up call number one. And it was very humbling. Because then it's like, became day at home orders. We can't even go do our yoga class. We can't even go do the things that make us feel good, right? It was like locked down. And in that period of unraveling this pain and getting diagnosed. They I got the call from one doctor I was, you know, seeking medical answers I didn't want to go within it was like, oh, no, it's got to be something medical, right? You know, and they said they found a mass of the size of a grapefruit in my ovary. And it was that was wake up number one, like, okay, something is about to change. And being a hospital nurse practitioner, I knew that could be ovarian cancer. And I could be dying, as we mean, nearly all relative, we're kind of all living and we're all tying up. But that was
Nicoa Coach:a shock. I mean, all of a sudden, you first you've been grounded physically, which is not your way of being. And you're probably in shock. Just from that I'm in pain, this doesn't make sense. And there's a pandemic, I can't even imagine being that nurse with all that PPE on and then trying not to come home and give it to your family. I mean, all you could probably think I mean, you must have been like scrubbing down outside the front door.
LISA DUNLAP:Imagine, if you have anxiety, that is exactly what you were doing. I was getting naked in my garage, and I had a rack of clothes. And I was like going straight to the shower, because that's when we knew nothing right? Early and you have a family and you want to be this hero, right? Ego. And then you know, but you're like, I don't really want to bring this in the house. And I am in so much pain. And I'm trying to go out and help people who are in pain with the back pain. And I'm running around to doctors, meanwhile, their doors are closing literally like trying to cook it and
Nicoa Coach:you can't figure out your diagnosis because you can't go you were having these we had them to the virtual doctor's appointments. So you're fortunate in that you actually got the X rays, and were able to figure out you had this mask. So how far into the pandemic, did you actually get the identification of this?
LISA DUNLAP:Yeah, good question. So it was kind of like I think it is probably been about four weeks since it all blew up that they called him found the mask. So I had gotten all those scans prior. They were saying we don't know what this is like, you know, you need to come in and get more testing. And this card is kind of interesting with our self compassion story, because my family was on the way to the mountain to go skiing. It was like our last we're gonna and I still had a lot of pain, but we're like, this is our place and we had a nanny and we're like before we get in lockdown, and they get the call on the way to the mountain and they're like you need to race back and this is an emergency and I just like everything went quiet and prior to that being sort of someone with depression I really went more toward the victim mentality. freakout stress Oh yeah. Okay, turn the car on any or? No, I just got quiet. And I asked myself a question that if no, if you take nothing else from this talk has been transformational to this day. And I said, what is it I need in this moment, right now? What isn't I need in this moment knowing I potentially have cancer knowing we're on the way to my favorite place on Earth. Knowing the pandemics out of control, my body's out of control. I need to go to the mountain. Like, maybe I'm die, maybe I'm not. Where else would I want to be? I'm not bleeding. You know, it wasn't like I was in in America. I said, you know, I literally told the doctor, I was like, I'll see you in a couple days, we can do the stress out thing, we can go through the scan. Like, it's all, you know. And it really was powerful, because it taught me the power of like, in the moment being kind to myself. Yeah.
Nicoa Coach:Beautiful. I mean, I can't even imagine. Yeah, most people pick up the energy of panic. And they think they're supposed to. I mean, it's actually kind of interesting that you mentioned this, because I've often thought about that, you know how we respond to people, like someone says to you, oh, I've got cancer. What do you say? Well, what do we typically say is Oh, my God, oh, you have cancer? Oh, and, or we could sit really still and say what do you need me to say right now? Because who knows? Or you got divorced? Oh, you got divorce? Are we celebrating? Or, you know, why am I quick to create the trauma, drama, you know, angst. And so you actually intercepted that probably a societal, you know, collective habit. So your doctor says, This is urgent, you need to come back. And you resisted going, okay? And responding, you know, reacting by pausing. And that's a powerful skill.
LISA DUNLAP:It really was a moment. And after 2030 years of practicing mindfulness and yoga, it were like, you know, to integrate that right into the moment, right? We could go to yoga class, but can we integrate it into the difficult moment, right? And so certainly, I'm human, let's be real. Like on that mountain, there were moments. Oh, my gosh, writing and like I am dying. Right writing it out. Or like, in this moment, I'm writing and powder. And that's all I know, is true. In this moment, I think my two year old on skis and that is the most beautiful thing in this moment. Where else would I want to be if the world ends tomorrow, which none of us know? Where else do I want to be panicking on a couch in fight or flight or like ripping down the mountain, you know? So it was so cool, because it just taught me a lot about how to find your a laughter peace amidst the suffering. And yeah,
Nicoa Coach:amen. Sister. You are beautiful role model, everybody, just pause and get your pen out and start writing down where you need to be more present in the moment because you're right, who knows what's going to happen tomorrow? And there's so much joy in the present moment, whether you're diagnosed with a death defying disease, or a death, death disease, then, you know, what did you ultimately find out? I mean, you're still with us beautiful soul, so you must have been it.
