S1 Ep16: Dominique Geary

Time to question everything about fitness!
'Why do you do what you do?'  became part of Dominique Geary's personal education around how we see fitness in our life, how we understand cause and effect and how our identity often gets tied to strict rules that may not actually be serving us or society! LISTEN IN as Dominique and Nicoa talk about the way we exist inside our natural environments and how we either allow, resist or even force our body movement and how does movement actually relate to our natural occurring needs! Fascinating topic. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

To connect with, learn from and work with Dominique check out THE ANTI FITNESS PROJECT links below:

WEBSITE:   www.theantifitnessproject.com

FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/theantifitnessproject

INSTAGRAM: www.instagram.com/theantifitnessproject

REFERENCES: charleseisenstein.org/books/the-ascent-of-humanity

https://www.idoportal.com

Buy your copy of YOUR LIFE BY DESIGN: A Coffee With Nicoa Self-Care Coaching Journal
on Amazon today! 

Transcript

Nicoa Coach: 0:01

Grab your coffee and join me Nicoa For a caffeinated conversation about life I'll be talking to people who have chosen to walk their own paths and just like me, are creating a life by design. I hope that will give you the inspiration you need to do exactly the same. Well, G'day mate. How's it going down there in Australia Dominique. Pretty good considering it, sir. Coming into autumn. We're pretty funny still, like a decent 25. But yeah, I think, oh my gosh, right. And you're talking Celsius. So none of us have any idea what you're saying. For those of us listening in, in the Fahrenheit world, we're just getting pollen and starting to get warm. Finally, we I did a switch out of the clothing the other day, so this is big for me. I'm all about my clothes. So I

Dominique Geary: 0:56

see that on your, I did see that on your Instagram real.

Nicoa Coach: 1:02

Sorry, I, you know, I'm always up there. And so are you. And that's actually how the two of us met. So I'm gonna take a quick story there. And then I'm gonna let you really give your bio and intro but so dominate Gary is actually representing an Instagram account that I follow, called the anti fitness project. And I scrolled all the way back to the first time I had become a follower. And then I started commenting on your account, it was during the pandemic, it was 2020, when I started commenting with your posts, that seems forever ago, right? I actually really liked your style, I liked your opinions. And you're, I'm gonna give you a platform today in our conversation to really talk about the anti fitness project, and your own personal life by design, but you were always so kind to me and your responses, and optimistic and positive. Like if I said, Oh, this makes me think of such and such, you acted like we've been friends forever. And there was something about your personality that when I launched the podcast, that I have to have Dominique, and have DOM on this experience with me. So thank you for joining me know, it's made me feel more like nice and snuggly.

Dominique Geary: 2:25

Peter Nomi, five years ago, like five years ago, I would never have been described as kind or nice, or, like calm or positive or any of those things. I don't think, Wow, I can't wait to hear just when you look back, and even like three years ago, even three years ago, my business so I run a business called the anti fitness project. And when I first started it, it was very much I've come from a gym background I used to own a gym was always your traditional personal trainer, you know, you must go to the gym, you must get fit, and you must get fit. It's you know, your role as a human being. And in 2018, my gym closed, because the people that own the flat, they closed the building to convert it into houses. So I was all of a sudden left without a gym, I couldn't do what I did. So as I was researching to open to start training online, instead, I just started learning all of these things and why I had to change from you must go to the gym. Otherwise, you're lazy as hell to actually why do we? Why did it the question?

Nicoa Coach: 3:47

I love this question, why do I do what I do? Exactly.

Dominique Geary: 3:53

And so my entire attitude, I started following a bunch of mindset accounts and body positivity accounts. And literally everything about me changed everything about the way that I approach the world and approach questions, and especially this question about fitness. And even when I first started talking to you in 2020, I think I have my mindset stuff figured out. But the fitness stuff, I was still very much you know, you know, you must follow traditional fitness standards. Yes, it's less about being thin, but it's still about being healthy and following the rules and techniques. And now I'm like, screw. Why? Why are we even doing that?

Nicoa Coach: 4:38

I think that's beautiful. You're you're telling us your origin story I learned today. So the origin story is that kind of pivotal moment where you have new information, new insight. And I'm curious, what was it that caused you to start asking yourself why how did you reconcile the shift with yourself because You know, I still struggle with a cause and effect related to my, my exercise routine. How did you overcome that? Well, it was, it's super interesting and quite odd that part of the like, I'm a huge reader.

