S2 EP14: LORI PINE

Nicoa hosts Lori Pine, THE JOY CEO, who shares her journey of leaving a high-level corporate job to prioritize her family. The courage and fear behind that choice going from high powered job to stay at home mom resulting in the profound discovery of her very purposeful LIFE BY DESIGN. 

LEARN MORE ABOUT LORI  HERE: THE JOY CEO

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Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:01

Grab your coffee and join me Nicoa For a caffeinated conversation about life. I'll be talking to people who have chosen to walk their own paths and just like me, are creating a life by design. I hope that will give you the inspiration you need to do exactly the same. Afternoon Lori Pyne, how are you?

Lori Pine: 0:28

Hi, I'm so good afternoon today.

Nicoa Coach: 0:30

I know I've been looking forward to this all day all week. And I have to tell you, did you hear that I had COVID last week.

Lori Pine: 0:37

Well, I had it the week before. So you're just copying me? You're just trying to keep up with me. You're

Nicoa Coach: 0:44

always one step ahead. I'm

Lori Pine: 0:47

sorry about that one.

Nicoa Coach: 0:49

So Right. Aren't you so tired?

Lori Pine: 0:52

I it took a while to get my mojo back. sliding back. font. Well, thank

Nicoa Coach: 0:57

you for telling me that because I did. I got I tried to work out this morning I was on the peloton. And I was like that was like this eyes closed. Like, oh my god, what am I doing? So I just, you know, I reeled it back and I have a bit of a nap earlier. So I am prepared for today's conversation. So good. I also have my coffee did you get Do you drink coffee? At the end of the day? I usually don't. But I had to.

Lori Pine: 1:24

Yeah, no, I'm fat. I'm not a coffee drinker. Period. Oh,

Nicoa Coach: 1:29

okay. In the

Lori Pine: 1:33

I need to be honest with you right up front.

Nicoa Coach: 1:38

That's what I love about you. You are take turns.

Lori Pine: 1:44

Just wanted to make sure you still love me going forward.

Nicoa Coach: 1:47

I can I make an exception. I get it. It's okay. And I just needed it because of the damn COVID over. Well, everybody, welcome to Coffee with Nicoa. Today, I'm gonna give you a quick overview of this beautiful woman sitting in front of me 25 years. And honestly, I'm reading this and I'm like, Is this my story? Like, we really are like soul sisters. 25 years in a traditional corporate environment. Think black suits stiff white shirts. Yeah. Uh huh. Working for global brands like Anheuser Busch, the Coca Cola Company, and Campbell Soup Company. You know, my daughter's name is Campbell, did I tell you that she's darling, I know that she thinks she thinks we named her after the soup company. Well, you have to tell us all about working in those worlds. Because, you know, it's pretty impressive. You made it all the way up to the top, you're a vice president, you were thriving. You had tons of pressure. And this was that life that you had grown accustomed to. And then like so many others around the world, the shutdown of you know, we're talking about COVID Were the shutdown of the global pandemic. And you had a wake up call. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Because that wake up call, just like my wake up, call back in 2009. redefined for me what mattered most. And when we touch base before scheduling this interview, you really had some eye opening moments. And I hope you'll dig deep into those today. Now, everybody, please go make a note. Lori is also now you know, because she's going to tell you her story. She's now an executive life coach for professional women over the age of 40. who feel stuck and empty, despite all of their accomplishments. And where were you? 1009 when I was 40 years old, I quit that you had no idea was going to quit. Where were you when I needed you most? Oh, gosh, I was

Lori Pine: 3:52

still climbing that corporate ladder hell bent on you know, making my way and paving my path. And yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 3:58

right. Taking that that was the way for you know, happiness, satisfaction and contentment. That was the American dream, right? That's right. So what in the

Lori Pine: 4:07

world happened? Little did I know that a global pandemic would come and, you know, I had been a single mom for a long time, seven years raising two little boys. By myself. I did ultimately remarried somebody wonderful. Yeah, yeah. There's a happy happy ever after in that story. But, you know, the global pandemic comes and I'm leading this large team for Campbell's. And, you know, I'm sitting in this home office and I had been accustomed to traveling every week I was on a plane I had. I had people that reported to me on the West Coast, East coast, midwest, Southeast Texas, and

Nicoa Coach: 4:56

we're in custody. We're in sales, customer service. Of course, you You wanted to you were the face of candles for those regions after

Lori Pine: 5:04

my customer and for my customer and, and I had a young team, you know, some of my team had young children. And so when the world shut down, so did their daycare so did their parents. And so it was it became a real humanitarian crisis on my team where they were working all night, so they could take care of their kids all day. And, you know, it was really a struggle. And we went from doing our normal selling job to really becoming crisis management for transportation and supply and and how do we get product and because the demand was so intense, wow, nobody could have prepared for that in the supermarket channel, which is where I worked. All the while there was a humanitarian crisis going on in my own home, that I wasn't paying attention to. I was so busy sitting at this desk on conference calls and zoom calls, that I couldn't even see what was happening in my own home. I had moved my youngest son from a very large public high school to a very small private high school in January of 2020. And I thought, ah, feel like this is going to solve everything, he's just going to be great. But he had only gotten two months there when the school shut down and didn't know anybody.

Nicoa Coach: 6:31

And what ended up having challenges prior. And yeah, that was kind of the solution. Let's give him a smaller school. And let's give him a smaller school

Lori Pine: 6:39

where he gets more attention, he can't hide in the back of the room on his cell phone and just, you know, kind of hanging out all day, and nobody really cares, because he's not a behavioral problem. And nobody's really pushing him because he's not, you know, an academic genius. So they're just, they just don't really care. So they're not pushing him. And no matter how many times I went there, they couldn't be bothered with me either. So. So we moved on to the small.