LISA DUNLAP:Great question. So the next three months were a journey of highs and lows and my mind and body worked against me. And it worked for me. There were like I said, there were moments where I thought I was metastasizing. And I couldn't breathe. And I was like, all the things. And there were moments of how would I want my child to see me right now, if these are my final days, because all the doctor's offices were closing, I'm not kidding. You. Like I couldn't get a cancer marker test. I couldn't get another scan. I couldn't see an oncology. I was just waiting and fighting for advocacy, which, by the way many people have to do all the time. Yeah. A privileged white woman I am not like, ignorant to that who's with medical training, and I still struggled, right? And so I basically would say to myself, how would I want my kids to see me today? Crying depressed because I may be dying, or playing blocks on the floor and laughing, right? Like, every day was like that. And every day at noon, there's one ritual I did or stuck at home with the kids. Luckily, I was off work on disability has been working. I said everyday at noon, honey, you will come watch the kids. I'm going to go to my room on my yoga mat. And the old ME The ME I told you guys about before would have said you should do yoga, you should go get a six pack. You should drink some detoxing. You're
Nicoa Coach:shooting all over yourself.
LISA DUNLAP:But I went to that yoga mat. And I literally said that same question, Lisa. What is it you need in this moment right now and Sometimes I'm telling you that was like going outside and hitting a tree with a baseball bat. Not kidding. Sometimes it was walking barefoot in the grass, engaging my senses and just reconnecting here because you got to do a practice to get present. And then the self compassion practice which is what is it a feeling? Oh my god, I'm feeling scared. feeling pain, I'm feeling fear about the future. Okay, you know, it's okay to feel that you know, the self compassion practice, it's okay, this is a moment it will pass other around the world who are isolated feel just like you right now. Others are really have cancer and are on waiting lists because doctors have closed their shop like so that inner talk became very something kind I can say to myself, Okay. You know, this is hard in this moment. What can I do to control this? How can I feel better in this moment? Journaling, calling a friend crying in the most powerful I think Nicole for me was taking those anxious fear based Thoughts where I saw myself dying from cancer, and never surfing and snowboarding again to Mina. No, I want to see myself How do I want to see myself, I want to see myself surfing, snowboarding, caring for my kids. Seeing the mass dissolving, there's a mass. That's all I knew. Let's see it dissolve. Let's see those cells turn healthy. And being the person I am very loud and obnoxious. I always ask for help. I wrote an email to like 50 family and friends like oh my god, this is my trauma. I'd like you guys to see me surfing snowboarding, I want you to be this mass going away. Whatever you believe whoever your God is, pray to them. And lo and behold, I finally got on a surgery list. And found out that it wasn't wearing cancer, got it been about eight weeks in and still might have been other kinds and they said sit tight don't come to the ER if it bursts it torsions if you're in pain, you know, so there were all these opportunities in severe pain because a mask that big is painful. Yeah. To just go, I'm in pain. What can I do in this moment? To feel better,
Nicoa Coach:you use practice the state of acceptance of what is without feeling overwhelmed by the what is I think a lot of people are afraid to step into those emotions, which I always refer to as energy in motion, it is what moves us. But they're afraid that they will get caught up in the emotion and it'll snowball its way down the hill and and then they can't then they're wait for it buried alive by that snowball. I couldn't help. But I actually do think that your role modeling a sense of presence, acceptance, presence, rituals, you know, how did you validate those emotions that people are afraid to go tap into? How did you? How were you not afraid to just get completely succumbed. You have a history of depression, there's, you know, mental health challenges that we all can experience. You know, I have a technique I like to use, but I'm curious is what your technique was that prevented you from being afraid to go there? How did you get that? Relief?