Dominique Geary: 5:20

And I used to just read, you know, fitness books, nutrition books, you know, aside, obviously, from fiction or what have you. But I started to read about history and philosophy and psychology. And all of these, like aspects of the world came into my sort of salience landscape, if you like, like my perspectives. And I started to learn about how massively separated humans have become from themselves from other people from the world. And part of that is because we have been taught through, you know, different human systems and other people's philosophies. To see life is very much of a, like cause and effect. And through all the reading that I'm doing, I've realized that nothing else in nature works that way. Literally nothing, right. Everything works on like a continuous feedback system. And humans, even though we've been taught that, you know, we do this and it causes this. That's not how it works. We are continually getting feedback and changing ourselves, whilst we're changing the environment that we're in. Yeah, why should we be any different from the rest of nature? I don't know if that makes any age? Or if you like, it does make sense to hang up now on this podcast? Yeah, right. Okay. I don't know what you're talking about.

Nicoa Coach: 6:58

I do know what you're talking about. Because we all actually when I think about it, sometimes around our, our need for sleep as an example. So typically, in the corporate world, where I have a lot of experience and working with people that are, you know, executives that are caught up in an eight to 10 hour day, they tend to ignore their needs. And around two or three o'clock in the afternoon, most people have a natural rhythm to where they're tired, and they need rest. And listening to that need for a break or a nap is natural. It's part of our body's messaging system to us saying, I need a change, I need to renew or restore. And we typically ignore it. I don't anymore. My life by design includes napping, clothes, it includes sleeping in, I'm all about it, which is probably one of the reasons I was so attracted to the posts that you were putting out into the world. So of those books, and I don't know if you could, if you can't think of any right now, maybe you could share some recommended reading, if there's any must reads about the way the body responds to nature or how we can shift that mindset. Anything stand out for you.

Dominique Geary: 8:15

One guy, especially he's a guy called Charles Eisenstein. And I read his book, which is called the the ascent of humanity by Charles Eisenstein. And he basically, and this is gonna sound so strange now, and I tend to tell a lot of people. But he basicallymakes you question the entirety of science and maths, saying, sort of, what if it doesn't exactly work? As we've been told it works? What if there's no direct cause and effect? What if there's other things that we haven't discovered yet aside from physics? So I mean, he's talking about the potential of bringing, like quantum physics into his way of thinking, but no matter what it is, like it doesn't, essentially it doesn't matter if it's quantum physics or funny, bloody fairies, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. Like right, what if there's something else? Yeah, opening your mind, set your mind to possibility without holding so adamantly to the strict rules that are in that, that the fitness industry has maximized in order to sell services Correct? Option neatly. So talk to me about how you began to see evidence of those other factors influencing your health and well being Have you been able to identify that so tell us a little bit about your experience. So, as a fitness instructor, obviously, we're taught that it's very clear the physics of everything very clear. calories in calories out. That's it, there's nothing else to do it. When we look around at the evidence, it can't be that 98% of people

Nicoa Coach: 10:23

aren't doing this, right. Like, that cannot be true, there must be something else that's happening here. And just leaving that little space for what if? And, yes, we can blame it on the fact that, you know, we can we can create excuses, like we're lazy, or like, the food that we're eating is different from the food that we ate, you know, 200 years ago, we can invent all of these excuses about it, but just what if it's not as simple as calories in calories out? And I'm not suggesting that there is that that's necessarily true, but just allowing that space, for a different story to come in, just makes you see everything in a completely different way. Like, what if fitness is just is more than just about how healthy it makes? Sure. Right? And so knowing that you can put 10 people right next to each other, and compare with the same behaviors, why do two out of the 10 end up doing it properly, and getting the outcomes that they sought, and the others do not? I believe that you have tapped into really, it really is metaphysics, and it is thought and thoughts create our reality in many ways. And I have to be so aligned to the belief system, that I am capable and experiencing shifts and changes before I actually will receive shifts and changes in my body no matter how hard I work, or how little I eat or what I eat. And I've learned that in manifestation work and the law of attraction and metaphysics and thoughts become things. So have you seen results for you once you shifted out of that striving, intense world to a more open minded, flexible world?