Nicoa Coach: 7:06

I was just to clarify, so everybody knows. So you had already been in spite of you being busy. You've been picking up on challenges, which he had some mental health challenges, and you were like, I gotta fix this. Yeah, but you're busy trying to run your corporate world. And I guess,

Lori Pine: 7:24

I had been in the trenches with him for a long time with ADHD and, you know, at the school and, you know, 504 plans, and you know, so this was not anything new. But, but high school brings a whole new craziness to it. So now he's a sophomore, we move into this private school, and then the pandemic shuts everything down. And at the same time, his brother was a senior that year, they're very close, and his brother that fall we would leave for college. And when he left, Bryce became noticeably more secluded recluse really didn't have a lot of friends. And you know, I'm just here working now. Yeah. Okay. This is just what he's going through. This is just what the world is going through. Right. And so when my oldest came home that year, he was very outspoken, and said, What do you do? We saw you more when you traveled every week, and you're right here in the house with us every day. And it was one of those off the cuff flippant comments that probably only he could make. But it stopped me dead in my tracks. I was like, Oh my gosh, what am I doing? You know, I mean, I'm selling goldfish crackers. I'm not saving the world. I'm not coming up with the vaccine for COVID. Right, like, right? What am I doing? So I really took a pause and just started to look around and, you know, look at Bryce, and you know, he's probably doing what most teenage boys are doing. He's like, on his gaming while the teachers on Zoom and the screens black. And, you know, then I went into his grades and he was like, failing everything. homeworks weren't turned in. You know, it was just all half assed. And yeah, and I'm not paying attention, like, I don't even know this is going on. So I'm like, ooh, wake up call. So meanwhile, you know, there's some other things going on. I'm, I'm not sure if he's depressed. I'm not sure what's going on with the friend situation. And so I start watching over the next couple of months, and it finally leads me to have some conversations with my husband. Now, mind you, I had been the single mom, solely financially responsible for these boys. Nothing for my ex husband. And, and to partner with somebody financially was very new for me. So to go to him and say, I think we need to do something for Bryce. I don't know what that is, but something, something perhaps different than what we're doing where maybe I'm home more and available more. And my husband said, maybe it's time for you to take a break from corporate life. And I did that. I was like, I don't know. I, I mean, I was shocked, right, like stuttering, like, shocked. But the fact that he offered that was so generous, and kind in a way that made me feel seen that I just hadn't had I just had not had that probably since my parents had treated me that way. Oh, wow.

Nicoa Coach: 10:59

And that's lucky, too. Right? Yeah, great support. But I know that not everybody has the partner in crime or through the circumstances, but to have someone love you and support you, and be able to say, whatever it is, we got this. Yeah, you know, internet my child that much. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, but this has been to your identity for so long. And although I mean, you know, I get it. i There's a joked about this before, I'm gonna write a book one day called I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. Yeah. I mean, I have three kids. They've been crying at the door when I leave the country for two weeks then. So I can only imagine this was kind of a well, we need to do something for Bryce. But I, what you told me to not work. That's my identity. What? How did that feel for you?

Lori Pine: 11:53

Oh, well, so it didn't really hit me until my first day not working. Then I was like, holy smokes, what are you doing myself? Yeah. But they did have the wherewithal to hire a coach of my own. Or I left. Yeah. And so I ended up leaving in April, in February, I hired this coach, and I started doing some of the work that said, you know, what do you dream about? What's your purpose? And I was a deer in the headlights? Yeah. I had no idea. In fact, I said to her, could you give me a test to tell me what my purpose is? And she laughed, just like you're laughing right now. She laughed. She laughed. And I said, No, no, I'm really I'm hoping that you can give me like this multiple choice sort of thing, like Myers Briggs or something, and it will spit out what I'm supposed to do with my life. And she said, No, Laurie. She said, Your purpose is within you. And I said, well, we need to do an archeological dig. And to find it because it is so buried. I have no idea what it is. I love

Nicoa Coach: 13:07

that an archeological dig. Yeah, I do that with every freaking client. Yeah. And I know I do now too. Yeah.

Lori Pine: 13:12

Now I do too, because now I can see it, and I can only see it because I experienced it. So I know exactly what that look is like, Huh? Yeah, you want a purpose? No, no, you see, I'm just trying to survive. I'm trying to keep a roof over and I want to make sure my kids become decent human beings in the world. Like, that's my purpose. Yeah.

Nicoa Coach: 13:34

To take care of everybody. Seven o'clock on a Friday when you finally come home from work, and everybody's out of town, and you're like, What do I do with myself? It's like you don't even we didn't have hobbies. I don't know. What is my hobby? buying clothes for my children? Yes, I traveled because the coolest clothing stores has been all the money I was making on clothes for them. Because I like clothes. That was my only fun hobby. Yes, yes.

Lori Pine: 14:05

Yes. There were times when they were so much better dressed than me. They were wearing Ralph Lauren and I was wearing something from Walmart or Target. Yeah. So So yes, so I got with this coach and I started doing some really heavy work now I had done a lot of therapy work on the divorce and how I ended up in that situation. So a lot of that part was cleaned up which that thank you God. But the coaching work about the dreams will like I didn't have really any dream. So I was I was really just trying to, you know, like, get through and kind of get every buddy else through.