LISA DUNLAP:Yeah, like I said, it started with a mindfulness practice to first when you've had a trauma brain, you don't even know what you're feeling, right. So anger starts to come up and all that crap. And so the five senses practice was like a daily ritual to get me to what am I feeling, you know, and that was just going out in nature, engaging my senses, and being present, because nature gets you present. And there's so many studies. In fact, there was a conference this week, a call, it was about the blue mind here in Wilmington, and how nature is so healing, and that that's something we could tap into every day. I didn't know that this was leaves. I was just like, this heals me. And so that was one and then the self compassion practice. I researched Dr. Kristin Neff, you know, I'd always been into Buddhism and Pema children and their you know, self compassion is part of their teachings. But she intellectualized it into a step process of like I said, naming the feeling and saying it's okay to feel that. Okay. Relate to you're not alone in your suffering, we feel alone. And then we feel like it's bad. And then we critic criticize ourselves to feel because we feel this thing. Yeah. And really, for me, Nikhil was accepting all of me for the first time in my life, it was saying, Okay, it's cool. I love you overeat. I love you maths. I mean, this sounds woowoo but it's real. All you've done for me, and I love you, Lisa. The dark, the light, the anger hitting the tree right now that you know and when you're stuck at home, it's a cool opportunity. Maybe because you didn't have the distractions, we couldn't go to the class go get the drink, right? We couldn't even go out to eat, right? Like, those were hot, hard times. And so I really had that moment of, well, I can choose to really just, you know, focus on those identities of who I was. And those made me someone, or I can realize, without all those identities, laying on the couch in pain, I am still a lovable, beautiful wife, mother in person. And so I think for me, it was that like, total radical self love of like, even in this ugly moment where I can't cook my kids a meal, I can't, I can really just love myself, because I'm still alive. Right. And I offer value. Right. And so I don't know if that answers your question, but it really worked for me during that time. Yeah, I
Nicoa Coach:think of course, it answers the question. It's your experience and what you ultimately you said a key word you said, you know, I chose, it was a choice. So you're lying there. I mean, we have that Gremlin dialogue, the inner critic, the you know, oh, my God, what was me? What do I want? What do I need? And until you ask those crazy lady questions, you gotta I always tell my clients, I'm going to turn you into a crazy person, I want you talking to yourself, left, right, and up and down. So until you ask that question, then you're, you know, you can't be at choice. And not only were you at choice, you embodied what you had learned, finally, right? You embodied it, it became a part of who you were, you were forced to do that. And so thank you very much, you know, mass and your ovary. Thank you. Thank you. You freaking woke me up, right. I mean, that's really what that experience did for you.
LISA DUNLAP:Totally agree. I call it you know, sometimes when I do public speaking, it's like pain is my portal or my reawakening. And it was a gift. Because what it did is so you know, the final piece is they went in for surgery now, 12 weeks after that journey, and there was nothing there. There was no mass, there was no blueprint, it could burst to contortion, but they would have seen signs of that. I mean, jaws dropped in the OR, the doctor got five sets of eyes to come in and look at my scans and look inside and look at my scans and look at and she came out. No, I know. And even me was I was shocked. I believe in this.
Nicoa Coach:Like, why did you do escape for the surgery domains? But
LISA DUNLAP:again, I had to check myself, I'm with you. I was I thought, You know what, that's water under the bridge, like for sure. They didn't find it. Who knows? Now, now we're getting real deep here. Who knows that it didn't heal itself from the moment they cut in to like God or medical miracle. I'm not saying I believe that. But some people have proposed that to me, like, you know, you don't know, right? I don't
Nicoa Coach:I don't not believe it. You know, I like who knows what happened. That's why you had to have the surgery. So you can have this conversation, these presentations, this powerful dialogue about self revealing, self nurturing, beautiful.
LISA DUNLAP:And, you know, medical system. She told me after she said, Well, it would never be indicated. We just can't do 12 weeks ago, we would never repeat scan like that, because we've never she goes in all the studies I've read maybe it would shrink a centimeter you had an 11 centimeter mass. Whether it was cancerous or not, we don't know. It doesn't matter now. But basically, you know, it was like, she came out. I was pissed. I was like, So you took out my ovary, right? And she goes, No. And I'm like, what? And she's like, there was nothing there. And but you know, she said, I can't explain this. And just those tingles come through and I just like knew, like, I know, I knew she wasn't ready to hear it. But I said it anyway. I was like, no, no. My mind and body made me sick. And my mind and body healed myself. That's right. I connected the dots looking backwards, like Steve Job said, and I see the burnout, I could see all the clues and I realized this was assigned for me not all people with maths, this by any means, for me burnout and stress. And I learned how to integrate and heal through this journey. And so then became like the choice for my husband and me to live our next step and like our life by design.
Nicoa Coach:Oh, yeah. And your life by design. You made some major decisions to change. You've even came all the way across the country. I mean, to pack up from the West Coast and come to the East Coast. Welcome, my friend. You've only been here for a couple years, right?