Dominique Geary: 12:51

Oh, absolutely. Just the feeling of low that comes and the feeling of being more connected. And talk about some of the messages that you've been sending out there on your Instagram account, because I feel your passion. When you're, it's almost like you're a little pissed off. Are you mad at this at the fitness industry? Dominique, I'm so angry with them, I'm so angry that they have made us believe that their very, very narrow version of movement is our fault that we can't stick to it. I'm so angry, I look around at all of the people that are just broken in their wake. And they've spent 1000s, like I spent probably 10s of 1000s of pounds, being qualified to do something that barely works for anyone when you look back. And when you're a personal trainer in that world, and you look back at all of your failures, you either ignore them, because once they stopped coming into your gym, you can invent a million excuses as to why it didn't work. And you almost forget that these people exist, or they keep coming in, and then you can blame them because you know, they're not working hard enough or their kids are getting in the way or they're not tracking their calories properly. And the amount of blaming and shaming that happens. And we will just accept that. That's right. We will just accept that. That's the type of world that we want to live in. And I don't know anyone in real life that I would like to spend my time with, that thinks about the world like that. I agree. And I have been a victim of that industry myself and also was in an environment where I've talked before about body image. And you know, I even joked recently about how I've got to stop following Gwyneth Paltrow because she was talking about how she has soup or you know, she has bone broth for lunch, and I was busy gouging on peanut butter, you know, for my lunch. And I thought, oh my god, I can't even listen to it without feeling bad. And I know I have nothing to do with her and she has nothing to do with me and I'm beautiful. And so is she and Oh, really. The thing is, I think that we're which show like I said earlier, we're so separated from Everest. thinking we're in our own little cocoons. And I think the sort of the mindset world in the self improvement world, in quotes, has got a lot of blame in to take on this as well. And that even though it's coming from a really kind place, it's confirming this separatism, and it's saying, you know, we need to be on our own little bubble, and we need to put up our boundaries, and we need to make sure that we're okay before we make sure everyone else is okay. And whilst that's really lovely, why can't we live in a space where we're all okay, at the same time? It's not a, I'll go first, and then I'll fix you. It's, let's fix this together at the same time, let's stop trying to change systems that care about us that's trying to stop fit into those systems, spin them off totally, and just make our own. That's what a life by design is. That's exactly my point.

Nicoa Coach: 16:33

And you're right and and I'm, I would say, I am a part of that self help industry, as well, as a coach. And I had to learn with my clients. In the beginning, I was so neurotic about getting it right. That why would never even tell them about my own anxiety. And I began to sometimes share, you know, yeah, well, this happened to me once. And my clients started, they were eating it up, because they needed to know that they were not alone. They needed to know that they were normal. And that's what you've done for me. I've watched your posts, and I love the simple things that you've incorporated into your day to day. And I I pat, myself on the back the once you posted you said, you know, why aren't we putting the glasses in the bottom cabinets? Because then we get to do a squat every time we go down to the bottom cabinet to get the classes out. And I thought, Oh, we only have bottom cabinets. I'm always working out. Can you share some of those examples?

Dominique Geary: 17:39

Yeah, and I think actually, you've touched on something really, really important that in that all important in my tiny, crazy world. So when we speak about movement, we still speak about it in like a fitness industry frame. That rather than saying, Every time I get glass out, I need to bend down and move more. You've said every time I need to get up out of glass. I have to squat. Yeah, yeah, if we can take away the entire industry frame around it and just say, do not, I'm just moving more, then we will move more. Right. As soon as we take away the standards that the fitness industry have told us we need to live within, we then open our world so much more. It's the same way as if we take away the idea that science is always the one and only truth or we take away that cause and effect is the one only truth. If we take away that the fitness industry is the one and only truth. And then it means that instead of we're going outside to get off steps in, we're just go outside for a walk, or just going outside. This is exactly the point and I know it's available to me I feel that I do feel a shift in my way of being over the years. But it is kind of like you're peeling away the onion of belief systems. And that is a final one and I you see me post all the time. I'm always on that peloton bike, I'm always loving the I mean, I really do love it.

Nicoa Coach: 19:19

But But do I? Do I really love it? Yeah. Or am I doing it? Because I'm afraid of something. Exactly. Or do you love it because of the bias that our entire, like Western culture has got around. You must do exercise to be a worthy person. When you're when you're pedaling. Do you actually enjoy that movement or not? And the good news for me is I actually do and yeah, I know. There's an underlying though belief, I know it's still there, then. Oh, and there's cause and effect. Right? But I love Kelly Gullickson from from peloton, and she creates this fun light hearted community. And I actually think that part of the motivation is to connect with that community to have someone that I am motivated by an energized by. So just like watching you. So to your point we've been so disconnected. If we can find the joy in movement, whether it be a walk outside or just squatting or just leaning ever for Michael asked if I say I'm, I'm naturally inspired to get on the bike. The way I think I know what you're saying is when I don't work out. Yeah. Because I'm okay with that. Yeah. Yeah, makes sense. It's not a oh my gosh, I should work out today. Talk to me about your interaction with your, your coaching clients or the people that you've been talking with? And how do you help them get into that? I'm okay, even when I'm just sitting here. Yeah, so like you said earlier, the most important thing I think that anyone can do is peel away those layers of the onion, peel away the standards of movement that we've been taught, peel away that when we move, we have to go to do movement, or we have to put in a conscious effort. So the number one thing that I do with all of my clients, before we do anything, is just build into our lives a foundation of movement. So take away any thoughts of exercise, from this point on. Imagine exercises, like a hobby that you do, you know, say, I today, let's pick something out. It's like, if you wanted to learn to play the guitar, you'd go and do that as a separate thing. If you wanted to exercise like your peloton bike, cool, definitely do it. If you love it, if you're, if it's community, like you share this huge, huge thing. But think about it as something almost separate from movement, create an environment in which moving is just something that you do, because you are human, and humans move. That's what we're created for. We sense everything through movement, and our like, touch and like, even to you know, our emotions are always based in movement. They're based in our heart getting faster, or tears coming from our eyes, or everything that we do. So if we separate movement is something that's exercise, and then stillness. That's how it's always going to be. So that's the very first thing that I tell my clients is become a mover before you do anything. So every time you go to a nurse, pick something ridiculous, like every time you load the dishwasher,