Nicoa Coach: 14:51

You know, that's not uncommon. It is not, it's really not even, you know, with all due respect to my sweet husband, I said, Well, you know, what do you see This far down the road when we first started dating five years ago, and he's like, I don't usually think like that. Right? And so he's like, learn to dream with me. Yeah. But that was not common at all for him and in most of my clients, so. So what was the part of the archeological dig, that really woke you up into purpose driven? Knowing. So

Lori Pine: 15:29

I went through some exercises that really kind of gave me some breadcrumbs that said, you know, I'm here for a purpose. And I am unique. And there might be other people who can do what I do, but they're not going to do it the way I do it with my thumbprint with my personality. And so these breadcrumbs like start back in childhood, and they go into middle school in high school. And like, as you start to look back, you're like, Oh, they're all my uniqueness, my unique abilities. And so the way somebody else might do something isn't the way I will do it. But that's okay. I can still come out in the world, and be this person, be this entity be this thing. And I didn't really know that until I did the archeological dig. There's a lot of safeness in working for big company, you hide behind their brand. And you hide behind their playbook and their rules. And there's a lot of, you know, when you get this job, you do X, Y, and Z. And then you go to the next job, and then you do A, B and C, and then you're right. And

Nicoa Coach: 16:48

unless you've spent it on somebody or stealing, then you can't you actually ever, it's like you're in a mosh pit. Everybody just kind of hold you when you don't know what to do. Like you literally you cannot drown unless you do something blatant. Or just have an attitude that's just not fitting with everybody. So the infrastructure keeps you safe, and keeps you secure. And a lot of people don't think that way about corporations and they think I'm not safe. They're all I'm like, You're safer than most

Lori Pine: 17:20

safer than most. Yes, until you get into, you know, kind of the higher levels reorg after reorg after reorg. And I went through 12 rewards and it does become unnerving, the whole nature and culture of reorg. And so I do work with some women who are like caught up in that culture true.

Nicoa Coach: 17:42

And they say the higher up you're what is it like a 5% retention rate anyway, so the highest rolls for it, but I'm

Lori Pine: 17:48

thinking about that seven, middle section. You're right. There's a structure that hard to leave. Well, my dad always taught me about those golden handcuffs, right? Yeah. Yeah, that was their tough tough to leave 401 K company car stock options, like that stuff's hard to walk away from. Yes. Yeah. So. So yeah. So the miracle in the Bryce story, my youngest child story is that I ended up asking the universe for a sign I was out on my front yard yard one day, and looking very schizophrenic, almost homeless, saying, God, I need a sign so clear that you're going to hit me with a two by four, like it's going to be that obvious. And lo and behold, almost a week later, there was a sign so obvious that God was like, it is time for you to leave this job. And he set it up in such a way that I was able to leave, get a severance package, and just go do the next thing. And I thought that I was going to be like this hero seeming Bryce but then she laughs all your listeners heard you. Heart bless my heart and my by just my Superwoman Cape was off. But the truth was, this whole situation saved me. Yeah. And transformed me and really gave me the space to you know, rethink all of my priorities. It gave me a whole new relationship with Bryce. Yeah, in he he really transformed in that time. I mean, did a great turn around that got a 4.0 his senior year, got academic awards, became the MVP of his lacrosse team went on to play lacrosse in college and

Nicoa Coach: 19:56

really dissected them because you came so you, you you asked and you received. Yeah. And I wish people would ask more often don't You don't ask and go, but I want it to look like ABCDE f g. Or you don't ask and say, you know, yes, but like in any way, shape or form, you just have to say yes. And show me what needs me show me how to get to my purpose and, and allow me to receive it. So you received it. But it couldn't have been that easy. Waking up that next morning and walking into Bryce's room saying good morning time for breakfast mama, senior roommate like what the hell Mom, I'm trying to play a video game here or wake up to 11 pandemic.

Lori Pine: 20:46

In fact, I said presence and so I've, you know, I'm leaving my job now. And I'm going to be a stay at home mom, and he looks at me just now. I'm 17. Are you kidding me? So this did not come as great news to brace?

Unknown: 21:03

I bet not. So we

Lori Pine: 21:06

had to work at that. He was by that time they were back in class at school. And so he went to school and my husband went to work. And there I was with the two dogs like, Okay, girls, what do we do next? I don't know. Okay, you sit here, I'm gonna go to the grocery store. And then I did that about three times that day, I went to the grocery store, I came back, I went to Target, I came back. And then I didn't know what else to do with myself.

Unknown: 21:39

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Nicoa Coach: 21:54

Tell us about the self dialog because I'm always thinking about the people listening that, you know, how are they talking to themselves during these big transitionary moments? And, you know, what was it like to be you right in at the quit at the change?

Lori Pine: 22:41

Well, my productivity equaled my self worth. And if I wasn't going to be productive, then I wasn't going to have much self worth. And so without a title, and without a paycheck. We were coming out pretty short handed.

Nicoa Coach: 23:04

What were you telling your neighbors when they'd say What are you doing now? Laurie? Would you say

Lori Pine: 23:08

Thank God there there's enough acreage between us that they don't know my comings in government.

Nicoa Coach: 23:16

You didn't she didn't tell him people

Lori Pine: 23:20

have to mention that at all.

Nicoa Coach: 23:24

I mean, we've been looking so long for external validation, for whatever reason, you know, in our upbringings and, and it's really I have actually coached more people transitioning into retirement or that's easier, but transitioning out of a big role. And they'll be in their 50s or 60s, and, and they're like, helped me articulate what I should say. Because they were so caught up in there, I was the CEO of such and such, or I, you know, ran my own business for 15 years, and now it failed. And I work with a lot of entrepreneurs, so or closed, and I'm like, well, let's just tell the story. Let's tell it in a way that was a learning and not have a judgment. And I'm curious, how have you, how do you now tell that story?

Lori Pine: 24:11

Yeah, I, it's really interesting, because the pandemic was a very common exit for a lot of women. Sure. Now, there's a statistic that it's almost like 3.5 million women exited during that time. A lot of it was childcare needs, a lot of it was burnout. You know, so my story is that the pandemic really gave me a chance to prioritize my family in a way that I had never been able to. And when I did that, I was able to get clear on who I wanted to be in this next chapter in my life. And who was I wanted to be somebody of service, somebody who could give back what I've been given, you know, help those who I could help. I've had a lot of lessons, you know, you get to work for those big companies, you learn a lot, but there was a lot of life that happened in there, you know, from the divorce and raising the boys to I lost my mom when she was 59. And it was a real quick, short battle with a rare form of cancer. You know, just like and then and then you have to keep going right like corporate life doesn't stop because your heart broken, you know? So how do you keep going in those times and, and then remarrying trying to build a blended family.

