Espresso Shot 6: Don't Burst Their Bubble

In today's Espresso Shot Nicoa shares a real example from her own life that created a powerful, and personal, lesson learned in her life by design. Sometimes as a parent you just don't show up for your kid the way you, and they, wish you would...as a result you burst their bubble! Hear how she repairs the situation and why we SHOULD get our hopes up in life!

Transcript

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sometimes don't you just need a quick moment of inspiration? Or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly coffee with Nicoa espresso shots. I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip. In addition to my longer coffee with Nicoa interview episodes, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot. Or a full length coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Good morning. This is your espresso shot from Nicoa coffee with Nicola. Yes, I've had a lot of caffeine this morning. So I'm super excited about my life. You know, I actually that reminds me of when I used to watch those Starbucks commercials. Back when I was super, super jacked up and busy all the time. And, okay, stop laughing. I know, you think I'm still super jacked up and busy, but I'm not. I'm not as jacked up and busy as I used to be. So it's all relative. Anyway, I used to listen to that Starbucks commercial, where they go, they have like, the guy gets his coffee. And his name is like, Jeff. They use the that song that background song. I don't know if it's no, they do one where it's like I have the tiger or something. But this one they're like, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, like, he's totally got his coffee, and he's gonna be able to go out there and he's gonna be able to do whatever he wants to do. I kid you not. I would get my coffee. And I would take it from the barista and walk towards my car for my super busy big day. And I'd be like, Nico, Nico, Nico, Nico. Nico Nico. And I'm not kidding. I did that. I totally did that. And sometimes every once in a while, I think it cuz you know, who's gonna be your cheerleader. But you and me. So I, I'm almost forgetting what the frickin espresso shot was gonna be about. I actually have forgotten. I remember now. Okay. Squirrel. All right. Now, hello, everybody. Today we're going to talk about how to respond to people around you, especially those of you with kids. There's this thing that I've learned to do over the years, that really helps everybody around me live their best life. And I didn't always do it. And the other day, I forgot. So I'm gonna give you my personal example. And then you can extrapolate. So the other day, my daughter called me up, and she was like, Mom, guess what, guess what? Guess what? And I am literally quoting her. She was so excited. And she was like, I got tickets to SNL Saturday Night Live in New York City. Now, this was like a Thursday. And I was like, Oh, my God, that's awesome. When. So this was literally a week and two days before the actual show that she got free tickets to and it's a big deal. You have to send an email at August. And like, you're lucky if you get invited to get a ticket and be at the show. And she wasn't even at the live show. She got tickets to the dress rehearsal. Well, there was a moment where after she told me the date that I wish I had simply responded in the positive. But I immediately had my mom hat on. And I also knew a lot of things about her life at the moment. And I said, Oh, well, hmm. such short notice, you know, you could probably get a ticket another time, I made a massive assumption that she would just not be going because it was such a short window. And that's really not even like me. But I was like, it's gonna cost money. She just got back from a trip and she wasn't feeling well. You know, how is she going to pull that off? And is she going to go by herself? And is it going to cost her to stay somewhere? I mean, my entire mind went to all the reasons not to go. Now, that is not my habit. And the reason I share this story is because I want everybody to know the habit that I actually usually apply because it really makes everybody's life better. And as a result of me not responding in a way that she expected me to and or wished I would have. I called her after we hung up and I tried to fix it in the moment like she wasn't upset with me. I didn't tell her not to go by She could feel that my energy was not 100% As excited as hers. And that didn't feel as good. Because sometimes you just want whoever you're calling to tell you got tickets to be super jacked up and excited. So I called her back later. And I said, Hey, I owe you an apology. And she was like, what? Four? I said, I did not show up for you the way I bet you wished I had when you called about SNL today. And she was like, Yeah, I knew it. I just knew it, too. I was like, I'm who she did, I knew I kind of missed the boat on that. And I said, I want you to know why. And I explained to her the way my brain was working. And I also reflected, it was the end of the day. And I was really tired myself like, so I was in a stress response or stress reaction, versus a conscious response. I didn't even take a breath before responding to her. So I would claim that as a stress reaction. And so I apologized. And then I said, Do you want to tell me again? And she was like, Yeah, I guess like, I was like, Oh, my God, that is so amazing. And that is awesome. How are we going to make this happen? And she was like, Well, I've thought about it. And she'd already gone through the thought process, the money, the timing, the access to it, are they going to drive or they're going to fly? She did it herself. And I mean, she is 22. It's not like I am responsible for her anymore. But my enthusiasm did not require me to have to figure it out for her is lesson number one. Number two, I can be super excited. And things can absolutely change later. And she may ultimately come to the decision that she didn't want to go. And this happens a lot like I've even had John said to me once well don't don't get Campbell too excited about applying to that fancy school she applied to because I don't see how we would be able to invest in that. And I said yes, but who knows, maybe she would get a scholarship, maybe she would actually be able to get a loan. Maybe it is something that she wants to do. But I, I rather be enthusiastic about what is possible. And then when the you know, when the rubber meets the road, we figure out if that's feasible. And sometimes what's not feasible, just doesn't happen. But I think people are way too afraid that they're going to disappoint someone, don't get your hopes up. But guess what, guys, life is a hell of a lot more fun. When you do get your hopes up. And if you know the logic and the reality check that has to occur, then you're a lot more calm and not being so attached at something showing up or playing out exactly as you hoped. Or, Oh, well I got my hopes up. And now I'm disappointed. Guess what, there's nothing wrong with being disappointed. But it's a hell of a lot more fun to have your hopes up. And then when things don't work out, say Oh, well must not have been meant to be. We'll do it another time. Or we'll figure out a different way. Or let's make the third alternative. What we choose now and let's get excited about it. Life doesn't have to be a hedge. You don't always have to be like, well, just in case or what if I'm just telling you. It's a lot more fun to just be excited. We'll figure out the kurset house as Mike Dooley likes to say. We'll figure out the curse of house later. And oh, by the way, not only did she figure it out, she got a cheap ticket took a friend. They stayed with somebody up there and some teeny tiny New York apartment. And not only did they have a blast, they ended up on the floor at SNL making eye contact with all the different cast members and it was one of the best weekend's of her life. I'm so glad that I apologized and encouraged her and didn't burst her bubble. That's your espresso shot. life by design. I love mine. You can to make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you.