Dominique Geary: 22:54

you are actively giving away movement. Because you're therefore not washing up anymore. You're letting the machine do it for you. Right, every time you get in a car, you're ripping away walking to this machine. Every time you know, Hoover, you're giving away movement to a Hoover instead of using a broom. Hmm, so let's figure out that bit first. And obviously sometimes use the Hoover Of course, yeah, of course. Obviously, sometimes you got to be bothered to you know, wash up sometimes and some bodies need pre peeled or pre cut vegetables, because they physically can't do it. That's cool. But sure, can't do it. Do it. Stop trying to add exercise. Yeah, as movement. So even when you said our our bodies. So it's a sensory experience, ie motion, energy in motion, it is what moves us I use this in my energy leadership work. So and I just love this so much. I feel like I'm getting my free coaching session now. Um, you're gonna have to invoice me, well, foundation of movement. Well, and it's also I think the human experience is a sensory one. Anyway. So we're supposed to be outside and, and smelling and tasting and feeling and having this sensory overload of experiences. That's the whole point of being in human form. And the best thing about it is that feeling and moving is part of this human sensory loop that we had, which is why cause and effect doesn't work in exactly the way that we think it does. So we so in order to move, we have to sense our environment. Okay, but then when we move our environment shifts, so we need to recenter the environment to keep moving. But every time we sense the environment, we have an effect on the environment. So the environment changes, which then changes the way that we sense it, which then means that we interact with it differently, which then means that it interacts with us differently. It's this continuous feedback movement. It's the same with all of our body systems. So you know, the way that we control our temperature is a continuous feedback loop. The way that we control our hunger is a feedback loop our sex drive, everything. Every time we eat change, we change the way we sense the world, which then means that the world reflects back different experiences which we then need to we sent.

Nicoa Coach: 25:40

I love this so much. I thought about this just moments before I was carrying the laundry basket down the stairs to the laundry room before our call. And I've been noticing that if I am rushing, or hurrying in any part of my life, you're more likely to trip fall, hurt yourself. And as I step onto those steps, every time I say to myself, be mindful. And then I'm flashing the story of as I age, I want to always be mindful, which is an underlying assumption that maybe physically I would not be as healthy, but I plan to be super healthy. But I carried the basket and I thought, feel the steps. So you just said sensing our experience our environment, in order to adapt to the environment, so I was syncing my feet on the step, so that I could consciously take each step down without error, if you will, without falling. I think that's what you mean, right? Yes. And then it goes even further than that, that as you're paying more attention to the steps, you're subtly hold the laundry basket in a slightly different way. Which then means that you're, in fact, you're interacting with your environment, your interaction with the environment is playing back a slightly different version, because you've altered how you're carrying the bathroom, or exactly how you're walking down the stairs, which means that then you need to change the way that you move back again, if that makes sense. So it's continuous feedback between the are you simply validating the concept of mindfulness? Is that really what we're talking about?

Dominique Geary: 27:25

Yeah, definitely mindfulness is, is key to everything. But it's also recognizing that mindfulness isn't in the bit of our brain that, you know, we see through our camera eyes, right? part of us is like, It annoys me that we still talk about our bodies as if they're separate from it, right? We talk about us, our mind, and our body was, in fact, it's one. And we've just demonstrated with the, the talk of a feedback loop how much everything is together, we can't sense anything without our body. And our body can't translate those senses without our mind. Both things have to happen at the same time. And they have to happen in tandem. So mindfulness actually is key. But it's also being able to translate that through our bodies into some sort of meaningful movement. Mindfulness will be pointless on it's your right and presence and mindfulness, hand in hand, you know, the presence of awareness, conscious awareness. And we've jumped right into obviously, the physicality of all of it and the fitness industry. But I can hear my listeners now saying, Yes, but how do you help me stop with compare despair? How do you help me on leash this subconscious belief that I'm not good enough? Unless I am the skinny girl or the strongest guy or, you know?