Nicoa Coach: 25:42

How did you keep going, I want to get back to the losing your mom because grief, we're dealing with the loss of my father a year and a half ago and watching my mother go through that grief. And so how did you turn that grief? In my mom always says I try to turn my grief into gratitude as she cries, Mama, but she was with him 67 years, I mean, to lose your mom when she was so young. I mean, that's four years from now for me. So tell me, how did you manage?

Lori Pine: 26:13

Um, there was a lot in that timeframe. You know, the real gratitude I had at the time was that it wasn't one of my children. Yeah. You know, I have friends who've lost a child. That's it. That's a grief, I can't imagine. And, you know, I hope that that's not a grief I ever have to imagine. But I have a faith that you know, if I have to, I will. But for now, I hope that that's not one that's part of my journey. But you know, I think that what really compounded things for me was my mom and dad had been married for 42 years. They got married young, like right out of high school. And my dad very quickly moved on. Like five minutes later moved

Nicoa Coach: 27:06

on. Oh, moved on, like, found somebody else moved. Oh, yes, she

Lori Pine: 27:09

came. She came with hot soup wearing, you know, mink coat. Yes. knocking at the door.

Nicoa Coach: 27:19

He was too afraid to be alone. I was afraid and

Lori Pine: 27:23

so heartbroken. You know, it wasn't like she was sick for five years. It was five weeks. You don't want a backache. And before you know what she's got cancer all through her body. And she's gone. Wow. And her fear her funeral was five days before Christmas. And it was just it was so heartbreaking. And so it was the middle of winter. My I grew up in Maine, my dad was in Maine, it was so horribly depressing for him when we all left and went back after New Years. And and so somebody came along and brought soup and checked on him. And before you know it, he's getting married again. And

Nicoa Coach: 28:04

now are you taking care of you through all of this? Are you dealing with it? Are you ignoring it? Are you just focused on Bryce for work, so

Lori Pine: 28:14

I had the benefit. So I had the benefit of being in New York versus where everybody else was in Maine. So I distance. So it wasn't right in my face like everybody else. And so I could ignore it a little bit. But it was devastating. And I had met my husband, and we had dated for nine months. And we had broken up for a year. And we were broken up during this time that my mother had passed. And he lo and behold, he came back around in March after she passed. And so you know, that was kind of a distraction the year after she died was that he was back in my life. And but it was this grief is still something I'm working on. Her anniversary this year, was one of the hardest anniversaries I've had. And I couldn't understand why. And I worked with my therapist on it and just said, I don't understand this. This is year 12. I should be good. And she's like, that's not how grief works. That's

Nicoa Coach: 29:31

a good reminder. Yeah, it's because I

Lori Pine: 29:34

want to be like this. I want to be all tidy in a box. And no, I'm good. I'm moving on with my life. And it's just that's just not how it is.

Nicoa Coach: 29:44

So yeah, so that's, that's a big lesson. And I'm sure that you've applied that into your life by design now as to how do you manage the ups and downs? You know, I look at some of your speaking titles and engagement, you're talking about warning bumps ahead. Some of the takeaways share with us a little bit about some of those, that real self insight that you're now applying when you interact and engage your clients.

Lori Pine: 30:14

Yeah, I mean, in a coaching engagement, of course, it's you know, it's not about me, it's about them, but I try to be as transparent and honest as I can in anything my client might read about me my website, my blog posts, my social media. You because it's so important to be relatable, you know, for somebody to be able to identify in and say, Wow, she's been through that. I'm going through that right now. And, and that's what motivated me, there was a time kind of like you jokingly, open to this whole podcast with, you know, where was somebody when I was going through and fill in the blank, you know, I was crying myself to sleep, raising these two boys by myself, preparing for a huge presentation, and feeling so alone and unseen and misunderstood. And, you know, I had a therapist, but she didn't work in corporate America. So she had no idea that demands of my job, what it was like, and I wished for somebody like me, that could sit across from me. You know, I have this three hour Joy power boost session, I wish that somebody would sit with me for three hours and problem solve something that was keeping me up at night that I just couldn't stomach anymore. Yeah. But I nobody existed. I couldn't find anybody like that.

Nicoa Coach: 31:48

So you're on your own. You're out working with Bryce trying to be the stay at home mom. I mean, tell me a little bit about how long that lasted before you kicked in with becoming the the joy CEO and launching your business?

Lori Pine: 32:02

Well, we kind of have a joke, because it wasn't shortly after I left my job that a friend said, Hey, I'm going to Greece for two weeks. I've got an Airbnb want to come? And I was like, yeah, so I went to Greece for a week. And then, and then after that, I went on another trip to DC to meet a girlfriend. And then after that, I went to Maine, because we have a lake house. That's where I grew up. And then after that, I was turning 50s were like three trips with girlfriends. And so Bryce looks at me one day, six months into this and he says, First Date home mom, you're never home. So I think there's some truth to that. But meanwhile, he's you know, he's like, he's doing great. When I am all I get dinner on the table. I'm talking to him like, he's good. You know, it

Nicoa Coach: 32:57

really wasn't about Bryce. That's kind of the point. The point is not about Bryce. Oh, we love you, Bryce, baby. And we're not worried about you anymore. But Rice was the impetus. Yeah, and I think things happen. Here it is. Things happen for a reason. They really do. And each of the souls in our life, our family unit, are showing up for us in a way that we must have agreed to before we came down here and started living this family dynamic. So when they're reacting to life in a way that's triggering us, why is that happening for us, and whether you could see it for what it was in that moment. It clearly you can see it now in retrospect or