LISA DUNLAP:Yeah, absolutely. Yes. And, you know, that was something you said reminded me of that that leap we took and when you get that close to death, even in your mind, right. We don't know if that had just been a balloon. You know, it wasn't fluid filled. They could see that but If we don't know, but in our mind, my husband and me right after surgery, like, I love this about my husband, he's a scientist, but he will sit down and entertain these things with me. We sat by the fire and we just said, look, what are we doing? Like, almost died in our minds, you know here and we're barely getting by in Seattle, we get to kids, we hardly see. If we're gonna like hustle, let's we missed the surf. So we said, what do we want? We got sky's the limit, right? And we just said, what do we want, I don't care how we're gonna get there. Don't Don't worry about that. And we did a verbal vision board. And we just started with that we want to walk the beat, we want to serve again, you know, we had met and lived in Hawaii. And being that Hawaii is quite expensive, we kind of knew we'd come back to the mainland, and Seattle just wasn't working. And we reevaluate. And he's like, I just want one of us to work full time, I want us to have a lower cost of living. I want us to have better weather. So we're like outside more. And I set up overnight, I said, I want to quit my six figure job and start a business to help women do what I just did. And my husband was like, who I say what?
Nicoa Coach:It came out
LISA DUNLAP:that artifact in that video in like way to say it because I was the breadwinner, right? And so he's like, I'm just decided to his like, he's like, so what are you gonna do? I'm like, I don't know. I'm gonna hold workshops, and we're gonna start there. Like, I had no plan. I didn't have any training. He's like, you're gonna start workshops and make six figures. Yeah, like, I don't know, where any, just like, This is what I need. I really had to put my foot down on that one and said, Actually, I've seen myself getting sick. Again, if I continue down this path, it's not aligned.
Nicoa Coach:Yeah, that actually just land so heavily. I mean, I had malignant melanoma about nine months before I quit my corporate job. And because they carved it out of my leg, and I never had to have treatments. I still sat in this story that Oh, I wasn't really sick. I mean, nobody was nobody was walking for me. Nobody was wearing pink ribbons for me. So they have a scar. And that's it. So next, and I just went right back to work, and then I ultimately quit. Well, someone said to me, Well, what do you regret it you wish you'd stayed in that big six figure job and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, you know, when I get really quiet, the answer I get is you would have died. If you had stayed, you would have died. And I bet I would have had a heart attack or what I was already living energetically in my chest and up, like a stress reaction type of living really very, up, like even my voice was higher than it is now. And you know, I've got my radio voice on right now, you know, but I mean, I hear you, this is just something that people need to start paying attention to your body will shut you down. If you're not tuned into your body to recognize the signs.
LISA DUNLAP:I love that. And I think that's what I help people do now in my work is recognize the signs, slow the train from coming, and figure out what their passion is what they it doesn't have to be a business. It doesn't have to be quitting the job. It can be reducing your hours, or going to work but doing salsa dancing before after work, right? Like, whatever's going to light you up. And so, yeah, so we packed up oh, so a year after that fire discussion. We didn't know the how Nico, we didn't know we just said we're doing it. Yeah, and had the opportunity because of the pandemic to stay remote. Keep his job in Seattle while we moved to get a settled. And we always knew I'm blessed with a nurse practitioner degree, okay, if my business doesn't work out, or you know, whatever, I'll go back. I will if I gotta feed my family. I mean, there's, there's the desire and then there's sometimes you gotta buckle down, right and work because you
Nicoa Coach:need to plan B, the plan B over time, though, I'm sure you're noticing gets way, way, way farther away. Because Plan A just starts to manifest when you put your focus on it.
LISA DUNLAP:Yeah, yeah, I think that's true for sure. And I think for me with motherhood and small children, the plan A and B do intertwine because there are moments for me, where it's like, I don't want to like think there's been seasons like this summer where I'm just like, You know what? The kid the family is enough. The business is on the shelf for a minute, and that's okay. Yeah. You guys. You're right, though. I mean, certainly once I started living a life by design, which, you know, when I help women, nurses start to build their business. It's really about what is and I'm sure you do this, too. What is your ideal day look like?
Nicoa Coach:Because, you know, people come to you and they're like, Oh, I hate being a nurse or I've got to get out of this healthcare world or I'm such a victim to my hours and I can't make this much money unless I'm on the baler shift and, and at the end of the day, I say what do you want your day to be like? How do you want to wake up? Do you want to do you want to work out you want to have sex with your has been like, what do you want to do first?