Nicoa Coach: 29:01

And, yeah, it's a tough, it's a tough nut to crack.

Dominique Geary: 29:07

It's so hard. And it's so hard because it's been inbuilt into our culture for you know, 1000 years now easily, that our worth is based on how we look and our body's ability. And honestly, the only way to change that, because it would be lovely to just think a private of mindfulness, tell yourself that's not true. And then everything will change. But it's part of our, of our I know our essence now, just because it's been in culture for so long. So the only way to get out of it is by not using force because I don't believe in using force to do anything. It's by just gently bringing in other other options to how the world could be. So like you said, maybe he stopped following good ISP, or maybe you start following a couple more body positive people or people that move in different ways. There's a guy called Ido portal, okay. Who, when he speaks about movement, he speaks about it in a way that I've never heard anybody speak and just to have, just to move away from the traditional, you must be thing you must follow workout standards. Anybody You think you can follow that just edges you away from that would just start to build up that in the same way that how we manifest things. We just slowly start to build up different ways of looking at the world. Yes. And then you find that if you start looking at the world in a different way, it's going to reflect a different type of well, back to you. Until eventually, your first thought is always going to be I must be thin. I must squat, right? It's always going to be that just because of our culture. But if your second thought couldn't be doing right, do I Why then, then you're winning?

Nicoa Coach: 31:07

Yes, you are the observer. The questioning? Why do I want what I want? Well, let's let me tap a little bit deeper into Dominique. So you kicked us off with a very interesting comment that has us all very intrigued. You said, Well, if you you had said, you would describe me five years ago, I would have been pissed off and annoyed and nobody would have liked what changed in your world? Because it sounds like once you started saying why sounds like your world got better. And you got a little bit more satisfied and happy, am I right?

Dominique Geary: 31:41

Oh, definitely, my, my friends used to describe me as an emotionless robot. I used to, like, really argue I used to be really proud of that, that, yeah, I can just, you know, push off any bad feeling that comes in. And you know, I can just stay angry with the world. And I can just follow these systems that I hate. And as long as you know, I can shut up about it and follow the rules. Everything in the end will turn out fine. And then I looked around at all of these people that had, you know, the high paying jobs, the car, the house. And I just thought, you know what, none of you are happy. And you know that that was I think that first kind of question that came to me. And I think that was at the time when I found mindfulness. And I realized that there was a different way that we could be, and it's not a way that you know that you're looking to be happy forever. Because I think that when you're in that system, that's what we're told that there's a way that we can be happy forevermore. And that's just not true. We're looking to be in my opinion, we're looking to be content. And that's totally different from happiness. And being content is, it's just part of the paradigm. Yeah, I can totally relate the American dream as an example. You're originally are you originally from the UK? Is that right? Or? Yeah, right. So similar cultures? Yeah, the land of steps up and this Shut the hell up. Right? Don't talk about your emotions. But we're both cultures say, more, more, better, better. Right, let's expand, let's continue to have more in the marketing supports that. And, you know, I've made it to the very top of that American dream checklist and was still, you know, crying into my wine at night and not understanding why I wasn't any happier. Yeah, totally. And the fitness industry massively support this as well that, you know, just become thinner or faster or stronger. And you get to the point where there's never more. And like, there's, there's never, you'll never reach your end goal. Like, I was probably, you know, the top of the fitness game that my genetics and my biology are ever likely to lead me to. I was lean, and I was super fit. And then I went to Australia, and there was COVID. And I spent six months sat on a sofa, eating crushed and drinking beer. And I was put on a, you know, a Farish bit of weight. And I lost pretty much most of the fitness that I had. And guess what, my life was the same, right? It didn't get any farther. It didn't get any worse. And I was like, What the hell have I been doing wasting the last 20 years of my life for? Well, nothing changes when you get fatter, apart from people look at you in a slightly different way. And then you start thinking, How is that my problem? That you are so close minded? You're judging me on my appearance? Exactly.

Nicoa Coach: 34:56

I want to dig even deeper into that, that description. So let's take a quick break. And then when we get back, I want to talk about that way of being and realizing it's not about them. It's about us.

Jennifer Gardner: 35:13

We hope you're enjoying listening to this episode of Coffee with Nicoa. Make sure to subscribe so that you never miss an episode and follow Coffee with Nicoa on Instagram to find inspiring content that will help you begin creating your life by design.