Lori Pine: 33:40

present. And here's a funny thing, I have an expectation that I was going to get my stuff together in a certain timeframe. Like, as soon as Bryce graduated, that's it. I'm ready. I'm gonna be all neat and tidy with a bow. But the truth is, like, my spirit wasn't ready. And I didn't know how burned out I was just how to my core exhausted. I was. And so I kept trying to rush things. Like that little engine that could. And every corner I turned, it was like not yet. Not yet. No, there was an example. So I while Bryce was finishing up his last semester of high school, I went to Rutgers and got my certification, and executive coaching. And so as soon as I got my certification, I'm like, okay, shingles up, I'm ready. And so I, you know, started to coach people, and, you know, I'm kind of getting my momentum. By that summer I formed an LLC, and I'm like, Okay, I'm going to be available to the world. And then that fall, you know, I done a brand photoshoot. I was building a website, the whole thing. And it was like, doors kept slamming like it was just like, not yet. Not yet. Like, and the truth was, I was still so tired. And I was I'm still in my coaching program. I'm still in my with my coach today, and I wasn't resolved. Right If I wasn't in a good headspace where I could coach somebody clearly, and really show up in a way that allowed me to be a vessel in a safe space, I still had too much chatter. Yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 35:46

and that is always the case for most people who quit some big role in their life they've been in for a long time, and they go try to start something new. You know, I call it a couple of things, you know, same circus, different tent, right? Still burning yourself out, I got this digital checklist, you're still sitting at the desk all day. And it's your, you know, growing your business, and then wait, what? And, and I also think that people don't recognize that it's not about the doing and the identity, it's about the way of being, and until your body is ready, and your body is a powerful messenger. until it's ready. The doors will keep shouting. So what was your relationship like with your body during all of this? Were you hearing those? Those messages of fatigue?

Lori Pine: 36:32

Yeah, yeah, like, an afternoon nap almost every day. If I got an old or like, what is this? Take a nap every day when I was working like I now. Yes. And the need for you know, this time of year, the need for sunshine and like, I can't really can't handle the cold anymore. And so, you know, really being intentional with, with having my happy lamp on and getting, you know, some of that in taking a couple of trips. But it would it's really been powerful meditation, intentional journaling. Really deep connections with women, I started. So one of the things that I did do when I left, my job is I kept googling for a networking group in my community. And I could not find one, how could there not be an executive women's networking group in my community? I live in an hour north of Manhattan. Yeah, I could not find one. And so I really kept talking to God and the universe by like, And it came to me like, it's time for you to start one. And so back in the fall, I started one and it is blossoming into this wonderful web of brilliant women who live in this community who are looking for the same thing I am to really connect with other amazing executive women. And we just had an event last week. And I can't even tell you though, the caliber of women who came out so so

Nicoa Coach: 38:14

I'm not surprised and what you just said, you just summarize something rather profound that I hope everybody was listening. Because we've been talking a lot about strategic self care in the last couple of months as I roll out a Journal recently. And that strategic self care. What percentage of that were you doing for 25 years? 00. Exactly. And if people and I've said this the other day, like, we're not telling you to quit your job, everybody, we've done, if anything, we wish, you know, Laurie, and I wish we knew what we know. Now back then. So we could have continued to get those great benefits. And if we could have figured out how to thrive even more, we didn't know what we didn't know. And it took a dramatic like you said the door had to be big, like the big message had to really hit you. And learning that strategic self care. Did you learn that from coaching? You know, at what point did you begin to give yourself permission to actually implement strategic self care tactics?

Lori Pine: 39:24

Yeah, so yes, some from some coaching, but really, from this continuous message that kept coming. That was not for me, this was not my voice that said, start an executive women's networking group in your area. Perfect. And then just the courage to be bold enough to do it. Just to start the first event I had 57 women came,

Nicoa Coach: 39:48

oh my gosh, right. Oh, that's amazing. So

Lori Pine: 39:52

just, you know, just being courageous, and instead of saying, Who do I think I am saying, Okay, here we go. Let's do this.

Nicoa Coach: 40:01

And how is your life by design different now? I mean, how long it's only been since 2021. Right that you left, so it's only been a few years. But how would you say your way of being is different than it was just three years ago?

Lori Pine: 40:20

It's different in so many ways. I think I'm much calmer. I think I go at a slower pace, which is It's such a positive thing. I think I'm much more intentional with who I spend time with and how I spend my time. And I really think that I'm in a place now of, of service. You know, like, I'm not out just to work for a company and get a paycheck, and have a big title, I am really out to do meaningful work, that will, you know, pay me well, but it will have an impact on others. And that's really my goal.

Nicoa Coach: 41:08

Do you think if you could not have left, and you knew what you know, now, what would you have done differently inside the corporation. So think about a lot of these women who actually really love their work like we both did. But they really maybe they're not in a situation where they can leave, or they really don't want to leave. But they know they need to do something different to find the joy that you talk about having craved back then and didn't even know it was missing. What would you do differently.