LISA DUNLAP:Oh, I love that. And absolutely, and that's like, then you kind of look at what you're good at right and how that's gonna help how you can serve others. And maybe that's still being a nurse, but a different job. That's stressful or less hours. And so we really just created that day by design. And we walked the beach, my husband, he just went surfing yesterday morning, I just went on a walk to the saltwater Marsh two blocks from my house. I mean, these are not things we were doing in Seattle. And one of us worked full time I have my business, I don't work full time, I'm more present for the kids. And don't get me wrong, there's ups and downs. But it is that leap of moving across the country, I think was a really big one for me being a Northwest girl, to move to the south, on the east coast, my husband's from this area. And also just a leap of faith, that idea of we believe in ourselves, we trust in our abilities to feed the family. How's the family like? You, we can look back and say, when have we never like? Has that ever not happened? Right? We can go on the spirit spiral about like quitting a job, I'm going to be homeless on the side of the road. Have you ever been homeless on the side of the road? Or?
Nicoa Coach:Right? What's the likelihood of that? I always say on a scale of one to 10, how likely is it you're going to be a bag lady or homeless with your kids in a box on the side of the road? And zero to negative 100? Because they're like, Well, I have family? Well, I have friends or I have resources or I know I can always go work at the Scotchman Okay. At the end of the day, there's everything is figure out double. So what are those real lessons learned for you though? Like, is there any, like tough love advice you want to give to people who are considering you know, visual, I love this. Your verbal vision boarding. I love that a verbal vision board is all you need that you don't have to cut out newspapers and magazines and put it on a piece of cardboard. When you think back on this like, what's that tough love advice you'd like to give?
LISA DUNLAP:I know that's a good question. Because I think you know, one that's been really rolling around for me. And I love to use surfing as the analogy. Because surfing is you can all relate like surfing, snowboarding, anything that causes fear and discomfort. But like, when you want to do something like dropping on a wave, let's use that example. When you sit, waiting for the wave going, oh my god, oh my god, I'm never gonna do it. I'm never gonna do that. So scary. I can't do it, I suck. You're never gonna catch the wave. When you say to yourself, you know what the worst that could happen. Like we're just talking about all tumble and fall and people laugh and I probably won't get hurt. The only way I'm gonna catch that wave is to know I'm gonna catch that wave and commit that word commit comes up. Take Action, even a small action. Like I tell my third mom group that I created with another woman here. Just show up at the beach one morning, pick a small action, the women the moms that are afraid to start. Well, that looks so to show up. Just sit on the beach watch us. Like tiny action. It gives me chills because I just practiced this morning. Tiny Action is the thing that gets you out of being stuck. Yeah, it's worth it in the overwhelm and all this I'll never get there. And it's Oh, moving to Wilmington, how are we going to do? We took a tiny action, we made the decision. And then we took tiny actions going, you know, backwards or forwards however you want to look at it, and they sack up. And so tiny action in the direction you want to go with things you can control. I think most of my 40 years prior to this whole burnout experience focusing on things I couldn't control and living in that story and then not taking action. And so the the idea of what can I control here and what actions can I take and that's why I love it was surfing because what I can control is I could show up to the beach. Then the next time I tried paddle out like without expectation or judgment. It's like I paddled out good job me. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I'm sitting in the waves today. Good job me. Oh, you know what, I'm gonna pal for waves that you know, like each tiny action and then you build confidence. And then you're all of a sudden like me dropping in on overhead waves now that didn't come with just like, you know that just like a business just like moving across the country that came with intentional action and commitment. And that's beautiful. To see grit right now that I think really is the good hard love like you're saying because I think people are entering and I'm working and I don't have those little actions and I can't do that. Well. You know what, there's always room For one tiny action in that direction
Nicoa Coach:you know when you talk about that surfing thing because I always I my entire home here on the sound on Whiskey Creek has there's all sorts of references to surfing like our downstairs is like this surfboard countertop and I have you know Clark Kip Alito surfboard art on the wall, I've got surf, you know surf shack books and coffee table books and yet you describe right when you said you'd say to a mom come to my surf, you know to show up at the beach? Do you know that my chest got super anxious like, like, oh my god, like I want to be the woman who serves it makes me emotional. I mean, Lisa, I'm not kidding you. I want to be the woman who serves that I'm terrified. And even though I've done it, I've gotten up I went by myself put on a wetsuit went out there on the worst day to surf ever like it was so churned up. And I was out there with a water logged foamboard. And I'm like, this thing's heavy, but I can do it. That feeling though I want to invite people to tap into it, because anxiety, and excitement are very close cousins. And there's a part of me that is scared to death to show up at your mom's surf club. And then there's other part of me that's like, oh, I can't imagine that would be so exciting to be up on that board and to have that group of women around me and, and yet, we tend to listen, you know, we we don't give ourselves permission to go to the exciting side. And so anyway, I just wanted to share that like so my experience, just
LISA DUNLAP:I love that. And I think it's a perfect example. And I would first of all, I love for you to come one day and I will be there with you on the beach. And we can just chill and watch and you know, like baby steps. And this group, by the way, if anyone listening is in Wilmington, we're super welcoming. It's all ages. It's free. And we do like meetups and the kids come in the dads come sometimes and but I love the analogy of that. That's exactly that's exactly it when it comes to someone feeling stuck in their jobs stuck in a really there's the anxiety about the other side and fear yet that anxiety I love that it's a clue of like, comfort and excitement and possibility. And then it's like how do we take that leap? You know, and maybe that's a whole nother podcast, but all I can say is one tiny action
Nicoa Coach:that is the leap. I mean, just one thing, right? So I always say well go Google, you know, see towns around the country to where you figure out where you might want to live. Right? That's it. Like that was your first step. Step two, oh, well we like that town. Okay, let's look at the you know, Airbnb so we can go visit like there it is another step. So life by design, right? It's a beautiful belief that we have the power to do this and it says it says believable as you allow yourself to believe and so I really love that you've been doing it you know, let's fast forward to today and what you're working on and how does it feel to be you today?