Nicoa Coach: 35:27

So we took a few espresso shots during the break And now we're ready to go for this fun thing now yeah, we're buzzing now except not really. Okay. So you, you find yourself realizing what that you're the common denominator of your life and you're the only one that matters. Ding ding ding.

Dominique Geary: 35:50

Turns out Yeah, that's when everything started to change.

Nicoa Coach: 35:55

What do you mean, everything started to change what you stopped going to the gym, you stopped caring, or you just started being happier what happened? This is the massive fallacy. I think that the fitness industry used to push a lot of their narrative in that when you stop using their facilities, they've pushed on us. But that means that you don't care anymore.

Dominique Geary: 36:18

And that's not true. I obviously still care about my health, I still care about my mental ability and my physical ability. I just realized that my worth wasn't dependent on it, right. But I was still as worthy. I was still my life was still like nothing about my life had changed, even though my body and my fitness levels had completely changed. Isn't that amazing? That we're so brainwashed to believe that we're not enough. And when we're born enough, and I talk about it all the time, we're born enough, we cry, we scream, we ask for our diaper to be changed. And we're not we don't think that's selfish. We don't care we that's all communal, right? We're supposed to be together. We're supposed to love each other, take care of each other. And we've set these walls up. And then we started worrying, instead of sticking our head out of the cave and looking for tigers and bears, we stick our head out the front door, and we look for judgment and mortgage payments and rent pay says fear based things and pressures that we've been brainwashed to believe. So you found yourself during the pandemic, I bet you're not the only one out there. No, I don't think so. And I think a lot of people did really start to reevaluate their life and, and recognize the things that are important and the things that are essentially just meaningless, and that aren't actually adding anything at all. And it was really funny to see a funny No, that's horrible, horrible words describing it. But it was really interesting to see all the businesses that provide people with things that they don't need, how much they were the ones panicking, because people started to realize that they just weren't needed anymore. And especially obviously, I come from a fitness industry background. So I was looking especially at the fitness industry, and very few of them pivoted into being able to still deliver value into people's homes because they realize that their only value was in taking people's money and getting them to come to the gym. And once that didn't exist for them anymore. What do they have? You know, you're tapping into the diet industry, you're tapping into the fashion industry, you're tapping into the beauty industry. I mean, gosh, if I, if I had bought half the clothes and half the creams for my beautiful 54 year old face, I wish

Nicoa Coach: 38:55

I would be a rich woman.

Dominique Geary: 38:58

Exactly. When we realized that beauty has got nothing to do with anything apart from what you put out into the world and the type of world you're trying to help co create, then so many industries would fail in an instant when we were like that. That's exactly right. So another way that people can actually take action is to stop following those accounts that they find that do make them feel a compared to spare situation. They can also

Nicoa Coach: 39:31

ask for ads to be removed. You can say this ad is inappropriate to me. So I've done that because I found myself feeling really self conscious over the years. And I also stopped I was reading People Magazine when I would go on vacation. And People Magazine is kind of like those magazines that you guys have like Tatler. I don't know which ones they are in the UK. Yeah, that are all the images and comparison of people's bodies and descriptions and so you can stop buying the magazines. There's ways to do it. Now. I also want to remind people to your point earlier, if you do like doing something, just make sure you're consciously choosing to do it. For reasons that aren't self disparaging. Exactly. I am under no way showing tear single to stop using a gym if you enjoy doing it. If you enjoy using a gym, go for it. You know

Dominique Geary: 40:30

Do I enjoy throwing a few heavy weights around every now and again? I'm not saying to not do it. I'm, like you said, just question, why you're choosing that specific type of movement? Is it because you like it? Or is it because you're told to do it? And when it comes to love what you were saying earlier about choosing who to follow and who not to follow? If you're choosing to go to a gym, you can choose what type of Jimmy go to when you walk into the gym, are you looking around and seeing adverts for weight loss or Albert's has to be a better you? If you're seeing these adverts don't use that gym. There are plenty that exists now that like you, for you. Exactly. You are now give your money and your time to those places, not to the ones that need you to change.

Nicoa Coach: 41:22

Absolutely, that makes me feel so much better about that Body Boot Camp that I joined, because it was a little community like a little family. And that's where I met my husband. So I'm really excited. And sadly, it closed because of the pandemic and we talked frequently about how we miss it because we really liked the people and community can get you so much more of an endorphin hit and the actual exercise. So yes, exercise does make me feel more mentally alert and happy. But maybe it's just because I really liked watching Kelly Gullickson be her happy self or I like singing along to Jen Sherman's yacht rock. That's