Lori Pine: 41:42

So I did do a lot when I was in organizations, I started mentoring groups, I was part of, you know, employee resource groups and helped lead those. The problem that I experienced is that that is all fluff. And it doesn't drive the business. Right, it doesn't drive the bottom line. So it's not deemed valuable. In fact, my boss said to me, you can't make a full time job out of doing that. But those spaces were where I had the most passion, mentoring others, creating any, you know, programs for the employee resource groups where we could talk about these sorts of topics. There was a safe form and a safe space to have bold conversations like this, you

Nicoa Coach: 42:37

could draw a line, I mean, as an you're talking to an HR professional, so I would have to say there is a line to those individuals. And those connections that you made, I'm sure that the women that you were mentoring, are more grounded, and more powerful as a result, because they had you to interact with. So it does impact the bottom line, but it is also the first thing they freaking get cut, oh, it comes to the budgeting. So you know, I used to think you had to be inside to make the difference. But I have found since I've been out for 15 years, and as you're starting to find out you can influence and, and move the needle and pull the levers from as a third party influencing these executives and the different roles much more powerfully than if you're inside having to wear all the hats simultaneously. Yeah,

Lori Pine: 43:25

yeah, all those hats that come down to reorders, and, you know, cost cutting and people cutting and all those things. Yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 43:31

well, for sure. You know, if you and I were gonna sit in front of a group of women right now, that said, we cannot leave because I really want to give these individuals listening. Some, I want them to feel empowered. So they're not hanging it up from this listening to this podcast and saying, well, crap, I should just go and quit. I want I want them to find a way to change the culture. Like if I could do it now, which I'm not going back, because I'm too old and tired now. But if I was in there, right now, I would, I would do really bold things, like, leave at three o'clock to go pick up my kid and not apologize. And I would just and if companies fired me, I just keep getting fired until the one company said absolutely. Because at the end of the day, you're getting paid for an outcome, right? And, you know, I don't care how many hours it takes you, I don't care if you can do it in 10 hours or 92 hours a week, you know, you're gonna get paid for 40 hours, get the work done. If you need to leave at three to go get your kid leave at three now, there could be a consequence to the game you're playing in that company. And when you realize that, look, I can't leave it three, or I'm gonna miss the 530 Coffee Chat with all the good old boys and that one corner office, then I better stick around if I want to play the game that way. Right? Or I just go and they don't they don't get me. Yeah, I'm not gonna be a part of that. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm curious what you would tell maybe your younger self about how could you have balanced more powerfully or felt more confident in focusing on the boys outside of work, more of a thriving than a striving to just keep playing the game?

Lori Pine: 45:17

I think it's what you're talking about. It's that keeping up with the boys, you know, the men in the organization and trying to be a part of and that I think that comes down to no knowing your worth knowing who you are and what your strengths are. That is critical. And most women cannot articulate their own strengths. At least that's what I'm finding. And so when you can articulate your strengths, and you have a competence to sit across from your boss, or somebody you're interviewing with, and you can say, this is what I bring to this organization, this is how I'm unique. This is what I do differently than perhaps anybody else. Then you've got job security, you do.

Nicoa Coach: 46:10

incompetence is a big thing. I don't care, you're sweating buckets, when you make those comments to people. But this is how you know, when you know that conversation you have with your best friend, your best girlfriend, you're drinking wine, and you're like, I know them it. And they don't even realize because I did ABC, and I'm the one that fix that. And I'm the one who made sure that we won that contract that story, pick it up and apply it to the real conversations at work.

Lori Pine: 46:38

Here's what women don't do enough of they do not toot their own horns, they do not claim their own work enough. And for those listeners listening that want to stay in their corporate roles, my coaching advice would be to be much more intentional about claiming their work. Because here's the thing, nobody knows what they're doing, especially in this whole messy hybrid craziness that's going on right now. People are too busy focusing on themselves and their work and their own desires and motivations. They have to be told what you're doing in order for you to be seen. And why

Nicoa Coach: 47:25

do I do that? Laurie, how do I do that without sounding like I'm just a bi Tch, and I'm just bragging.

Lori Pine: 47:33

So guess what? Nicoa none of the men that you're worried about, or that you're working with are worried about being a bi tch are worried about being too Hotty Toddy or any of that? No, they are claiming what they do, they might even be claiming more than what they do. And they're sitting across from their boss with a long laundry list of what it is that they've accomplished. Yeah. And women are playing small and diminishing themselves. And they're using words like we and as a team, and, you know, so and so on. My team did this. Well, that's all well and good. But at the end of the day, you get to claim your own victories.

Nicoa Coach: 48:16

And you can do it in a way guys that's humble and is powerful and charismatic. And you do it like this. You say, Well, I'm really and you spend time marketing. I like the word that you just used. Laurie, you said, intentional. So if you're in any organization, and you would like to be noticed and or promoted and or be considered for a project, that you're sitting in the corner thinking, How come nobody's asking me, then it's really important that you see yourself as someone who needs to be marketed. And that that becomes really, not only are you marketing yourself, but your piece of the pie here. So you can still champion the people on your team. And you can still champion your department. But you start with yourself. And it's not braggadocious it's marketing, it's strategic marketing, in order to get you what you want. Now, you don't have to do these things. And that's fine. And I can hear I can hear women, some women now saying, Well, I would never do that. I would never not start with the team. Say that is absolutely fine. And you will stay with that team. That's a you gotta be you can't have it both ways you can you say, Well, you know, it really wasn't me. And then they go, Okay, well, who was it because we want to, we want to promote the person who just led that group and made that happen. So you got to pick and choose. So you know, pull up your big girl panties and take a big deep breath and put on the extra deodorant and antiperspirant and walk in there or send the email that says, I want to really do a big shout out for the work we just accomplished. And I led the team to do ABC.

Lori Pine: 50:01

That's exactly right. Yeah, there's no shame in that. None. It's the company needs to know. They

Nicoa Coach: 50:09

want to know they're paying you

Lori Pine: 50:11

money. Yes, exactly. Yes. shouting from the rooftops. There's joy in that.