LISA DUNLAP:Okay, I love that it's so human like I'll be honest this morning I woke up and was like oh my god like I'm not perfect I'm not like this like high pedestal like Coach up here who has it all together like I'm here. Yeah, and I check in there like what do you tell your clients please Okay, go on a walk get grounded in nature. I did that this morning. One action towards feeling better today. And then what is it that the most important so anyway, today I feel really good i mean i I still am working on this business and growing it and loving it and I do a one on one coaching for right now mainly nurses who feel burnt out and want to kind of restore, revive reignite their passion, and then that possibly step into building their own online holistic business. I love that I do public speaking workshop. I'm now doing a corporate health care burnout program for the King County Jail nurses. So I do a bit of that. And I really love helping people in group settings. It's not always what people want. But I have a group program that helps people from nothing to you know, a 5k month in their online business. And I love love love as hard as it can be being here for my kids more you know to 30 pickup. I mean, it is gold. Some days it's hard to 30 pickup like no nurse or nurse practitioner gets to do that every day. And I love that and I love that I can take my husband and we call it like the blue sky mine Trevor Hall has that song it's been in my head this week. We take the blue Sky mind walks, we took one yesterday we serve, we talk, we continually create that vision. Well, now it's more for him. He's been here for me, we're talking about his next thing. And that's really fun. And what's next? What do we want? And I, you know, I still work a little as a nurse practitioner, and I love it, it's on my terms, I do part time. And I like it. It keeps me in the fire. It keeps me knowing my clients. And I think that, you know, my husband and me, we value time more than money. So I'm not a six figure entrepreneur yet. And, but that's also okay. I'm a very part time entrepreneur, like, I am aware of that. And I love having time to surf when the surf came last week with Hurricane I was out every day. It was not like, pat myself on the back, you're doing good in your business, your job or motherhood. And that's okay. It was pat myself on the back. You're really pursuing your passion this week. And I think it's funny afterwards, because I had all these sort of photos to show for it. I was laughing. And I posted about success and thought about well, why do we have to think success is money? Why keep dropping in on that wave one week? And
Nicoa Coach:yeah, you define it? It's, it's always your definition. You know, we're in a society that says more and more better, better thinking and more money more this and even you and I both referencing six figure jobs is brainwashing. And our need our egos need to say, Oh, we had six figure jobs, and we don't even know we're doing. But we think that some sort of success, but at the end of the day, it might give you more freedom financially, but freedom for what time surfing Kids, come on people. Yeah, I mean,
LISA DUNLAP:no. And I think I referenced that, because what happened to the ego mind is that I thought I had to strive for that in my business. Right? And you don't? If you're not
Nicoa Coach:your is your life, it's not. So it's not work life, you said something interesting. In the beginning, you were kind of like, well, you know, I was working on the business, and I was working on life. And I was thinking, integrated man is time. And that's what you've done. Whether you knew that's what you were going to do in the long run or not, you probably were very heavily focused on Well, what am I going to do to survive? You know, what kind of job can I do? Ultimately, listen to that inner voice that says, You know what, what I really want to do is take a nap right now what I really want to do is go play with my kids right now. Okay, well, I'll just put my phone on voicemail. That's what voicemails for if a client calls. When I'm finished having my time doing me, then I'll respond to my client. You know, probably some of the best advice I ever got was you got voicemail for a reason? And they don't have to know what you were doing.