Dominique Geary: 42:08

why things like peloton, especially the beginning did really well because of the community. This is why CrossFit gyms tend to do really well because they're just based on community first and then exercise like really hardcore exercise. But it's always immunity first, and then the movement bit second. Well, every human being their number one need is to connect. And if they can't connect with other humans or themselves, they will connect unhealthily addictively to exercise food, you know, shopping, beanie, baby collections, whatever. They're always looking to connect. So if you can question why am I connecting in this way? You know, why am I I've had to learn it with shopping like, why am I spending money on Instagram right now? Oh, I was bored. Oh, maybe I was feeling sad about something. And I was using that to get an endorphin hit. So very good advice. Dominique. I want to hear just a little bit more though, can we shift gears? About your life by design? I did notice that you and your partner were traveling all over the world and staying in little Airbnb for a month at a time. And what was that? How did you plan that? I loved it. Yeah, we have this really fun bit of life. So I met my partner Naomi, on a mindset retreat in Bali. Ah, and right, if you say that again, just say it again, because that just sounds lovely. For those of us who are stateside it was so it was it was literally one of those like fairy tale type moment, maybe not for her because when I met her, she apparently was straight. I don't believe that. Anyway. Different story. So when we met it was in Yeah, it was in literal paradise. And it was a mindset retreat. And it was your one of those really hardcore ones, where you spend five days crying in front of a group of other women. And so we literally got everything, like we had a really intense five days of getting to know the deepest, darkest bits of each other. And wants to treat it finished, we carried on talking, and then you know, our friendship evolved into a relationship, but from the other side of the world, because she's Australian, I'm English. I, at the beginning of the pandemic, I traveled over to what was supposed to be three months, just to say, hey, screw it. Let's see if this could work as a relationship. I got stuck in Sydney for six months because of the pandemic. Oh, and then had to leave the country. So we continued our relationship by phone for like, a year and a half. I think. We couldn't see each other because Australia, their lockdown rules were ridiculous. They weren't letting anyone leave. They weren't letting anyone come in. So a year and a half. And then once that year and a half was over. We were like, you know, we need to everything about our relationships so far, has not been traditional. It's not been the way everybody else does it. So let's carry on. Let's keep doing that. So she He came and traveled and visited the UK for six months. We then came back to Australia, but via Bali, because we both really enjoyed it. So, you know, we basically spent six months in the UK traveling around we spent three months living in only four months in the and living in Bali, because why not? And now I'm back in Sydney. And in fact, yesterday, I got the news that my permanent visa has been granted. So now I get to stay here too. Ah, oh, congratulations. That's fantastic views. And it all came from that very initial thought of why can't we do it this way? dutiful? Why do we need to do it in the way that everybody else has done it? The way that we're expected to do it? I think that you keep hitting it on the nail. I mean, this is now love by design, right? So you can do this any way you want. And, and even your quick comment about Naomi, hey, why not? If I'm connecting with another human being another spirit, and I find love there? Why do I have to stay with what I thought I wanted for all those years? I can change my mind. Exactly. And not wanting to put words into A into her mouth because obviously she's not here. That basically was her way of thinking about it. Like why not? If somebody that, like you said of somebody that I connect with, is standing in front of me because she said to me that she had a bucket list of or like a checklist of things that she'd want in a partner. And I hit every one of those points on the checklist. The only thing that she didn't write on the checklist was it has to be a man. Right. So she showed that made her think well, why couldn't it be? Exactly yeah. Now it's been a past three years, I think we've been together now.

Nicoa Coach: 47:30

Ah, I think that's such a beautiful love story and such a fabulous life by design to travel around and to be able to enable that without any restrictions have you? Have you gotten flack from family or friends about living differently than the typical expected ways of living?

Dominique Geary: 47:52

I think a lot of people, yes, I think there's a lot of I don't want to say I don't want to say jealousy, because it's not that and I don't want to say that my style. My lifestyle is any better than anybody else, because that's grossly unfair.

Nicoa Coach: 48:10

But I think a lot of people or I hope it's made people question like, What could we do that's different. And I find that the flack comes from people that aren't ready or aren't willing to ask themselves that question. Yeah, you're right. It's it's so horrible, because we are, we're so conditioned to follow this standard of this is how life is. And some people will just never, ever be able to get out of that. And I recognize I'm in a hugely privileged position that I could just go and travel the world for, you know, a year, and very few people get to be able to do that. But I think everybody in their lives has got just that one tiny thing that they could do. Yeah, different. I think you're right. And I have a client right now who one of the things that he uncovered was that he'd never really paused and he'll be 6660 soon. And he said, Yeah, I never really asked myself, because I was asking him, well, what do you like to do for yourself? You know, what, what is your what are your hobbies? And he has been working so hard for so long. He said, Oh, well, my wife and I, we go to these dinner parties. And my wife and I both. He kept describing these things he did as a couple. And I said, well tell me about things that you do. And he honestly was just flabbergasted. He goes, um, I don't know. I don't know what I do. And he asked that, you know, you can do anything you want. And it was shocking to him. He's like, I just never asked myself, I never thought about it. And he's about to retire. So it was getting a little bit afraid of Wait, who am I without the identity of this job and this role as a husband and a parent, his children have grown and gone to college. So I noticed that I get a lot of the next 50s and 60s year olds who are starting to say I have been following the rules and following the path that somebody else designed for me for so long. I don't even know where to start. And so what we're talking about today, Dominique is start by asking yourself, What if, yeah, that's it. Exactly. And everything about