Nicoa Coach: 50:17

There is tell us about how you came. I started you down this path before and forgive me. I got up on my soapbox about that. But how did you decide that you were the joy CEO

Lori Pine: 50:30

so I went through this training program, this certification class at Rutgers. And in there, we had to do a branding presentation, like who were we going to coach and I did the best branding presentation, everybody clapped, and they called me afterwards, they were like you did the best. And I looked at it afterward. And I was like, that was so awful. I can coach like that. So it was like all these people in despair. They've been through divorce. They've been through loss, like all these circumstances that I've been through. And I was like, if I have to coach all these heavy circumstances, all day long, I'm going to jump off the bridge. I can't do this heavy stuff all day long. I am a light, happy person. I mean, yes, I've gone through these experiences, but like, I've gotten to the other side to where I am living this joyful life to them. remarried, the boys are doing great. I got two golden retrievers. We are good, right? I've done some heavy lifting work, we are good. So I started to like get out a pen and say, Okay, well, who am I going to coach that? Like, am I going? Am I going down the wrong path? So I started to make all these notes like, what am I going to do? And I hired this woman to do this branding, photoshoot and everything. And in that, she said, Who are you gonna coach? And I was like, Well, I'm kind of struggling with this. And so we went through this whole thing. And I said, but the word I keep coming back to is joy. I want them to find joy. So the photoshoot was all these bright colors. They're the pictures on my website, all these great,

Nicoa Coach: 52:15

you gotta go look, Laurie? pine.com. Right, or florida.com? Right? Yeah. So you gotta go check it out, because it's the most beautiful pink and green and orange and oh my god, I was so happy and so jealous. I was like, Oh, I like her website.

Lori Pine: 52:34

Thank you. Joy. Oh, that's the boy. That's my that was my goal. So I wanted to join so. So afterwards, she's a brand strategist. So she does these photos. But then she's a brand strategist. And I said, I need a name. And so we just kept talking. And she said, I think you could be the joy CEO. And I was like I said, helping women know that they can be the joy CEO of their own life. beautifully. I don't have the corner on joy. I'm not you know, I'm not a monk here that I'm going to teach you everything to know about joy. But empowering women to know that when they embrace joy when they find joy for their life. It has a ripple effect that will touch everybody in their life. And that is beautiful. It

Nicoa Coach: 53:33

is beautiful. I love it so much. Share with us some of the you do this thing where you're talking about who's in your hula hoop. What is that presentation about and or which one of these you have such fun like idols? Like not your bubble gum kind of joy? Let's go. So how do we know we're enjoying it? When part of the challenge is most people are like, I don't even know what hobby I like, right? So what is joy? I've asked people what what is your definition of love? And they don't even know how to articulate it. So I can imagine if you asked me back in the day, are you filled with joy? What? What brings you joy? I would have just said something like, you know, holding my baby like holding my daughter, or laughing like what is joy for you?

Lori Pine: 54:26

So, here's the thing, the the women that I'm talking to if they don't really care about joy, dangerous, want some time freedom, they want a map, they want somebody to pick up some groceries like that's really that's joy. even think about it, right? Like this idea of joy being this like big thing and I'm gonna have this euphoric bliss is not happening. So what I really tried to do is break down joy is this like micro moments. And joy is so assessable it already exists within you. And when use stop and give yourself permission to just say, Oh yeah, oh my gosh, right here this thing you know, the funny shaped clouds in the sky, the rainbow that I can just chase for another five minutes if I keep on going. You know, putting my bare feet in the grass. Like holding that baby. I have a Maybe for your listeners, it's, you know, 61 ways to find joy. It's just a thought starter that they, it's, it's like the ultimate guide to getting some joy fast and quick, because we complicate it. Yeah. And we think that it's got to be this big fancy vacation, and it's cost $20,000. And I got a plan for it and save for it. And it's gonna be 10 months from now. Like, right here, right now, we can access joy. Yes,

Nicoa Coach: 56:03

and we have to integrate it into our current life. Even if it's the busiest life in the world, you'd have to find the little things like this Uniball air pin is my favorite type of pin, and I only buy this pen. And I have a whole bunch of them. And I make sure I use this pin every day. I mean, it's the silliest thing. Right? But well,

Lori Pine: 56:21

I, I have that pen, but in pink, Oh, perfect.

Nicoa Coach: 56:31

Because if you're not finding ways to intentionally get out ahead of it and integrate it throughout your day, then you're always going to be seeking something that If This Then That, or when I'm on vacation, then I'll be able to relax and have

Lori Pine: 56:43

children, then we squander our life.

Nicoa Coach: 56:45

Yeah, because it's happening right now. And we can't get that time back. No, no, we cannot. What are some of the more fun things that you've incorporated into your life by design now, that make you feel joyful?

Lori Pine: 57:01

Oh, my gosh. So I just was in the car for 15 minutes, and I had the radio up. So live, you would think that I was a Taylor Swift concert of mine, or Beyonce. I had girls run the world on I mean, and I was like my own and I actually convinced myself I can sing good because the music sounds so loud. I can't hear myself.

Nicoa Coach: 57:23

I love the speakers out Craig. Yeah, my own playlist. Yeah, badass playlist. I called it yes playlist. And I enjoy it very much. And if I'm having a tired hard morning, getting up out of bed, I'll just go on the Sonos and crank it. And I'm just like, alright, yeah, let me get up. Yes, yes, yes. Even outfit or get me out of the bed. Like, I love clothes so much. I'm like, What should I wear today, that would motivate me back in the corporate days to just to get up, I was like, I have that new outfit, or I'm gonna wear that cool suit that I really like. So I think our message here to everybody, Laurie, is that you guys have to own it, you have to decide whether that means quitting your damn job and focused on what matters most to you. Or if it means you know what, redefining how you're going to interact and the current organization you're in? Or how you're going to start making that relationship that you've got with your partner mean something else than what you've been complaining about?

Lori Pine: 58:26

Yes, yes. We can riff on that one for a while. Yeah, got,

Nicoa Coach: 58:33

we still got time go girl.