LISA DUNLAP:Yeah, I love that. And that continual question like I asked this morning, what is it? I need this moment today? I still ask it you guys and what I tell my clients until it's a habit, make it a ritual. So self compassion, mindfulness may not come like that. But eventually it will. And so you make an original you do it every day you practice it. And I have a lot of free resources on tip sheets on self compassion practices. I'd love to share with people if you go to my website, if it's okay, if I share Yes, please. Yeah, so NP at nurse your soul, my business is called nurse your soul with lisa.com and P. Wait, now I'm saying,
Nicoa Coach:give me your email. I've got it. I'm gonna put it in the show notes. Yeah, so you nurse your soul with lisa.com Is your website. And then if you want to message her directly, it's in p at nurture. So with lisa.com and you have free a one on one free self nurture strategy coaching session that you'll offer to people probably a 30 minute type session, is that what that is, and you also have a free burnout to Bliss Facebook group, which people can join in. And you sounds like you have a pretty good specialty and bringing groups together. Your example of having that that serve mom's club and, and you are a connector of others. And the fact that you spent that, that dramatic time in your life, figuring out how to reconnect with you gives you that power, I'm sure to be able to now give to others and help them find themselves in this process. I think you're just a beautiful soul.
LISA DUNLAP:Oh, thank you. You too. And yes, we didn't say it lean on your community like or make your own. That is when you don't have one that's what surf mom was was for me make your own and lean on them.
Nicoa Coach:Right? Make your own. I remember in middle school sitting around watching all the popular kids thinking what the hell and so when I went to high school, I thought I'm gonna be the popular kid. I want them to hang out with me. So decide you wish you were getting invited to parties have a party. You wish your life was a little bit different than create that scene, the very thing you need. I also want to just reiterate what you said about rituals. I think rituals are pretty powerful and I recently posted an espresso shot about rituals and people might still even here use it. Well, she's got more time. And she took that walk this morning, and she's got a husband who will go surfing with her. But let me tell you some, my ritual looks a lot like leaving my shoes off and walk into the mailbox through the grass. So I can ground. It takes less than two minutes. But that's a ritual. Like
LISA DUNLAP:I said, percent, right? Yes, I may
Nicoa Coach:not have an hour and a half to go surfing. But I've got three minutes to walk to the mailbox with no shoes on. And that makes a difference.
LISA DUNLAP:Oh, yes. And yes. And that's in a lot of my teachings for nurses. They don't I mean, you can have a mindfulness ritual. And as I walked between work and motherhood, certainly there are days, I have to do exactly what you just said, my ritual is to five senses practice, from my car to my home, from my car to my job between patients, or a self compassion practice while I'm driving. Like, it doesn't be on a yoga mat or in the ocean, right? And we design our life to create that hour and a half surfing time and other areas fall short, right? I mean, it's not like, my kids didn't get dinner that night. So I went and bought it. Like, let's be real, like, it's, you know, it's kinda like that. And so I love that. And I call that atomic mindfulness habits where you combine something like you just said, going to get the mail. With a mindfulness practice. Yes, it doesn't have to be like this big, 20 minute thing.
Nicoa Coach:It's all life. It's flow. It's integration. It's mindfulness. And that's the invitation that I hope our listeners will really tap into and journal about. But before we wrap up, because, you know, we could talk all day, as I like to say to all my, my guests, because I have the most amazing guests. And I'm so grateful that you said yes to being with us. You have to tell us about the time you got buried alive in the snow.
LISA DUNLAP:Oh, my, how much time do we have?
Nicoa Coach:As much time as I want to have?
