Espresso Shot 3: I AM INSECURE!

Nicoa is as authentic as they come! Join her in this episode sharing a very vulnerable confession today reminding you she is just like you and we're all just here holding each other's hands on this journey we call life. "LIFE BY DESIGN. I LOVE MINE." is her six-word story and just because she loves her life doesn't always mean it's perfect, it mean's she loves her life experiences - all of them -  and hopes by her sharing her journey it will help you keep your life journey all in perspective and love yours, too!

Have you purchased Nicoa's recently published book "Your Life By Design Journal: A Self-Care Coaching Journal" now available on Amazon here! 

Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:02

sometimes don't you just need a quick moment of inspiration. Or maybe you just need a moment of caffeinated contemplation to reflect on life. That's the idea behind my weekly coffee with Nicola espresso shots, I'll be sharing short jolts of inspiration in each clip, in addition to my longer Coffee with Nicoa interview episodes, make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot, or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Hey, guys, it's Nicoa coming to you from the banks of Whiskey Creek for this weekly espresso shot, I want you to know that I am extremely insecure.

Unknown: 0:41

I know you don't believe me. So maybe people who are sometimes extroverts and outgoing and tend to have big personalities. And perhaps I might even call myself charismatic. Well, maybe those of us who are showing you this side of ourselves actually carry some deep insecurities. And that's one of the reasons why they overcompensate and over function with big ways of being in order to overcome those insecurities. I've been thinking a lot about the work that we're doing together as you a follower, a listener, a client, a friend, as you listen to these espresso shots and these interviews, I want to make sure that I am in no way trying to put myself on some sort of pedestal of knowledge and awareness and consciousness that is unreachable. I hope that my authenticity and my transparency has been real for you and accessible for you. And that in no way is the perception of me and my life by design. One that seems too good to be true. Because it's not too good to be true. It because in one way, it's not all true, right? I mean, I'm not always happy. I'm not always living my best life by design, there are elements of my life that I still suffer over, and that I am insecure about. And I learned even more about these insecurities during the time I took with my yoga vacation with a group of beautiful, phenomenal, transparent, authentic women back in Spain, just two weeks back. And I learned about that insecurity in a couple of ways. One, I have a tendency to show up as a caregiver and a helper, as if I am supposed to be the giver. In a scenario where I see others needing support. By default, it's like a default tendency of mine. So I do have a lot of knowledge and insight as a coach and a professional human resources person, and someone who's done the work around my conscious awareness that I feel compelled, right to help you help yourself. And if you bring forth a challenge or a topic that I have some knowing around, I tend to default to help heal fix. And that doesn't always serve me well. Right. So when I only show up that way, then I tend to risk burnout. Even potential martyrdom, you know, what was me? How come nobody helps me, also tend to block help, because I'm so busy being the helper, the one who knows the one who has insights and tips and tricks to help you help yourself. So that was one of the learnings around where my insecurity tends to get masked and hidden, because I just show up like the helper without asking for help. The other area I noticed, and I shared this with the group. One day, our host, Donna, she was I don't know how we got to it. I think one of my espresso shots had posted the one about healing dreams. And before I knew it, she had put it on the speaker on the boat and all of my my colleagues, if you will, for this experience. We're sitting around the table near the speaker. And here comes Nikolas voice right here I am telling my very personal healing dreams story. The one about my dad, right? So if you haven't listened yet, go back and check it out. It's called Healing dreams. And for some reason, I immediately became embarrassed now. For goodness sakes, Nikola you're sitting here talking to the whole frickin world and with visions of millions of people listening to you because you feel compelled to share and help and heal. And yet in that intimate setting, I became extremely insecure and embarrassed. So much so that I left the deck I went down below and I was just like, Oh my God. I didn't want to be sitting next to these other eight women while they listen to me speak Think about this story. Why why did not want to be there? Well, I shared with them after it was all said and done, I said, Did you know that this type of intimacy is much more threatening to me, it makes me much more insecure. When I'm with a small group of people, especially people that I value their opinion of me, like, I really want to connect with these people I've bonded with them, I was about to spend another three or four days with them, you know, sleeping in the same quarters and eating food together, I was actually nervous about what they would think of me. I just, it's kind of shocking to me, if you put me on a stage in front of 10,000 people, I could show up like nobody's business, I might be a little nervous, but I can perform for you, I could tell you the stories and, and give you the advice and show you the, the, you know, the latest and greatest around whatever topic it was that we were supposed to be talking about. And I could do that and be fine. But when I sit in a small intimate setting, even in front of family members, like just a small group, it's way too intense for me. And that's a big piece of my insecurity. And the other. The last thing I learned about my own insecurity is that I guess I actually do worry about what people think of me more than I thought. And as a result, I try to keep a mask on that says I'm fine. And what I really crave, what I really want is for people to take care of me to help heal fix me to give me what I'm giving you. And it's hard to find those people sometimes, but I'm I'm going to take my way of being an open myself up now. And find those authentic friends and partners to help me because I got a lot of learning to do, I got a lot of living left to do. And I want to get over that insecurity, I want to step into my womanhood, I want to step into who I am in a much more confident way. I really am annoyed, which is part of the problem. I need to accept these insecurities, love on them, and then release them. Because right now I'm frustrated by them. I'm like, freaking frack and how come I can't be just as confident as some of these women. I see. Like, I want to be that woman. I want to be the woman that that doesn't give a shit about what anybody thinks of her. And I'm getting closer. And I'm getting there. But I want you to know that I'm just like you in so many ways. I'm just like you when you're confident, and I'm just like you and you're insecure. And we're all in this together. So thank you for letting me share all this I again, I don't want to be on any kind of freaking pedestal I don't want and I'm not trying to toot my horn, but I do get a lot of deference when people speak with me and they'll say things like oh, well you already have it figured out. And you already know how to do that. And I'm thinking I am on this journey with you. The reason I share is so that you don't feel alone and so I don't either. So thank you for listening, and I hope that you will be more open and authentic and transparent with the people around you where you are insecure because it makes me feel more confident just sharing that with you. Thanks for listening. Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an espresso shot or a full length Coffee with Nicoa interview created just for you. Have a new way