Lori Pine: 58:37

You know, the relationship one, if if your work is always first, it's not going to work, you're going to end up with a roommate, you're going to end up with a roommate. And so at some point, you've you've have to stop and let somebody know that they matter that you see them. In the middle of the pandemic, you know, my world was just so important. And we had empty grocery store shelves, and we had, you know, customers that were counting on us. And my husband runs his own company he has for 30 years he does investments and financial planning and life insurance. And, you know, I think I'm so important over here with my big VP title. And he came up one day, and he's like, I really need to talk to you. And I was like, I'm busy. We got a goldfish crisis. We're missing two trailer loads and the customers looking for me. And he's like, No, I really need to talk to you. And he had this look on his face. And I was like, Okay, let me shut my camera off, put myself on mute. I'm just gonna hide from this conference call for a minute. And he said, one of my favorite, longest clients died. Ah, and I was like, Oh, I don't deal with that. Like, I know, I'm dealing with that. Right. And he, they had life insurance and investments with him. And he's like, I'm so upset. There's no funeral. I can't go. I can't be with the family. And here I am thinking, I'm so important. And I'm so busy. I can't be bothered with my husband. And I went back onto the meeting and I said, Guys, I'm gonna have to let you handle this. I need to step away for a minute. And like I had to Really, like just hug my husband? And I'm sorry. But he needed to matter in that moment, of course. And so like, how many times are we so busy, that we're just not seeing the signs? That's not not catching that, that they have needs to that our needs are the kids needs or the dogs needs or like, whatever the snowstorm. And I just think that that's really important to pay attention to have open communication to say, hey, here's what's really happening. Here's what Yeah,

Nicoa Coach: 1:01:07

yeah, and giving yourself permission to delegate like you did and step into that space. And then and recognize that he was role modeling for you, too, that, hey, when something important happens, I'm as a man, right? He said, No, I need you know, I need you. And he stayed there until he got what he wanted, which is really a great role model. Because this is important. And in this relationship, this is an expectation I have. It's the reverse boundary, right? It's the opposite of the boundary. I hate you.

Lori Pine: 1:01:45

He's, he's very good. Beautiful. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I think we can be tired, and we can be like, Yeah, you know, I don't have time for any of that other stuff. And you know, and then weeks and months can go by, and then we're lonely. And, you know, like, we need to pay attention. And

Nicoa Coach: 1:02:06

you'll know that you're not focused on a balanced approach to your life, when you start getting really irritated, frustrated, annoyed when you dread pushing the zoom button, you know, these are all signs. And if your body's not yelling at you with, you know, illness or pain or you know, something, you're gonna get shut down. Now, fortunately for you, it didn't cost you physically, you know, you you had an emotional state of what mattered most to trigger you to get out of that organization. And so that was helpful, you're lucky, because a lot of these clients I have, you know, they're having heart attacks, or, you know, they're, they're just not listening to themselves, nor are they listening to the people around them. So the questions are, what matters most right? What matters most to you? And how willing are you to really behave in a way that fosters what matters most to you? Right? And prioritizes it?

Lori Pine: 1:03:05

Yeah, yes, exactly. Right. And, you know, it's, I think it comes down to all that fear, you know, am I going to be okay, am I going to have what I need? And I think that the truth is, like, if we go back to the whole bread crumbs analogy, we have proof that it always works out. It always does.

Nicoa Coach: 1:03:26

Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Everything is always okay. Even when it's not okay. Yeah. Yeah. Every time. Yeah, we could talk all day. We have lots of soapbox as people we can jump right up on the advice for you talking to the choir here, each of us, well, why don't I give you some time here at the end, to share what you're working on. Tell us more if there's ways that people can get engaged with you, they're listening from your area. And also you know what else you could offer up to let people come and check out from you know, the CEO, the joy CEO.

Lori Pine: 1:04:05

So I am working on helping you know, busy empty women reclaim their joy. I have a freebie for your listeners. It's the guide to finding their joy in it is my my joy CEO playlist on Spotify. So I share it in that freebie. Great fiance's in there.

Nicoa Coach: 1:04:28

I should put my badass playlist on there too. I'll do it. Well,

Lori Pine: 1:04:31

well Sheriff with me, girl. And, and I would love, love, love to have you come follow me on Instagram at Laurie pine and check out my website or a pine.com. But most importantly, just this idea to spread this idea that when women are empowered to find joy, it will impact everyone in their orbit. Friends, family, children, partners, colleagues, community. And that ripple effect can literally change the world.

Nicoa Coach: 1:05:10

Absolutely, and you're changing the world. And I'm gonna ask ask you one last question before we wrap up and I usually ask my clients if I'm going to do a twist. So I usually say what's one thing you want to celebrate about yourself before we hang up? But now I'd like to ask you what's the most powerful thing you want to celebrate about your life by design? Before we Hang up.

Lori Pine: 1:05:32

You know, it's really leaning into this idea that my self worth is not linked to my productivity. And that has been my journey the last three years. So yes, you

Nicoa Coach: 1:05:46

are enough my friend before you you're enough where you're napping. enough and I am so honored to meet you.

Lori Pine: 1:06:01

Likewise, my friends likewise,

Nicoa Coach: 1:06:03

you are making the world a more joy filled place. And thank you for being a guest on coffee with Nicoa

Lori Pine: 1:06:10

Oh my gosh, it was my pleasure. Thank you for letting me bring along my Stanley Cup that you know the ticket talkers taught me I needed

Nicoa Coach: 1:06:20

a Yeti and this big ass Yeti right? My thumb is starting to hurt. I'm like, is it too heavy? Like I should just stick to my little coffee cup. My

Lori Pine: 1:06:31

perfect is perfect.

Unknown: 1:06:36

Thanks for joining us for a caffeinated conversation. Subscribe to Coffee with Nicoa for more stories from people living a life by design. You can also find inspiration on Instagram. Just follow Coffee with Nicoa and check out our website Coffee with nicoa.com and that's Nicoa N IC O A. We look forward to talking with you soon. And enjoy your coffee between now and then.