LISA DUNLAP:Well, this is, like I said to you before, I've almost died twice. And I've been buried alive by burnout. And then I've been buried alive for real in the snow. And I was 1819. And again, very driven, right. So I was this like, I'm getting very ego like I need identities, you know, so I was a snowboarder in college, right? That's how I fit in. So I showed up to my college in Washington State snowboarding was the jam, just like here in Wilmington, surfing is the jam, everyone does it. And I was addicted to it. I loved it. And I was an instructor and but just pushing boundaries, not really being intuitive. And so end of day one of the biggest storms in history at Mount Baker we had you might remember pictures in 1998 99. There was like chairlift being buried because there Right, like a three feet of snow overnight, and then three feet of snow overnight. And so we were there for that storm, I was living at the mountain. You know, skipping school on purpose, like took the quarter off to snowboard. And I just went snowboarding the end of the day with a guy and we were riding out of bounds which you know that country snowboarding is a thing. And after 1998 99 it became much more regulated. And at that time, it really wasn't people were just ducking ropes. We didn't have transceiver, you know where people can find you. Were no training. And so we were out of bounds, which means ski patrol is not coming down the mountain out of bounds at the end of the day, when we were riding together and I couldn't see him we were socked in it was a storm. I couldn't see the sign hanging above cliff. And he cut back to the main run and I kept going and so I saw myself at the top of this shoe that's all I could see it between trees, you know a steep slide and I took off my board and I was trying to hike back out and I slipped and I slid down the chute and then I free fell when they said afterwards was about 50 feet Holy moly. And I remember flying through the air thinking wow, this could be it. I could really land on a big rock. I mean I had the time to think about that could land on a tree. This is possibly it and then land in the soft snow because we've had so much fresh snow that it was all soft but I sunk three feet and all the snow in the chute came and buried me and so I landed like a dog on his back so I had one arm up towards the surface but and then one arm pin like this and this one was dislocated and I didn't know you know your shock. I didn't feel a thing. All I knew and this moment was very scary. It's funny because it's my worst fears drowning, suffocating being buried alive and there was was snow on my face. And I couldn't move either arm to get me out I remember screaming and having it totally just, oh, and stay within because of the snow. And I thought, holy crap. I'm out of balance. At the end of the day, nobody can see or hear me. Wow. And I get like this like surrender is part of my life journey. This like surrendering to what is right like that was another moment. Okay, let's panic let's have hyperventilate, no that's not gonna get me anywhere and I think honestly at that point something higher was going on because I was only teen I you know, and I think there's divers mode they say where you know, you're just kind of like calm and you're circulating your blood to your heart and brain. And your body kind of puts you to sleep. And so I just remember having those thoughts like, Okay, this is it, like, I've lived 18 years, man, I had bigger dreams. I was gonna have kids and I had a lot to accomplish, but this might be it. And I remember, you know, again, sort of the wound, sending a little inner energy shout out to my buddy, like, dude, especially back then I was talking like a snowboarder
Nicoa Coach:dude brought me
LISA DUNLAP:back, tell somebody, I'm here. Like, and I sent that out. And I just thought, you know, I'm grateful for what I've lived. And I didn't see any white light, but I just went to sleep. Three hours, it was buried alive,
Nicoa Coach:how many hours three
LISA DUNLAP:in the snow. And they basically a team like my buddy did come through. He came in talk to what also was interesting. My ride, he talked to my snowboard instructor boss, and she said, Oh, wait, her rides pulling out of the parking lot. Yeah, thanks, guys. They were gonna leave without replacing your old snowboarders. But they were just pulling out, you know, who knows if they had left if people would have thought I'd already been gone. They said, No, no, she's not with us. We don't know where she is. And they sent out a search party. One guy, he's when my dad and I were just talking about him yesterday, he was in his 60s, he was like the fittest ski Patroller. Everyone came from the bottom of the mountain in waist high snow, it took forever in the dark, rank up and get me at the base of this clip. But he just had an intuition and he cut across the middle of the top. He beat everyone by like 40 minutes. And I know and he was probably the oldest one on the Ski Patrol team. And he found who found my board my glove. And then he grabbed my foot and he said I my hand this much of my hand was sticking out. That's how he knew. And he said it just went like this and new wave. He was beside himself because mostly they find people dead. Like that kind of situation. At that cliff. They've had a lot of people die on that clip. And he done done me and it was over my face. He took the ice off. I saw his life and I took one breath and was like what happened? I didn't remember and really just a dislocated shoulder, and some hypothermia and a lot of life lessons.
Nicoa Coach:Well, yeah, that is such an amazing story. And I wanted you to share it because I knew it would have been profound it was totally profound. You said a key word though it is to surrender. Surrendering to what is and then life by designers. Everybody listening, savor your life. Now. If it's time for you to rewrite your story and recreate it and move across country, like our beautiful Lisa has done, then just do it. Lisa, last words of wisdom for anybody. What would you want to share before we wrap up? Oh, I
LISA DUNLAP:mean, thank you for this. I think we set a lot. And you know, I think just like with that is riding the waves of life, right? You come and go with the suffering the good and you just got to kind of be flexible and ride those waves. So
Nicoa Coach:absolutely. And you never know you could be the 60 year old Snow Patrol who's in the best shape ever living his best life saving lives. Who knows what's going to happen next for everybody? Ah, thank you. You're a wonderful, wonderful guest and I will be staying in touch and I heard your invitation there about the Oh wom surf club. So I gotta move into the excitement side of my energy again, but I promise you I will come visit one morning. I absolutely will. Thank you again for being here. You're welcome.
Jennifer Gardner:Thanks for joining us for a caffeinated conversation. Subscribe to Coffee with Nicoa for more stories from people living a life by design. You can also find inspiration on Instagram. Just follow Coffee with Nicoa and check out our website Coffee with nicoa.com and that's Nicoa N I CoA. We look forward to talking with you soon. And enjoy your coffee between now and then They