Espresso Shot 13: ALL THE FEELS

How easy is it for YOU to sit with all of YOUR emotions? Nicoa shares her own personal challenge with this ability and how she's learned over the years to become more cognizant AND more emotionally aware.  She talks about EMOTIONAL BYPASSING and a LIFE BY DESIGN that naturally is EMOTIONAL! Along with the advantages AND disadvantages of not accessing our emotions more easily. What do YOU think? JOURNAL ABOUT IT!

Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:02

sometimes don't you just need a quick moment of inspiration. Or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly coffee with Nicola espresso shots. I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip. In addition to my longer Coffee with Nicoa interview episodes, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot, or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Good morning, this is your weekly espresso shot. How about we talk about all the feels, you know, I'm a Capricorn. And my birthday is January 3. And I am so I'm full blown Capricorn right smack dab in the middle of Capricorn. And Capricorns like to work a lot. We like to be busy. If we want something done, we don't have a lot of patience for letting somebody else do it. So we say well, we'll just do it ourselves. You know, I've got that, no, don't worry about it. And I also so these are pretty typical, like overachiever type Capricorn personality traits, characteristics. Oh, I am beginning to recognize that I have a characteristic trait that makes me avoid feeling my feelings deeply. It's interesting, because I can't even tell you how to go as deep as I'd like to be able to experience my feelings. Because I'm so accustomed to going there. So feeling all the fields feeling your feelings? Why is this coming up for me right now? Well, I actually had an argument, not an argument, I was sharing with my husband, my frustrations around a recent conversation with my mother, and a recent conversation on the same day, with my 19 year old. And both of them went terribly both of them. They were awful conversations, I I think as a Capricorn, and as a Nicoa. I have this tendency to be quite logical about life, I kind of see life from, from an energy leadership perspective, I tend to hang out at this vibration that just kind of sees life the way it is, you know, okay, well, now what are we going to do about it, I'm always kind of moving forward. But I'm not sitting long enough with the emotion of what is happening. And I probably have what I read in meditation magazine a while back, I probably have what's a practice or a tendency to do what's referred to as emotional bypassing where you kind of put life in perspective. And you're like, Yeah, well, it's not really that relevant anyway. And you know, I'm just a small cog in a giant wheel, and you know, it's fine. Next. Okay, next. Now, my ability to do that is quite helpful in this world. And it's a really good skill to have, because I don't allow catabolic, negative, heavy, overwhelming, anxious, depressive type feelings to succumb me. And that's a really great skill to have. But what I'm beginning to question is, okay, I can move on pretty quickly. But have I dealt with the emotion that was occurring or coming up for me when I was having frustrating conversations with family members or major life changes that I may or may not have dealt with fully? And are those emotions getting stuck inside of me? So probably. And the other day, when I had this conversation with John about what was going on with me, I very consciously said to him, I think I am experienced. Now do not laugh at me. I know. This could be very entertaining for family members who are like, oh, yeah, I said to John, because I didn't know what was happening. I was like, I think I'm having some really big emotions about my mom and about my daughter right now. And I don't know how to label them. I don't know what they are. And I don't, I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. And so as a result of that experience, I went back to some of the work that I had done with with a colleague of mine around emotions, and I pulled out the emotion wheel. And I tried to find what are the emotions I'm having like, what are these experiences like what am I feeling and when you can sit with your feelings or your emotion, the energy that is moving you ie motion, energy in motion, when you can and sit with them, you might be able to process them enough so they don't get stuck so that they're not coming up later and causing you to have a knee jerk reaction. I've found that I was able to sit with a couple of emotions. One was grief, grief, sadness. Fear, because I didn't know how to handle what was happening. Shame that maybe I, I wasn't able to show up, like the mother that I wanted to show up, like for my daughter. And what was the other emotion there was another one about? It was kind of a, I can't remember the name of the emotion because there aren't like hundreds of emotions, by the way, you think there's like, sad, mad, happy, glad? No, that's like four out of 400 or 4000. I mean, there's a massive list and I will put in the show notes. My friends work about emotions. Dan Newby is the colleague and coach that has done a phenomenal job, researching, defining and outlining how to access emotion and manage your emotions. But but when I began to label all this, it was kind of like this martyrdom that came up like victimhood, woe is me, how come no one can see me. You know, I'm trying to articulate something. So I was getting frustrated. I'm feeling inept, incapable of articulating my point of view, and also recognizing that I was trying to use logic, and the more I sat with these emotions about my daughter, and about my mother, I was trying to use logic to solve problems. And I couldn't, I wasn't allowing. I'm capable. But I wasn't in that moment, allowing the emotions that were coming at me. And the further I dug into those emotions, my inability to handle the emotions of my mother, and the emotions of my daughter came back to me, most likely, having not dealt with my own emotions, around my role, and my integration and interaction with these two family members, in the in my own emotional state. So this is obviously, we can go deep into the counseling and therapy here. But I hope that the practice I just shared with you is one that you might play with. When you find yourself frustrated, you find yourself annoyed, you find yourself overwhelmed, and not really clear about what's happening. Again, come back to you come back to you owning it, come back to you. Sitting with your own feelings. And if you don't, if you can't expand them past mad, sad, glad or happy, then start there. And then describe why. And do the root cause analysis of your own experience, not what the other people were doing, not what the other people didn't do, and not what they said or exclaimed in those interactions. But how you felt, what you made it mean and how you can recognize it. You're an emotional being. And if you don't sit long enough with your fields, they will come back to frustrate you and overwhelm you. So I'm a Capricorn and of course, I'm always going to analyze everything to the deepest level possible. Hopefully, whatever sign you are, this can be helpful for you, especially my fellow Capricorns out there. Alright guys, I send you off, pull out your pin, pull out your journals, and use this journaling prompt to really reflect on your ability to feel all of your feelings. Alright, thanks for listening make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you.

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