Dominique Geary: 50:30

Our culture is designed to keep us in a lane because, you know, without wanting to build conspiracy theory about this. Our life is like, you know, big corporations make more money if we stay in our lane. Yeah. And industries like the fitness industry that make us stay in a lane. They contribute to that massively. Like, you know, we even stupid things like we don't bend down we squat is making us stay in this very specific lane and not question How else could we move or you know, and then that leads into how else could we live? And in school when, you know, we're told, sit down, shut up, don't question what you're being told.

Nicoa Coach: 51:17

You know, and it starts even sooner than school. It starts with the baby on the hip in the restaurant. I was watching a mama the other day and the mama was going, sheesh. And I thought that poor baby. That baby's being trained and brainwashed right now to stop being themselves. And to learn how to live in a state of restraint. Yeah. Lately, I have. And I've enjoyed this conversation so much. I want to give you an opportunity to give any last minute pieces of advice or tips or things that you've learned on this journey to date. Anything you'd want to make sure people heard if you haven't already said it.

Dominique Geary: 52:02

Oh, yes, my my top tips for creating a life where you get to design your own movement is to really think of it as your own movement. That if you take away every kind of lens you've ever been told about what movement is supposed to be take away any exercise type words that you have in your head, and start from the very beginning and think what is it that I enjoy? What is it that myself as a whole human not as a separate mind and body as a whole human would like to do? And how can that lead into the CO creating of a world that I would much rather live in?

Nicoa Coach: 52:55

Remembering our wholeness, the whole human? Yeah, I love that.

Dominique Geary: 52:59

Yeah, absolutely. So just one final thing to just ask yourself, why? Open yourself to possibilities of something different? Take the blinders off and ask yourself, why quit? I worked at a company once who had an entire marketing campaign that said, question everything. Question everything. Absolutely. So let's start. Let's send people off today to question everything. And I want to celebrate you and me for taking those blinders off and being open to energy in motion and learning how to move our bodies and living a life by design that we don't need a vacation from. Oh, yes. Yes, I celebrate you, my friend, Dominique, thank you so much for being my guest. Is there anything you want to share about? Why don't you remind us real quick, your, your website or the Instagram account, anything you want, we can put in the show notes. But I want to send people your way. Because your advice and your approach to coaching for wellness is something that, you know, I think a lot of people are going to be interested in. Yeah. So now it's actually a really good time to come on the journey with me if you go to my website, which is the anti finish project.com. And I'm writing a completely free blog that takes you from a complete journey from when I owned the gym in 2013. To today. And I think right now I'm on about 2018 2019. But you can catch up from the beginning, completely free, and it will show you how to create your own anti finished project, your own movement by design right from the very beginning.

Nicoa Coach: 54:43

Yeah, so that is the best place to go. Perfect. And I love that you've been I did read a little bit more about it. And I love that you've been so generous and so sharing with your story. I'm the same way I'm writing blogs and sending things out all the time. And I also noticed, I don't think I got this from you but I came across that buy a coffee, buy a coffee for Nicoa. And yeah, people have bought you a bunch of coffees too. So I had signed up for it. I don't think I got it from you. I think I just came across it when I was setting up the blog, or excuse me the podcast and you can pay $1 or $3 or $5 to support it. So I encourage everybody to go buy Dominica coffee and thank her for her time today. And I want you to introduce me to Naomi so that I can talk with her about her life by design.

Dominique Geary: 55:33

Absolutely. She would love that. And thank you I've had. I've had fun. It's been cool.

Nicoa Coach: 55:38

It's been so fun and so cool. All right. Thank you, dear love you love you. Okay, love you.

Jennifer Gardner: 55:46

Thanks for joining us for a caffeinated conversation. Subscribe to Coffee with Nicoa for more stories from people living a life by design, you can also find inspiration on Instagram. Just follow Coffee with Nicoa and check out our website Coffee with nicoa.com and that's Nicoa N I CoA. We look forward to talking with you soon. And enjoy your coffee between now and then.